Your Super Game Shame - you know deep down how much you suck

Taily Puff

Taily Puff

Ready to Begin
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 15, 2014
No one is perfect, as much as we might wish to be. All of us occasionally fall flat in spectacular ways. Sometimes it's more pathetic than others, but at the end of the day, accepting our flaws is the only way that we can better understand ourselves and correct them.

So how do you suck? Like really suck, in a way you can't admit to even non game players because they'll just look at you confused.

Personally, I can't play Resident Evil 4, and I honestly have no idea why. I want to, I enjoy the setting, I like Leon as a character, I want to know more, and survival horror pushes all my right buttons. But I physically can't beat the first village no matter how many times I try, and I don't fully understand why.
I've tried, literally (really literally, as in literal, as in this exact meaning) hundreds of times. The chainsaw dude has an AI that is simply better at survival than I am, and I cannot win. I can play similar games. I enjoy Dead Space. I breezed through Dead Space 2 almost not paying attention. But Resident Evil 4 specifically is something I simply can't enjoy first hand, because it just means eternal carnage when I try.

So that's one specific thing I suck at. What do you suck at? You fucked up at least once, really embarrassingly I bet. How?
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Feline Darkmage, Picnic_Boy and Captain Toad
I adore the Civ games even though I'm abysmal at most styles of play. I can scrape by with culture or religion some of the time but I just have a really hard time balancing everything.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Lackadaisy
I never got past the snake level of Battletoads Battlemaniacs. I've tried time and time again. The previous levels are carved into my memory. I can beat the bike level with my eyes closed. But these damn dirty snakes...
It was the first game in my tower of shame. And it will probably sit there forever, mocking me.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: The Lawgiver
When I was a wee young sperg and Blockbuster was alive, there were some games I rented but never beaten (mainly because my dumb ass young self never bothered with reading objectives or doing tutorials properly). Examples of this include never getting past the first level of No One Lives Forever. When I played Golden Eye for the N64, my memories all end up getting shot by Russians. Really, the best way to describe how it was back then for me was being like DSP. In defense of it, I was young, never bothered with reading or strategy, and some of the games I never beaten were crappy games such as Bubsy 3D.
 
I have a few shameful things.

In Mega Man 1 I never figured out what the Magnet Beam was, and thus couldn't finish the game (it's required in Wily 1).

In Sonic 3 I got stuck at the cylinder. You know the one.

In Final Fantasy 8 I didn't bother with Junctioning cause it meant lower stats if I used spells.

In Link Between Worlds I forgot the game's main gimmick, even used two play coins for a hint, then still had to ask a friend how to get the Pegasus Boots.

UnderwaterUnderworld said:
I could never finish Dragon quest 9 because of the final boss
Click to expand...
Most people I've talked to who've played it find that boss to be a huge difficulty spike, myself included.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Jewelsmakerguy, Ravelord and UnderwaterUnderworld
I only died once in RE4 and CVX (notable in CVX's case as it's typically agreed to be one of the hardest RE games out there)
In RE4's case, right after the part where you save Ashley from the truck trap, I went to slash a barrel. So Ashley brilliantly decides to stand to the left side of the barrel.
So, what happened, you might ask?
...I hit her KNEE and she died instantly.
Fuck Ashley, seriously.

In regards to CVX, at the last part of the game, I chose to carry a grenade launcher loaded with regular grenades (that + regular grenades are the best way to kill Alexia type 2) and a set of flame rounds (I didn't use a single one through the entire game. There's about 18 in total)
So, silly me realizes I haven't used the flame rounds yet. So I load the flame rounds and trigger the final battle.
Now, the first part involves a small QTE where you have to shoot/damage Alexia before she can kill Claire.
Naturally, I aimed my gun at her and fired.
...only nothing happened when the grenade hit. Or so I thought. I launched another grenade again, and it still doesn't connect. Alexia then killed Claire.
It's at that moment where I realize the grenades were stopping just a mere inch away from her feet. Thing is, it looked like it hit her, but it didn't.
I should have moved closer to her before firing.

I didn't use any continues, just reloaded my last save and left the flame rounds in the box. Fuck that shit.
 
I have some game shame confessions:
When I first played Pokemon Red(the original cartridge ver.), I never saved the master ball for mewtwo and wasted it on zapdos... and I abused the item glitch to high hell.

Here's a story:
>Be Me
>Playing C&C Generals: Zero Hour
>Play Challenge Mode on Normal
>Choose Chinese Tank General because why not
>Steam roll the Toxin, Air Force, and Nuke generals under the treads of mighty chinese tanks
>Finally face of against Superweapon General, biggest bitch in the game, smug and a real cunt

>Started cranking out dozers and teching up to war factory for glorious communist tank rush while building defense grid. Then, came the tumor inducing part.
>SW General had Aurora Bombers but they were on steroids or something. Bomb radius was larger and dealt more metric tons of rape than usual.
>Tried sending tanks to deal with her Particle Cannon. EMP missile turrets freeze my tanks
>mfw I was forced to see my tanks die a slow death, unable to help them.
>Was only able to destroy her laser with a massive infantry rush. They marched gloriously for china.

>Eventually, Her constant bombing of my base made me RQ and play again on easy. I have shamed my ancestors.
>ohyouwillburn.pdf
>Started off mission like last time. Didn't tech to tanks, massed infantry and sent them on a suicide run and rekt her laser.
>mfw thanking those brave souls for sacrificing for china
>Locked into battle to keep my defenses intact while managing economy. Resource pile starts to run low and I decide to enact the Basement Protocol.
>Built two barracks', cranked out Hackers from both of them. Watched as basement dwelling asians spill out into the outside world for what I think was the first time in years.
>Had them slave at their computers, stealing money for the sake of my goals of conquest.

>Had enough general points to have stage 3 artillery power and enough funds for a nuke silo.
>Built two nuke silos, had to wait five minutes to use them because fucking EA.
>Waiting, I teched to Spy Satellite to enact phase two of my retribution.
>iseeyou.iso
>Looking at her base, she was on an island, tons of EMP turrets that'll rape any of my air and tank units
>See her dozer unit parked near airfield and her command center in the west side. Looked at situation and say my play.
>Figuring out the hotkeys, sent artillery down on dozer and lobbed nukes at command center
>"Nuclear launch detected, biatch!"
>Watched as nuclear fire and fists of metal devastate her airbase and CC
>ohitsbeautiful.exe

>Seeing her crippled and unable to rebuild from my backhand, thought of a way to end her in a way that's fitting of my nerdy wrath.
>Saw my resources have reached $500000. The gods of greed smiled on me as I was blessed with an abundance of shekels.
>Started building more nuke silos, enough to make Best Korea wet themselves in jealousy.
>In the end, Had built 21 nukes, all ready to fire. It was time for my revenge, one that was 30 minutes in the making.
>Scrolled over to her base, ready to unleash ungodly radioactive turmoil.
>Pulled out a cigarette, Put it in mouth ant lit it as i flipped through music, selected Nuclear by Mike Oldfield.
>Took a long draw from my death stick, blew smoke at the screen as I smiled in smug satisfaction.
>Checkmate, bitch."

>Waited for the song's first hook as I kept my itchy mouse finger on the button, eager to let the dogs of rage loose.
And then, it happened...

>"I'M NUCLEAR! I'M WIIIILLLD!!!"
>Like a spastic, I relentlessly sent my nukes at her island base, watching as her fortress becomes slagged in a sea of nuclear fire.
>Sun Tzu would be so proud.
>15 nukes later, her base was nothing more than a field of glass and atomic ash as the terrain was scorched. No vegetation survived. Sue me, you fucking hippies.
>mfw game hasn't ended yet
>Looked to the western island, saw she had another supply center there.
>Introduced it to my remaining six nukes. Watched the victory screen as four nukes rained down after building was trashed.
>segern-ar-var.bin

>Afterwards, did the same to Kebab stealth general and all the remaining generals.
>Before the SW general's nuclear defeat, saved the game and stored the file off computer.
>Still have save file to this day. On that day, I achieved nirvana.
 
  • Feels
  • Semper Fidelis
Reactions: Liquid Kent and Jaimas
I can't play Hearthstone for the life of me. Even when The Grand Tournament was the newest expansion and therefore I didn't need to buy a million packs to stay competitive, I just couldn't play it well. My friend had to walk me through the whole thing.
 
The original Rayman on ps1 was ridiculously hard.

It starts off not too bad, but the difficulty spikes hard once you enter Bongo Hills. From that point on, the game goes in without any lube.

Platforming was super strict, enemies were super annoying, the levels got longer and you had limited lives and continues. You can save your progress, but that doesn't really help much.

See, there are extra lives strewn around, but you can only pick them up once, once they're gone, they're gone. The only way to get more lives it to collect 100 dream bubbles. Continues you can't replenish at all. If you aren't careful, you can end up in a position where you have only three lives to go through a level, and if you mess up, you have to reload your save and start the level over. And trust me that you'll need to stockpile lives for the later levels in the game. So if you're like me, you'll try over and over to get as close to a good run as possible on every level and not waste too many lives and continues early on.

Now, by themselves, these restrictions I can look past. But there's more! You also need to break EVERY SINGLE electoon cage in the game to access the final level and boss. And you can't get all of them in one go nonono, you have to back track to older levels after learning certain skills. One of those levels happens to be Bongo Hills!

What are those skills? Being able to run and cling onto ledges... things most any other platforming hero can fucking do.

It doesn't help that a lot of the cages are in obscure locations, many of which require moving to a VERY specific spot on the level to make them magically appear.

When you consider everything I've stated above, you have a stressful, nerve wracking, and just plain not fun experience.

I couldn't beat it. I just gave up a little bit after Space Mama.

I still feel kinda sad about the whole thing. The game is a part of my childhood. And the music, art and general style is very beautiful. Part of me wants to give it another go, but I'd rather not tear my hair out.

TLDR: Rayman 1 was my Battletoads. A game I both love and hate with a passion. And I could never beat it.
 
Last edited:
  • Feels
  • Agree
Reactions: Varg Did Nothing Wrong, Taily Puff, UnderwaterUnderworld and 4 others
InLivingTuna said:
I'm a huge fan of the Smash series but my first game was Brawl and as such I'm hopeless at Melee. I can't wavedash even when I slow the game down to 1/3rd the speed in training mode, my only hope of winning a match is spamming down airs as Falco lol.
Click to expand...

My man, why do the cool thing and play melee to break your fingers? Give up and play Smash 4, a game so easy to play, 12 year olds place in the top 10 of regionals every month
 
I just started playing Forza and I'm crashing into peeps like I'm doing a demolition derby instead of being a classy driver. But I'm learning fast.
The only thing I suck at is YuGiOh, my add gets in the way and I'd rather have some action.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: That Darn Mimic
The first time I beat Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, I didn't even know the Colesseum and Orlox's Quarters existed because I used a GameShark code to give me all artifacts.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Taily Puff
Meh, I can't play any RTS for shit. I normally do everything by mouse, so my APM is low asf. Maybe one day I'll train to master those kind of games.

Another shameful thing was on GW2, I destroyed or recycled the Broken Caladbolg without knowing that it was meant to be used on a quest. Luckily, the game has a safety measure for that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back