Lolcow Andrew Peter Carlson / Anaiah Carlson / Tamarlover / Xtamarlover - Jewish/Christian Wannabe Cult Leader, Stalker, Ugly af, dogfucker, mayor of spitsville

xtamarlover said:
Pros and cons for me being in this relationship. I want the relationship to work, but if the relationship doesn't end up working, it could be for the best for both of us. But whether or not something could be better, I am happy to accept this relationship despite the cons. But if the relationship doesn't work out, then I will comfort myself that I don't have to worry about the cons anymore. I will miss the pros of course, but its all a matter of perspective. I can reach my full potential by myself or with someone who agrees with my religion. Someone who doesn't agree with my religion is a limit to my potential. I am willing to limit my potential for the sake of love, but if it doesn't work out, then my potential is benefited significantly. Love is about sacrifice and i'm willing to make plenty of sacrifices to make this relationship work. But if it doesn't work, it won't be the end of the world. I'll move on and be alright. I'll be devastated at first, but I will be at peace about it.
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You know what, that's probably the most mature thing I've seen you say so far.

That being said, talk is cheap so I'll let your actions speak for you. We can be cautiously optimistic and reserve judgment until then.
 
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xtamarlover said:
Pros and cons for me being in this relationship. I want the relationship to work, but if the relationship doesn't end up working, it could be for the best for both of us. But whether or not something could be better, I am happy to accept this relationship despite the cons. But if the relationship doesn't work out, then I will comfort myself that I don't have to worry about the cons anymore. I will miss the pros of course, but its all a matter of perspective. I can reach my full potential by myself or with someone who agrees with my religion. Someone who doesn't agree with my religion is a limit to my potential. I am willing to limit my potential for the sake of love, but if it doesn't work out, then my potential is benefited significantly. Love is about sacrifice and i'm willing to make plenty of sacrifices to make this relationship work. But if it doesn't work, it won't be the end of the world. I'll move on and be alright. I'll be devastated at first, but I will be at peace about it.
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Sounds like you've grown up a bit, mate. Hope it works out for you.
 
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Which specific religious beliefs of yours have led to the current conflicts with your girlfriend? Are there specific ways you have asked her to behave that she is uncomfortable with?
 
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Abortions4All said:
Which specific religious beliefs of yours have led to the current conflicts with your girlfriend? Are there specific ways you have asked her to behave that she is uncomfortable with?
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So far, the main thing is we differ about homosexuality. I think its wrong whereas she thinks its a legitimate lifestyle. I tried to explain i dont think its ok to do hate crimes or discrimination because of peoples orientation, and that i try to love everyone despite what they believe. And to me, offensive theology is more disturbing than someone's sexuality. Ive never made it an issue between us but its an issue for her. I am trying to be understanding of her point of view.
 
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xtamarlover said:
So far, the main thing is we differ about homosexuality. I think its wrong whereas she thinks its a legitimate lifestyle. I tried to explain i dont think its ok to do hate crimes or discrimination because of peoples orientation, and that i try to love everyone despite what they believe. And to me, offensive theology is more disturbing than someone's sexuality. Ive never made it an issue between us but its an issue for her. I am trying to be understanding of her point of view.
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Well, it's okay to have differing point of views on religious and political issues, but it's another thing if she's trying to get you to accept her views. Was she trying to get you to agree by putting you in compromising situations like showing you gay porn or by taking you to clubs/bars?
 
xtamarlover said:
Sure, ill give an update sometime today.
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So as you know my grandma died earlier this year. Unfortunately my grandfather, her husband, died a dew months later. So this year has been tough for my family. I made a lot of progress in my personal life though not perfect but enough so that I felt I no longer needed to see a therapist anymore. So back in August i ended the sessions. I also wanted to end them because instead of consoling me when I talked with her about my grandpa dying and that being difficult for me and my family to deal with, she didnt say anything like im sorry you lost your grandpa but she only said your grandpa was a horrible person. So i was upset. She was responding to something else about my grandpa that i had brought up, and so instead of comforting me she attacked my grandfather. So i didnt appreciate that and that was a huge reason why i decided to stop going.

For financial, I still have my job. I had switch to part for a few months but im back to full time. I got screwed in the stocks. I learned some lessons and I can still recover but it was pretty horrible. I was in Amazon but i left and went into twitter. In a single day it dropped $10 a share. And it is about $20 a share lower tham it was back in July. I was forced to sell some shares due to a margin call. I decided to sell some of the shares rather than wait till they forced me to do it due to the margin call. Since then every paycheck i put in about $500 into my trading account to constantly fight to keep my remaining shares of twitter. I have put in about $23000 and the account value is at $10000. So thats a current loss of about $13000.

My relationship with my girlfriend is going well. She gets along with and fits with my family well. We have had a few bumps in the relationship, and theres plenty of uncertainties about what our future will be if we have a future. Because of some issues, I switched to night shift earlier this year to give her space. Ever since then we have worked different shifts and see each other on weekends which is working for now. She has been a very good influence on me, and being with her encourages me to be more mature and a better person. Through everything that has happened this last year, i am firmly no longer desperate for Melinda. I no longer feel like i need her to be happy.

If me and my girlfriend were to not work out and Melinda was to change her mind and want to be my friend, i might be tempted to want romance to happen. But a huge thing that makes me not want to be with Melinda is how unstable she is and how conflicting some of her principles are with mine. So i think I will never pursue Melinda again. I no longer obsess over her, and my feelings for her i would say are .01%. I mean how can you not have any feelings for someone you loved. For me i cant wipe away 100% the feelings. But most of it is gone. I am glad things happened the way they did. And while I dont like that the info about me is on kiwi and lolcowwiko, I think its probably for the best. Such information is a detterant from me returning to crazy behavior. And it was the primary thing that caused me to stop making youtube videos addressed to Melinda. So basically kiwi farms helped me stop doing crazy youtube videos. I still have all the videos documented but i dont watch them. They are there for me to see how bad things got and to have a testimony of why i felt certain way and why i did or said certain things. So i would say i have a love hate relationship with kiwi farms. I hate what happened buy at the same time im thankful it happened because it let me becoming a better person and im not sure if it would have happened had kiwi farms not found me. I mean even the counseling stemmed put of my family finding out about what i had been doing and saying. Thats why i started going to go to counseling because my dad insisted i do after i had gone too far in what i had said and done. So that's why i keep coming back to kiwi and also i find interesting to read about other lolcows. And i see if anything happens here involving me. So thats why i keep lurking.

I continue to observe what Melinda is doing in her lawsuits to make sure it doesnt involve me but also i am curious what is happening to her. Basically what i can say is after i had found out where she lived back in march 2017, she moved to another city. She hopped around a bit and came back to the same city she had been before. She continues to have problems with her landlords. She is still desperately in need of money. None of her lawsuits hold however. Amazingly she is still in a relationship with the same guy. this is a record for her in a long time and i am proud of her for that. She now has five children from 4 different men. She wanted to live with her relatives recently but her relatives refused.

Earlier this year, she tried to alter the protective order in some way, but it was not altered. If she doesnt do anything further, the protective order against me will end february 2019. Amazing its already been almost 2 years.

Anyways thats the update of my life :). And i have the privelege of seeing my niece grow up. Its a true joy to see her and its honor to be an uncle. Oh and i also got back into video games again so ive been spending my time with that a lot too.
 
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A Name But Backwards said:
Wow. I'm honestly impressed. I think you should find a new therapist, but you are obviously doing much better. I think, as a lolcow, you probably have the healthiest opinion of your thread.

I hope you keep doing what you are doing. What games are you playing?
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I am playing Nintendo Switch. Also im going to get my girlfriend a 3ds for her birthday present. Itll be a surprise :D
 
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xtamarlover said:
So as you know my grandma died earlier this year. Unfortunately my grandfather, her husband, died a dew months later. So this year has been tough for my family. I made a lot of progress in my personal life though not perfect but enough so that I felt I no longer needed to see a therapist anymore. So back in August i ended the sessions. I also wanted to end them because instead of consoling me when I talked with her about my grandpa dying and that being difficult for me and my family to deal with, she didnt say anything like im sorry you lost your grandpa but she only said your grandpa was a horrible person. So i was upset. She was responding to something else about my grandpa that i had brought up, and so instead of comforting me she attacked my grandfather. So i didnt appreciate that and that was a huge reason why i decided to stop going.

For financial, I still have my job. I had switch to part for a few months but im back to full time. I got screwed in the stocks. I learned some lessons and I can still recover but it was pretty horrible. I was in Amazon but i left and went into twitter. In a single day it dropped $10 a share. And it is about $20 a share lower tham it was back in July. I was forced to sell some shares due to a margin call. I decided to sell some of the shares rather than wait till they forced me to do it due to the margin call. Since then every paycheck i put in about $500 into my trading account to constantly fight to keep my remaining shares of twitter. I have put in about $23000 and the account value is at $10000. So thats a current loss of about $13000.

My relationship with my girlfriend is going well. She gets along with and fits with my family well. We have had a few bumps in the relationship, and theres plenty of uncertainties about what our future will be if we have a future. Because of some issues, I switched to night shift earlier this year to give her space. Ever since then we have worked different shifts and see each other on weekends which is working for now. She has been a very good influence on me, and being with her encourages me to be more mature and a better person. Through everything that has happened this last year, i am firmly no longer desperate for Melinda. I no longer feel like i need her to be happy.

If me and my girlfriend were to not work out and Melinda was to change her mind and want to be my friend, i might be tempted to want romance to happen. But a huge thing that makes me not want to be with Melinda is how unstable she is and how conflicting some of her principles are with mine. So i think I will never pursue Melinda again. I no longer obsess over her, and my feelings for her i would say are .01%. I mean how can you not have any feelings for someone you loved. For me i cant wipe away 100% the feelings. But most of it is gone. I am glad things happened the way they did. And while I dont like that the info about me is on kiwi and lolcowwiko, I think its probably for the best. Such information is a detterant from me returning to crazy behavior. And it was the primary thing that caused me to stop making youtube videos addressed to Melinda. So basically kiwi farms helped me stop doing crazy youtube videos. I still have all the videos documented but i dont watch them. They are there for me to see how bad things got and to have a testimony of why i felt certain way and why i did or said certain things. So i would say i have a love hate relationship with kiwi farms. I hate what happened buy at the same time im thankful it happened because it let me becoming a better person and im not sure if it would have happened had kiwi farms not found me. I mean even the counseling stemmed put of my family finding out about what i had been doing and saying. Thats why i started going to go to counseling because my dad insisted i do after i had gone too far in what i had said and done. So that's why i keep coming back to kiwi and also i find interesting to read about other lolcows. And i see if anything happens here involving me. So thats why i keep lurking.

I continue to observe what Melinda is doing in her lawsuits to make sure it doesnt involve me but also i am curious what is happening to her. Basically what i can say is after i had found out where she lived back in march 2017, she moved to another city. She hopped around a bit and came back to the same city she had been before. She continues to have problems with her landlords. She is still desperately in need of money. None of her lawsuits hold however. Amazingly she is still in a relationship with the same guy. this is a record for her in a long time and i am proud of her for that. She now has five children from 4 different men. She wanted to live with her relatives recently but her relatives refused.

Earlier this year, she tried to alter the protective order in some way, but it was not altered. If she doesnt do anything further, the protective order against me will end february 2019. Amazing its already been almost 2 years.

Anyways thats the update of my life :). And i have the privelege of seeing my niece grow up. Its a true joy to see her and its honor to be an uncle. Oh and i also got back into video games again so ive been spending my time with that a lot too.
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Sorry to hear about your grandparents. I hope their ghosts haven't been prank calling you.
 
Pozzingmyfilthyneghole said:
Tell me more about the "Catfucker" part.
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I was telling my belief that animals such as cats and dogs are able to consent and I cited how some people who have sex with animals also agree with me that animals can consent. That argument I made was then twisted into an unfounded unsubstantiated and false claim that i am or have been at some point in my life a dogfucker and/or a catfucker. Which is simply not true. So its basically libel against me. But I decided not to pursue anything legally about it. Theres plenty of stuff to expose me for related to the stalking stuff I did which some of it was absolutely horrendous. So there was really no need to make up a fake accusation about me being a dogfucker or catfucker. Really if the people in control of my thread were at all decent people they would remove the false parts about me being an animal fucker. I own up to and deserve to be called out for my past horrendous stalking behavior. Keep the parts about the creepy stalking shit I did. The parts about the animal fucker thing should be removed as they amount to no less than libel.
 
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xtamarlover said:
I was telling my belief that animals such as cats and dogs are able to consent and I cited how some people who have sex with animals also agree with me that animals can consent. That argument I made was then twisted into an unfounded unsubstantiated and false claim that i am or have been at some point in my life a dogfucker and/or a catfucker. Which is simply not true. So its basically libel against me. But I decided not to pursue anything legally about it. Theres plenty of stuff to expose me for related to the stalking stuff I did which some of it was absolutely horrendous. So there was really no need to make up a fake accusation about me being a dogfucker or catfucker. Really if the people in control of my thread were at all decent people they would remove the false parts about me being an animal fucker. I own up to and deserve to be called out for my past horrendous stalking behavior. Keep the parts about the creepy stalking shit I did. The parts about the animal fucker thing should be removed as they amount to no less than libel.
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Shut the fuck up and go back to your own thread dogfucker.
 
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xtamarlover said:
I was telling my belief that animals such as cats and dogs are able to consent and I cited how some people who have sex with animals also agree with me that animals can consent. That argument I made was then twisted into an unfounded unsubstantiated and false claim that i am or have been at some point in my life a dogfucker and/or a catfucker. Which is simply not true. So its basically libel against me. But I decided not to pursue anything legally about it. Theres plenty of stuff to expose me for related to the stalking stuff I did which some of it was absolutely horrendous. So there was really no need to make up a fake accusation about me being a dogfucker or catfucker. Really if the people in control of my thread were at all decent people they would remove the false parts about me being an animal fucker. I own up to and deserve to be called out for my past horrendous stalking behavior. Keep the parts about the creepy stalking shit I did. The parts about the animal fucker thing should be removed as they amount to no less than libel.
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Libel is a serious accusation. Have you contacted a lawyer?
 
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xtamarlover said:
I was telling my belief that animals such as cats and dogs are able to consent and I cited how some people who have sex with animals also agree with me that animals can consent. That argument I made was then twisted into an unfounded unsubstantiated and false claim that i am or have been at some point in my life a dogfucker and/or a catfucker. Which is simply not true. So its basically libel against me. But I decided not to pursue anything legally about it. Theres plenty of stuff to expose me for related to the stalking stuff I did which some of it was absolutely horrendous. So there was really no need to make up a fake accusation about me being a dogfucker or catfucker. Really if the people in control of my thread were at all decent people they would remove the false parts about me being an animal fucker. I own up to and deserve to be called out for my past horrendous stalking behavior. Keep the parts about the creepy stalking shit I did. The parts about the animal fucker thing should be removed as they amount to no less than libel.
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Piss off dogmongler
 
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xtamarlover said:
I was telling my belief that animals such as cats and dogs are able to consent and I cited how some people who have sex with animals also agree with me that animals can consent. That argument I made was then twisted into an unfounded unsubstantiated and false claim that i am or have been at some point in my life a dogfucker and/or a catfucker. Which is simply not true. So its basically libel against me. But I decided not to pursue anything legally about it. Theres plenty of stuff to expose me for related to the stalking stuff I did which some of it was absolutely horrendous. So there was really no need to make up a fake accusation about me being a dogfucker or catfucker. Really if the people in control of my thread were at all decent people they would remove the false parts about me being an animal fucker. I own up to and deserve to be called out for my past horrendous stalking behavior. Keep the parts about the creepy stalking shit I did. The parts about the animal fucker thing should be removed as they amount to no less than libel.
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People who want to fuck animals should be thrown to animals to be eaten by them
 
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