Cultcow Russell Greer / Mr. Green / @ just_some_dude_named_russell29 / A Safer Nevada PAC - Swift-Obsessed Sex Pest, Convicted of E-Stalking, "Eggshell Skull Plaintiff" Pro Se Litigant, Homeless, aspiring brothel owner

If you were Taylor Swift, whom would you rather date?

  • Russell Greer

    Votes: 117 4.5%
  • Travis Kelce

    Votes: 138 5.3%
  • Null

    Votes: 1,450 55.8%
  • Kanye West

    Votes: 283 10.9%
  • Ariana Grande

    Votes: 609 23.5%

  • Total voters
    2,597
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Curious, I'd almost hoped there was a theme park he was fond of. Mainly because his face merrily flapping away on the rides like a bulldog's is my new favourite mental image. Thanks for the answer anyhow pal.

He did mention about "taking a vacation" to Lagoon a few months ago. Lagoon is the local amusement park here in Utah, and it's got some pretty fun and unique rides. However, it's not exactly a "vacation" place, seeing as how it's only about a half-hour's drive North of Salt Lake City. It's a day trip at best. There are UTA busses that go right to it from Salt Lake, and the FrontRunner commuter train has a stop not far from there.

I mean, yeah if you don't live in the Salt Lake/Ogden/Provo metro area and you're traveling from Moab, Saint George, or a neighboring state then, yeah, you might get a motel near the park and make a weekend out of it. But the way Strokey was talking about it, you'd think he was going to Disneyland.
 
I mean, yeah if you don't live in the Salt Lake/Ogden/Provo metro area and you're traveling from Moab, Saint George, or a neighboring state then, yeah, you might get a motel near the park and make a weekend out of it. But the way Strokey was talking about it, you'd think he was going to Disneyland.
To be fair, I live far from Utah, and I've heard of your tourist spots. They sound pretty neat actually.
 
Then this racist dick beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the deadened eyes and utter lack of countenance it wore,
“Since thy shirt be drool encrusted, thou,” I said, “have left me so disgusted,
Ghastly grim and greasy, sending dollars from the Nightly shore—
Tell me what thy want so you can fuck off from my shore!”
Quoth the Russel, “I WANT WHORES!”
 
Hello, boys and girls!
I'm so glad you're here
Gather 'round, sit down
I'll tell the tale of Russell Greer

A manlet born with a facial deformity-
an unfortunate one, at that
He believed his face was the cause of his strife-
but his beliefs are where he fell flat

He started his life in a bubble
God's favorite idiot, if you will
He grew accustomed to accommodation
Demanding of which was his only skill

Though he never acknowledged it,
this "skill" became his fatal flaw
When character assassination did not fulfill his wishes
Discrimination was all he saw

The courts became his only friend,
but not a friend one should ever want
He sought to destroy his enemies in court-
but his legal endeavors haunt.

Haunt his enemies, they did not,
instead, they only haunted Mr. Greer.
For once the legal suits were over,
all that was left was another wasted year.

As he failed to sue or threaten
to get the women he desired,
Russell pushed away everyone who'd ever loved him
And was also routinely fired

And, thus, boys and girls,
a cautionary tale of lust and vanity.
For if you choose a life of only self pursuits,
what you'll gain is anything but your sanity.

Choose a life, instead,
filled with reasonable expectations
For a life lived well
can be cherished for generations.

edit: punctuation.
 
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"Taylor Swift" (told from the perspective of Russell Godfrey Greer)

It was many and many a month ago,
In a kingdom where dreams shift,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Taylor Swift;
And meanwhile I lived with no other thought
Than to love her and her to love me.

I was disabled and she was famous,
In this kingdom where dreams shift,
But I loved with a love that was more than love—
I towards my Taylor Swift—
With a love that the wingèd trolls of the Orchards
Attempted to rift.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom where dreams shift,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
The heart of Taylor Swift;
So that her crooked agents came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up without fan meets
And I had no choice but to reee.

The trolls, not half so happy in the Orchards,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
and why I had to reee)
That a cloud by night bore my Taylor Swift,
and it was there she stabbed me.

And so my hatred was stronger by far than the hate
Of those who were online behind screens—
Of her agents who stonewalled me—
And neither the trolls in the Orchard forums
Nor the hookers who refused my gifts
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Taylor Swift;

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of ruining Taylor Swift;
I crave her demise, so I will keep telling lies
Of the beautiful Taylor Swift;
And so, never getting to bone, I lie down alone
Without my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
And dream of her playing footsie with me—
Or else lying in a tomb while I reee.
 
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