What are the Worst Movies of All Time? - The thread for discussing celluloid syphilis

Johnny Bravo said:
Monster a Go-Go or Red Zone Cuba, even MST3k couldn't save them. I couldn't even finish Red Zone Cuba.
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Manos is in that category for me, also an MST3K perennial. Because it was so shockingly awful it offended the senses every second you were watching it. It is unbelievable how absolutely horrible that movie is.

The best performance in that was by Torgo, who was literally blasted out of his mind on drugs the entire time and shortly thereafter committed suicide.
 
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AnOminous said:
Manos is in that category for me, also an MST3K perennial. Because it was so shockingly awful it offended the senses every second you were watching it. It is unbelievable how absolutely horrible that movie is.

The best performance in that was by Torgo, who was literally blasted out of his mind on drugs the entire time and shortly thereafter committed suicide.
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Torgo is literally the only thing that makes Manos watchable. Still, it has an interesting history. I have a pretty strong tolerance for terrible films but I can barely make it ten minutes into Red Zone Cuba before I have to tap out.
 
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Johnny Bravo said:
Torgo is literally the only thing that makes Manos watchable. Still, it has an interesting history. I have a pretty strong tolerance for terrible films but I can barely make it ten minutes into Red Zone Cuba before I have to tap out.
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I never even made it through the MST3K episode.
 
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Uncanny Valley said:
North.
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Roger Ebert's review of that movie is fucking legendary:

https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/north-1994

I have no idea why Rob Reiner, or anyone else, wanted to make this story into a movie, and close examination of the film itself is no help. "North" is one of the most unpleasant, contrived, artificial, cloying experiences I've had at the movies. To call it manipulative would be inaccurate; it has an ambition to manipulate, but fails.

The film stars Elijah Wood, who is a wonderful young actor (and if you don't believe me, watch his version of "The Adventures of Huck Finn"). Here he is stuck in a story that no actor, however wonderful, however young, should be punished with. He plays a kid with inattentive parents, who decides to go into court, free himself of them, and go on a worldwide search for nicer parents.

This idea is deeply flawed. Children do not lightly separate from their parents - and certainly not on the evidence provided here, where the great parental sin is not paying attention to their kid at the dinner table. The parents (Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Jason Alexander) have provided little North with what looks like a million-dollar house in a Frank Capra neighborhood, all on dad's salary as a pants inspector. And, yes, I know that is supposed to be a fantasy, but the pants-inspecting jokes are only the first of several truly awful episodes in this film.

North goes into court, where the judge is Alan Arkin, proving without the slightest shadow of a doubt that he should never, ever appear again in public with any material even vaguely inspired by Groucho Marx. North's case hits the headlines, and since he is such an all-star overachiever, offers pour in from would-be parents all over the world, leading to an odyssey that takes him to Texas, Hawaii, Alaska, and elsewhere.

What is the point of the scenes with the auditioning parents? (The victimized actors range from Dan Aykroyd as a Texan to Kathy Bates as an Eskimo). They are all seen as broad, desperate comic caricatures. They are not funny. They are not touching. There is no truth in them. They don't even work as parodies. There is an idiocy here that seems almost intentional, as if the filmmakers plotted to leave anything of interest or entertainment value out of these episodes.

North is followed on his travels by a mysterious character who appears in many guises. He is the Easter bunny, a cowboy, a beach bum, and a Federal Express driver who works in several product plugs.

Funny, thinks North; this guy looks familiar. And so he is. All of the manifestations are played by Bruce Willis, who is not funny, or helpful, in any of them.

I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.

I hold it as an item of faith that Rob Reiner is a gifted filmmaker; among his credits are "This Is Spinal Tap," "The Sure Thing," "The Princess Bride," "Stand By Me," "When Harry Met Sally...," and "Misery." I list those titles as an incantation against this one.

"North" is a bad film - one of the worst movies ever made. But it is not by a bad filmmaker, and must represent some sort of lapse from which Reiner will recover - possibly sooner than I will.
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EDIT: @PantsFreeZone having been forced to sit through White Chicks by my ex-girlfriend, I have to agree.
 
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Die Hard 5.
About the only good thing that film has going for it is that it replaced DH2 as worst DH movie for me, and DH2 wasn't bad (it was okay, but not particularly good. I prefer DH3 and 4 over it imo)

All of the Seltzerberg duo films (and I do mean ALL of them)

Most of Uwe Boll's movies (barring maybe Postal and from what I heard, Rampage and Tunnel Rats were pretty decent) While they do have some legit funny bad moments (AITD had that action scene at the beginning where Slater does a fucking sonic kick off the ground, and you have the main character in Dungeon Siege who's literally called Farmer and no, that's not a mistake, THAT'S HIS ACTUAL NAME) they are mostly incredibly dull and honestly it's not worth suffering through these dull parts just to get to an occasional funny bad moment here and there.
 
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I've heard the 3rd Hobbit film was the worst of the 3 but I can't speak to that. The second one was so bad. The only movie I ever left before the end. I knew it was going to be bad too but I got roped into seeing it. The first movie starts off so promising and then basically Jar Jar Binks shows up.
 
Uncanny Valley said:
Chicken Little: The Disney flick so bad even tards won't defend it
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I remember when I was a wee tot and seeing a behind-the-scenes video (I guess it was just on Disney channel or something?) and I saw how proud they were for how they did the two characters talking over each other by recording one and then recording the other separately like it was some kind of genius special effects maneuver, and I was just like "that's not cool, that's annoying"
 
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The Quest. Jean Claud Van Dam wrote it, directed it and starred in it. Van Dam has been in a couple of films that I think are actually OK but this one is not even close to OK. JCVD and Roger Moore (both of whom are just playing parodies of their more famous characters) try to find a lost city or some shit. It is bookmarked by scenes that are completely unrelated to the rest of the film as well. Bizarre.
 
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