Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[Dork Of Ages]

Spoiler

I about flipped out when I was looking through my photobucket today and ran across this gem from last year:

Spoiler

There is this community on tumblr for girls who have crushes on their teachers. There was this one crazy bitch on there who claimed that she was in a relationship with her female teacher, and that she came over all the time, and when her parents were gone on business trips she'd spend the night (away from her family, wtf, she had kids).

Well, the girl had a crush on two women teachers actually. She gave that HUGE Christmas box to the other teacher--and then claimed that the teacher began a relationship with her too. She even took pictures of "lingerie" the teacher bought for her -- that clearly looked used and was put through the wash cycle a few times. Sometime near valentines day, her ruse fell apart, and she said that the story was all lies, and in reality either one or both of the teachers, I forget pretty much told her to scram months ago. Everybody in the community (except for a few dumb girls) was like, "YEAH WE FIGURED THAT."

There was actually a tumblr that analyzed all her lies, I found it an amusing read: http://weeheeheeeee.tumblr.com/page/2

Why people like this always put THIS kind of information about themselves in the Internet?

I don't particularly care bout student-teacher relationships, as long as it is consensual and the couple knows what they are doing, but obviously you don't post that kind of thing in the 'net and not expect to be seen as really damn weird. Keep it to yourselves, jeez. It's not that hard.

 

[exball]

*NEW USER, FORGIVE ME IF ANYTHING IS WRONG*

I have been playing wargames (warhammer 40k) for about a year now, it got me out the rave scene in the UK which i was hanging out with dangerous people and doing stuff that....well was bad. Anyway me and my ex girlfriend started warhammer and the whole shop loved us, we were the stores token couple. Now my ex girlfriend was mixed race white and black and had high cheekbones so looked like she had Chinese family too. *Important*

Now i'm a huge sinophile, right now i'm posting from China and like what most people do i gave my army a theme...The Peoples Liberation army in space. Now again Most people loved the Idea and since i can write in Chinese i did lots of Pro-Chinese Hanzi on them. One annoying little rich 15 year old took a dislike agaisnt this and kept saying "COMMUNIST PIG", YOUR VEIWS ARE EVIL" etc which yeah i'm used too but no one likes too hear, But it got too the stage where he would bitch about my army of which most people did not give a rats ass about. I did't care either, i continued too work on my red guard.

I started too care where he made racial comment though..."your guardsmen...how do they hit the target...do they find it hard too see?" This made me angry but i did't have a "Chris moment" i just said something like fuck off, but he then turned his attention too my girlfriend who was quietly painting. Now him and a 40 year old man (who i will post stories about if the subject of yellow fever ever comes up) started making blatent insults around her, loudly saying "I THINK IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY IF A BLACK AND CHINESE HAD A KID, IT WOULD BE PROPER UGLY" of which my ex had with and shouted "your both discusting and vile manchildren" me and the shop keeper turned our heads and this man and boy i swear packed up their models and ran...but it doesnt end there...

So the fool i am i found the little shit on fb and said if pulls it again i will try and get him banned (the whole shop wanted this now, he had also broken another boys case and was scamming kids out of money" of then which i get a message saying his family are going to persue LEGAL ACTION AGAIST ME...why? Because apprently i was harrsing and bullying him.

In other words the racist who had made horrible comments about my ex had been going home everyday and telling his white rich mother that me and her were being racist to him. I went away too revise for my A-levels so around a month later i walk in and the the shop keeper says "look i want him banned too but give me time and don't do anything, they really are close too legal action" i'm like...okay and i'm silent. He continus and my ex twice almost hit him for simular stuff but then news comes hes moving.

So we don't see him for around 3 months and i assume he's gone for good untill my friends come up too me (and a new shop keeper) and say "good news he has finaly been banned!" i'm like "awrr year why!" no-one says anything...i later find out he tried too chat up a girl 4 years older than him saying "That boys chink army is the worst painted in the shop...

I have more stories, including a Chris look a-like who turned up as a co-worker who took a huge dislike too my army and new girlfriend if anyone wants too here? I guess Games workshop is a bit like the GAme PLace oh and PS. Thanks for letting me post .

Rename your army the Punchy Sonichu attack squad.

 

[littlebiscuits]

This is the story of my personal, favorite lolcow. Just to let you guys know, I've posted this story before on 789chan but people really seemed to like it. So if it sounds familar to anyone, that's why. It's really long, so I'm going to put this under spoiler.

Spoiler

I ended up sitting next to him during the district science fair. Every student in the district had a chance to compete, so it was a huge event. The Next Albert Einstein aka Bwenden, was not selected as a finalist and was having a tantrum off to the side. We were all sitting quietly waiting for the superintendent to announce the winner when all of a suddenly Alec let out a fart like a gunshot. The smell was gag inducing. All the kids around him got up and ran, laughing and screaming. Alone in the center of the room, Alec raised his hand and announced “Sorry I farted”. To this day, that phrase is sort of an in-joke among the people in my town.

In 6th grade, Alec became obsessed with the movie Dinosaur. On the Friday before Christmas break, his math class was going nuts with excitement. The math teacher was having trouble lining them up for dismissal and they were in danger of missing the bus. Alec tugged on her sleeve and asked, “Can I help silence the class with my dinosaur sound?”. Then, Alec bellowed “UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKK” . The other students were speechless.
Another great Alec moment was right after September 11th. The town had a little memorial event (because we were so close to the city a lot of locals died in the attack) and all the children from his class presented little peace poems. His poem not only blamed Gannodorf for 9/11 but also suggested that he be allowed to patrol the streets at night with a “machine- laser gun” that instead of killing terrorists would make them into poops.

Alec and I were also in the same drivers ed car. Now, Alec had some sort of problem with his eyes where he only had peripheral vision. I believe that this sort of condition is easily (well easily but painfully) corrected by surgery, but his parents refused to admit that their little cherub was less than perfect. His eyesight did seriously impair his driving, because he couldn’t see anything to the right or left of him. Many a guard rail was assaulted by Alec’s spastic driving. Anyway, the driving lessons were pretty normal on the first few sessions. The only problem at first was that Alec was so fat that not all the driving students could fit in the backseat of the car. His enormous girth made it hard for him to breath I guess, so he constantly sounded like he was wheezing. It made the car fog up, but he freaked out at the very suggestion of opening a window. He was so sweaty and it was so tight in that backseat. I was constantly squished up against his salty sweaty body as he took his raspy darth vador breathes. Eventually we had to kick out a boy called Erik because there simply wasn’t enough room.

He was such an awful driver. He jerked the car around, forgot safety rules, but every student driver is allowed a few mistakes. However, his failure to distinguish right from left quickly became a problem. One morning Alec was jerking us through a quiet suburban neighborhood just a few blocks from the high school. The driving teacher instructed him to turn right when he came a yield sign about twenty feet away. Alec however, decided to turn left immediately into someone’s front yard. He plowed over a plastic birdbath before the driving instructed managed to step on the breaks (the car had a duel break system). My head slammed into the seat in front of me, and I heard the other passengers moan in semi-pain before the swearing started. The instructor, a delightfully crazy Albanian man, was so enraged I think he actually forgot how to speak English. He shouted an incomprehensible flurry of wrath while miming strangulation to Alec. Alec started blubbering “I didn’t do it! I DIDN’T DOOOO IT”.

“Well, who else did it you, dumb fuck?” snapped another passenger form the backseat.

In response Alec made a noise that was eerily reminiscent of his dinosaur bellow from so many years ago. Only this time it was broken by the occasional terrified sob. “UuuKah! UuuKah!UUUUuuKAHUUUuuKah!” And like the dinosaur bellow, it had the same silencing effect.
“Ok.” Said the driving instructor, “Students, get out of car. No one has seen. We fix bath. Ok ?”

No one moved. “Now! Fix bath!” I saw the anger rising in him again so I quickly scrambled out of the car with the other passengers. The bird bath had broken into two pieces, but I could see that it actually was fixable. All we had to do was balance it just right, and no one would ever have to find out. We pulled the bath out from under the car, and after a few minutes of careful adjustment and Albanian swear words, the bird bath was restored. We re-entered the car. Alec got back behind the wheel and just as our crazy Albanian was saying, “Reversing the car now. Go slow,” Alec slammed on the gas petal and lurched us forward into the bird bath once again. My head met the seat in front of me once again, but much harder this time. The driving instructor had exploded once more into fits of Albanian rage. He leaped out of the car and we followed suit. The bird bath was utterly destroyed. We stood around the carnage in silence. Alec bent down pick up one of the largest pieces of plaster. I suppose he thought he would just reconstruct the dozens of tiny pieces and be done with it. “You stop! Idiot boy! Retard! Get in car, all you. I drive home,” shouted the instructor.

“But it’s my turn!” whined Alec.
“Shut up! No talk! Anyone!” The instructor held open the passenger seat door. Alec and the other student got in but he stopped me. “You are shotgun” In all the confusion I didn’t immediately associate that phrase with car seating and for a split second I thought he meant for me to shoot Alec. I got into the car while Alec moaned, “It’s not faaair! She’s taking my turnnnn! She’s taking it! Uuuuuuuuuuuuguk!”
“No talk! Shut up! Shut up!”

After that, Alec was banned from drivers Ed and Erik rejoined the car. I’ve driving past the bird bath house since. The bath is now gone and has never been replaced. I don’t think the bath owner’s ever figured out what happened that day.

 

[John Titor]

This is the story of my personal, favorite lolcow. Just to let you guys know, I've posted this story before on 789chan but people really seemed to like it. So if it sounds familar to anyone, that's why. It's really long, so I'm going to put this under spoiler.

Do you have any more of this guy?

 

[littlebiscuits]

This is the story of my personal, favorite lolcow. Just to let you guys know, I've posted this story before on 789chan but people really seemed to like it. So if it sounds familar to anyone, that's why. It's really long, so I'm going to put this under spoiler.

Do you have any more of this guy?

Tons, but none as good as murdering a birdbath in broad daylight. I have great stuff about his older brother though. They were a whole family of lolcows. I'll post some tomorrow.

 

[Mr. 0]

His poem not only blamed Ganondorf for 9/11 but also suggested that he be allowed to patrol the streets at night with a “machine- laser gun” that instead of killing terrorists would make them into poops.

 

[John Titor]

This is the story of my personal, favorite lolcow. Just to let you guys know, I've posted this story before on 789chan but people really seemed to like it. So if it sounds familar to anyone, that's why. It's really long, so I'm going to put this under spoiler.

Do you have any more of this guy?

Tons, but none as good as murdering a birdbath in broad daylight. I have great stuff about his older brother though. They were a whole family of lolcows. I'll post some tomorrow.

Whole family?! Take your time because I like where this is going. (and I think we need a popcorn eating emoticon)

 

[TastyWoodenBadge]

(and I think we need a popcorn eating emoticon)

We already have one

 

[littlebiscuits]

To continue the saga of Alec and his lolcow family, I bring you the story of his older brother B.J. I had a lot more interaction with B.J because he was my age and in my grade. He also had my mother as his forth grade teacher. Like I said before, the whole family were lolcows and the stories about them are legendary. I actually have wanted to record their stories for a long time, because they are so funny and it would be a shame to forget.

I'll put it under the spoiler again.

Spoiler

First of all, Brendan insisted on being called B.J. ]Not a great nick name, as far as those things are concerned, but he insisted on it because he couldn’t actually pronounce his own name. Even in twelfth grade, he was still calling himself “Bwenden” because he couldn’t say his “R’s”. I first met B.J when we were in 5th grade. My school system was quite large, and consisted of several elementary schools feeding into two middle schools and finally one high school. I went to a different school than him for 5th grade, but he was a student in the class that my mother taught, so I ended up having a lot of contact with him.
It’s actually kind of a sad story, B.J probably would have been completely normal if it weren’t for his batshit insane father. On the first day of school B.J’s dad walked into the classroom and immediately began ripping down posters that he felt were distracting because “B.J was often upset by bright colors and loud sounds”. Posters, as you all well know because you are not completely retarded, do not make sound and bright colors are not frightening. Maybe, maybe you could justify rearranging a classroom to suit a child’s needs if the student had autism or some sort of visual processing disorder, but B.J was completely fine.
B.J’s father had also convinced him that he was a genius. He wouldn’t allow the kid to go to speech therapy even though he desperately needed it. He insisted that B.J be put in the gifted and talented program even though B.J was pretty below average in all subjects except reading. He couldn’t really handle the extra work load and it did hurt him academically.

One day my mom was supervising the students in the school library when she noticed B.J writing in one of the books. It was a picture book biography of Albert Einstein. In the 2 glossy blank pages at the end of the book, B.J had written, “Brendan (last name) is considered by most to be the next Albert Einstein. He began displaying genius as soon as he was born and has the highest intelligence of anyone ever recorded. Look for books about Brendan at the next (The school’s name) book fair”
For his next book report, he wrote something titled, “Brendan (last name): The next Albert Einstein. By B.J (last name).” He did a book report on a biography about himself that didn’t exist. My mother didn’t quite know what to do, so she had him evaluated by the school shrink. The kid obliviously needed serious help but his father refused to acknowledge that anything was wrong. In fact, he wanted to sue the school for suggesting that his child might need psychological help.
Shortly after that, B.J started turning homework and quizzes with the moniker, “B.J a.k.a The Next Albert Einstein”. The whole situation came to a head when my mom wanted to show a movie to the class around Martin Luther King Jr. day. But B.J wouldn’t have it. He raised his hand and said, “I do not want to see this movie. I would like to watch the hobbit. The movie is available in the school libwawee. I will watch the class while you go went it.” My mom told him in the nicest, teachery-est way possible to shut the fuck up and deal with it. B.J screamed at the top of his lungs and tried to throw his desk at her. Being a chubby weakling, he only managed to knock it over on another kid’s foot. This kid, who later turned out to be pretty awesome, had had enough of B.J’s shit and punched him in the eye. Both kids got in trouble but B.J actually got suspended for the rest of the week.

The only other childhood story that I know about B.J is when he moved house in 8th grade. His mom took him to a church closer to their new neighborhood and then second they walked through the door he screamed “GOD DOES NOT LIVE HEWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” .

I didn’t see B.J again till high school but by then he had developed a reputation for being a complete psycho. His dad had gotten arrested for shitting in the toy isle in a Kmart, so B.J was living with his equally crazy mother. B.J was in my English class for 11th grade.
Here’s really where things get interesting. For some odd reason my English class had 16 girls in it and only 2 boys. Immediately, 7 kids dropped the class because it was an A.P writing class that conflicted with a different A.P science class. After the mini exodus, B.J remained the only male and seemed to be quite pleased about this.
For our first assignment we had a write a short creative piece on whatever subject we liked. B.J. instantly raised his hand and said in this strangely melodic voice, “Yes, and awe we going to be leawning to white ewwotica or pownogwaaphic fiction?”
The poor teacher looked like she was going to shit a brick. “This is a high school English class.” She reminded him. “Ohh I weally want to white ewwotic fiction” He looked genuinely sad.
After about ten minutes of chewing loudly on his pencil he made a loud whining noise and withdrew his head into his sweatshirt. His arms followed and he pulled the fabric over his knees. He made this little egg pose whenever the teacher asked him to complete an in class assignment or turn in homework. He never spoke or moved like this, no matter what anyone did. It was really really strange.
The in addition to formal academic assignments (of which B.J failed to complete even one), the teacher had us spend each Friday reading our own creative pieces and receiving criticism from our classmates. B.J spent each and every class writing furiously in a marble notebook until the bell rang. Finally at the end of the week we would all be treated to the fruits of his labors. That first Friday I honestly had no idea what to expect. He opened up his marble notebook and said, “I know girls don’t play video games but do any of you know what the Wowuld of Wawwcwaft is?” I couldn’t help it. I had to giggle, just a little bit. He glared at me and explained that he had written a WoW fanfic based on real life people and what they would be like if they were WoW characters. Apparently B.J had developed a serious crush on one of the really pretty girls in our class, named Danielle. “Dani” was cast the heroic Prince Bwenden’s strong, sexy, dark elf companion who was madly in love with him but he was too noble to be tempted by her advances. He read the story in this funny fake deep voice, with lots of embellishes and sound effects. He was so into it, he didn’t notice that the class was shaking with laughter. At the end of the chapter he slammed the book down and retreated into his egg pose.

It was like that every Friday. The teacher had him purposefully go last so that everyone could storm out as soon as the bell rang so that we could hide our laughter. Meanwhile, B.J was beginning to make the moves on Dani. Dani was a nice girl, definitely beautiful and she did not like being a part of B.J’s creepy tale. He started leaving her facebook messages that at first were pretty tame, things like “how did you like my story?” “How are you today?” “What is your cat’s name?”. Dani always responded politely and we thought that was that. He sent her a few amorous messages, my favorite being one about how she could depend on him to be a nice guy because he read Chicken Soup for the soul books.

Things took a turn for the weird when the fanfic version of Dani got the valiant prince Bwenden drunk and tried to seduce him. B.J embellished the story with a lot of sound effects, a cringe- inducing falsetto voice for Dani. The teacher finally asked him to stop as dark elf Dani began rubbing her wet tits on valiant prince Bwendens lips. B.J whined and protested and eventually retreated into his egg pose. After class I heard her comforting actual Dani and told her that she contacted the school psychologist about B.J.

But of course the fun didn’t stop there. The teacher naturally banned him from continuing his story if it was going to contain sexually explicated material, especially if it involved actual students. The next Friday he was so angry, he was taking long exaggerated breaths and kept his hood up over. I imagine that he though he looked pretty cool. When it came time for him to present, he stood up and started playing the air guitar. He then howled, what I suppose he though was some sort of Death metal song, but was just another opportunity for us to hear what Elmer Fudd would have sounded like had he done meth. People in other classrooms thought that someone was hurt so they came running. It was pretty hilarious.

A few weeks later Dani presented a story in which she recounted a memory about the day she peed herself after being hit in the crotch with a volley ball. Everyone was giggling and having a good time until B.J jumped up and strolled over to the door. He made no attempt to conceal his quite pronounced boner. We burst out laughing. “It’s not funny.” He said. “I can’t help it. This is natuwal.” He wasn’t embarrassed at all. The most I could say is that he was irritated that we were…laughing at his boner. He excused himself to the bathroom, which brought more shrieks of laughter.

Pretty soon after the teacher had him kicked out of the class, which was probably the right thing to do.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

I wanna know why his dad took a shit in Kmart.

 

[random_pickle]

To continue the saga of Alec and his lolcow family, I bring you the story of his older brother B.J. I had a lot more interaction with B.J because he was my age and in my grade. He also had my mother as his forth grade teacher. Like I said before, the whole family were lolcows and the stories about them are legendary. I actually have wanted to record their stories for a long time, because they are so funny and it would be a shame to forget.

I'll put it under the spoiler again.

Spoiler

First of all, Brendan insisted on being called B.J. ]Not a great nick name, as far as those things are concerned, but he insisted on it because he couldn’t actually pronounce his own name. Even in twelfth grade, he was still calling himself “Bwenden” because he couldn’t say his “R’s”. I first met B.J when we were in 5th grade. My school system was quite large, and consisted of several elementary schools feeding into two middle schools and finally one high school. I went to a different school than him for 5th grade, but he was a student in the class that my mother taught, so I ended up having a lot of contact with him.
It’s actually kind of a sad story, B.J probably would have been completely normal if it weren’t for his batshit insane father. On the first day of school B.J’s dad walked into the classroom and immediately began ripping down posters that he felt were distracting because “B.J was often upset by bright colors and loud sounds”. Posters, as you all well know because you are not completely retarded, do not make sound and bright colors are not frightening. Maybe, maybe you could justify rearranging a classroom to suit a child’s needs if the student had autism or some sort of visual processing disorder, but B.J was completely fine.
B.J’s father had also convinced him that he was a genius. He wouldn’t allow the kid to go to speech therapy even though he desperately needed it. He insisted that B.J be put in the gifted and talented program even though B.J was pretty below average in all subjects except reading. He couldn’t really handle the extra work load and it did hurt him academically.

One day my mom was supervising the students in the school library when she noticed B.J writing in one of the books. It was a picture book biography of Albert Einstein. In the 2 glossy blank pages at the end of the book, B.J had written, “Brendan (last name) is considered by most to be the next Albert Einstein. He began displaying genius as soon as he was born and has the highest intelligence of anyone ever recorded. Look for books about Brendan at the next (The school’s name) book fair”
For his next book report, he wrote something titled, “Brendan (last name): The next Albert Einstein. By B.J (last name).” He did a book report on a biography about himself that didn’t exist. My mother didn’t quite know what to do, so she had him evaluated by the school shrink. The kid obliviously needed serious help but his father refused to acknowledge that anything was wrong. In fact, he wanted to sue the school for suggesting that his child might need psychological help.
Shortly after that, B.J started turning homework and quizzes with the moniker, “B.J a.k.a The Next Albert Einstein”. The whole situation came to a head when my mom wanted to show a movie to the class around Martin Luther King Jr. day. But B.J wouldn’t have it. He raised his hand and said, “I do not want to see this movie. I would like to watch the hobbit. The movie is available in the school libwawee. I will watch the class while you go went it.” My mom told him in the nicest, teachery-est way possible to shut the fuck up and deal with it. B.J screamed at the top of his lungs and tried to throw his desk at her. Being a chubby weakling, he only managed to knock it over on another kid’s foot. This kid, who later turned out to be pretty awesome, had had enough of B.J’s shit and punched him in the eye. Both kids got in trouble but B.J actually got suspended for the rest of the week.

The only other childhood story that I know about B.J is when he moved house in 8th grade. His mom took him to a church closer to their new neighborhood and then second they walked through the door he screamed “GOD DOES NOT LIVE HEWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” .

I didn’t see B.J again till high school but by then he had developed a reputation for being a complete psycho. His dad had gotten arrested for shitting in the toy isle in a Kmart, so B.J was living with his equally crazy mother. B.J was in my English class for 11th grade.
Here’s really where things get interesting. For some odd reason my English class had 16 girls in it and only 2 boys. Immediately, 7 kids dropped the class because it was an A.P writing class that conflicted with a different A.P science class. After the mini exodus, B.J remained the only male and seemed to be quite pleased about this.
For our first assignment we had a write a short creative piece on whatever subject we liked. B.J. instantly raised his hand and said in this strangely melodic voice, “Yes, and awe we going to be leawning to white ewwotica or pownogwaaphic fiction?”
The poor teacher looked like she was going to shit a brick. “This is a high school English class.” She reminded him. “Ohh I weally want to white ewwotic fiction” He looked genuinely sad.
After about ten minutes of chewing loudly on his pencil he made a loud whining noise and withdrew his head into his sweatshirt. His arms followed and he pulled the fabric over his knees. He made this little egg pose whenever the teacher asked him to complete an in class assignment or turn in homework. He never spoke or moved like this, no matter what anyone did. It was really really strange.
The in addition to formal academic assignments (of which B.J failed to complete even one), the teacher had us spend each Friday reading our own creative pieces and receiving criticism from our classmates. B.J spent each and every class writing furiously in a marble notebook until the bell rang. Finally at the end of the week we would all be treated to the fruits of his labors. That first Friday I honestly had no idea what to expect. He opened up his marble notebook and said, “I know girls don’t play video games but do any of you know what the Wowuld of Wawwcwaft is?” I couldn’t help it. I had to giggle, just a little bit. He glared at me and explained that he had written a WoW fanfic based on real life people and what they would be like if they were WoW characters. Apparently B.J had developed a serious crush on one of the really pretty girls in our class, named Danielle. “Dani” was cast the heroic Prince Bwenden’s strong, sexy, dark elf companion who was madly in love with him but he was too noble to be tempted by her advances. He read the story in this funny fake deep voice, with lots of embellishes and sound effects. He was so into it, he didn’t notice that the class was shaking with laughter. At the end of the chapter he slammed the book down and retreated into his egg pose.

It was like that every Friday. The teacher had him purposefully go last so that everyone could storm out as soon as the bell rang so that we could hide our laughter. Meanwhile, B.J was beginning to make the moves on Dani. Dani was a nice girl, definitely beautiful and she did not like being a part of B.J’s creepy tale. He started leaving her facebook messages that at first were pretty tame, things like “how did you like my story?” “How are you today?” “What is your cat’s name?”. Dani always responded politely and we thought that was that. He sent her a few amorous messages, my favorite being one about how she could depend on him to be a nice guy because he read Chicken Soup for the soul books.

Things took a turn for the weird when the fanfic version of Dani got the valiant prince Bwenden drunk and tried to seduce him. B.J embellished the story with a lot of sound effects, a cringe- inducing falsetto voice for Dani. The teacher finally asked him to stop as dark elf Dani began rubbing her wet tits on valiant prince Bwendens lips. B.J whined and protested and eventually retreated into his egg pose. After class I heard her comforting actual Dani and told her that she contacted the school psychologist about B.J.

But of course the fun didn’t stop there. The teacher naturally banned him from continuing his story if it was going to contain sexually explicated material, especially if it involved actual students. The next Friday he was so angry, he was taking long exaggerated breaths and kept his hood up over. I imagine that he though he looked pretty cool. When it came time for him to present, he stood up and started playing the air guitar. He then howled, what I suppose he though was some sort of Death metal song, but was just another opportunity for us to hear what Elmer Fudd would have sounded like had he done meth. People in other classrooms thought that someone was hurt so they came running. It was pretty hilarious.

A few weeks later Dani presented a story in which she recounted a memory about the day she peed herself after being hit in the crotch with a volley ball. Everyone was giggling and having a good time until B.J jumped up and strolled over to the door. He made no attempt to conceal his quite pronounced boner. We burst out laughing. “It’s not funny.” He said. “I can’t help it. This is natuwal.” He wasn’t embarrassed at all. The most I could say is that he was irritated that we were…laughing at his boner. He excused himself to the bathroom, which brought more shrieks of laughter.

Pretty soon after the teacher had him kicked out of the class, which was probably the right thing to do.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's official, we have found Chris 2.0

 

[Dork Of Ages]

Sometimes I wish I had any personal lolcows to talk about. Some of you guys sure meet some interesting characters.

 

[Bugaboo]

I wanna know why his dad took a shit in Kmart.

That is what we'd all like to know

 

[Lemon Cake]

His dad had gotten arrested for shitting in the toy isle in a Kmart

Poor guy, his father was an even worse parent than Barb is. I wonder what gets people to shit in public, fuck

 

[pickleniggo]

His dad had gotten arrested for shitting in the toy isle in a Kmart

Poor guy, his father was an even worse parent than Barb is. I wonder what gets people to shit in public, fuck

To be fair, we don't know if Barb really hasn't shit in public.

I really love these stories though.

 

[littlebiscuits]

His dad had gotten arrested for shitting in the toy isle in a Kmart

Poor guy, his father was an even worse parent than Barb is. I wonder what gets people to shit in public, fuck

To be fair, we don't know if Barb really hasn't shit in public.

I really love these stories though.

Glad you like them! Just to clarify, the Dad had the charges dropped because he claimed it was an accident and no one could really prove it wasn't, I guess. Still doesn't explain why according to pure rumor, he smeared the shit all over the floor. Oh and the mom was Barb 2.0. Looked just like her too, its the freakiest thing. She also would come into the school to clean the desks for her precious babies when they were younger (1st through 5th grade) because they couldn't possibly do it themselves!

Oh and she smelled like a walking yeast infection.

 

[exball]

Glad you like them! Just to clarify, the Dad had the charges dropped because he claimed it was an accident and no one could really prove it wasn't, I guess. Still doesn't explain why according to pure rumor, he smeared the shit all over the floor. Oh and the mom was Barb 2.0. Looked just like her too, its the freakiest thing. She also would come into the school to clean the desks for her precious babies when they were younger (1st through 5th grade) because they couldn't possibly do it themselves!

Oh and she smelled like a walking yeast infection.

Moar stories. MOAR STORIES!

 

[littlebiscuits]

Oh! Another thing I just remembered about B.J and Alec's father. I actually saw a lot of him because B.J, Alec and I were Boys and in Girls Club together. (For those who don't know what that is, its a national organization where kids with working parents can go after school if they don't have anyone to look after them. Kids play sports or take little art classes and things like that. It's great.) But anyway, my Mom was late to pick me up one day so B.J/Alec's father came up to me and started chatting. I was reading a book (a book about Marie Antoinette's childhood and young teen years) and he sat down next to me and started telling me all about Louis XIV's penis and how it had a deformity so he couldn't please his wife sexually. Like, he just jumped right to that topic out of almost nowhere. I was eight. It was weird, but oddly I wasn't at all disturbed or bothered by it. I wasn't until years later that I was like, that's kind of a fucked up thing to talk to a little girl about.

 

[Surtur]

Perhaps someday I will tell the tale of Bizarre, my jobs personal punching bag, starting in metaphorical and eventually a literal sense. But today is not that day.

 

[random_pickle]

This whole shitting thing reminds me of an inccident my brother told me about. I can't remember if I posted it here before, if I did then I apologize in advance.

My brother used to work at an emissions test, he would test people's cars to see if they need to go in to get fixed for whatever. One day this man came in with his kid, I think the kid was around 7 or 8. His car ended up failing and he got pissed. He told them it should have passed and demanded to test again. Once again, it failed. He started yelling at my brother who called up his manager. They managed to get the guy to leave the car lane. A few minutes later they see the guy park outside the building and pull his son out of the car. I shit you not, he pulled down his son's pants and made him take a shit on their grass, right next to the parking lot, and drove away. I can't remember if they called the police or not or if it was too late.

When he told me this story, it was just, holy shit.