- Joined
- Feb 7, 2018
Rate me
, but I'm hoping that if Disney becomes a near monopoly on the entertainment market, then we'll have another era of B-movies.Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off
- Thread starter CowReserach Inc.
- Start date
, but I'm hoping that if Disney becomes a near monopoly on the entertainment market, then we'll have another era of B-movies.
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2016
My guess to how that gets explained is that if the kids are Force-sensitive, either the Force told them about Luke or Luke as a Force ghost did. These seem like cop-out answers but I won't be surprised if that Disney decides to go with that.
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2017
There's already rumors of things like a time skip where Rey has a 5 year old kid and a new mystery about the kid's father. I think also the FO will be more in control and there are some rumors they might finally do something about the FO kidnapping kids for stormtroopers.
Behold the dumpster fire:
Seriously though, the ONLY hope they have to salvage this is a time-skip of some years.
So reading the summation of it from Ace:Can't believe I'm posting a video from the buck toothed spasmo. But I'm posting a video from the buck toothed spasmo.
http://ace.mu.nu/archives/375856.php
You know, if I had my vote, I would still pick Genndy Tartakovsky.
But if Disney ends up hiring Lucas to come in and take things back over AND give him a paycheck at the same time? I will laugh my shiny metal ass off.
- Joined
- Apr 1, 2017
Oh God, I'm watching The Last Jedi with two snarky daughters.
Someone save me.
But holy shit, 20 minutes into this movie and it's so baaaad.
They really hated it.
It was worse than I thought.
Someone save me.
But holy shit, 20 minutes into this movie and it's so baaaad.
Holy fuck, it's called ACCEPTABLE LOSSES, YOU COMPLETE FAGGOTS!
Wait, you were on the bridge, and in combat, and NOBODY was strapped in and wearing skinsuits in case of, you know, battle damage resulting in depressurization?
You faggots deserve to lose.
And holy shit, is the rebel leadership incompetent, whiny, and stupid.
AND SPACE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!
Someone eject this Vice-Admiral Holdo out of an airlock before she gets good troops killed followed some retarded "Muh Feelz" plan. Tumblr just oooozes off of her.
They took a very attractive Asian actress and apparently added or removed some chromosomes.
Oh for fuck's sake. The LOL janitor bullshit again. THE MILITARY DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! Everyone, from infantry to MI to tankers spend more time buffing floors, polishing chrome, and sweeping floors than they do actually doing their jobs.
"Why do I have the feeling that how 3PO got his red arm is probably a better story than this burning shitpile of suck..."
"The fuel story is complete bullshit. Why not bring in an Interdictor Cruiser like during Empire Strikes back? Oh, wait, for the Tumblr plot! YAY!"
"Why am I rooting for the Space Nazis? The Resistance are all so incompetent they'd probably slap Maxi-pads on their heads."
"I like lore. I like consistency. I hate this LOL-SO-RANDOM shit."
"The Porgs look fake as fuck. Did they blow all the money on Admiral Whore-Dough's botox and hair dye?"
"Who is filming Googly-Eyes McComedy Relief? And with all this tech, why does it look like she's broadcasting from 1997?"
"Oh boy, we've got a hacking subplot in a Star Wars movie. This will turn into massive faggotry at any second."
"Oh, great, Mary Sue, I forgot she was here. Now I'm sad."
"Wait? What? They're psychically linked? Oh, look, it's Force Deus Mack-in-Ass. Let me guess, it's because he force raped her brain? Or because the writer's were huffing paint?"
"EITHER FOCUS ON THE CGI BACKGROUND OR ON THAT STUPID BITCH! WHO IS DOING THE CAMERA, I'M GONNA PUKE!"
"So, apparently 50,000 year old Jedi temples are immune to erosion? The mountain didn't wear away?"
"Oh, great, Beardy McMilkTits is going to give us a lecture on the force. Twenty bucks says he doesn't say shit about Midicholorians."
"God, she's retarded."
"I like Garbage Person Luke. Can we huck Rey into a hole and have him come back?"
"And inside me? Inside me? A TAMPON! Because I'm a weeping vagina with legs!"
"This whole movie is 'That's Not How the Force Works' because they wanted cool scenes and wrote why the scenes were there later. This is terrible."
"So these two went to a casino and dressed like hobos?"
"Yes, yes, gun running is bad. They sell you and the First Order both the weapons for you to kill each other because both of you are fucking morons who deserve to lose."
"So nice to stop the plot to stare at horses."
"Why is Snidely Whiplash the code-breaker?"
"No, it's Howard Stark, doing what he does best: Selling weapons."
"Oh bitch bitch bitch. It wasn't balance when it was just you and that force using ball-sack, you whining hobo, Kylo rose up because there was only you and a shitload of apprentices."
"You need someone to show you your place? Well, your choice: Garbage bin or the kitchen My god, she just reeks of 'main character bullshit' all over the place. We know nothing's going to happen to you."
"I can tell what's wrong with your leadership. You've got only women on the bridge. That's the problem, right fucking there. Your master plan is to roll up the windows and keep driving down the road like nothing's wrong and wait for a man to save you, you fucking morons."
"Yes, greasy sketchy stranger we just met, let's completely trust you with the fate of the Rebellion! THAT'S WHY I WANT YOU FAGGOTS TO LOSE!"
"Get it! Because they thought he was a slot machine! THAT'S SO WACKY! Fuck this movie."
"I sweat to God, if they ride these retard horses with the Magical Asian with the Extra Chromosome through the casino, I'm going to scream."
"A fucking secret decoder ring? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
"And then, after the Magical Janitor and Sum Ting Wong ride off into the tard-set, they killed that kid in the most horrible way imaginable on Pay Per View."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHERE DID THEY GO?' YOU HAVE A SPACESHIP! YOU HAVE SENSORS! TRY INFRA-RED, YOU GIBBERING RETARDS!"
"Hooray! Space ship rescue out of nowhere! YOU ARE NOT RIPLEY AND NEWT! STOP TOUCHING BETTER MOVIES!"
"If this guy's the new Han Solo I'm going to light my vagina on fire out of protest."
"This movie set back women and minorities so far we'll be lucky if we can vote in November."
"Oh, NOW you give a fuck about your sister? You didn't send her a card for twenty years and now you give a shit."
"Did they just photoshop Adam Driver's chest? Driver? Diver? The dude's huge."
"Oh, look at me, I'm crying over someone I knew literally ten hours! I obviously care more about him than you, his son, ever did! Oh piss off, Mary Sue."
"Wait. Luke Skywalker, the man who reached for good inside Darth 'I will force-choke a bitch through Skype' Vader, apparently did a bunch of meth and attacked his student because he might touch the dark side? This is pandering fan fiction bullshit."
"JUMP IN THE PIT! JUMP IN THE PIT! JUMP IN THE BUTTHOLE! JUMP IN THE DISCOUNT SAARLAC PIT! JUMP IN THE GARBAGE HOLE WHERE GARBAGE LIKE YOU BELONGS!"
"Well, shit, a voice-over during someone trying to ham-fistedly cram metaphysical bullshit they don't understand up everyone's ass with shitty special effects. It's that's own evil reflection on the other side of the ice, I swear to God...."
"You're your own father!"
"So is this movie just a big fuck-you to anyone who liked the originals?"
"If they start sexing each other up via Force-Skype, I'm going to murder someone."
"Ten bucks says they molest each other with this power off-screen. You know someone's going to."
"This movie makes me mad just thinking about it."
"Did she just hit Luke with a stick."
"Great, now we get to see more dumbass shit about how she can even outfight Luke. Fuck this movie and everyone who wrote it."
"Oh, eat shit, screen writers."
"Beyond what you imagined? YOU TRIED TO REDEEM VADER!"
"Oh, look, now she gets to lecture Luke. 'I wasn't there, I know jack and shit about the Force or about evil, but I will now explain to you all about the force and evil!' Fuck Rey. I hate her so much."
"Oh look, a shitty photoshop Yoda. Now they'll ruin his personality and character!"
"He didn't even move. Were they too cheap to make a puppet?"
"They should have called this the de-balling of Luke Skywalker."
"Since when could Force ghosts make lightning happen? Christ, why even be alive?"
"I want to slap Yoda. If they say Rey's more important than all that wisdom then I'll OH MY FUCKING GOD SOMEONE CRUCIFY THE WRITERS!"
"So the lesson is... history and tradition don't matter? Only power? Rey and Kylo are the future because they're more powerful? That shit sounds like Might Makes Right. Sounds like Yoda went to the Dark Side there."
"It's OK because we steal from the bad guys."
"You are out of support ships? You have lost this war."
"Whatever you do, your plan is retarded. You lost your entire fleet. A handful of transports can't win a war. You wrecked up Circus Circus, you think those guys are going to sell you weapons and ships now?"
"You're not telling anyone your plan. That isn't how an effective military works. What if you took a hit to the bridge? What if your hair dye poisoned your brain? If you die, everyone else dies. You're an ego maniac with delusions of granduer."
"This is all dumb as shit."
"Wait, so they can only track one ship at a time? They don't have radar or space sonar to keep track of things around them? Who did the logic checks on this shit?"
"Oh Goody, we get to watch Phasma fall down a hole. You're not Boba Fett, lady."
"Oh, surprise, THEY CAN TRACK MORE THAN ONE SHIP AND NOW ALL YOUR SHIPS ARE GETTING SLAUGHTERED!"
"Admiral Hair Dye just set back women in the military so far any man who sees his wife wearing a Halloween costume will go all sand people on her ass."
"Snoke is like a budget emperor you'd get at a dollar store."
"Snoke's lines don't fit with the expressions on Kylo's face. Christ. Both sides deserve to lose."
"Oh Good, the 'I cannot lose' speech every villain gives right before he chokes on a M&M."
"This fight is going to be terrible.We should watch it in slomo so we can watch them cut off each other's limbs."
"It looks like two epileptics at a rave."
"Oh look, ELL OH ELL, he fell in a fan! Isn't that wacky! Man, fuck you."
<Salt levels increase>
"Two Masters of the Force, who can blow up buildings and defeat Luke Skywalkers, threatened by a half dozen budget dumbasses?"
"Nothing matters. Let's rule the galaxy as Tard and Tard."
"Oh, just fucking kiss. It isn't like whoever wrote this knows how to build dramatic tension."
"Oh, yeah, just fucking drop the bombshell about her parents like that. Fuck you, Hollywood Script Monkey Number 357."
"In this episode of 'Star Wars by a Mental Patient', Vice Admiral Hair Dye realizes that SPACESHIPS HAVE MORE THAN ONE GUN!"
"So she sat there and watched them all get killed? My bet her big plan is to go to ramming speed and destroy the last ship the Resistance has access to until their Outer Rim allies arrive."
"Oh Joy, Janitor and Chromosome. I almost forgot they were here."
"You know, dumbass, you wouldn't have had to die if you'd used a single bit of tactical or strategic planning."
"LIGHTSPEED DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY OR YOU'D DESTROY YOUR OWN FLEET WHEN YOU WENT TO HYPERSPACE!"
"Oh,God, fuck everything about this movie."
"I'm going to kill you for making us watch this, old man."
"No. Let's sent him to a crooked home."
"Oh, look, the advanced military tactic of "STAND IN THE OPEN AND RUN AT THE ENEMY!" Man, fuck these guys."
"Five bucks says Phasma falls down a hole."
"They try to make her cool, but she's not. She started off getting thrown in a dumpster."
"Aaaand now she's dead. Nope. AND THERE'S THE HOLE! SEE YOU NEXT MOVIE!"
"This CGI is not good. Did Thanos kill off the CGI guys?"
"Snoke looks like a dead lizard."
"You know, the First Order now controls the orbitals of that planet. You really can't win. Oh, wait, nobody here knows the first goddamn thing about space, space ships, space opera, or naval tactics."
"If this is Hoth, I swear... wait, that's all salt? Yeah, well, it's not as salty as I am for you making me watch this, old man."
"Yeah, this is all that's left. Vice-Admiral Retard killed everyone with her shitty planning."
"For the love of God, the defenders are at a disadvantage in modern sieges."
"Why does this galaxy have the worst definition. It's like they got 420p and said 'eh, fuck it...'"
"We Gotta Take Out That Cannon! - No shit, Captain Dumbass."
"Oh, look, it's the battle for Hoth again."
"Did they make this planet out of the salt produced by all the fans of this series?"
"NOW THIS IS TARD RACING!"
"You don't build on a planet of salt, because it would rip up everything you left."
"Red under-salt?"
"It's like Hoth, without the excitement, the tension, or the drama!"
"Please kill that Porg."
"They're diverting ALL fighters to chase the Falcon? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF MILITARY TACTICS? There's fucking Sim AI's smarter than these people!"
"I HATE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH!"
"NOW THIS IS SALT RACING!"
"You said that."
"Shut up."
"Finn's going to be saved by the power of an extra chromosome."
"STOP WITH THE GODDAMN CUTESY ANIMALS!"
"How is C3PO more useless than normal?"
"Some tension and drama as Finn sacrifices himself to save the... GODDAMN IT!"
"Nice job, Chromosome, you got everyone killed because the black guy made you wet."
"No, they're dead at that speed. Add physics to the list."
"YOU DIDN'T SAVE HIM! YOU KILLED EVERYONE, YOU SLAG!"
"Christ, just buy a big black dildo next time."
"No shit, nobody's coming. Military doesn't work like that. They can't just jump in their X-Wings and instantly arrive."
"Whoever the military advisor was sucks."
"Wow, they just trashed everyone's personalities. I hate these writers."
"Can you imagine, having been in one of the most loved trilogies of all time, and then having to be in this pile of dog-shit?"
"Yes, right now, in the middle of intense battle for the fate of the galaxy, now is when we should have our heart to heart talk we could have had at anytime in the last ten years."
"This is why you don't let manginas write movies."
"So he's not leaving footprints? Oh, if they say he's a Force Ghost who somehow handed Leia some Dollar Store jewelry, I'm gonna be pissed."
"I want to see Luke doing an Irish jig out of the smoke."
"He's saltier than the planet."
"Why is this the best part of the movie?"
"BRING HER A MED-PACK! AND AN EXTRA CHROMOSOME!"
"He's one man? He just withstood the combined firepower of everything out there! He's LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER! What's your janitor ass going to do, sweep up the battlefield so neither one of them trips?"
"We'll escape by running out onto the salt flats of a planet with no goddamn water, with no space-ships to escape in... Aw fuck, it's Rey. Of course it is."
"Oh look, cute animals sae everyone. Fuck this movie."
"Don't worry, Rey will just magic the rocks aside."
"They're round fucking rocks. How hard is it to move them all."
"Damn, Luke, you need some Visine."
"Oh, this CGI is really bad. Thanatos really screwed things up."
"And she parts the Red Sea of Boulders after going through the Butthole Cave of Wonders."
"Oh look, he's gonna pull an Obi Wan."
"DON'T DO IT! HE'S GOING TO STAND NEXT TO YOUR BED AND POKE YOUR FACE WHILE YOU SLEEP!"
"Now he's going to haunt his ass."
"Why the fuck did he die?"
"Contract."
"Fuck this movie."
"Must stare. Into. Sun. To. Remind. Myself. I left. The Speeder. At. Toshi Station."
"Two suns. To remind him of Tatooine. It's cheesy, but I like it."
"Jesus... out."
"Darth Sadness and his minion Evil Ginger."
"Man, these guys all deserve each other."
"Wait, the necklace vanished? THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!"
"All that's left of the rebellion is enough people to fit on the Falcon? You guys are fucked."
"I feel bad for the Asian girl. It isn't her fault that the script was so terriblenobody could have saved it."
"OH FUCK YOU! YOU NEED SHIPS, GUNS, SOLDIERS! YOU CAN'T WIN A WAR WITH WISHES!"
"I hate you, old man."
"So... the next movie they'll use child soldiers?"
Wait, you were on the bridge, and in combat, and NOBODY was strapped in and wearing skinsuits in case of, you know, battle damage resulting in depressurization?
You faggots deserve to lose.
And holy shit, is the rebel leadership incompetent, whiny, and stupid.
AND SPACE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!
Someone eject this Vice-Admiral Holdo out of an airlock before she gets good troops killed followed some retarded "Muh Feelz" plan. Tumblr just oooozes off of her.
They took a very attractive Asian actress and apparently added or removed some chromosomes.
Oh for fuck's sake. The LOL janitor bullshit again. THE MILITARY DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! Everyone, from infantry to MI to tankers spend more time buffing floors, polishing chrome, and sweeping floors than they do actually doing their jobs.
"Why do I have the feeling that how 3PO got his red arm is probably a better story than this burning shitpile of suck..."
"The fuel story is complete bullshit. Why not bring in an Interdictor Cruiser like during Empire Strikes back? Oh, wait, for the Tumblr plot! YAY!"
"Why am I rooting for the Space Nazis? The Resistance are all so incompetent they'd probably slap Maxi-pads on their heads."
"I like lore. I like consistency. I hate this LOL-SO-RANDOM shit."
"The Porgs look fake as fuck. Did they blow all the money on Admiral Whore-Dough's botox and hair dye?"
"Who is filming Googly-Eyes McComedy Relief? And with all this tech, why does it look like she's broadcasting from 1997?"
"Oh boy, we've got a hacking subplot in a Star Wars movie. This will turn into massive faggotry at any second."
"Oh, great, Mary Sue, I forgot she was here. Now I'm sad."
"Wait? What? They're psychically linked? Oh, look, it's Force Deus Mack-in-Ass. Let me guess, it's because he force raped her brain? Or because the writer's were huffing paint?"
"EITHER FOCUS ON THE CGI BACKGROUND OR ON THAT STUPID BITCH! WHO IS DOING THE CAMERA, I'M GONNA PUKE!"
"So, apparently 50,000 year old Jedi temples are immune to erosion? The mountain didn't wear away?"
"Oh, great, Beardy McMilkTits is going to give us a lecture on the force. Twenty bucks says he doesn't say shit about Midicholorians."
"God, she's retarded."
"I like Garbage Person Luke. Can we huck Rey into a hole and have him come back?"
"And inside me? Inside me? A TAMPON! Because I'm a weeping vagina with legs!"
"This whole movie is 'That's Not How the Force Works' because they wanted cool scenes and wrote why the scenes were there later. This is terrible."
"So these two went to a casino and dressed like hobos?"
"Yes, yes, gun running is bad. They sell you and the First Order both the weapons for you to kill each other because both of you are fucking morons who deserve to lose."
"So nice to stop the plot to stare at horses."
"Why is Snidely Whiplash the code-breaker?"
"No, it's Howard Stark, doing what he does best: Selling weapons."
"Oh bitch bitch bitch. It wasn't balance when it was just you and that force using ball-sack, you whining hobo, Kylo rose up because there was only you and a shitload of apprentices."
"You need someone to show you your place? Well, your choice: Garbage bin or the kitchen My god, she just reeks of 'main character bullshit' all over the place. We know nothing's going to happen to you."
"I can tell what's wrong with your leadership. You've got only women on the bridge. That's the problem, right fucking there. Your master plan is to roll up the windows and keep driving down the road like nothing's wrong and wait for a man to save you, you fucking morons."
"Yes, greasy sketchy stranger we just met, let's completely trust you with the fate of the Rebellion! THAT'S WHY I WANT YOU FAGGOTS TO LOSE!"
"Get it! Because they thought he was a slot machine! THAT'S SO WACKY! Fuck this movie."
"I sweat to God, if they ride these retard horses with the Magical Asian with the Extra Chromosome through the casino, I'm going to scream."
"A fucking secret decoder ring? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
"And then, after the Magical Janitor and Sum Ting Wong ride off into the tard-set, they killed that kid in the most horrible way imaginable on Pay Per View."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WHERE DID THEY GO?' YOU HAVE A SPACESHIP! YOU HAVE SENSORS! TRY INFRA-RED, YOU GIBBERING RETARDS!"
"Hooray! Space ship rescue out of nowhere! YOU ARE NOT RIPLEY AND NEWT! STOP TOUCHING BETTER MOVIES!"
"If this guy's the new Han Solo I'm going to light my vagina on fire out of protest."
"This movie set back women and minorities so far we'll be lucky if we can vote in November."
"Oh, NOW you give a fuck about your sister? You didn't send her a card for twenty years and now you give a shit."
"Did they just photoshop Adam Driver's chest? Driver? Diver? The dude's huge."
"Oh, look at me, I'm crying over someone I knew literally ten hours! I obviously care more about him than you, his son, ever did! Oh piss off, Mary Sue."
"Wait. Luke Skywalker, the man who reached for good inside Darth 'I will force-choke a bitch through Skype' Vader, apparently did a bunch of meth and attacked his student because he might touch the dark side? This is pandering fan fiction bullshit."
"JUMP IN THE PIT! JUMP IN THE PIT! JUMP IN THE BUTTHOLE! JUMP IN THE DISCOUNT SAARLAC PIT! JUMP IN THE GARBAGE HOLE WHERE GARBAGE LIKE YOU BELONGS!"
"Well, shit, a voice-over during someone trying to ham-fistedly cram metaphysical bullshit they don't understand up everyone's ass with shitty special effects. It's that's own evil reflection on the other side of the ice, I swear to God...."
"You're your own father!"
"So is this movie just a big fuck-you to anyone who liked the originals?"
"If they start sexing each other up via Force-Skype, I'm going to murder someone."
"Ten bucks says they molest each other with this power off-screen. You know someone's going to."
"This movie makes me mad just thinking about it."
"Did she just hit Luke with a stick."
"Great, now we get to see more dumbass shit about how she can even outfight Luke. Fuck this movie and everyone who wrote it."
"Oh, eat shit, screen writers."
"Beyond what you imagined? YOU TRIED TO REDEEM VADER!"
"Oh, look, now she gets to lecture Luke. 'I wasn't there, I know jack and shit about the Force or about evil, but I will now explain to you all about the force and evil!' Fuck Rey. I hate her so much."
"Oh look, a shitty photoshop Yoda. Now they'll ruin his personality and character!"
"He didn't even move. Were they too cheap to make a puppet?"
"They should have called this the de-balling of Luke Skywalker."
"Since when could Force ghosts make lightning happen? Christ, why even be alive?"
"I want to slap Yoda. If they say Rey's more important than all that wisdom then I'll OH MY FUCKING GOD SOMEONE CRUCIFY THE WRITERS!"
"So the lesson is... history and tradition don't matter? Only power? Rey and Kylo are the future because they're more powerful? That shit sounds like Might Makes Right. Sounds like Yoda went to the Dark Side there."
"It's OK because we steal from the bad guys."
"You are out of support ships? You have lost this war."
"Whatever you do, your plan is retarded. You lost your entire fleet. A handful of transports can't win a war. You wrecked up Circus Circus, you think those guys are going to sell you weapons and ships now?"
"You're not telling anyone your plan. That isn't how an effective military works. What if you took a hit to the bridge? What if your hair dye poisoned your brain? If you die, everyone else dies. You're an ego maniac with delusions of granduer."
"This is all dumb as shit."
"Wait, so they can only track one ship at a time? They don't have radar or space sonar to keep track of things around them? Who did the logic checks on this shit?"
"Oh Goody, we get to watch Phasma fall down a hole. You're not Boba Fett, lady."
"Oh, surprise, THEY CAN TRACK MORE THAN ONE SHIP AND NOW ALL YOUR SHIPS ARE GETTING SLAUGHTERED!"
"Admiral Hair Dye just set back women in the military so far any man who sees his wife wearing a Halloween costume will go all sand people on her ass."
"Snoke is like a budget emperor you'd get at a dollar store."
"Snoke's lines don't fit with the expressions on Kylo's face. Christ. Both sides deserve to lose."
"Oh Good, the 'I cannot lose' speech every villain gives right before he chokes on a M&M."
"This fight is going to be terrible.We should watch it in slomo so we can watch them cut off each other's limbs."
"It looks like two epileptics at a rave."
"Oh look, ELL OH ELL, he fell in a fan! Isn't that wacky! Man, fuck you."
<Salt levels increase>
"Two Masters of the Force, who can blow up buildings and defeat Luke Skywalkers, threatened by a half dozen budget dumbasses?"
"Nothing matters. Let's rule the galaxy as Tard and Tard."
"Oh, just fucking kiss. It isn't like whoever wrote this knows how to build dramatic tension."
"Oh, yeah, just fucking drop the bombshell about her parents like that. Fuck you, Hollywood Script Monkey Number 357."
"In this episode of 'Star Wars by a Mental Patient', Vice Admiral Hair Dye realizes that SPACESHIPS HAVE MORE THAN ONE GUN!"
"So she sat there and watched them all get killed? My bet her big plan is to go to ramming speed and destroy the last ship the Resistance has access to until their Outer Rim allies arrive."
"Oh Joy, Janitor and Chromosome. I almost forgot they were here."
"You know, dumbass, you wouldn't have had to die if you'd used a single bit of tactical or strategic planning."
"LIGHTSPEED DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY OR YOU'D DESTROY YOUR OWN FLEET WHEN YOU WENT TO HYPERSPACE!"
"Oh,God, fuck everything about this movie."
"I'm going to kill you for making us watch this, old man."
"No. Let's sent him to a crooked home."
"Oh, look, the advanced military tactic of "STAND IN THE OPEN AND RUN AT THE ENEMY!" Man, fuck these guys."
"Five bucks says Phasma falls down a hole."
"They try to make her cool, but she's not. She started off getting thrown in a dumpster."
"Aaaand now she's dead. Nope. AND THERE'S THE HOLE! SEE YOU NEXT MOVIE!"
"This CGI is not good. Did Thanos kill off the CGI guys?"
"Snoke looks like a dead lizard."
"You know, the First Order now controls the orbitals of that planet. You really can't win. Oh, wait, nobody here knows the first goddamn thing about space, space ships, space opera, or naval tactics."
"If this is Hoth, I swear... wait, that's all salt? Yeah, well, it's not as salty as I am for you making me watch this, old man."
"Yeah, this is all that's left. Vice-Admiral Retard killed everyone with her shitty planning."
"For the love of God, the defenders are at a disadvantage in modern sieges."
"Why does this galaxy have the worst definition. It's like they got 420p and said 'eh, fuck it...'"
"We Gotta Take Out That Cannon! - No shit, Captain Dumbass."
"Oh, look, it's the battle for Hoth again."
"Did they make this planet out of the salt produced by all the fans of this series?"
"NOW THIS IS TARD RACING!"
"You don't build on a planet of salt, because it would rip up everything you left."
"Red under-salt?"
"It's like Hoth, without the excitement, the tension, or the drama!"
"Please kill that Porg."
"They're diverting ALL fighters to chase the Falcon? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF MILITARY TACTICS? There's fucking Sim AI's smarter than these people!"
"I HATE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH!"
"NOW THIS IS SALT RACING!"
"You said that."
"Shut up."
"Finn's going to be saved by the power of an extra chromosome."
"STOP WITH THE GODDAMN CUTESY ANIMALS!"
"How is C3PO more useless than normal?"
"Some tension and drama as Finn sacrifices himself to save the... GODDAMN IT!"
"Nice job, Chromosome, you got everyone killed because the black guy made you wet."
"No, they're dead at that speed. Add physics to the list."
"YOU DIDN'T SAVE HIM! YOU KILLED EVERYONE, YOU SLAG!"
"Christ, just buy a big black dildo next time."
"No shit, nobody's coming. Military doesn't work like that. They can't just jump in their X-Wings and instantly arrive."
"Whoever the military advisor was sucks."
"Wow, they just trashed everyone's personalities. I hate these writers."
"Can you imagine, having been in one of the most loved trilogies of all time, and then having to be in this pile of dog-shit?"
"Yes, right now, in the middle of intense battle for the fate of the galaxy, now is when we should have our heart to heart talk we could have had at anytime in the last ten years."
"This is why you don't let manginas write movies."
"So he's not leaving footprints? Oh, if they say he's a Force Ghost who somehow handed Leia some Dollar Store jewelry, I'm gonna be pissed."
"I want to see Luke doing an Irish jig out of the smoke."
"He's saltier than the planet."
"Why is this the best part of the movie?"
"BRING HER A MED-PACK! AND AN EXTRA CHROMOSOME!"
"He's one man? He just withstood the combined firepower of everything out there! He's LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER! What's your janitor ass going to do, sweep up the battlefield so neither one of them trips?"
"We'll escape by running out onto the salt flats of a planet with no goddamn water, with no space-ships to escape in... Aw fuck, it's Rey. Of course it is."
"Oh look, cute animals sae everyone. Fuck this movie."
"Don't worry, Rey will just magic the rocks aside."
"They're round fucking rocks. How hard is it to move them all."
"Damn, Luke, you need some Visine."
"Oh, this CGI is really bad. Thanatos really screwed things up."
"And she parts the Red Sea of Boulders after going through the Butthole Cave of Wonders."
"Oh look, he's gonna pull an Obi Wan."
"DON'T DO IT! HE'S GOING TO STAND NEXT TO YOUR BED AND POKE YOUR FACE WHILE YOU SLEEP!"
"Now he's going to haunt his ass."
"Why the fuck did he die?"
"Contract."
"Fuck this movie."
"Must stare. Into. Sun. To. Remind. Myself. I left. The Speeder. At. Toshi Station."
"Two suns. To remind him of Tatooine. It's cheesy, but I like it."
"Jesus... out."
"Darth Sadness and his minion Evil Ginger."
"Man, these guys all deserve each other."
"Wait, the necklace vanished? THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!"
"All that's left of the rebellion is enough people to fit on the Falcon? You guys are fucked."
"I feel bad for the Asian girl. It isn't her fault that the script was so terriblenobody could have saved it."
"OH FUCK YOU! YOU NEED SHIPS, GUNS, SOLDIERS! YOU CAN'T WIN A WAR WITH WISHES!"
"I hate you, old man."
"So... the next movie they'll use child soldiers?"
They really hated it.
It was worse than I thought.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2014
Are your daughters of age? Because I kind of want to take them on a date to the cinema, it sounds hilarious
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2016
Don't all tombstones carry the name they are dedicated to?
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2015
Not gonna lie, I wouldn't have hated there being more Sheev manipulation, even if it's only historical or implied.
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2017
Normally I'm into shiny chrome but your daughters are making me question my robosexuality.
Congrats on excellent parenting at least.
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2016
With Leia as the Holy Ghost you could even have a Trinity. (Yeah, I went there.)
FWIW, I guess I'm naive in the sense that I never in a million years saw this shitshow coming. I figured Solo for a $700 million world wide gross, and had no clue until very recently how many people had just noped out of everything due to TLJ. I honestly have no idea how Disney/LucasArts even begins to dig themselves out of this hole. The only thing I can think of is dumping Kennedy and her sycophants and handing George a blank check. And letting him do whatever he wants/ceding to him total control. But I'm not even sure that would work at this point.
One issue that I think a lot of Americans don't get in #currentyear is that most successful movies these days might come out of Hollywood, but for a big budget movie (say $100 million production budget and up) to be deemed a success you need something like a 33%/67% domestic/foreign gross split. And Stars Wars just doesn't do that. They either need to find a way to appeal to international audiences (especially Chinese ones) or engage in some serious cost cutting. Star Wars could probably get away with a 45%/55% split, but that still presumes they figure out a way to bring back audiences.
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2017
There's a rumor -- and I have no idea if it's true; YouTube commentators are about as reliable as Chris-Chan describing a date -- that Rotten Tomatoes does not actually tabulate half star reviews (the lowest possible rating). This rumor goes on to say that when you do factor in the half star reviews, The Last Jedi's audience score isn't 47% ... it's more like 24%.
If that's even close to true, then TLJ wasn't just box office poison; it was box office cancer that has seemingly metastasized to the rest of the franchise. Solo's performance, the blu-ray sales, and the collapse of the merchandising numbers would bear out this idea.
I really don't know how Star Wars can recover. It clearly can't if it's not taken away from Kennedy. I suppose Episode IX will tell.
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
just bite the bullet and make 9
tell kennedy she did good, pat her on the back, tell her they'll make 10 later after a few years of selling DVDs
tell her you'll call her
never call her
take her toxic clique and either fire them or keep them apart and let them detoxify
wait a few years so the SJWs forget she exists
make 10 with good director (rebooting the sequels is NOT an option)
write 7-9 as a loss and song-of-the-south it
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2017
That sounds reasonable, except that between TFA and TLJ they've killed Han, killed Luke, torn down both their characters, and put all their eggs in the Carrie Fisher basket, which is now no longer viable. They've damaged these iconic characters in a way the prequels never quite managed to, no matter how whiny Vader was as a kid, because they used the original actors to slime the characters and fix us with the unpleasant sight of what the geriatric versions of them were like. How do you scrub that away?
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2016
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2015
Remember, SJWs need things to be nice and obvious, otherwise they’d yell that you couldn’t tell who is the bad people.
BScCollateral
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 28, 2018
Killing Han was probably unavoidable. But damn, what they did to Luke... To a character in every toybox in North America.
I really think that they fell into a classic fanfic trap. They forgot that people like the original characters much more than your fanfic OCs. If you make your OCs more super-awesome than the originals, the fans will resent it and hate them.
I have committed fanfic in my life. I followed that rule above, and the TV Tropes page about my OC is generally positive.
I really think that they fell into a classic fanfic trap. They forgot that people like the original characters much more than your fanfic OCs. If you make your OCs more super-awesome than the originals, the fans will resent it and hate them.
I have committed fanfic in my life. I followed that rule above, and the TV Tropes page about my OC is generally positive.
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2016
And I'll go out on a limb and guess nobody staked you $400 million (estimated production and marketing budget for Solo) for it, either.
BScCollateral
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 28, 2018
Nah, nobody would be that stupid.
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2016
and
Pretty much every scene in the OT that shows great masses of strom troopers is taken straight from "Triumph des Willens".
This is nothing new and the Empire has always been "Nazis in Space". Which is why they work so well. Taking Leni Riefenstahl's approach to directing such scenes makes them look epic and the Empire looks a lot more like a serious, overwhelming threat.
In that regard, I actually greet such obvious homages as pictured above.
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2017
Killing Han was unavoidable, yes -- Ford has been clear that he's not all that fond of the character or the franchise for years. However, turning him into a deadbeat dad and nullifying his entire original arc was not unavoidable, and one of the worst elements of TFA, which I was generally pretty positive about.
As for what they did to Luke ... Han was a disappointment; Luke was flat out desecration. I know Hamill is pretty much muzzled by the Mouse at this point regarding his actual thoughts, but his saying that he had to pretend he was playing "Jake Skywalker" or whatever was absolutely shocking.
Ehh ... the influence of Leni Riefenstahl on Star Wars goes all the way back to 1977. Granted, though, there's no way the new Woke Trilogy would ever apply that sort of imagery to the "good guys."
EDIT: Ninja'd on the Riefenstahl point by @RomanesEuntDomus
Last edited:
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2015
you basically just have to keep going
keep going while making decent sequels while doing your best to bury 7-9 and all that