What is the strangest conversation that you've overheard? - Because bad eavesdropping leads to wonderful results

[Audit]

We've all sat in the bus before while a pair of elderly women talk about their dentures, but what about the really strange stuff, the stuff that makes you blush in embarrassment or question if you're still dreaming. This thread is for all of those moments. All of those times you heard your uncles talk about carving open a sheep's digestive tract and scraping away its lining.

I will begin.

Once, when I was much younger, a group of housewives began to talk about the taste and scent of their husbands' semen and how they could change it by feeding them differently. Apparently, dairy products make it smell like pancake batter.

 

[TougherToenails]

I don’t know if this counts but when I was like five years old I was in a Supermarket and I saw a deaf couple having a full-fledged dispute, signing at each other like crazy and making these angry gasping sounds.

 

[LofaSofa]

I came home from school early one day and hid in my parent's closet so I could scare them.


That's how I figured out I was adopted.

 

[VB 305]

there was this fat girl talking about her masturbating

then she started talking about some guy who went into her room through a latter and fucked her

 

[Nekromantik]

I was at the grocery store, and it had those little shelves near the check out that sells books. Mostly the stuff on there is trash romance novels, cook books and because I'm in the south, the Bible.

I'm in the check out line and these two skinny nerdy 20 somethings get in line behind me. One of them looks at the bookshelf and says loudly "Oh man! Finally something good on the self, The Bible!" "It's so great to finally see something worth buying now, the Bible!" "Finally something worth reading! Finally!" And his friend was just nodding with him going. "Oh that's great man!" "Fantastic!" And the first guy is picking up copies of the Bible and showing it around as if no one in Texas has ever seen one before. After a while he puts it back down saying "That's great!" and buys his food or whatever. He even thanked the cashier for finally having good books for sale for once. He didn't even buy a copy of the Bible.

No one said a damn thing to either of them. We all just waited in line to buy our groceries. It was obvious they wanted someone to say something. What I don't know, but they wanted someone to say something.

 

[Morose_Obesity]

I was at the grocery store, and it had those little shelves near the check out that sells books. Mostly the stuff on there is trash romance novels, cook books and because I'm in the south, the Bible.

I'm in the check out line and these two skinny nerdy 20 somethings get in line behind me. One of them looks at the bookshelf and says loudly "Oh man! Finally something good on the self, The Bible!" "It's so great to finally see something worth buying now, the Bible!" "Finally something worth reading! Finally!" And his friend was just nodding with him going. "Oh that's great man!" "Fantastic!" And the first guy is picking up copies of the Bible and showing it around as if no one in Texas has ever seen one before. After a while he puts it back down saying "That's great!" and buys his food or whatever. He even thanked the cashier for finally having good books for sale for once. He didn't even buy a copy of the Bible.

No one said a damn thing to either of them. We all just waited in line to buy our groceries. It was obvious they wanted someone to say something. What I don't know, but they wanted someone to say something.

When will Jesus bring the porkchops?

 

[seinfeldisakike]

I was on the c line train last month and I saw a guy looking under the seats, regardless of whether someone was sitting in them. He got to my seat and kinda shoved his way under. I asked him what the fuck he was doing and he told me he was looking for "the cameras", so I backed off because he scared me

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

A while ago I was having a nice lunch with my folks at a restaurant and we couldn't help but to overhear this conversation behind us going on between a mom and who I assume was her mother-in-law about her kindergarten aged daughter's usual diet. This girl didn't drink m.ilk at all, she only drank coffee creamer. Sometimes the mom put a little bit of coffee into the creamer, but only just enough to "turn the color". The rest of her breakfast was either donuts, or oatmeal (with coffee creamer of course) with oreo cookies crushed in. I don;t remember what other things she mentioned, but basically this 5 or 6 year old didn't eat actual food aside from things that were loaded with sugar and often skipped meals entirely. The woman we assumed to be the mother-in-law looked so mortified.

 

[Super Collie]

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

 

[Jerry_ smith56]

One day I sneaked into my brothers room to get a charger. Ten seconds later I heard my brother come upstairs and I immediately had to hide, because if he saw me in his room he would have killed me. I ended up staying in his closet for a good 40 minutes, during that time I learned that my brother was a drug dealer and that he slept with mutiple women despite having a girlfriend.

 

[UncleFezziesPantsPuppet]

While working, I overheard a Chinese fellow say to his kid, "You go pee pee now!"

 

[ES 148]

I overheard a group of hipster teens on the bus chatting about Undertale shipping.

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

While working, I overheard a Chinese fellow say to his kid, "You go pee pee now!"

Do you work in a restaurant?

 

[Nekromantik]

Not my story but a friend of my was eating with his family at a Mexican restaurant and he said some very obvious out of towners came in making a big deal about eating Mexican food. This one person asked for tacos. When the waitress asked what kind of tortillas would you like flour or corn, they said " Oh I don't want any, I want tacos." The waitress then went back and forth with them trying to explain that you can't have tacos with out tortillas. They even went so far as to ask for the manager.

Sadly my friend left before he could find out if this strange person finally understood that you need tortillas with tacos.

 

[Zarkov]

In the train I was sitting (as much as I could anyway) next to a landwhale when her phone rang. She answers and start talking loudly in her phone, likely because she was so fat that walking out of the compartment was too difficult for her. At first I didn't listen, and then all of a sudden I hear the words "and then they fucked me" and I realized that fatass was describing how a bunch of dudes fucked her in every hole with far too much details for my liking. I remember she kept saying they were great and that everyone was relaxed and I was on the edge on my seat, my face frozen in a "what the actual fuck" expression, waiting for her to just stop talking.

She went on for half an hour before finally shutting her trap, and I spent the rest of my time trying not to think about the fact that somewhere in the world there was a bunch of guys desperate enough to tap that thing.

 

[UncleFezziesPantsPuppet]

Do you work in a restaurant?

No, it was a place where you could ride go-karts, play mini golf. The reg I was on was by the bathrooms.

 

[AnOminous]

I'm not sure it's a conversation as such but I was once going down from the top floor of a hotel to the ground in an elevator, and at one point, a couple with a small child stepped in, and then for some reason, we got stopped for a couple minutes.

The kid was squirming and acting weird or whatever, so his parents told him to stop, and I forget what they actually said, but it ended with his name, "Bart."

This was a big hotel, and the elevator was big, and there were a lot of people in it. And someone just echoed "Bart." And then someone, in a really deep voice, said "BART!" And then someone else said "FART!" And then another person just let out the loudest fart I'd ever heard.

The absurdly slow elevator continued going down as people started cursing at the farter and I started laughing uncontrollably and everyone else in the elevator started simultaneously laughing and cursing the asshole who had farted. The kid started crying, and that made everyone laugh even harder.

So yes, I was once in an elevator full of adults who bullied a child for no reason at all and didn't regret it at all.