r/polyamory

[Crunchy Leaf]

Something I have observed is a large amount of neurodiversity present in the polyamorous community. I expect this is largely to do with A. autistic people not socializing to monogamy (or gender roles in general) and B. An appeal of communication laid out in the form of rules.

The problem is that I had also noticed a pattern of abuse, of aforementioned people because they will believe rules/boundaries so wholeheartedly that they aren’t sure where to find their own comfortable spaces. There is a naïveté of ‘this is how it is’ that leaves them in a position of vulnerability.

This doesn't surprise me at all. It also explains why, like in other politicized nerd subcultures, they lash out at the idea of human emotions being normal.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

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https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8um6bb/gf_of_six_years_wants_to_explore_enmpoly_first/

Yet another reminder that if your partner tells you they're going poly, leave them immediately. If your relationship doesn't go down the toilet, your self esteem will.

What an idiot. Women have a far easier time online dating than men. She's going to go bang new dudes while he will keep swiping and hope she's not taking too many dicks that night

 

[Salted caramel tears]

One of my friends went poly, broke their ~fundamental rules~ by fucking another dude in their bed and got mad when he fucked their roommate, and now we don't talk because I said I thought her polyshit was probably why her relationship was failing. That and she keeps cheating on all her boyfriends/girlfriends, being poly didn't fix that. I noticed that she and her polyfriends thought my lifestyle was boring, and in the same breath berated me for reaching traditional milestones while asking how they could achieve them. I wonder if people go poly because it's easier than fixing the more concrete issues in the lifestyles?

Well a ladyfreind of mine who was once a member of a poly sex cult told me point blank that polyamory is pretty much a magnet for fuck ups.

That and whatever rules they have in place will always be broken once jealously and resentment start to appear in any poly relationship.

 

[QB 290]

Spoiler: Not all hope is lost

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8vja94/how_polyamory_died_for_me/
http://archive.is/3ipyg

 

[Frogasm]

Every so often I see a polynesian person politely ask polyamorous people to not call themselves poly on social media, because polynesian people have been calling themselves "poly" to find each other for a long time online (since before polyamory was a big thing). its usually like, "hey, we were using this abbreviation for ourselves, could you please use a different one so we don't confuse each other and get mistaken for one another?"

this always infuriates polyamorous people even though it is not an unreasonable request. "polyam" has been a suggested alternative to "poly" as an abbreviation. it would be very easy for polyamorous people to switch but their entitlement is insane

 

[Zarkov]

Every so often I see a polynesian person politely ask polyamorous people to not call themselves poly on social media, because polynesian people have been calling themselves "poly" to find each other for a long time online (since before polyamory was a big thing). its usually like, "hey, we were using this abbreviation for ourselves, could you please use a different one so we don't confuse each other and get mistaken for one another?"

this always infuriates polyamorous people even though it is not an unreasonable request. "polyam" has been a suggested alternative to "poly" as an abbreviation. it would be very easy for polyamorous people to switch but their entitlement is insane

We had a thread on a facebook tard-only poly group here on the farms, with one of the mods being none other than our dear Kylie Brooks, and they had the exact same demand. They dropped the subject after it became clear that nobody, not even the polynesians, gave the slightest fuck.

I'm kinda amazed there actually are polynesians offended by this shit.

 

[Frogasm]

I don't think I've ever seen a polynesian offended, I've only seen them somewhat exasperated enough to ask politely for people to use a different abbreviation. it's a convenience thing, not an offensiveness thing, and imo it's not a big deal--the interesting thing is how the polys react

It's the polys who I've seen get tremendously buttblasted by the request that they change anything about the way that they do anything, rather than simply ignore the request. I wish I had saved screencaps but this was a while ago on twitter but it came down to polys acting like they were being oppressed.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

... polys acting like they were being oppressed.

They love doing this. They love making comparisons between themselves and gay people. It's really aggravating. It goes hand-in-hand with their complete inability to understand why society views polyamory the way it does (it's not just because people are less enlightened ""monos"").

 

[snuffleupagus]

I don’t know how I know so many poly people but I do and they’re always popcorn fodder when the inevitable goes down.

This is the poly relationship cycle as I’ve witnessed it across several poly groupings (mind you, all parents with kids):

Step 1: new shiny plaything is introduced as girlfriend/boyfriend. Plaything is MUCH younger than established couple and so excited by all the attention.

Step 2: group dates take place, everyone is SO HAPPY and proud of how well everything is working out.

Step 3: plaything moves in and becomes bonus mom/dad to children in the home. Everyone is SO HAPPY and kids love their new auntie/uncle.

Step 4: jealousies and tensions arise. One of the establish couple feels jealous. There are many Talks of feelings and ways to address feeling left out.

Step 5: resentments summer but everyone is still SO HAPPY

Step 6: plaything disappears and all evidence is wiped from existence. No one speaks of them ever again.

Step 6 (alt and most common): everything goes down in a very public, colorful, and noisy fashion. Established couple accuses plaything of using them for money/housing, changes the locks, and posts emotive memes on Facebook about betrayal. Plaything outs established couple as manipulative assholes who thought they’d gotten themselves a new house slave/nanny/sex slave and they’re filthy people to boot. Sides are picked, lines are drawn, and it gets nasty. Eventually we bring up this story around the backyard campfire when attempting to one up another person’s story of the depths of human depravity.

Step 7: lather, rinse, and repeat

I’ve seen this play out time and again. Sometimes with added drama (pregnancy, job/career loss) but in the end it comes down to a ruined relationship and kids wondering where their auntie/uncle disappeared off to.

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

that's why poly marriage is never gonna be legal. can you imagine the divorces?

there's six states where you can sue other people if their actions resulted in your marriage ending, e.g., your husband's mistress. wonder how a poly scenario would play out.

 

[QB 290]

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8x02de/i_am_a_23f_poly_that_just_ended_a_5_year/
I guess you don't know what you've got, till it's gone

 

[Varg Did Nothing Wrong]

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My ideal primary poly partner would be the best roommate and best friend that I happen to also be in love with and that communicates well with me - someone who would be willing to share other partners and experiences with me and make me feel comfortable to do the same without jealousy. I live in a fairly conservative area, and this concept is very foreign. Please remind me it exists.

She literally had this, except for the poly part.

Good job bitch, you found the guy of a lifetime and threw him out. You deserve to be unhappy. Enjoy your 23 cats.

 

[Wallace]

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https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8x02de/i_am_a_23f_poly_that_just_ended_a_5_year/
I guess you don't know what you've got, till it's gone

Five bucks says this girl is poly only because she thinks its a shortcut to infinite free sex and friendship on demand without any of the effort that goes into relationships. If she had spent less time comparing herself to others on the Internet, she would probably marry her ex and live happily ever after.

 

[Snooker]

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I guess you don't know what you've got, till it's gone

She sounds like an unatractive person (as most poly people are) who wants the comfort of a relationship while still being able to look for someone better. I think more girls are "polyamorous" because girls can fuck good looking guys but can only get relationships with people on their level.

Whereas guys it's the opposite where usually they can have a relationship with girls who are better looking than the ones who they can have casual sex with.

 

[Francis]

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I guess you don't know what you've got, till it's gone

acutely aware of my poly inclinations

"It was then I realised I’m a whore. Btw, please tell me some guy will be stupid enough to want my whore ass again"

Press S to spit on future cat lady’s future grave.

 

[Otis Boi]

I guess you don't know what you've got, till it's gone

On a semi related note a co-worker of mine was being "recruited" into a poly-relationship.He would go over and have sex with her while her other boyfreind would order Chinese food and look dejected on the couch. At one point the dude left her after a fight and she became an emotional wreck and tried to kill her self by jumping off a 3 foot high banister.

 

[Owlflaps]

This woman is a lady cuck with, surprise surprise, social anxiety and insecurity issues. If you're hurt even if he asks permission to fuck other dudes, you're probably not cut out for the progressive, poly life.

 

[Nekromantik]

View attachment 491360

This woman is a lady cuck with, surprise surprise, social anxiety and insecurity issues. If you're hurt even if he asks permission to fuck other dudes, you're probably not cut out for the progressive, poly life.

I want to be progressive and accepting but the act still hurts

Being progressive and accepting doesn't mean giving up you happiness so you husband can get his dick wet, or ass pounded or whatever.

 

[Vorhtbame]

Being progressive and accepting doesn't mean giving up you happiness so you husband can get his dick wet, or ass pounded or whatever.

I'm not sure that unstable relationships in which everyone is miserable and forced to lie about it count as "progress".

 

[Crunchy Leaf]

Is it progress that he's asking her instead of just going down to the adult bookstore while she's at work?
I like to lurk on bisexual forums, and there's a lot of mono guys cheating on their wives.
I kinda think that it would be best if bi men who can't keep their pants on married bi women who can't keep their pants on and they could go happily slut it up on the side without feelings getting majorly hurt.