Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Kyria the Great]

I saw the movie. What a disgrace. I can't talk to anyone about it because they don't care or are big Star Wars fans who will defend the most inane shit this movie threw at them, so I'll share my thoughts here.

Spoiler: huge wall of autism

I did enjoy some space battles. Those were done well enough. My praise for the movie ends here.

It feels as if they don't want to take risks by making a movie with all the Star Wars stuff (Characters we're familiar with, the exact same spaceships that in the original movies but with slight differences, a white, barren planet with AT-AT and a rebel base, cute little comedic relief creature things,...) but at the same time try to pull off insane shit like weaponized hyperspace or Leia ragdolling through the crushing void of space with Force powers, breaking the internal logic of the universe. I mean now we know that you can destroy things with hyperspace, why didn't they use it on the Death Star? Imagine all the things you can do with this... You get my point.

The movie felt like a parody of Star Wars. I watched it with a friend, most of the jokes presented within TLJ didn't work but we were constantly laughing at random shit, there's so many of these unintentionally funny moments scattered through the movie. See Leia going through space, or 4 shot reverse shots in 2 second whenever dialog happens (????), or Rei or Luke constantly climbing rocks with their elbows, and so much more.

Speaking of Luke, oh god, what have they done to him. How in the FUCK would Luke even CONSIDER drawing his lightsaber at his nephew? Luke, who was ready to sacrifice himself to save the little humanity left in Vader in that other movie? I understand seeing Hamill so disappointed in the movie, now. They killed his character in post production, without telling him, I think.
Why is Rey so perfect at everything she does? She kicked everyone's ass, now the fucking Empire or First order or whatever doesn't feel threatening at all, she can just swoop in and Force-emasculate Kylo Ren and all of his knight everyone forgot about because she's that fucking strong and learned to master her powers in an afternoon, she can talk to the robots and to r2, pilot the falcon, shoot from the falcon, everyone likes her,... This character is so incredibly boring. Is that because Kathleen Kennedy's feminist agenda is seeping through the movie? Do we need to go there?
Not as boring as the romance between the only likable character (Finn) and that random chick who went on the casino planet to talk shit about capitalism or something, though. Did they forget they're in a movie made by Disney??

Why didn't they do anything with the stuff they set up in the first movie? You know, Luke's lightsaber, Snoke, the chrome stormtrooper bitch, Reis parents,.. Oh right, they changed directors. That's what they did.
Why did Yoda come to fucking SMITE the Jedi tree? Did he know Rei actually stole them?
How did the Empire come back in power after 30 years? How did the Rebels lose everything? It undermines all the shit accomplished in the previous movies.
Why didn't the hunger games lady didn't tell anyone her plan?
Why would Luke be all "GTFO MY ISLAND I JUST WANT TO DIE CUNT" when HE left a map specifically made for when someone who is force sensitive and on the right side of the Force would want to find him?
Why is Daisy Ridley's performance so incredibly bad?
Why is Rian Johnson allowed to write movies?
Why.. How are the fans eating that shit up? If I were a huge Star Wars fan I'd feel insulted by the quality of this fucking excuse of a movie.

I won't watch another Star Wars. Those aren't movies, they're products, bad products, made to appeal to the widest audience possible. There's a reason Kennedy is firing the people in charge of Star Wars IX and the Han Solo movie because of "Creative differences":she needs to tick all the boxes required by Disney to make an appealing product for as many people as possible. Vision? Creative integrity? Quality? Fuck these things. People will eat that shit up just because it's Star Wars if it looks half competent.

I wish the series ended with episode VI.

Well I am a huge Star Wars fan and I really thought the movie was not only a bad Star Wars movie, but a bad movie in general. The movie as I have told several pages ago feels like two incomplete movies in their first draft already approved. The tone of the movie is all over the place with one minute having Star Destroyer prank calls and the next a death scene with a bomber pilot. The plot(s) were either pointless or nonsensical, with the whole B plot being completely worthless with the actions of the Admiral. The characters were bad with most being either pointless, destroying the characterization of them, comically stupid, or simply sacrificial lambs to give the movie the facade of depth. The worst thing of all to consider was one Kiwis before me brought up is the absolutely fucked moral of the movie. The movie is supposed to be about not blindly worshiping the past and letting go, but the day is saved by revering the past and holding on the dusty books? Seriously that going to dwell on it and especially the end with the children making it seem like some cynical marketing ploy that anyone can be a jedi is the worst slap in the face period and is insulting to the intelligence of the viewing audience.

Fuck this movie!!!

 

[Computery Guy]

I think the idea of the common man being able to be a hero is pretty nice, if only because it'd be a bit lame to just make it seem like the series is relying on a single bloodline to accomplish anything of value.

Also, as much as it pains me to agree with Dobson, Luke's death does make some sense. The force is essentially psychic powers on steroids, and media has essentially taught us that a psychic's worst enemy is burning out from overuse.

And I'd say beaming yourself across an entire galaxy would count as burning out.

 

[Kyria the Great]

I think the idea of the common man being able to be a hero is pretty nice, if only because it'd be a bit lame to just make it seem like the series is relying on a single bloodline to accomplish anything of value.

Also, as much as it pains me to agree with Dobson, Luke's death does make some sense. The force is essentially psychic powers on steroids, and media has essentially taught us that a psychic's worst enemy is burning out from overuse.

And I'd say beaming yourself across an entire galaxy would count as burning out.

I do agree with those points, but the good ideas are handled so piss poorly that it ruins any of the previous good ideas. In fact Luke dying wasn't a problem, but after showing his submerged X-wing, why not have him sacrifice himself to save everyone in person? Wouldn't that have been better and he still could have found peace and flowed into the force.

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

I do agree with those points, but the good ideas are handled so piss poorly that it ruins any of the previous good ideas. In fact Luke dying wasn't a problem, but after showing his submerged X-wing, why not have him sacrifice himself to save everyone in person? Wouldn't that have been better and he still could have found peace and flowed into the force.

It was Rian Johnson going “Smell my red herrings, you cucks! That’s right, you think the logical choice is gonna happen, but FUCK YOU, DAD! IMMA DO MY OWN THING!”

 

[Kyria the Great]

It was Rian Johnson going “Smell my red herrings, you cucks! That’s right, you think the logical choice is gonna happen, but FUCK YOU, DAD! IMMA DO MY OWN THING!”

Well this is why he should have been given either a single side movie or his own trilogy so that the vision from the previous one wouldn't be fucked. Given the fact how Marvel movies have at least some outline where they want to go, the team in charge of Star Wars seems to be playing porkswords while relying on the name itself to sell tickets. I truly hope the bad word of mouth this crap movie receives will cause at least a 60% drop in ticket sales so it at least sends a message that people won't blindly consume crap movies and be told to get over it and you're delusional for not liking it.

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

Well this is why he should have been given either a single side movie or his own trilogy so that the vision from the previous one wouldn't be fucked. Given the fact how Marvel movies have at least some outline where they want to go, the team in charge of Star Wars seems to be playing porkswords while relying on the name itself to sell tickets. I truly hope the bad word of mouth this crap movie receives will case at least a 60% drop in ticket sales so it at least sends a message that people won't blindly consume crap movies and be told to get over it and you're delusional for not liking it.

Meh, I treat the new Star Wars trilogy like the new Star Trek movies. It’s a reboot and a parallel universe, nothing else.

 

[PuToTyra]

Speaking of Luke, oh god, what have they done to him. How in the FUCK would Luke even CONSIDER drawing his lightsaber at his nephew? Luke, who was ready to sacrifice himself to save the little humanity left in Vader in that other movie? I understand seeing Hamill so disappointed in the movie, now. They killed his character in post production, without telling him, I think.

People change.

More importantly, Luke was not ever willing to sacrifice himself to save Vader. He didn't know about Emperor's force lightning, so after defeating Vader and with Emperor seemingly unarmed he threw his lightsaber away in a show of victory, also moral victory over his own anger-showing mercy to a defeated opponent like a Jedi should, and teaching Vader a lesson.

 

[GeorgeDaMoose]

People change.

More importantly, Luke was not ever willing to sacrifice himself to save Vader. He didn't know about Emperor's force lightning, so after defeating Vader and with Emperor seemingly unarmed he threw his lightsaber away in a show of victory, also moral victory over his own anger-showing mercy to a defeated opponent like a Jedi should, and teaching Vader a lesson.

When established characters usually change, they tend to go through something like a character arc. Or at the very least, a satisfying explanation as to why they change if you have a huge time gap like between RotJ and TLJ.

Also Luke not willing to sacrifice himself to save Vader is legit bullshit. He willingly surrendered himself to the Empire in order to help redeem his father. It's not like he met his father randomly on the Death Star II and tried to save him, but oh no the Emperor was there. Even Obi-wan and Yoda told him not to do this shit because he might not come back and when he does go they're like "Welp RIP Luke at least we have Leia".

 

[PuToTyra]

When established characters usually change, they tend to go through something like a character arc. Or at the very least, a satisfying explanation as to why they change if you have a huge time gap like between RotJ and TLJ.

Also Luke not willing to sacrifice himself to save Vader is legit bullshit. He willingly surrendered himself to the Empire in order to help redeem his father. It's not like he met his father randomly on the Death Star II and tried to save him, but oh no the Emperor was there. Even Obi-wan and Yoda told him not to do this shit because he might not come back and when he does go they're like "Welp RIP Luke at least we have Leia".

It's not the same as sacrifice, he was legit certain he saw light in Vader and that he will be able to turn him back to light side and come back together.
Even if it means punching Vader to friendship, which is why he did not hesitate to draw his lightsaber against Vader and fight, while also preaching to him nonetheless.

 

[GeorgeDaMoose]

It's not the same as sacrifice, he was legit certain he saw light in Vader and that he will be able to turn him back to light side and come back together.
Even if it means punching Vader to friendship, which is why he did not hesitate to draw his lightsaber against Vader and fight, while also preaching to him nonetheless.

Surrendering yourself to an evil Empire (after you've blown up their super weapon and killed the presumably hundreds of thousands of people on board) and then risking yourself in a potential fight between you and your father ISN'T sacrifice?
What?

 

[PuToTyra]

Surrendering yourself to an evil Empire (after you've blown up their super weapon and killed the presumably hundreds of thousands of people on board) and then risking yourself in a potential fight between you and your father ISN'T sacrifice?
What?

It isn't, suicide bombing once inside Death Star would be.

Call Luke extremely naive, or dumb, if you want, but he really didn't think he's going to die or that a risk he takes is way to high or anything of the sort. Nothing indicates he wanted to die or that he wasn't preparing to come back with his redeemed father or without him. None of his actions where portrayed in a suicidal or sacrificial manner.
Or you can say he knew everything will be well due to some force mysticism bs.

 

[IdaRita]

Yeah you'd think so.

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OK, those are easy to debunk:
1. Poe was suggested to be next great rebellion leader, both Leia and Holdo like him, he just has to mature and be less hot-headed, moral is "wisdom comes with age" not "warning toxic masculinity!!!!".
2. I would say that the most succesful character in the movie was Kylo - he killed Snoke and became New Order leader, while rebels are now 50 beaten people.
3. Movie was written and shot before the US elections results and Trump presidency (Carrie Fisher died in december yet all scenes with her were done)
4. "We are so happy other people are bothered, we are definitely empathetic crew worth listening to"

I think that idealization of movie being "subverting" and people being so happy and smug about upset fans is what irritating me the most. I really dislike this mindset.

Personally I don't find Rey "Mary Sue", but she is really bland and not as believable pure-hearted idealist as Luke in orginal movies. He saw good in his father and wanted to save family member, she just wants to bang Kylo.

 

[CWCissey]

Kylo - he killed Snoke and became New Order leader

No that would be Bernard Sumner.

 

[neverendingmidi]

I just hope Phasma is dead now. I figured she was killed off in the last one, but nope she showed up again, I think simply because her actress is popular in GoT. I thought that character was the most useless baddie in the last one, but this movie, fuck in this movie she is more useless than fucking ewoks. Ewoks!

But I'm sure she'll be back in the next one because "Strong Female Baddie, ooh ahh".

 

[GloriousScarf]

I enjoyed this movie. They should make all stormtrooper armor out of the same blaster proof shit Phasma has. I feel like thats a real failing on the part of the First Order.

 

[Judge Holden]

So yeah....basically this new trilogy is shaping up to be an even more ineptly done redo of the Star Trek reboot movies thus far, right down to one of the main stars of the original franchise dying before the end of the new trilogy.

First one generally liked by both critics and audiences even if considered a generic rehash of the franchise with questionable plot points and logic

Second one a "darker track change" of a movie that tries to switch lore and established franchise tropes up a bit and kills off characters, and is absolutely fawned over by critics and lapped up by normie theater-goers over the first months but loathed by fans for being both terminally generic and badly plotted lore-defilement, and has since been pretty much entirely forgotten by humanity due to how utterly generic and inconsequential it was

And the third one was/will probably be a "oh shit we pissed off the fans who are the only ones who will buy our shit longterm, lets actually be halfway original and not just copypaste/randomly mix up old shit" flick which was/might be well received by fans and critics alike despite underperforming at the box office.

As for my own personal opinion.....

Yeah they fucked up.

The prequels for all their faults are atleast fun to watch over and over again (especially with drink and friends) for their hilarious badness, and actually have a teeny bit of originality to them despite the whole "like poetry it rhymes" schtick.

The original movies are awesome movies and are fun to watch over and over again (more optionally with drink and friends) for their awesomeness.

This new trilogy is just generic and forgettable "sci fi space shit" fodder that like the prequels has utterly wasted the opportunity it had to tell an awesome story with awesome characters, and give a decent beginning/end to the original characters, but unlike the prequels has no personality or "so bad its good charm" to justify rewatching it or even fucking remembering it.

People remember fucking Palpatine spazzing out and cackling like a goddamn crazyman.

People remember prissy ass Kenobi.

People remember Anakin's hatred of sand.

Goddamn it....people will remember goddamn Jar Jar.

Will anyone fucking remember ANYTHING about these new movies in 10-15 years?

 

[Kari Kamiya]

This new trilogy is just generic and forgettable "sci fi space shit" fodder that like the prequels has utterly wasted the opportunity it had to tell an awesome story with awesome characters, and give a decent beginning/end to the original characters, but unlike the prequels has no personality or "so bad its good charm" to justify rewatching it or even fucking remembering it.

People remember fucking Palpatine spazzing out and cackling like a goddamn crazyman.

People remember prissy ass Kenobi.

People remember Anakin's hatred of sand.

Goddamn it....people will remember goddamn Jar Jar.

Will anyone fucking remember ANYTHING about these new movies in 10-15 years?

I believe it was the Mr. Plinkett review that brought up a good point in that you could ask a fan to describe the prequels characters without saying their name, and they would have a harder time coming up with character traits compared to the original characters. I feel like that still applies to the new trilogy here. Outside of "whiny emo (fugly) bitch face" for Kylo Ren, I doubt anyone would be able to explain who characters like Rey, Finn, Phasma, and Snoke (to name a few) are using character traits. All people ever seem to remember about them are (surprise surprise) their skin color and gender.

Anyhoo, I downloaded a pirated copy just because, but I haven't found the time to watch it yet. For fuck's sake, why did it have to be a 2-and-a-half-hour movie? This isn't fucking Lord of the Rings.

 

[ZehnBoat]

I believe it was the Mr. Plinkett review that brought up a good point in that you could ask a fan to describe the prequels characters without saying their name, and they would have a harder time coming up with character traits compared to the original characters.

it's "describe a character without referring to what they look like"

 

[Doug_Hitzel]

I just hope Phasma is dead now. I figured she was killed off in the last one, but nope she showed up again, I think simply because her actress is popular in GoT. I thought that character was the most useless baddie in the last one, but this movie, fuck in this movie she is more useless than fucking ewoks. Ewoks!

But I'm sure she'll be back in the next one because "Strong Female Baddie, ooh ahh".

“Oh, you want a female Boba Fett? OK, now watch her die like a bitch. Just like Boba Fett!”

 

[One Man Bland]

China is an important market for Hollywood, but one thing I've constantly heard is they don't care as much for dark stories

China won't help a lot, even with a local star Rogue One was weak. And they like only special effects, this movie is incredibly long and boring for the most part.

I thought the whole thing with China is that they tend to hate foreign movies with a lot of talking in them regardless of genre/tone because more talking means more subtitles.