Smoothies and Shakes - Healthy slush for Healthy Kiwis

[Judge Holden]

As anyone on chat recently has seen, I have lately been back on the protein shakes, and have been experimenting with various veggies that can be snuck in to a shake in frozen form to add much needed nutrients with no change to flavour (since they frozen and all), and I realised we should have a thread where those who like to indulge in such shakes or smoothies can exchange recipes and ideas

To start us off here is the recipe I created like 3 days ago.

THE ICE COLD POPEYE

So named for its enormous spinach content, huge protein boost, and the fact its frosty cold when finished.

300-350ml milk
3 tablespoons of Chia Seeds
2.5 scoopfuls of chocolate protein whey
1-2 shots of dark rum
1 pinch of salt
6 pucks of frozen spinach, smashed into smaller chunks (about 200g give or take)
1 Tablespoon of good quality Olive Oil (or coconut oil...coconut oil is probably better tbh)
Green food colouring. enough to turn the whole thing cartoonishly green (very optional)

Put it all in a litre sized blender-shaker-bottle, attatch to blender and blend till absolutely smooth and bereft of any lumps.

Drink while still freezing cold.

WARNING: this drink will turn your shit very, very green. even if you dont bother with the food colouring.

also you will fart a lot.

 

[r4ndom]

ok, im on board with every ingredient but one. who mixes rum and spinach?

 

[Judge Holden]

ok, im on board with every ingredient but one. who mixes rum and spinach?

somebody who decided on the name this morning, added a shot of cheap havanna rum to the mix to make things more nautical (because popeye is a sailor man, geddit?), and found it went ok with the chocolate flavour.

the spinach has ZERO flavour in this context since it is frozen then blended into oblivion

 

[Some JERK]

I like frozen fruit (usually some combination of bananas, blueberries and strawberries) with a big handful of broccoli sprouts and almond milk. You'd think the sprouts would be gross, but they impart a kind of cinnamon-ish, oatiness that I really like, and is a huge step up from kale, which makes everything you put it in taste like you're consuming lawn clippings. Plus they're full of sulforaphane, which is pretty good for you.

 

[Mr. Poker in the Front Liquor in the Rear]

1 cup plain greek yogurt
1 cup almond milk
1 scoop of chocolate protein
5 strawberries
1 banana
2 tsp peanut butter.


Fucking delicious.

 

[r4ndom]

somebody who decided on the name this morning, added a shot of cheap havanna rum to the mix to make things more nautical (because popeye is a sailor man, geddit?), and found it went ok with the chocolate flavour.

the spinach has ZERO flavour in this context since it is frozen then blended into oblivion

i knew something was up when i have to cum in a smoothie, thats only happened 3 times before and two of those time were accidents from me not having my coffee yet.

 

[Uncle Warren]

i knew something was up when i have to cum in a smoothie, thats only happened 3 times before and two of those time were accidents from me not having my coffee yet.

What

 

[r4ndom]

What

we all make mistakes man, just let it go.

 

[Uncle Warren]

we all make mistakes man, just let it go.

But I must know. How much cum do you put in a smoothie to make it worth the nutritional value?

 

[r4ndom]

But I must know. How much cum do you put in a smoothie to make it worth the nutritional value?

i was tired ok, i need my coffee/high powered horse tranquiler in the morning.

 

[Uncle Warren]

i was tired ok, i need my coffee/high powered horse tranquiler in the morning.

Yea, but how much do you put in said smoothie you dirty whore.

 

[r4ndom]

Yea, but how much do you put in said smoothie you dirty whore.

you just have to keep going till you see blood

Spoiler: also

we have derailed this thread past saving now.

 

[Brackets]

An ex of mine used to make these incredible tahini and date smoothies. They're not particularly nutritious by any means, but they're ridiculously filling. If you've ever tried halva, it's basically a milkshake version of that.

1 cup almond mîlk
2 frozen overripe bananas
2-3 pitted dates (depends how sweet your bananas are)
2-3 tbsp tahini (depends how nutty you want it)
1/2 tsp cinnamon

This is a pretty adaptable recipe. If I have a lemon kicking around, I'll swap out the cinnamon for some fresh lemon zest, and maybe even toss in a bit of rosewater. Some good additions to the normal recipe would be cocoa powder, ginger (maybe even crystallized), or even a couple teaspoons of instant coffee powder.

 

[Strewth]

2 scoops unflavoured whey
500ml water

Hold nose and chug.

 

[Arkangel]

300-350ml tard cum
3 tablespoons of Chia Seeds
2.5 scoopfuls of chocolate protein whey
1 shot of dark rum
1 pinch of salt
6 pucks of frozen spinach, smashed into smaller chunks (about 200g give or take)
1 Tablespoon of good quality Olive Oil (or coconut oil...coconut oil is probably better tbh)
Green food colouring. enough to turn the whole thing cartoonishly green (very optional)

God bless that word filter.

 

[Pixichick]

Ginger Mango Smoothie!!

• 1 ripe* banana
• ½ cup fresh baby spinach
• ½ cup Greek yogurt
• 1 teaspoon freshly grated ginger ½-¾ cup vanilla coconut milk (from a box or carton, not a can), or milk of your choice

Add the mango, banana, spinach, yogurt, ginger and ½ cup of coconut milk to a blender..blend..add more coconut milk if needed...

 

[Yamyam]

1 cup of pineapple juice
Half a banana
1 1/2 cup of lychee fruit
1 cup of silken tofu

It taste like summer

 

[Pepito The Cat]

to make things more nautical

lol

It's a good recipe, tho. I'll try it once I actually get my hands on some chia seeds.

 

[DragoonSierra]

What is this an IWC thread?

 

[Judge Holden]

In a semi drunken burst of autistic creativity, I decided to start creating recipes for Chris Chan themed morning protein shakes.

Here is the one i hashed out this morning. will try and make it later on in the week and give my honest appraisal

THE CLASSIC CHRIS

Themed around certain aromas and tastes associated with Christian Weston Chandler at his prime, drinking this should set you in a nostalgic mood as you imbibe the salty orange flavours, inhale the recreated aromas of Chris's favourite Axe bodyspray (Phoenix), taste the slight notes of watermelon, and feel your bowels writhe in agony due to all the fiber contained within the shake, setting you up to recreate some truly classic DIRTY. CRAPPED. BRIEFS.

500ml Orange Juice - preferably a strongly flavoured brand. best with pulp.
2.5 scoopfuls of unflavoured or chocolate-orange protein whey - if you want a sweeter drink then the chocolate orange may be better, but for a purely orange palate go with unflavoured
1 large pinch of salt - goes down salty
1 small scoop of watermelon BSN powder or 100ml watermelon juice - for a more palatable taste of the unforgettable rotting watermelon bouquet so renowned by those who have met chris IRL If you use the juice than reduce orange juice to 400ml
1 tablespoon mixed orange/lemon zest - first part of the phoenix AXE recreation
1 small sprig of fresh lavender - second AXE component. use enough flowers for a decent teaspoon give or take
1/2th a teaspoon or 1 teaspoon of rosewater - final AXE component. technically should be geranium but cant find a decent and affordable edible geranium oil
3 tablespoons of Chia Seeds - for fibre, protein, and texture
6 pucks of frozen spinach, smashed into smaller chunks (about 200g give or take) - you will need all the fibre possible to recreate the feeling of chris's spastic colon
1 Tablespoon of good quality coconut oil/olive oil - MCT oil is especially good, but good quality olive/coconut oil is good both healthwise and texturewise

OPTIONAL - If you have the liquors needed for a long island iced tea (gin, rum, vodka, tequila, triple sec) add a dash of each to the mix

After adding all this to a good blender, blend till utterly smooth and freezing foam. Drink, and savour the tastes of christian weston chandler as his juice trickles down your throat