🐱 A Duke Nukem movie is a particularly bad idea

CatParty
https://www.polygon.com/2018/1/23/16922796/john-cena-duke-nukem-rumor-film-adaptation

Duke Nukem 3D is one of the most influential games of the past 25 years, and for good reason.

The Build Engine, which powered the game, created a sort of “2.5D” effect, allowing worlds built using the technology to feel much more realistic and dynamic than what we were used to seeing in the Doom engine. And the Build Engine was put through a workout with Duke Nukem 3D; the game launched with a series of levels filled with interactive elements and hidden secrets. The world of Duke Nukem felt alive and whole in a way that separated it from its competition. No other game of its time came close.

But these are things that made it a good game without giving it any attributes that would also make it a good movie. Duke Nukem himself was a caricature of the action stars of the time, and spouted quotes from well-known B-movies. And that’s kind of the whole problem.

Duke Nukem 3D was a brilliant game when it came to its technology, level design and use of interesting weapons, but the trappings of that game came from the movies. Duke Nukem 3D never really got around to creating its own identity outside of those references, and that’s a big problem if the game is going to become a movie of its own. We love Duke Nukem for reasons that have nothing to do with the story or, I would argue, even the character.

Nathan Drake and Lara Croft were both heavily influenced by Indiana Jones and, well, Indiana Jones, but those characters created a mythology and a world that exists just as well away from the games. We know who they are and we care about what they go through. Duke Nukem never really created the same framework, nor did it ever have to. How do you write a movie where the lead character’s best lines were already taken directly from movies?

That’s why the modern remake was such a flop; the character doesn’t hold up when compared to the worlds and stories of modern games. Duke himself starred in a game where his inspirations were propped up by technical achievement and design brilliance. Take that away and he’s just a big guy quoting someone else and waving money at women.



Yeah, that script is going to go over well in 2018.

The idea of Duke Nukem dropping a bit of the sexism and coming back as a silly throwback to the R-rated action films of the 80s and 90s played with a completely straight face has promise, but creating a movie based on a game that was inspired by movies is more masturbatory than creative. It’s unlikely the studio is going to OK an R-rating on a movie that will be seen as a product aimed at kids and teenagers ... even if that audience barely knows who Duke Nukem is.

That’s fine for a game that’s basically a nostalgia act these days, but it gives us no reason to be excited about a movie adaptation.
 
The Silent Hill movie was good. But otherwise you're right.

It was way better, WAY BETTER, than Silent Hill 3D. The biggest issue besides the awful cop lady, is how inconsistent the story is.

Lady that looks like SH3 protag has to find her daughter (SH1 and sort of Homecoming which is referenced later)
Sent into a SH2-esque town
Cop lady
Sean Bean is the dad in SH and SH3d
The story follows SH1 with locations and events pulled from 2, with a protag from 3 (which SH3d is based on) and a Pyramid Head from Homecoming, like on purpose.
The ending makes zero sense. Ok, they're dead, but now they wander the entire United States as ghosts? How are they not stuck in Silent Hill? How do they get home?

Soundtrack is a 10.
Monsters were an 8.
Town was an 8.
Everything else was a 5.
 
Meanwhile, Jon St. John's mad about the film and sharing this petition: https://www.change.org/p/paramount-pictures-save-the-duke-nukem-film. He's said on Facebook that a Duke film should be CG with him as the voice.

I think a Duke film could work, but it should stick to its macho 80-90s action flick roots. It needs to be silly without becoming a parody of itself.
 
Meanwhile, Jon St. John's mad about the film and sharing this petition: https://www.change.org/p/paramount-pictures-save-the-duke-nukem-film. He's said on Facebook that a Duke film should be CG with him as the voice.

I think a Duke film could work, but it should stick to its macho 80-90s action flick roots. It needs to be silly without becoming a parody of itself.

Jon... Come on man. I know work for a struggling voice actor is hard but come on. He just shot himself in the foot when it comes to getting a cameo.
 
The Rock should be the hero of every video game movie ever made.

The Rock as Mario
The Rock as Solid Snake
The Rock as Sonichu

The Rock as Cool Spot
The Rock as Cloud Strife
The Rock as Joel
The Rock as Booker Dewitt
The Rock as Master Chief
The Rock as Bayonetta

My God, you're on to something
 
The Postal movie had it's moments. Uwe Boll revealing that he funds his movies through Jewish gold teeth he got from the Holocaust is the best part.
At least for the sake of it, the movie was PRETTY accurate in the insanity the postal games had. Not that there was a plot in the games, but....

Ok I lied, I just thought watching Verne Troyer getting raped by monkeys in some ultimate nuclear prophecy involving bird flu and Al-Qaeda was the stupidest shit I've ever seen, and I couldn't have laughed harder.

Also, Uwe, as bad as he is, did not leave out the best aspect of the game.
 
At least for the sake of it, the movie was PRETTY accurate in the insanity the postal games had. Not that there was a plot in the games, but....

Ok I lied, I just thought watching Verne Troyer getting raped by monkeys in some ultimate nuclear prophecy involving bird flu and Al-Qaeda was the stupidest shit I've ever seen, and I couldn't have laughed harder.

Also, Uwe, as bad as he is, did not leave out the best aspect of the game.

You should check out Rampage:

 
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I just want Duke Nukem to die in general, Gearbox has been making total crap with him ever since they bought the IP from 3D Realms, Forever may be more of the latter's fault than the former, but stuff like the World Tour (which the new levels were rather good, but the port itself, and Gearbox's """""jokes""""" were total crap) putting him in Bulletstorm for absolutely no reason (and asking full price for the game), and Gearbox themselves being a bunch of cucks, makes me wish that Forever stayed cancelled after 3D Realms closed doors.

The movie will be total shit, Platinum Dunes + Gearbox is an awful combination.
 
The real reason why Duke Nukem wouldn't make a good movie is because Duke Nukem has no plot and no lore. Like, when you get beyond "shake it baby" and "I came here to chew ass and kick bubblegum" lines, what do you have left?

Literally nothing.
I get a feeling it would be more like the movie Last Action Hero which was meant to be a parody of action movies at the time.
 
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