>be American, go to London on vactation
>everyone is exactly as fat as Americans
>look around for these mythological skinny brits, finally find them.
>homeless teenagers waiting outside the welfare office
>sight is depressing, want a drink
>go to a "pub". they're a lot like bars, but everything costs more and they don't keep the beer cold
>see a soccer game on tv. try to strike up a conversation with a local, ask how his soccer team is doing
>"Oi you stupid cunt it's football innit only yanks say soccer I'll hook your gob".
>that clearly wasn't English; point out that soccer was a term invented in England, an abbreviation of 'association football'
>"Oi you cheeky yank I'll hook your gob come on and have a go"
>he starts punching me; he's just so weak, I can't feel it.
>go back outside. Suddenly, islam.
>muslims roam the street slaughtering britbongs.
>punch bro is still behind me; grab him, pinion his arms, use him as human shield.
>eventually authorities issue apology to muslims for offending them by dulling their meat cleavers with their citizens faces.
>riot subsides.
>human shield is bleeding out; feel bad for getting him hurt like that.
>carry him to hospital; they say his condition is critical so they'll put him on the fast track for treatment.
>only a six month wait.
>fuck it, I can perform field medicine faster than that.
>pull a knife out of his torso; police officer sees it in my hand.
>" 'E's got a knoife" he screams, while smacking me with his baton
>he's also too frail and weak for me to feel the blows.
>realize this country sucks and there's a reason everyone smart left it.
>get back on plane, return to Texas
>officer follows me off the plane, still feebly striking me, been there the whole time
>passing gentlemen asks me what his problem is.
>say I forgot he was there, and that he's one of them illegal aliens.
>guy draws his handgun, blows the officer away for me.
>nothing of value was lost.
