🐱 'I'm scared of my own autistic child'

CatParty
http://www.bbc.com/news/education-41597815

Parents struggling to cope with their violent autistic children are not being properly supported by local authorities, the National Autistic Society says.

For some, a violent outburst can be a daily occurrence.

"I'm scared of him. You live on a knife edge. You don't know what's coming next," Lucy Goldsworthy told the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire programme.

She has previously been left with a split lip and bruising following her son Elliot's violent outbursts, while her husband Ian has been left with a scratched cornea.

Twelve-year-old Elliot has autism and learning difficulties which, in his case, means he is unable to speak.

His condition requires round-the-clock care and he does not understand the effects of his actions.

Ian and Lucy say their son became violent and aggressive from the age of five.

At his current age, he is becoming increasingly difficult to control.

"If it was a toddler, having a huge tantrum, scratching and kicking you, you can manage it better," Lucy says.

"Whereas when Elliot does it, it's like a small man suddenly attacking you.

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"He's still only violent 5% of the time - but the consequences of that violence are getting worse and worse."

Ian and Lucy have had to put bars across the window in Elliot's bedroom and locks on the door to help keep him - and their other children - safe.

"You kind of get used to your child's bedroom looking like a cell of some kind," Ian says.

Elliot attends a special school, but the couple say they do not get enough specialist support from their local council.

"You have to get to the point where one of you is hospitalised or you've had to call the police out [for help to arrive]," they say.

For its part, the family's local authority, Hertfordshire County Council, says it does provide a range of care support and is deciding if more help is needed.

One woman who wished to remain anonymous, "Sam", says she "cried and cried" for help from her local authority to look after her teenage son.

She had hoped that one incident, which required her to have a head wound glued after he became violent, would act as a "turning point".

"At first I got a bit of help," she says, before claiming that the council later tried to "wash their hands" of her - providing her with 48 hours' worth of support a year.

One 2011 study, of nearly 1,400 children with autism in the US, found more than half were aggressive or violent towards their families or carers.

Tim Nicholls, from the National Autistic Society, believes parents and families need more support "to help them avoid or de-escalate challenging behaviour".

"Some examples of this would be helping them with positive behavioural strategies or respite for the young person," he adds.

Mr Nicholls is calling on local authorities and NHS England to improve the care they provide.

"If children are not having their needs met, then they are being failed," he says.

"We need a special educational needs and disabilities system that identifies all the needs of autistic children, then puts in place the support and the services to allow them to live the life that they and their families want to live."

'His nature is gentle'
Nineteen-year-old Cameron is one of 700,000 people in the UK on the autism spectrum.

He was diagnosed at the age of three.

"Sometimes you don't know how Cameron's going to react and it is very scary," says his father, Doug Clements.

"The [other] children have to lock themselves in the room because they are so scared."

At the moment, Cameron goes to a specialist centre each day.

However, life at home has become very difficult, and his parents are currently looking for a residential care home for him, run by the local authority for children and vulnerable adults, close to their own home in Surrey.

His mother, Hannah, says the family can no longer manage Cameron's behaviour.

"It's really upsetting, because I love him so much," she says.

"I don't want people to be scared of him, because his nature is gentle.

"I feel sorry for him because he's frustrated, and he can't tell me why or other people why."

Hannah says in the last six years, they have had "no direction at all" from support services, but Surrey County Council said it continued to offer respite care and day support to the family.

'Gone to bed sobbing'
NHS England says it has "set out a clear programme" for those with learning difficulties and autism to "enable more people to live in the community, with the right support, and close to home".

However, the Local Government Association says that while "councils are working hard to make sure children with autism and other special needs get access to the support they need... they have been put in an impossible situation due to increasing demand and historic underfunding".

Elliot Goldsworthy's parents believe their need for support will only become greater as their son gets older.

"We've definitely had moments when we've gone to bed sobbing, and despairing at how this is our life," says Ian.

"But you can't wallow in it too long, because you've got exactly the same life the next day."
 
I hope the normal siblings sue the parents for subjecting them to abuse when they grow up.
This.

Also, any family with a serious definitional member they are the center focus. Mental illness, drug use, criminal behavior etc. The family can't do anything more than try to reduce the definitional members stress, and suffering caused to those other.

Families should band together work together and work to try to help each other but there's a difference, we all stumble in life and move on. In the case of this kid it's not getting better, it's getting worse.

You know how they say, after junkie steals the TV kick em out? It's best for both parties. It's true, in this case, sending the kid to place where he could be dealt with better is helping both. Sadly the reality in a case like this kid, it's pump him full of lithium but let him chill drooling in the corner.

My heart goes out when it comes to putting your foot down it's hard but as you mentioned the rest of the children are suffering, I can't picture aside abuse what neglect they are suffering because the mentally challenged kid is sucking up all the hours of the day.
 
Just imagine always waiting for a fucking meltdown? You're a kid just minding your own business just trying to watch some cartoons, then here comes your autistic brother Jordan, shadow boxing the curtains and target searching the living room like an autistic predator because someone dared to offer him the wrong color sippy cup.
 
http://www.bbc.com/news/education-41597815

Parents struggling to cope with their violent autistic children are not being properly supported by local authorities, the National Autistic Society says.

For some, a violent outburst can be a daily occurrence.

"I'm scared of him. You live on a knife edge. You don't know what's coming next," Lucy Goldsworthy told the BBC's Victoria Derbyshire programme.

She has previously been left with a split lip and bruising following her son Elliot's violent outbursts, while her husband Ian has been left with a scratched cornea.

Twelve-year-old Elliot has autism and learning difficulties which, in his case, means he is unable to speak.

His condition requires round-the-clock care and he does not understand the effects of his actions.

Ian and Lucy say their son became violent and aggressive from the age of five.

At his current age, he is becoming increasingly difficult to control.

"If it was a toddler, having a huge tantrum, scratching and kicking you, you can manage it better," Lucy says.

"Whereas when Elliot does it, it's like a small man suddenly attacking you.

View attachment 305258

"He's still only violent 5% of the time - but the consequences of that violence are getting worse and worse."

Ian and Lucy have had to put bars across the window in Elliot's bedroom and locks on the door to help keep him - and their other children - safe.

"You kind of get used to your child's bedroom looking like a cell of some kind," Ian says.

Elliot attends a special school, but the couple say they do not get enough specialist support from their local council.

"You have to get to the point where one of you is hospitalised or you've had to call the police out [for help to arrive]," they say.

For its part, the family's local authority, Hertfordshire County Council, says it does provide a range of care support and is deciding if more help is needed.

One woman who wished to remain anonymous, "Sam", says she "cried and cried" for help from her local authority to look after her teenage son.

She had hoped that one incident, which required her to have a head wound glued after he became violent, would act as a "turning point".

"At first I got a bit of help," she says, before claiming that the council later tried to "wash their hands" of her - providing her with 48 hours' worth of support a year.

One 2011 study, of nearly 1,400 children with autism in the US, found more than half were aggressive or violent towards their families or carers.

Tim Nicholls, from the National Autistic Society, believes parents and families need more support "to help them avoid or de-escalate challenging behaviour".

"Some examples of this would be helping them with positive behavioural strategies or respite for the young person," he adds.

Mr Nicholls is calling on local authorities and NHS England to improve the care they provide.

"If children are not having their needs met, then they are being failed," he says.

"We need a special educational needs and disabilities system that identifies all the needs of autistic children, then puts in place the support and the services to allow them to live the life that they and their families want to live."

'His nature is gentle'
Nineteen-year-old Cameron is one of 700,000 people in the UK on the autism spectrum.

He was diagnosed at the age of three.

"Sometimes you don't know how Cameron's going to react and it is very scary," says his father, Doug Clements.

"The [other] children have to lock themselves in the room because they are so scared."

At the moment, Cameron goes to a specialist centre each day.

However, life at home has become very difficult, and his parents are currently looking for a residential care home for him, run by the local authority for children and vulnerable adults, close to their own home in Surrey.

His mother, Hannah, says the family can no longer manage Cameron's behaviour.

"It's really upsetting, because I love him so much," she says.

"I don't want people to be scared of him, because his nature is gentle.

"I feel sorry for him because he's frustrated, and he can't tell me why or other people why."

Hannah says in the last six years, they have had "no direction at all" from support services, but Surrey County Council said it continued to offer respite care and day support to the family.

'Gone to bed sobbing'
NHS England says it has "set out a clear programme" for those with learning difficulties and autism to "enable more people to live in the community, with the right support, and close to home".

However, the Local Government Association says that while "councils are working hard to make sure children with autism and other special needs get access to the support they need... they have been put in an impossible situation due to increasing demand and historic underfunding".

Elliot Goldsworthy's parents believe their need for support will only become greater as their son gets older.

"We've definitely had moments when we've gone to bed sobbing, and despairing at how this is our life," says Ian.

"But you can't wallow in it too long, because you've got exactly the same life the next day."
When I saw this headline thought my Mom had come back to life and I was gonna have to kill her again.
 
and here you have the problem of people who really shouldn't be "mainstreamed" being mainstreamed because IngSocJus activists have preached that it's "discriminatory" to have exceptional children in exceptional classes (trying to equate it to segregation). I grew up in an era where children who were exceptional, went to "special ed". Nowadays a lot of these kids are "mainstreamed" but that also means a lot of them don't get the extra assistance they need and were getting in "special ed". And unfortunately, nonverbal autists melting down is indistinguishable from basic (Downs' Syndrome or otherwise such as simple low IQ for whatever other reason) tard rage (with the accompanying Hulk Strength)--and I have to wonder if these parents tried to Ritalin little Exceptional Johnny but it didn't work.
You can usually mainstream an aspie with not too many problems but there are still people there that can help them.

And what's with everyone feeling bad for the parents? I don't. Does anyone feel bad for Borb?
 
You should just be allowed to execute autists. If they can't act like humans, put them down like the animals they are.

Or organize a little something I like to call Brawltism Dome. Put them in and activate their trigger, be it the number 23 or having more than 7 blueberries in their pancake, and let the apes of wrath just go at it.
 
You can usually mainstream an aspie with not too many problems but there are still people there that can help them.

And what's with everyone feeling bad for the parents? I don't. Does anyone feel bad for Borb?
I don't either. Having been aware of some of what the Mom's get up to during visits at homes... No. A number of them try to undermine the workers and enable bad behavior which is what made the situations worse in the first place. -- Sometimes it seems like they're trying to get their kid to freak out on purpose. Idk.

Even Autism help groups will kick people out for being too autistic and uncontrollable.
 
Then there was the case of Sky Walker. The kid was autistic and mentally retarded and had major problems with violent tantrums. The kid's mother insisted on caring for him herself, refusing all offers of help, even taking him out of a facility that her ex-husband took him to where he could've gotten the help he needed. Eventually, he ended up killing her during one of his rages.

Now he IS in a group home, and can't understand what happened to his mother. And what's really sick is that she had anticipated something like this happening, but STILL refused to get any type of help.

They had an a while back that portrayed autism as a disease and that it should be cured, and also everything FierceBrosnan said.

IIRC, they're also anti-vax. Or at least they were at one point.
 
The fact that any parent is surprised by this is just proof of how hard Western society has tried to pretend disabilities aren't disabilities for the past 20 years.

Tardrage didn't cease to exist in 300lb man-toddlers the moment doctors started differentiating between low functioning autism and other bog standard mental deficiencies, or when it became a "blessing" to have your small child mentally stunted at <kindergarten level. Just send them to institutional care once they are too big to control, they don't think like regular people, they probably don't care about being "at home" and socializing with family nearly as much as videogames, TV, and jerking it.
 
It's not that the parents are shitty and are coddling their kids like Borb did with Chris, the problem is that there is a lack of resources and facilities to care for the severely autistic. Remember this guy?


It took his mom YEARS to get him into a residential facility. She had to go to the media and plead her case in order to get her son the care he needs even though he was a could chimp out in public and possibly kill someone else or himself. We need better support for mental health in this society. In third world countries, they usually just wind up chaining their autistic kid to the wall in the basement because there are absolutely no resources or education.
 
It's not that the parents are shitty and are coddling their kids like Borb did with Chris, the problem is that there is a lack of resources and facilities to care for the severely autistic. Remember this guy?


It took his mom YEARS to get him into a residential facility. She had to go to the media and plead her case in order to get her son the care he needs even though he was a could chimp out in public and possibly kill someone else or himself. We need better support for mental health in this society. In third world countries, they usually just wind up chaining their autistic kid to the wall in the basement because there are absolutely no resources or education.

People saw "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and then thought every Institution was a horror show, and during the late 60s and early 70s a decision was made to deinstitutionalize just about everything. Part of it was saving money (ha) and part of it was this idea that we shouldn't lock up people in rubber rooms unless it is absolutely necessary. This had the unfortunate side effect of making services for people who really need it really scarce--and the infrastructure of places that were closed down 40 years ago is crumbling and abandoned if it hasn't already been bulldozed for strip malls or whatever.
 
People saw "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and then thought every Institution was a horror show, and during the late 60s and early 70s a decision was made to deinstitutionalize just about everything. Part of it was saving money (ha) and part of it was this idea that we shouldn't lock up people in rubber rooms unless it is absolutely necessary. This had the unfortunate side effect of making services for people who really need it really scarce--and the infrastructure of places that were closed down 40 years ago is crumbling and abandoned if it hasn't already been bulldozed for strip malls or whatever.
Yeah, and it's pretty much impossible to permanently institutionalize people until AFTER they hurt someone else. Like the woman who shoved a couple of people in front of oncoming subway trains in New York. She was a known homeless person who was legit crazy, but it was more humane to let her roam the streets rather than be stuck in a home that would ensure she took her meds.

Also the problem is that as soon as a person is on meds, they're released. There's no real way to force them to continue to take their meds once they're out of the hospital, so it's just an ongoing cycle. Which was why institutions existed.
 
I knew someone this happened to, and I met other families in this situation through work.

I do feel sorry for the parents. I certainly feel sorry for the ones I knew. Because they had it constantly drilled into them that Good Parents Of Autistics are able to keep them docile and well behaved yada yada, and therefore they had failed.

Thats fine if your kid is an Aspie. My lifelong BFF is an Aspie and the best person I know. These people didn't have kids like him. They had large, violent, unpredictable young adults who absolutely could not be reasoned with or sufficiently grasp a boundary to adhere to it, and puberty had given them a sexual drive they didn't understand and couldn't control.

These parents were bone tired. Weary in a way I have never seen. Worse even than those caring for the terminally ill, because dreadful as it is, the dying eventually die. You don't have to do that forever. Your physically healthy seriously autistic 14 year old son? Shit out of luck there. And they will never, ever get better.

Look, this is the Farms. We are used to describing Chris as cripplingly autistic. He has a driving licence and a high school diploma from a mainstream school. He can feed himself and wash if he chooses. He can draw comics and make youtube videos and hustle weens for money, and go to cons unaccompanied. These kids can't wipe their own asses or ask meaningfully for a drink. All they have is frustration and rage and violence.

I have seen cripplingly autistic, and there is shit all even the most committed and educated parent can do for it.

I cannot and will not blame people for burning out on it. I can blame the decisions at a government level that means there are practically no places to put these young adults where they can have structured care and frankly, containment.
 
It's not that the parents are shitty and are coddling their kids like Borb did with Chris, the problem is that there is a lack of resources and facilities to care for the severely autistic. Remember this guy?


It took his mom YEARS to get him into a residential facility. She had to go to the media and plead her case in order to get her son the care he needs even though he was a could chimp out in public and possibly kill someone else or himself. We need better support for mental health in this society. In third world countries, they usually just wind up chaining their autistic kid to the wall in the basement because there are absolutely no resources or education.
I don't know how a person develops the patience to survive that. That grown child is constantly screaming, hooting, and hitting himself even when he's not being destructive to other people or things. And you can't even put in earbuds because you have to constantly be on call listening if he does start rampaging.
 
I knew someone this happened to, and I met other families in this situation through work.

I do feel sorry for the parents. I certainly feel sorry for the ones I knew. Because they had it constantly drilled into them that Good Parents Of Autistics are able to keep them docile and well behaved yada yada, and therefore they had failed.

Thats fine if your kid is an Aspie. My lifelong BFF is an Aspie and the best person I know. These people didn't have kids like him. They had large, violent, unpredictable young adults who absolutely could not be reasoned with or sufficiently grasp a boundary to adhere to it, and puberty had given them a sexual drive they didn't understand and couldn't control.

These parents were bone tired. Weary in a way I have never seen. Worse even than those caring for the terminally ill, because dreadful as it is, the dying eventually die. You don't have to do that forever. Your physically healthy seriously autistic 14 year old son? Shit out of luck there. And they will never, ever get better.

Look, this is the Farms. We are used to describing Chris as cripplingly autistic. He has a driving licence and a high school diploma from a mainstream school. He can feed himself and wash if he chooses. He can draw comics and make youtube videos and hustle weens for money, and go to cons unaccompanied. These kids can't wipe their own asses or ask meaningfully for a drink. All they have is frustration and rage and violence.

I have seen cripplingly autistic, and there is shit all even the most committed and educated parent can do for it.

I cannot and will not blame people for burning out on it. I can blame the decisions at a government level that means there are practically no places to put these young adults where they can have structured care and frankly, containment.
You know, for something like that? What about all those hormone blockers they wanna give to all the troon kids? Maybe something like that should happen to these extreme cases if they're caught early enough. No testosterone (or very little) at least will cut down on the aggro, not to mention muscle strength, so they won't be as big a danger when they tard rage.

Heck, back in the day, sometimes exceptional people (the low functioning ones) were outright sterilized on the regular (though the main point was to prevent them from breeding). I'm not saying we should do that now, but those chemical castration drugs that have been developed in the last few decades could definitely be put to use in these instances--especially when it's too damn late for hormone bloxers.
 
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