My Number 1 Most Hated Character in Anything Ever
So... you really wanna know huh?
Well you're here so I guess there's no more hiding it then.
Just know one more time that what I am about to write is in absolutely no way supposed to be a joke. Don't try to troll me, spite me, joke about this or think that this is just another person's opinion, it doesn't matter in the long run. No. This is pure genuine hatred and everything I'm about to tell you is true. This character is one that has actually caused me so much pain, so much suffering, so much unbridled rage that I'm actually convinced this kind of hated will actually kill me. Hell, it might as well have.
My number 1 will not be number 1 on your list or hell be anywhere NEAR another list like this from anyone. None of you or anyone else in existence will agree with me on this one. But alas. It's time for me to unleash my wrath on this character. That character being the Bane of my existence. That character being the one thing that manages to destroy all faith I have in humanity! That character being the one single thing that I absolutely DESPISE more than ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD, UNIVERSE, DIMENSION OR PLANE OF EXISTENCE.
THAT CHARACTER IS...
SENATOR
STEVEN
ARMSTRONG!!!!!
I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM!
IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!
IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!
IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!
IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!IHATEHIM!
I FUCKING HATE HIM!!!!!!!
*deep breath*
Okay.
So. For those of you fortunate enough to never have played this game and not know who he is, now it's time for me to test my sanity and explain. Senator Steven Armstrong is the main villain of Metal Gear Rising: Revengance, which to me was one of the absolute worst experiences I ever had as a human being, a disappointing piece of shit and will be the thing that causes the death of me. The combat was either boring or frustrating, the side weapons are useless, the parry system never worked when I wanted it to, stealth was pointless and counter intuitive to the hack and slash combat that this game was going for, it does such a poor job at explaining anything to you, the camera was shit, the story was idiotic and pointless and I can't remember a single thing about a single character except for like 3 (and for the wrong reasons).
But I'm not here to talk about a shitty ass game. I'm here to talk about its shitty ass character. So first off let's start out with that in the game the most built up fight was with Jetstream Sam. And I did hate that fight but at least it was a somewhat fair fight of equals with a character who got a ton of build up that would've easily passed off as a passable final boss. But then NOPE! One more mission with this assface who only briefly appeared in like one cutscene before this. So having him be here just feels like the game is prolonging itself, and thus is just making me suffer more! But now we gotta talk about his personality. He's a politician and I don't like politics so lost points already. But his political campaign makes Donald Trump's look like the best idea in the universe. Basically what he wants is to "rid the world of needless wars" and in order to do that he... deliberately gets American soldiers killed to get American people pissed off enough that they would gladly start another war. Then with connections to private military companies and the agitated Americans he can become president so he can remake American society around Social Darwinism so that the people can fight for "what they believe in." So basically he wants to end needless wars by.... starting another needless war that will allow everyone else to start their own apparently not needless wars? I don't fucking know, this game's story and characters were written by a flea! And I won't claim to know everything about Social Darwinism or what other people think of it, but no matter what I'm pretty sure that living in or supporting for a world where the "strong" are free to do whatever they want and discriminate and purge the "weak" (You know. Like me. You. Or most other people like me or you or the gamers who played this game) isn't exactly a good idea. If this man is what it means to be American, then I can say, I am officially absolutely ashamed to call myself American. Point is he's basically just another asshole politician who's out to accomplish self interests with absolutely no regard for who has to suffer and no remorse for who does. Just like Bill Hawks!
And one thing people always tell me is that Armstrong is funny or entertaining. Why???
No seriously, I'm not joking or being rhetorical when I ask this. What DO you find funny or entertaining about this guy??? Because I straight up can't understand! Because whenever I see him do anything all I'm able to see is an egomaniac, smug, arrogant, condescending douchebag!
And there's the fight with him, which is filled to the brim with complete and utter feelings of NO. In the first phase he's in his giant Metal Gear mech and uses its giant blade arms to slash and cruch you, and normally the aren't too difficult to dodge, but if he uses two arms in one attack can be difficult to dodge and for some reason if you feel like you managed to get out of the way, if you're still next to the blades when it lands the hitboxes still somehow register it as a hit and because the parry system never works when I want it to, then it's fair to say I'm gonna be taking a big amount of unavoidable damage. Add to that being able to spawn annoying gekko enemies and laser beams which do a crap load of damage and are hard to avoid if you're busy defending yourself from the gekkos and it's likely you'll lose a lot of your health packs here or even straight up die a few times. Oh and he doesn't shut up. Then we get to the second phase where after you wreck the mech, he gets out and reveals he's been infused with-
IF I SEE ONE FUCKING MEME QUOTE, SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE
Anyways, pepped up on mechanical steroids the second phase basically boils down to him being able to beat the shit out of you while all the attacks you do to him are pretty much just bug bites and a bunch of cutscenes where he just beats the shit out of you more and acts like an asshole. Then he breaks your sword and you're REALLY up shit creek now. Another cutscene where he spawns annoying internet memes and we get to the final phase of the fight.
This phase. THIS. FUCKING. PHASE.
This is beyond ANY doubt the WORST part of the whole game! Not because this is just a difficult fight, but because this is a difficult fight for all the WRONG reasons, and is the culmination of EVERYTHING I hated about this game!
In this phase you get a new sword and you're now properly fighting him one on one, but in absolutely NO WAY is this fight fun or fair! He has a HUGE PLETHORA of attacks ranging from charging towards you, making the ground erupt lava, and MANY combos Some of which are even unblockable, but all of which deal a FUCK TON of damage and after the last few phases you probably don't have many health packs left to use, or any at all! And no matter how many upgrades you have on yourself, he'll be able to bring your entire health bar from full to zero in like THREE OR FOUR HITS. And most of his attacks have a chance of STUNNING you or causing so much natural hit stun that he can just charge towards you again and hit and stun you again pretty much ending the fight on the spot! Then after enough damage if you can even make that much damage at all, he'll start throwing pieces of EXCELSUS at you which you have to cut in blade mode, and if you you don't cut them in time, they deal SO much damage, THAT IT MIGHT AS WELL BE AN INSTANT KO!!! And further into the fight he will try to REGENERATE HIS HEALTH. And keep in mind that I can't get the parry system to work for my life and that unless you buy a specific skill that allows you to do a dodge and somehow miraculously figure out how to use it since it doesn't tell you how to use it when you buy it, I was completely defenseless! So basically this fight boils down to him being completely and needlessly overpowered and him stun locking me and beating me to death with two to three hits while I can't block, dodge or even see where he's coming from because of the shitty camera! There were SO MANY FUCKING TIMES where I wasn't even able to last THIRTY SECONDS. Do you know how long it took me to beat this guy on my first playthrough? Four hours.
FOUR
FUCKING
HOURS!!!!!
And I'm 100% convinced the ONLY reason I won is because the game's AI FINALLY decided to just LET me win! And because of how unfair the fight was and that I felt like the game finally just let me win, when I finally killed this son of a bitch, there was no celebration, there was no satisfaction. The only satisfaction I got was the satisfaction of knowing this nightmare of a fight and this shitty train wreck of a game was FINALLY over!
Oh and that was just on NORMAL difficulty! REVENGANCE MODE Armstrong...
IS IMPOSSIBLE!
IM-FUCKING-POSSIBLE!
When I tried to take on Revengance mode Armstrong, I spent OVER A WEEK trying to beat him before I finally gave up!
But speaking of me "giving up" now we get to the real reason why I absolutely truly despise this guy. And just a little warning, this are about to get really fucking messed up so reader discretion is advised. During those days of me trying to beat him and me trying to find SOMETHING, ANYTHING I like about this game, my hatred for him and my game only grew. Until one day... I finally snapped. After dying to him on the trillionth time.... I completely lost it and raged SO HARD. And I don't just mean throwing the controller, oh no. I threw the controller, right at the screen, destroying it. Then I ran up to the TV, threw it to the ground thus breaking the glass coffee table in front of it, ripped out my console, and beat the TV with it. And all the while I was being cut by the glass shattered all over the place. It got so bad that after I cried my eyes out in agony, I had to go to the hospital to heal up and calm down! And when I finally calmed myself, I had to pay for all the damages which was hundreds of dollars down the drain. After that day, I fell into a state of depression that lasted for months. And during that time, video games, the one thing I loved more than almost anything, that felt like a true passion to me, were completely dead to me. I never wanted to look or talk about another video game ever again. I also felt betrayed. A video game, something that I love so much, did this to me. My depression grew because since I was so close to video games, I felt like a part of me was missing. I felt so empty. Luckily my love for games WAS restored, but the scars are still too deep.
And the worst part is, I'm pretty much the only person on the face of the planet who feels this way. Everyone on the entire internet praises this character, and this game more than Jesus Christ! Somehow this character that caused me so much pain and suffering and the death of the love of my passion becomes one of the most praised characters on the internet. I feel completely alone and secluded with my experience and opinion. And the thought of that INFURIATES me.
I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, COMPLETELY DESPISE, DETEST, SCORN, RESENT, LOATHE, ABHOR, COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY HATE THIS CHARACTER
AND EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING ABOUT HIM!!!
And you're probably still thinking I'm joking or trying to be funny or just faking all of this or something. Throw those thoughts away. Never in my life have I ever been so serious about anything ever. This abomination on the face of the planet truly does make me feel this way. So please. Do not poke fun of this or make fun of me or tell me to "It's just a game, get over it you bitch" or something like that. Regardless of it was just a game or not, this hatred and pain is still 100% genuine. And I can't reiterate this enough. I am not kidding. I am dead serious.
Dead. Serious.
