Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[BScCollateral]

...However, turning him into a deadbeat dad and nullifying his entire original arc was not unavoidable, and one of the worst elements of TFA, which I was generally pretty positive about.

Agreed. It bothered me more than Han dying, and not in a good way.

I know Hamill is pretty much muzzled by the Mouse at this point regarding his actual thoughts, but his saying that he had to pretend he was playing "Jake Skywalker" or whatever was absolutely shocking.

Hamill is not in an enviable position. It's obvious that he was right when everyone else was wrong, and that makes things awkward.

 

[Secret Asshole]

I really hate it when people say that something is automatically good because it "subverts expectations." I've watched, read, and played many things that subverted my expectations by being shit.

You can easily subvert expectations. Its just like people who think using tropes is 'bad' while subverting expectations is 'good'. These people are fucking morons. If you wanted TFA to subvert your expectations, here: Luke, Han and Leia are all on the Millenium Falcon, and a Space drunk kills them all. The next 3 hours are the Space Trial of the Space Drunk that killed the Star Wars Characters. The next trilogy focuses on the Space Drunk, except he's an irredeemable shithead who is a chronic alcoholic and gets in constant fights with the space police and eventually dies of cirrhosis. Expectations subverted.

There's already rumors of things like a time skip where Rey has a 5 year old kid and a new mystery about the kid's father. I think also the FO will be more in control and there are some rumors they might finally do something about the FO kidnapping kids for stormtroopers.

Behold the dumpster fire:

Seriously though, the ONLY hope they have to salvage this is a time-skip of some years.

There were only 2 options to salvage that fucking dumpster fire that was TLJ. Talk about writing yourself into a fucking corner by removing all suspense. These two options were:

1) Time-Jump
2) It-was-all-a-dream

They'd NEVER pull 2, because it'd basically admit Kennedy and Johnson are both huge fuck-ups that drove the franchise into the ground. 2 really is the only way to save the thing, except tumblrites, redditors, game and movie 'journalists' would scream that the fans won, even though these people never watch Star Wars.

1 is a compromise in that you might be able to salvage some of the franchise, but you're pretty much admitting again, 2 was a huge fuck-up. This time though you're saving two people embarrassment (who deserve to be embarrassed) as well as the screeching of people who thought TLJ was a masterpiece. The problem still remains is that the fans still remember the fuckery you did. Like, I've got 0 interest in seeing part 9. None at all. Then again, I'm not a Star Wars fan. I saw the first prequel and went 'This is shit'. And never went to see any of the others. I saw TFA and was like, 'this is just A New Hope. Its ok I guess.' Then they released TLJ, read the spoilers, and went 'this is shit, I'm not interested in where this is going' and won't see 9.

The spoilers are fucking hilarious. "OH NO, THEY ARE USING ALIENS WHICH WE'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE, HAVE NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT TO, AND ARE DOING BAD BAD THINGS TO THEM. I CARE SO MUCH. ALSO, WHY IS THIS THE MATRIX NOW"

Holy shit. If those are true, not even fucking Abrams can save this shit at this point.

That sounds reasonable, except that between TFA and TLJ they've killed Han, killed Luke, torn down both their characters, and put all their eggs in the Carrie Fisher basket, which is now no longer viable. They've damaged these iconic characters in a way the prequels never quite managed to, no matter how whiny Vader was as a kid, because they used the original actors to slime the characters and fix us with the unpleasant sight of what the geriatric versions of them were like. How do you scrub that away?

I honestly think the franchise is unfixable at the moment without some sort of miracle or reboot or alternate universe or something. They did relatively little to make new characters compelling. I honestly don't care about any of them, really. The problem was, like RLM said, Star Wars is a relatively narrow universe. Blowing up the EU I think was a huge mistake. You could have gotten around all this by just going for something super ballsy and adapting 'The Thrawn Trilogy', which is largely responsible for where Starwars is today. You'd have to re-cast everyone for younger versions and you'd have to pay out royalties, but it'd be a nice risk to take. Plus you wouldn't have to deal with Ford wanting the character dead every second. Disney is really a very risk averse company though. I mean, I guess when you burned 4 billion dollars, you want to do the safest thing possible...but then why blow it all the fuck up and let Rain Johnson do whatever shit he wanted. Was Kennedy too weak to reign him in or something?

At least fucking Paramount is going crazy with Star Trek, by letting Quinten Tarantino write a fucking rated R Trek film. Like holy shit, that's what I want to see. I want to see Jean Luc Picard saying 'Fuck' and someone say 'Space Niggers' and shit. I mean, that's beautiful. Paramount is doing that shit while Disney doesn't even adapt the trilogy that reignited the franchise. There's some karma in that I feel.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

At least fucking Paramount is going crazy with Star Trek, by letting Quinten Tarantino write a fucking rated R Trek film. Like holy shit, that's what I want to see. I want to see Jean Luc Picard saying 'Fuck' and someone say 'Space Niggers' and shit. I mean, that's beautiful. Paramount is doing that shit while Disney doesn't even adapt the trilogy that reignited the franchise. There's some karma in that I feel.

Not sure if that'll be successful or not but at least Paramount wants to put Star Trek in a new direction that's fresh. Hell, I think a R-rated Star Trek film would be badass if done right by having brutally violent action scenes and profanity in the arguments. I think that would get a lot of people excited because it would make the franchise both refreshing and relevant because unlike Disney and Star Wars, Paramount wants to have creativity in the franchise that can get people excited and not having to pander with nostalgia.

 

[CWCissey]

Luke, Han and Leia are all on the Millenium Falcon, and a Space drunk kills them all. The next 3 hours are the Space Trial of the Space Drunk that killed the Star Wars Characters. The next trilogy focuses on the Space Drunk, except he's an irredeemable shithead who is a chronic alcoholic and gets in constant fights with the space police and eventually dies of cirrhosis.

I would watch these movies.

 

[Zaryiu]

Not sure if that'll be successful or not but at least Paramount wants to put Star Trek in a new direction that's fresh. Hell, I think a R-rated Star Trek film would be badass if done right by having brutally violent action scenes and profanity in the arguments. I think that would get a lot of people excited because it would make the franchise both refreshing and relevant because unlike Disney and Star Wars, Paramount wants to have creativity in the franchise that can get people excited and not having to pander with nostalgia.

Let's hope it will be better than Star Trek Discovery

 

[Flexo]

Let's hope it will be better than Star Trek Discovery

Yeah, i want to tease @Secret Asshole that swearing hasn't improved Discovery so don't count on it improving Tarantino's film.

 

[CWCissey]

Yeah, i want to tease @Secret Asshole that swearing hasn't improved Discovery so don't count on it improving Tarantino's film.

At least the soundtrack will be pretty rad.

 

[neverendingmidi]

and

Pretty much every scene in the OT that shows great masses of strom troopers is taken straight from "Triumph des Willens".
This is nothing new and the Empire has always been "Nazis in Space". Which is why they work so well. Taking Leni Riefenstahl's approach to directing such scenes makes them look epic and the Empire looks a lot more like a serious, overwhelming threat.

In that regard, I actually greet such obvious homages as pictured above.

Ehh ... the influence of Leni Riefenstahl on Star Wars goes all the way back to 1977. Granted, though, there's no way the new Woke Trilogy would ever apply that sort of imagery to the "good guys."

EDIT: Ninja'd on the Riefenstahl point by @RomanesEuntDomus

Fair enough, fair enough. The problem being as we’ve discussed is that they can do the dramatic settings okay at a distance. But then they actually have the characters up close and they look like ineffectual twats, which kills any drama they wanted. It’s like they set up a dramatic entrance with thousands waiting on the entrance of a bigwig, play Darth Vader’s theme, have everybody looking nervous, and then Dark Helmet from Spaceballs trips down the walkway. Fucking hell, Dark Helmet at least had some funny lines in Spaceballs, Hux is just a useless punching bag and Kylo Ren is a whiny goth teenager at the age of thirty.

Kylo Ren would be a lolcow on the Star Wars universes’ Kiwifarms.

 

[Mola Ram]

Fair enough, fair enough. The problem being as we’ve discussed is that they can do the dramatic settings okay at a distance. But then they actually have the characters up close and they look like ineffectual twats, which kills any drama they wanted. It’s like they set up a dramatic entrance with thousands waiting on the entrance of a bigwig, play Darth Vader’s theme, have everybody looking nervous, and then Dark Helmet from Spaceballs trips down the walkway. Fucking hell, Dark Helmet at least had some funny lines in Spaceballs, Hux is just a useless punching bag and Kylo Ren is a whiny goth teenager at the age of thirty.

Kylo Ren would be a lolcow on the Star Wars universes’ Kiwifarms.

It's probably called the JarJarfarms.

 

[ZehnBoat]

At least the soundtrack will be pretty rad.

*space ship floats in frame*
*little green bag plays*

It's probably called the JarJarfarms.

LESSA GOT ONE TING STRAIGHT
MESSA STRAIGHT
MESSA LIKE DYKES... DYKES... CHINA!!

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

It's probably called the JarJarfarms.

Now here's a fanfic I never knew I would love to read.
I can already see it: A bunch of people take potshots at JarJar's foiled lovequest and quipping while Stormtroopers march in the background.
Just imagine their version of Articles and Happenings when Alderaan blows up.

 

[CWCissey]

Now here's a fanfic I never knew I would love to read.
I can already see it: A bunch of people take potshots at JarJar's foiled lovequest and quipping while Stormtroopers march in the background.
Just imagine their version of Articles and Happenings when Alderaan blows up.

ALDERAAN BLEW UP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
'Good'
*Darth Null slices up Jabba The Slutt with his bitching longsword lightsaber for a one word post*

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Yeah, i want to tease @Secret Asshole that swearing hasn't improved Discovery so don't count on it improving Tarantino's film.

It would all come down to execution in the writing.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

It would all come down to execution in the writing.

Which is ironic, since improvement for Star Wars would come down to execution in the writing staff.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Which is ironic, since improvement for Star Wars would come down to execution in the writing staff.

It all comes back to Kennedy, who is shit at her job.

 

[Secret Asshole]

I would watch these movies.

I will look for a producer. Laurence Kasdan to write.

Yeah, i want to tease @Secret Asshole that swearing hasn't improved Discovery so don't count on it improving Tarantino's film.

Uhh, shit. Well, at least they gave him total creative control

 

[Creep3r]

Which is funny because if you watch the film - there's no real way for Luke to inspire anyone - because the Resistance is at the back of the cave, trying to find a way out while Luke is doing all his Matrix stuff in front of the FO.

So the question is... when the kids are telling Luke's story at the end of the film . . . how did they find out about it?

(my headcanon is that hux is spreading the tale around because he's mad at Kylo)

My guess to how that gets explained is that if the kids are Force-sensitive, either the Force told them about Luke or Luke as a Force ghost did. These seem like cop-out answers but I won't be surprised if that Disney decides to go with that.

It won't get explained. Nothing will. Rian Johnson even said that there were no plans after TFA (courtesy of JJ's mystery box shit), which is why he was given so much creative freedom by Kennedy. There is no plan to explain anything. Even the TLJ tie-in comic that was supposed to explain the events that happened between TFA and TLJ pretty much just sweeps any explanations under the rug with "that shit don't matter".

Even new SJW fans are having a hard time defending this, and the truly dogmatic new fans are going "lol who cares?! A Skywalker (Kylo Ren) finally rules the galaxy! This is revolutionary!" How the fuck is this revolutionary? Some emo Darth Vader wannabe in his 30s rules the galaxy, so what? What difference does it make if a "Skywalker" (technically a Solo, and an edgier Jacen Solo at that) rules the galaxy? Just feels like some cheap attempt to keep themselves interested when they know this ship is sinking and all of this only helps to prove how empty and soulless they've made this franchise. Hell, say what you want about when George and EU writers were in charge, but at least they gave a shit. Every decision Disney has made regarding SW has been absolutely terrible from the get-go. Only reason TFA managed to get any praise and traction was because of how heavily it drew from the original Episode IV to the point where it felt more like a remake of the first film in a Michael Bay-style.

Also should Rian Johnson have his own thread? He honestly feels like the missing link between Dobson and MovieBob (or their more successful clone baby), minus the inflation art and Mario idolization.

Spoiler: RJ

 

[RockVolnutt]

Rian Johnson has a completely round head.

 

[Hatoful Dandy]

Rian, what you do in your free time is none of our business and yours alone...

 

[Zaryiu]

So Lucas script for the ST were revealed, if they are true then he learned absolutely nothing! Midi-Chlorians would be back, the story would happen in their micro world and trues out the true masters of the forces were creatures that pretty much rule over the Midi-Chlorians.
So yeah if true Star Wars was doomed whether he sold or not