Lolcows in Fiction (Books, TV, Movies, etc.)

[2al]

http://the-most-popular-girls-in-school.wikia.com/wiki/Jenna_Darabond Admittedly, she'd make for a good Tumblr/SJW cult leader.

 

[AnOminous]

Tom Bombadil is a lolcow. He's supposedly nearly a demigod or some shit, but comes across as a complete faggot.

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

Mr. A a.k.a OG Rorschach. A Randroid Objectivist superhero with Manichaean morals and a fedora.

 

[Camouflaged]

Prince John from Disney's Robin Hood would definitely count as one.

 

[LN 910]

Wallace from Wallace and Gromit, a man obsessed with cheese living in a big house with only his dog as company surrounded by exuberant gadgets that barely work and might as well be tat. And if they do work, they're only there to automate his own life because he's too lazy to get up and make toast himself.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Lord Farquaad is turned into a lolcow in the Broadway musical version of Shrek. We learn why he hates the fairy tale creatures. In the musical, he is the son of the princess from The Princess and the Pea and Grumpy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. He claims that he was abandoned in the woods as a child, but later when the fairy tale creatures show up at his wedding to Fiona, Grumpy reveals that this is a lie and that he kicked Farquaad out of his house because he was 28 years old and living in the basement.

 

[TheMightyMonarch]

Lord Farquaad is turned into a lolcow in the Broadway musical version of Shrek. We learn why he hates the fairy tale creatures. In the musical, he is the son of the princess from The Princess and the Pea and Grumpy from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. He claims that he was abandoned in the woods as a child, but later when the fairy tale creatures show up at his wedding to Fiona, Grumpy reveals that this is a lie and that he kicked Farquaad out of his house because he was 28 years old and living in the basement.

Wasn't he also a lolcow to a lesser extent in the original movie too? I haven't seen it in years but he clearly overcompensates for his small stature and also only cares about the looks of his future bride even though he's not exactly a looker himself. He's pretty much an animated counterpart of the "2/10 would not bang" meme.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Wasn't he also a lolcow to a lesser extent in the original movie too? I haven't seen it in years but he clearly overcompensates for his small stature and also only cares about the looks of his future bride even though he's not exactly a looker himself. He's pretty much an animated counterpart of the "2/10 would not bang" meme.

If you wanna talk about lolcow Shrek villains, the biggest example would be Prince Charming from the second and third movies.

He’s an arrogant, snobby manchild who shows a bit of the manosphere attitude with his entitlement that he should be with Fiona and rule her kingdom because of his good looks. He and his mother, the Fairy Godmother (who dotes on him and treats him like a child, making her the Barb to Charming’s Chris) devise a plan to get Shrek out of the picture and have Charming pretend to be him, using Shrek’s own use of a magic potion to trick Fiona.

 

[The Iconoclast]

Greg Heffley from Diary of a Wimpy Kid

I reread some of those books recently, and the dude's an arrogant prick who never learns from his mistakes

It was funny the first few times, but it's downright frustrating as it goes on.

 

[DirkBloodStormKing]

Greg Heffley from Diary of a Wimpy Kid

I reread some of those books recently, and the dude's an arrogant prick who never learns from his mistakes

It was funny the first few times, but it's downright frustrating as it goes on.

This video comes to mind now that you mentioned Diary of a Wimpy Kid.

 

[GiantSpiderInvasion]

Kate Ashby. A highly antisocial woman child who pisses off everyone around her with tantrums, singing bursts, or other obnoxious behavior, until they "blow her up forever." Has a very Chris Chan-Bob relationship with her police officer husband, whom she cheats on with a furry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3vhdNt3Ino
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOBAH-BXNGM

 

[MookBong]

Infinite in Sonic Forces can easily qualify via his origin in the Episode Shadow DLC.

Basically his entire origin story is that he got his ass kicked and called weak and ugly by token edgelord Shadow, which caused Infinite to tard rage and join Eggman so he could prove himself to be edgier than Shadow. It took him making pixel clones of Metal Sonic, Chaos, Shadow, and Zavok the demon thing from Lost World, to beat Sonic within an inch of his life and capture him. After that Infinite shows incompetence/arrogance/Dunning-Kruger effect throughout the story (ignoring the presence of odd talking from Tails and OG Sonic saying "It's nothing" in one scene for example). Showing incompetence in gameplay is debatable, I'm not even entirely sure if Infinite's incompetence as multiple boss fights in the game is intentional to show that Infinite is a complete autist, or just rushed programming, considering the Zavok fight in Stage 5 and others aren't as laughably easy.

tl;dr Infinite got called names by Shadow and cried to Eggman, and he needs the Phantom Ruby to even fight anything, which he somehow still fails at.

It doesn't help that his lines read like some 8 year old wrote them for his super edgy OC, seriously some of that shit would make Coldsteel the Hedgeheg laugh and mock him for being too edgy.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Kai Anderson from the most recent season of American Horror Story. I mentioned him a while back, but now that the season's finished, he ended up becoming almost as big a horrorcow as Dandy before him.

Prior to the start of the show, he was an aimless washout still living with his parents with no life or future. After his parents die in a murder-suicide, he's still got such a childish attachment to his mom that he keeps her decaying corpse locked in her old bedroom and sometimes goes in there to talk to it. He vows to "make something of himself." While a normal person would think of that as getting a job or something, Kai still just kinda hangs out at home for a couple years, forming 3edgy5me views that he gets from r/TheRedPill (yes, they actually show the real thing, it's not just a fake site made for the show) and continuing to leech off of his parents even after they die through scamming the government by faking that they're still alive.

Following the election of Donald Trump, Kai sees this as an excuse to do whatever the hell he wants, so he decides to form his own cult by preying on vulnerable people. Said cult is just as edgy as everything else he does, and he has them do shit like dressing up as "sp00py" clowns and hailing Satan as they commit their murders. He tries to present himself as a cold, calculating manipulator, but he has a very short fuse and is prone to bouts of tard rage the instant someone or something doesn't go his way. An example is when he's telling some bullshit story about Jim Jones. A 9-year-old-boy uses his phone to prove him wrong in like 2 seconds so he starts chimping out and stomps on the kid's phone.

He has a ritual that he calls "pinky power," which is a thing where if two people lock pinkies with one another "their life forces are connected" and they can't tell any lies. It's something he and his brother started when they were kids, and the fact that he's still doing it and taking it seriously when he's in his 30's speaks volumes about his maturity level. He also seems to have a weird incestuous fixation on his younger sister. At one point, he decides that he wants to have a baby with her, but doesn't want it to be incest, so he plans to have one of his male followers fuck her while he fucks the follower in the ass. He later casually mentions that he'd listen to her masturbate every night when they were younger.

 

[AnonAutismo]

Peter Loew (played by Nicholas Cage) from the movie Vampire's Kiss is a Skitzocow that borders on Horrorcow at times.

Before things head totally south, Peter is a literary agent who has no friends to speak of, and spend most of his time club hopping. The one time he tries to pursue a relationship with a girl, he walks out on her on their first date. Where things start to go nuts is when Peter picks up another girl at a nightclub, and she bites him during sex. Peter subsequently believes that he's been turned into a vampire, and starts acting strangely, utterly trashing his apartment, harassing his secretary Alva, and collapsing upon viewing a sign with a cross on it. And he just keeps getting worse, believing his reflection in the mirror is gone (despite the movie making it blatantly obvious that it's still there), covering all the windows in his apartment, eating a live cockroach and a pigeon, buying a pair of cheap vampire fangs and proudly displaying them to random people at a club, and running through the streets shouting about how he's a vampire. By the end of the movie he's gone completely insane, raping his secretary, killing a random girl at a club by biting her neck and drinking her blood, and having an imaginary girlfriend that he breaks up with ten minutes after "meeting" her.

Highlights of his craziness can be seen in this vid:

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Peter Loew (played by Nicholas Cage) from the movie Vampire's Kiss is a Skitzocow that borders on Horrorcow at times.

Before things head totally south, Peter is a literary agent who has no friends to speak of, and spend most of his time club hopping. The one time he tries to pursue a relationship with a girl, he walks out on her on their first date. Where things start to go nuts is when Peter picks up another girl at a nightclub, and she bites him during sex. Peter subsequently believes that he's been turned into a vampire, and starts acting strangely, utterly trashing his apartment, harassing his secretary Alva, and collapsing upon viewing a sign with a cross on it. And he just keeps getting worse, becoming unable to view his reflection in the mirror (despite the movie making it blatantly obvious that it's still there), covering all the windows in his apartment, eating a live cockroach and a pigeon, buying a pair of cheap vampire fangs and proudly displaying them to random people at a club, and running through the streets shouting about how he's a vampire. By the end of the movie he's gone completely insane, raping his secretary, killing a random girl at a club by biting her neck and drinking her blood, and having an imaginary girlfriend that he breaks up with ten minutes after "meeting" her.

Highlights of his craziness can be seen in this vid:

I’M A VAMPIYAH!! I’M A VAMPIYAH!! I’M A VAMPIYAH!! I’M A VAMPIYAH!! I’M A VAMPIYAH!! I’M A VAMPIYAH!! I’M A VAMPIYAH!!

 

[DirkBloodStormKing]

Craster from Game of Thrones could be another example of a horrorcow in that series.
Basically he marries and then rapes his daughters to make more daughters and sacrifices his sons to the White Walkers.

Was fucking glad to see him get killed off in the show.

 

[Asa_Spades60]

To keep things on-topic, I'd like to mention Roger Smith from American Dad. He's basically a loser shut-in with the personality of an apolitical and alcoholic Milo Yiannopolous. The fact that he was sent to Earth as a literal crash dummy is proof that he probably was considered a lolcow on his own home planet as well.

Not to mention the sociopathic things he does (scalps a waitress because she didn't compliment his order at a restaurant, become a cop so he can beat up the man who mugged him, gave a toddler a concussion during a shopping spree, set up a catfight between Hailey [the hippie daughter] and Francine [the blond bimbo wife] just so he can record it online for a mother/daughter catfight website, murder a former teen model who was featured on the Dream Phone board game just because the model didn't like malls and pizza and wasn't named Dylan, killed a hairy pink alien in a car crash that turned out to be Kim Kardashian, and commit vehicular homicide against some frat boys who forgot to pay him for driving them around, among other atrocities).

Hank Hill is too mundane and functional to be a lolcow, but he's probably autistic. He's very rigid in his thinking, has trouble processing emotions of any kind, and has very obsessive tendencies (like his obsession with propane and propane accessories). Hank's the kind of autist who is eccentric and unusual, but not really lolcow material.

Not to mention that Hank's father may have messed him up mentally as a child. His childhood memories involving his father include: his father not comforting him over his skinned knee because he got his shins blown off by a Japanese soldier's machine gun ("So don't come crying to me with your problems!"), being forced to watch a bull have sex with a cow (and crying about it), being berated over handling a rifle, and just growing up with a loud, sexist jerk like Cotton who treated his mom like crap. And while it is easy to peg Hank as autistic, I feel that Hank's personality comes from the aforementioned messed-up childhood and Mike Judge exaggerating the conservative values of your typical Texas working man (that's what a lot of people don't get, especially TVTropes).

 

[Syaoran Li]

Not to mention that Hank's father may have messed him up mentally as a child. His childhood memories involving his father include: his father not comforting him over his skinned knee because he got his shins blown off by a Japanese soldier's machine gun ("So don't come crying to me with your problems!"), being forced to watch a bull have sex with a cow (and crying about it), being berated over handling a rifle, and just growing up with a loud, sexist jerk like Cotton who treated his mom like crap. And while it is easy to peg Hank as autistic, I feel that Hank's personality comes from the aforementioned messed-up childhood and Mike Judge exaggerating the conservative values of your typical Texas working man (that's what a lot of people don't get, especially TVTropes).

That is true, King of the Hill is basically a satirical homage to suburban Texas, and Hank Hill is the exaggerated epitome of the conservative working class Texas suburbanite.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Nina, the main character from the movie Black Swan is a pretty major example of a skitzocow and at some points even crosses into horrorcow territory. I haven't seen the movie since it came out in 2010 so my memory is too hazy to make an in-depth post about it. Think I might rewatch it soon though, so I'll come back to this one.

Light is turned into a bigger, more straightforward lolcow in the American adaptation of Death Note. In this version, he’s a lot less intelligent and popular than he was in the original, and he gets manipulated by the other characters embarrassingly easily. While Light Yagami had no interest in women outside of using them in his plans when they came in handy, Light Turner almost immediately exposes himself as the Death Note keeper to some random cheerleader he barely knows, but stared at before he got the notebook like a creep. The cheerleader becomes his girlfriend, but it’s painfully obvious that she’s just using him to get the notebook for herself. Light, being the genius that he is, fails to question why the popular cheerleader is suddenly head over heels in love with some geeky loner she barely knew existed before he suddenly got Death god powers. He is also a lot worse at planning ahead than he was originally, and nearly gets himself killed purely because of his own shortsighted recklessness, and the only reason he isn’t killed by the aforementioned cheerleader is pure dumb luck.

 

[ColumbiaBinks]

I’d have to say Professor Poopypants from the Captain Underpants movie would definitely be an LOLcow: he threw a tantrum over people laughing at his name at the Nobel Prize ceremony, since he thought it meant he lost that award, wanted to be famous so that, among other reasons, he would get laid (similar to the main reason Chris-Chan wanted to win the Parappa contest), he’s a crazy man who just wants to rid the world of laughter, attempts to hide his name to avoid embarrassment, and he stole a kid and used his brain to further his plan to get rid of laughter. Plus, George and Harold made fun of his LOLcow behavior with a comic!

I could definitely see him making a video on YouTube after the Nobel Prize incident similar to the “Rant Against the Sonic Fanbase” video (but more vulgar) where he screams about the Nobel Prize comittee laughing at him:

“OK! ZHAT IS IT! THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW! I’VE HAD IT WITH ALL YOU FUCKING TROLLS AND ALL YOU FUCKING HATERS AND ALL YOU FUCKING NOBEL PRIZE COMITTEE FUCKS. YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES THAT RUINED MY LIFE! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT? VHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!?”

“YOU FUCKING FUCKS! VHEN WILL YOU LEARN...VHEN VILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!? YOU GUYS KEPT ON LAUGHING AT MY TRADITIONAL NEW SWISSLAND NAME! YOU’RE RUINING MY LIFE- HAVEN’T I ALREADY SUFFERED ENOUGH!?”