DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

Status
Not open for further replies.
Anyone catch this little gem?
1.JPG
 
  • Informative
  • Winner
Reactions: The_MmmBop_Gang, Adamska, actually and 9 others
Coin Ops said:
PUBG - February 4, 1st stream recap
1st Match
  • "I don’t like the latest changes"
  • Drops on military base. Circle covers west half of the island. He's on the east half. "The circle is on the other side of the map! I'm completely fucked!"
  • "I can't find anything! This patch changed the majority of the game…the majority of the game is now empty!" Smug chuckle.
  • "They actively changed it to make the game boring!"
  • "This patch is so off-base from what they're going for with this game…it's sucked the excitement right out of the game" If excitement is running and hiding for 20 minutes
  • Chat gives him the names of a couple good loot areas on the map. Reads the tip mechanically and doesn't even bother to look at the map to see where those areas are. Not interested in that.
  • Finds an open-top jeep. Then finds a covered-top jeep with more gas. But it doesn't matter because "All the vehicles suck now."
  • While he's reading another tip giving good loot locations his jeep slams head-on into the lone tree in an open field. In the following salt talk says "it almost seems like now you have to stay on the roads…because going into the woods or whatever you have such a high risk of hitting something and losing all your vehicle health it's not worth it" I realize my favorite part of his PUBG stream is the nail-biting experience of watching him drive while reading chat. Trees whizzing by. Narrowly missing mountains.
  • While in the aforementioned worthless jeep, he catches a pedestrian in an open field. Unlike the tree, he misses the guy and the jeep takes a few shots as DSP flees. In the jeep. From the lone guy on foot.
  • Drives around the circle forever. Loses jeep somehow. It doesn't matter. None of this matters.
  • Eventually is ran over while lying prone and staring into the headlights. This is my favorite DSP PUBG death and it's a great way to kick off today's salt.
  • 4th place. Killed by: Dune buggy. Weapon at time of death: AKM. Number of kills: 0? (I spaced out during the jeep circle-thon)


2nd Match
  • Mentions subs are down (522) because of gifted subs. "Not much I could do about it."
  • He parachutes towards a river.
  • Gets a 1911. Gets the drop on a guy in a house. Chases the guy around a two-story and empties 2 magazines into the walls in the process. Guy kills DSP with a machete.
  • "That's why I never pick up hand guns…they're worthless." Smug chuckle.
  • 97th place. Killed by: Machete. Weapon at time of death: 1911. Number of kills: 0


3rd Match
  • Lands in an unpopulated spot. Gets a P92 and a pump shotgun. Runs around in the wilderness.
  • Finally arrives at some buildings. "All the good loot is gone by now. Unfortunately that's the way it works."
  • Then gets 2 M16s, a UMP9, and a SKS in quick succession.
  • Calls the guy who was in the house before him an idiot for leaving all these guns. Then through some gun-swapping shenanigans DSP leaves both M16s behind. Realizes it way later. Through more shenanigans ends up with the SKS and an M4.
  • Asks "Isn't the SKS a sniper rifle?"
  • Gets a kill by sneaking up on someone who was in another firefight. "What a complete idiot! He was shooting at someone else!" Smug chuckle.
  • Asked about his thoughts on Nintendo online. "What's that? I don't know what that is. Can someone in chat tell me?" Chat tells him. "It's just online? What's the big deal about that?" Then suddenly becomes knowledgeable about it and throws shade by saying it's free right now but Nintendo will start charging for it.
  • Gets killed ascending stairs by someone on the second floor. A manic word-salad of salt follows involving "5 frames per second" "tried to go left" and "controls massively delayed." Insults developers.
  • The guy who killed him was a stupid asshole who just got lucky.
  • Now an expert in Nintendo online and starts talking about how much it sucks.
  • 29th place. Killed by: AKM. Weapons at time of death: M4, SKS. Number of kills: 1


4th Match
  • Drops on military base roof. "There's not even any weapons on the roof of the military base?!" Apparently this is where guns should naturally be found.
  • "There's no good guns! I'm so glad I listened to people tell me what to do and landed here…" Guilts chat over asking him to land here. Remember he landed here by choice the very first game.
  • Gets M16 and VSS. Hears gunshots multiple times. Hides in a building until all's quiet.
  • Flips bike while reading chat and limps away.
  • While running along the shore someone in a boat lands and starts shooting. DSP empties a mag from his M16, accomplishing nothing. Then DSP backs away from the boat: the only cover around. The other guy takes cover behind his boat. DSP eventually gets killed by a second guy on the other side of the river. "Literally nothing I could do."
  • 28th place. Killed by: M16. Weapons at time of death: M16, VSS. Number of kills: 0


5th Match
  • Had to order a new monitor. Bought a new one. Shills for ASUS and Amazon Prime.
  • Asked about Warfame. "What's that?" Then develops immediate expertise. "Yeah I played that, it's free to play, it's not great. I understand why it's free." Smug chuckle.
  • Drops in the boondocks again.
  • Papa Lou asks if he can do something deviant with the shower video.
  • Gets an M16 and AKM.
  • "Finally a helmet! Thank God! Finally!" Yeah, that's what's been holding you back.
  • Gets caught hopping a low wall for a split-second. "I'm stuck!!! I can't get over the wall!"
  • Flips the jeep during chat, bitches about low vehicle health.
  • "Top 20, I'm just going to camp now." Hides in a corner. "What do you guys want to talk about? Nothing's going on in this game…" Smug chuckle.
  • Circle forces him to leaves camp. He gets a kill.
  • Once just inside the safe zone he goes prone in the grass. "Better start crawling."
  • Crawls across the landscape. Gets killed.
  • "All that for nothing…"
  • 9th place. Killed by: SCAR. Weapons at time of death: M16, AKM. Number of kills: 1


6th Match
  • All his Kirby playthroughs got claimed.
  • Monitor shipping update: probably arriving tomorrow.
  • Gets an M4. Empties mag and gets a kill.
  • "I didn't hear him! I didn't hear footsteps in the house, did you? I heard him way outside…they didn't make any noise inside…I heard no noise whatsoever! None! And that's what happens when you land in a popular area: you get fucked!" It's called crouch walk.
  • 75th place. Killed by: AKM. Weapons at time of death: M4, AKM . Number of kills: 1


7th Match
  • "The game started?! I was deleting spam email, now I can't land anywhere good!"
  • Drops at hospital. Says he's never been here before.
  • Finds M16 and AKM immediately.
  • Hears gunshots. Freaks out and empties a mag outside a window at ???
  • Caught inside in bombing zone. "What the fuck is going on?!"
  • Gets a kill.
  • Gets killed looting his kill.
  • "Starting in these populated areas ends fast!"
  • "It's fun to get in these firefights but it ends so fast!"
  • 63rd place. Killed by: Kar. Weapons at time of death: M16, AKM. Number of kills: 1


8th Match
  • Finds a micro-uzi and frag grenade. "Well this is going to be a shitty run."
  • "Time for the fucking long run across the map…" Then don't drop on the edge of the map.
  • "I'm not even near a road where I can get a vehicle. I'm just going to have to run for the entire fucking game. Delightful. Ugh." Who's fault is that?
  • Gets M16 and AKM.
  • "Now I gotta run and get to the fight!"
  • Trolls doxxed chair company and the guy is going out of business.
  • "It doesn't affect me because I got the chair! ACK ACK ACK!"
  • Crashes jeep again due to not paying attention.
  • Drives a flaming, smoking jeep around while getting shot at.
  • Gets shot while out in the open. "This guy is just SPAMMING bullets and hitting me at a massive distance, that's bullshit!" Runs away.
  • Gets shot at again. Runs away. Hides behind tree. Gets shot again. Dies. "HUHHH?‽"
  • 35th place. Killed by: M16. Weapon at time of death: M16, AKM. Number of kills: 0


9th Match
  • Manic chair word-salad continues to dominate the stream.
  • Spends flyover removing chair endorsement panel, tweets, etc. He's all too happy to remove any connection to them. Still the trolls fault.
  • Gets M16 and SCAR. Cowers until he's forced to run across the landscape as usual.
  • Unbans person who was talking bad about his sponsorship company earlier in the stream since he's not sponsored by them anymore. So I guess it's okay to talk shit now. Unbanned person apologizes to DSP.
  • Gets shot at. Runs away across open ground as usual. Gets shot at some more. Sneaks up on a guy, empties mag, gets killed. "HUHHH?‽" Seal clap.
  • 36th place. Killed by: UMP9. Weapon at time of death: M16, SCAR. Number of kills: 0
Click to expand...

3rd Match
Gets a kill by sneaking up on someone who was in another firefight. "What a complete idiot! He was shooting at someone else!" Smug chuckle.

4th Match
While running along the shore someone in a boat lands and starts shooting. DSP empties a mag from his M16, accomplishing nothing. Then DSP backs away from the boat: the only cover around. The other guy takes cover behind his boat. DSP eventually gets killed by a second guy on the other side of the river. "Literally nothing I could do."

How the irony never seems to hit him is amazing some times.
 
  • Agree
  • Informative
Reactions: adderall, Dandelo, Keystone and 4 others
BusyMaribo said:
i see him ragequitting pubg real soon, hes just creating shit to bitch about like in dbfz...

Then all he'll have left is sunshine... doubt he'll touch secret of mana on the 15th because its a jrpg.

Time to be late as fuck on that monster hunter train phil...
Click to expand...

PUBG is a cashcow for him right now. They are the backbone of his 2nd streams as of late, he knows people like to watch him bitch, I think he's milking it.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Adamska, Long time lurker, JackDavis and 1 other person
The one upside in all of this, is SpawnSeats didn't put their logo on the chairs. Setting up a new operation should be as easy as registering a new business and copy-pasting the website after changing the name. Not like they're giving up an established brand and what awareness they have is mostly restricted to us - not good future prospects for growing your brand.

Only real losers in this situation is whoever of his audience decided to buy an overpriced gaming chair.
 
  • Agree
  • Feels
Reactions: Long time lurker, Jaspergers Cat, Done and 2 others
Noob-Noob said:
"Guess they got in over their head with the toxic environment around me and went out of business.......AHAHAHA SUCKS FOR THEM. I already got my chair!! I don't give 2 shits. LOLOLOLOL"

Wow. Even if they were a scam company, Phil is an irremediable, selfish fuck.
Click to expand...

And a sucker because he'll never get back what he spent even if one idiot (other than Phil himself) bought a shitty Chinese chair.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: adderall, Adamska, Keystone and 3 others
Noob-Noob said:
"Guess they got in over their head with the toxic environment around me and went out of business.......AHAHAHA SUCKS FOR THEM. I already got my chair!! I don't give 2 shits. LOLOLOLOL"

Wow. Even if they were a scam company, Phil is an irremediable, selfish fuck.
Click to expand...
He really does make everything about himself, it's amazing.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: adderall, Raven'sChild, PedoPhil and 1 other person
So was the company already dying before DSP bought the chair?
 
Robotron said:
So was the company already dying before DSP bought the chair?
Click to expand...

----------------------------------------------------------
SOMEWHERE in USA, an old rundown meeting room in a leased rundown building.............


Spawnseat CEO:
"OK guys let's be honest we opened in January and we havent sold one chair yet, should we just give up and move on?"

Board Member Papalou:
"Well I've been watching this dude DSP on Twitch, you know I have the thing about guys with fatty gout butt so I've been attending his stream and fapping at him on the screen....."

CEO:
"Get to the point Papa, nobody cares about your fetish"

Papalou:
"Pardon me *SNORT*, well this guy just lost a gaming chair sponsorship because he is toxic, I think I have a way to at least get us some revenue from him before we disband, what do ya guys think? Lemme send him an email...."

CEO:
"Do your thing Papa I highly doubt he'd be that dumb to buy our cha....."

Papalou:
"He responded and said he wou...."

CEO:
"Holy shit he placed an order and paid us full, said he would buy one so that we give him a code and after 10 paypigs used that code we can refund his chair money back so that he get a free chair, I can't believe there is actually people that dumb! Papa you are a genius!"

Papalou:
"Ya that was what I was gonna say...."

CEO:
"But wait we don't have any chair in the storage because no one ever ordered!"

Papalou:
"Ugh....how about this one I'm sitting on, I ordered this for 20 dollars from China, pretty much still kinda new, but I was fapping on his stream toward his face camera so it's a bit stained and I was moving too hard and one of the screw was loosened, but he wont find out right?"

CEO:
"Too late to order from China, do your thing Papa, here's half of the money he paid us, 90 dollars, you deserve it"

-------------------------------------------
Renton, WA, Burnell House

DSP:
"Guys it took me tremendous effort to unbox this shit today, but one of the screw is loose and I had to use my dick to balance the chair to screw it on, there's nothing I can do! But hey, pretty use DSP10 to get your own Spawnchair!"

CEO:
(Email)Hi Phillip I got fucking ddosed by the mentally ill detractors! Now they know I have autism and scam people for a living and they attacked all my personal sites and I have to close for business now, sorry gotta go!"

DSP:
"Guys I still got my *free* sponsored chair but unfortunately the detractors took down my partner company......btw why does this chair smells"

"Papalou did a 25 bit cheers and said Phil I'm so sorry this happened to you please come to my house tonight I'll warm you up with my body and you will discover a familiar smell, no Papalou, I will not do that, this chair feels just fine except it smells funny, wait Papalou did another 25 bit cheer and said I still have 8950 bit of cheers that I plan to give you if you come over to my place tonight"
 
  • Autistic
  • Winner
  • Like
Reactions: Kermit the Frog, BenShapiro, badluckfistfuck and 14 others
WiPshit recap!

Monday: EA Sports UFC 3 / Super Mario Sunshine
Tuesday: Shadow of the Colossus (PS4) / PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Wednesday: Shadow of the Colossus (PS4)
Thursday: EA Sports UFC 3 / Super Mario Sunshine OR PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Friday: Shadow of the Colossus (PS4) / Super Mario Sunshine OR PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds
Saturday: Possibly Call of Duty: World War II / Possibly Star Wars Battlefront 2

The new Leanna will be moving in on the 12th of February.
Phil will not be streaming from the 12th to the 15th. He plans to publish images and videos as evidence of her existence.
Phil will not return to Dragon Ball FighterZ "until Bandai Namco fixes the online." He claims his deletion of the game is temporary.
Phil wishes to do "throwback playthroughs" of GTA: Vice City, GTA: San Andreas, GTA III, and Heavy Rain.
Phil thinks he might return to Yakuza Kiwami during downtime.
Phil acknowledges that Dynasty Warriors 9, Secret of Mana (PS4), and Kingdom Come: Deliverance are being released. He will be making a poll to vote upon the game for his return.
Phil claims that January was his best streaming month ever.
Phil reminds viewers that if he hits 600 subscribers on Twitch, he will begin a new cooking show with New Leanna. He will film, she will cook.
If his channel hits 650 subscribers, he will begin another Patron's Choice Playthrough, potentially with GCN games.
Phil notes that there is a problem with rising subscriber numbers; he claims to only be down to 513. Phil says that he is working on the second DSP Tries It video promised for reaching 550 subscribers.
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Long time lurker, Diablo Griffin, EddyB43 and 1 other person
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back