Maybe it's good that I kinda know
Darn
Smug
Pirate and his strange language habits, like when he says "a normal thinking human being". So I won't read too much into it when he says:
"there's melee type skeletons where all you do is your wail on them and they die and all they do is try to hit you physically". Yes... what other ways are there? Do they try do hurt you on a psychological level? Do they cast magic to make your soul spin? No, there isn't.
It's also odd how he structures his points, kinda backwards and focus on irrelevance:
"um another mechanic is health health in the game you're gonna take damage from various things maybe people will attack you by shooting you with guns or cannonballs maybe you'll go to to to try to do question you get bit by a snake or you're fighting some Oh skeletons and they hit you or whatever or shoot you so you do have to maintain your health"
So instead of talking about the fantastic possibilites which encapsulates Rare's vision, he basically focuses on a generic detail (health, which nearly every adventure game has) and structures his points as dry as possible around it. There is HEALTH ... oh and snakes and canons and skeletons I guess or whatever, yawn. He is really incapable of recognizing what spins people's interest.
So yes, pointless to hang myself about this. But still funny. These "spoken reviews" are so well structured, dood.
And then there is just plain bullshit:
"I'm not exaggerating here there's only three items in the whole game right now that's it those if you go on to an island and there's fuel barrels or crates all you can find are bananas cannonballs and planks that's it there's nothing else I know that sounds ridiculous I'm not exaggerating that's the truth there's only three items that you can use for things in the game"
Whuuaaat?! A game uses a neat number of main-items to not overcomplicate itself?! This is unacceptable! wow
Of course he doesn't explain what's missing, he just says how stupid something is, as usual. It's easy to just flail arms around, isn't it? If you don't think about
why you don't like something, you can critize everything you want!
"no it's actually worse it's actually a worse game than no man's sky was at launch it actually is"
Yeah, suck a dick, Phil. The comparison with NMS was stupid to begin with. NMS got its reputation because the head of HelloGames shamelessly lied through his teeth about the content of his game, created false trailers, false gameplay videos. He advertised a completely different game. Rare on the other hand never lied about SoT! This game was transparent from the very start, with beta access, stresstests and they listen to their players. The finished game is exactly what you expect but with even more content than before.
So half his "review" are comparisons with NMS instead of judging the game on its own, how he is glad to not payed anything for the game and how it's all about him him him and how Rare made a bad business decision with instable servers (fixed after around 2 days).
What a great review when you want to know how this game performs and if it's worth buying!
Well. Fucking. Done.
