The Friendzone does it exist?

[ZeCommissar]

If you are in the 8th grade and complain about the friend zone all i can say is good luck kid, a lot of us have been there.

If you are a grown ass man and still complain about the friendzone, then grow the fuck up and learn how to act near women you like.

If you want a romantic relationship with someone then go for it, dont sit there for weeks, months, YEARS hoping she will ask you out.

It does exist, and yes women can get friendzoned too. It is not something to whine about, however.

 

[This+]

Just ask the person out, if they give you the "let's just still be friends" just still be friends, no need to shun them forever from your existence, you know. Doing that lets that person know you're a stable adult who can actually deal with rejection and probably lead you to different relationships with their friends.

 

[SiccDicc]

A lot of posts I agree with, but I'll put my two cents in...

Basically the Friend Zone does exist, but it's largely built upon the insecurities and apprehensiveness of the individual involved. They never take a chance, they miss opportunities no matter how blatant and in general tend to be afraid of losing what they already have. All of these are pretty normal as far as these things go, so long as they accept it and move on the best they can... sometimes even learning from it and getting fed up with their loser self as they begin to take initiative the next time. The problem is that the Friend Zone has become known as this master plan that women use to get free shit - and there absolutely are women and men like that, so it doesn't help the narrative - but those women/men are pretty few and even then you gotta learn to man up and fuck off with this bullshit. Stand up for yourself, get outta there, find you a decent woman/man.

I just dislike the idea that feminists and incels think it's an abusive term. It's really more something you can educate guys - or girls even - on how to avoid making the same mistakes and letting their intentions known, hopefully while keeping the friendship should the feelings not be returned. Instead for some reason they prefer to keep it a toxic term and that only makes it worse when people look it up to see why they aren't getting through to the girl/guy they like. Either with feminists keeping the kid a beta orbiter or the incels turning him into a weasel -- a vicious tiny predator that'll snap at a moment's notice.

 

[Basketball Jones]

I always thought the term “friendzone” came about as sort of an all-too-relatable internet joke about being rejected. I’m pretty sure I heard it walking around in high school. I even used it around my girlfriends as something we shrugged and laughed at when we got rejected by our crushes. I know over the last few years it’s used in a more negative light by more socially exceptional people that treat it like it’s a physical plain where they are exiled away from all prospects of virginity loss...but I don’t recall it starting out that way. I could be super wrong though.

Regardless. Here’s a cute short (and insightful ) video about le Friendzone

 

[AbraCadaver]

The friendzone is where I put my friends. If you’re doing nice things for me because you think eventually those will add up to one free sex voucher, you’re not my fucking friend.

 

[ArnoldPalmer]

Look. The friendzone exists. What really matters is how people react to it. The angrier and more entitled, the better.

 

[gREEEEEEEEEr]

The friendzone is the result of men/boys

- feeling that all the pressure is on them to initiate a relationship (which is usually how it works)
- feeling shy and insecure (some are more naturally confident than others), and
- fearing failure (some men are risk-takers, while others like to play it safe)

The result is that some men are so intimidated by the pressure of beginning a relationship and the risk of a painful failure that they almost have to ease their way into it by getting to know a potential partner first in a platonic way. Their logic goes, if you can't be friends with someone platonically, then how could you consider them as a life partner? For these men, the idea of approaching someone that you don't know and randomly trying to strike up a romantic engagement with them is literally paralyzing. They're looking for more than just attraction at that physical level, because they're considering a long-term relationship. It takes a lot more investment for them to feel an attraction to someone that they wish to actually take a chance at pursuing.

Meanwhile, women typically have the luxury of sitting back and letting men approach them, and strangely enough, the above traits are not really ones that women, most women at least, find attractive in would-be suitors. Also, women's risk-aversion tends to work in the opposite direction: since so many of the men who they run into seem mainly just to be interested in sex, when they do find that they are good platonic friends with someone of the opposite sex, they don't want to risk ruining that friendship.

So the friendzone is basically a perfect storm where you've got a specific type of man who's interested in a specific type of woman, but his attraction develops as he puts quite a lot of time into getting to know them. Both of them may see the relationship as a potentially long-lasting friendship, but the guy feels like that long-lasting friendship is a solid foundation on which they could perhaps build a romantic relationship (which he hopes to last a long time, because the idea of it failing or having to start over is terrifying), while she feels that doing so would possibly ruin everything. As they spend more time together, his romantic attraction toward her increases, while at the same time hers decreases, and by the time the guy realizes that she's not willing to turn that corner, it's a crushing blow because it means that he has to start all over from square zero; he also might feel hurt because he probably assumed that she must feel something similar toward him (which clearly wasn't true at all). And then the woman's impression is often going to be that his friendship wasn't genuine and all along he really just wanted to screw her (which also may not be true at all).

tl;dr: the friendzone happens when men are afraid of building romantic relationships on shaky footing of barely even knowing someone, and women are afraid of building them on solid friendships that may be ruined.

 

[Vocaloid Ruby]

The friendzone is the result of men/boys

- feeling that all the pressure is on them to initiate a relationship (which is usually how it works)
- feeling shy and insecure (some are more naturally confident than others), and
- fearing failure (some men are risk-takers, while others like to play it safe)

The result is that some men are so intimidated by the pressure of beginning a relationship and the risk of a painful failure that they almost have to ease their way into it by getting to know a potential partner first in a platonic way. Their logic goes, if you can't be friends with someone platonically, then how could you consider them as a life partner? For these men, the idea of approaching someone that you don't know and randomly trying to strike up a romantic engagement with them is literally paralyzing. They're looking for more than just attraction at that physical level, because they're considering a long-term relationship. It takes a lot more investment for them to feel an attraction to someone that they wish to actually take a chance at pursuing.

Meanwhile, women typically have the luxury of sitting back and letting men approach them, and strangely enough, the above traits are not really ones that women, most women at least, find attractive in would-be suitors. Also, women's risk-aversion tends to work in the opposite direction: since so many of the men who they run into seem mainly just to be interested in sex, when they do find that they are good platonic friends with someone of the opposite sex, they don't want to risk ruining that friendship.

So the friendzone is basically a perfect storm where you've got a specific type of man who's interested in a specific type of woman, but his attraction develops as he puts quite a lot of time into getting to know them. Both of them may see the relationship as a potentially long-lasting friendship, but the guy feels like that long-lasting friendship is a solid foundation on which they could perhaps build a romantic relationship (which he hopes to last a long time, because the idea of it failing or having to start over is terrifying), while she feels that doing so would possibly ruin everything. As they spend more time together, his romantic attraction toward her increases, while at the same time hers decreases, and by the time the guy realizes that she's not willing to turn that corner, it's a crushing blow because it means that he has to start all over from square zero; he also might feel hurt because he probably assumed that she must feel something similar toward him (which clearly wasn't true at all). And then the woman's impression is often going to be that his friendship wasn't genuine and all along he really just wanted to screw her (which also may not be true at all).

tl;dr: the friendzone happens when men are afraid of building romantic relationships on shaky footing of barely even knowing someone, and women are afraid of building them on solid friendships that may be ruined.

What the fuck kind of word mess is this? Stuff like this where you box woman and men into doing the exact same thing and thinking the exact same way, is mind boggling.

Woman think X, Men think Y, is the reason your in the friend zone chump.

 

[trashbat]

there are a lot of different situations that get lumped together as "friend zones," i think. @gREEEEEEEEEr is on point about a particular subset of people. the men he describes are wrong to treat the early stages of a relationship as a kind of project imo

One thing I've noticed is so many of the "nice guys" who whine about the friendzone never even ask the girl out in the first place.

the friend zone can be real when the people involved are too confrontation-averse to make their feelings known. person A is too chickenshit to openly signal romantic intent, person B knows what's going on but is too uncomfortable to give a firm "no." it's a shitty experience for both parties because both parties are kind of shitty

 

[Steve Mayers]

there are a lot of different situations that get lumped together as "friend zones," i think. @gREEEEEEEEEr is on point about a particular subset of people. the men he describes are wrong to treat the early stages of a relationship as a kind of project imo



the friend zone can be real when the people involved are too confrontation-averse to make their feelings known. person A is too chickenshit to openly signal romantic intent, person B knows what's going on but is too uncomfortable to give a firm "no." it's a shitty experience for both parties because both parties are kind of shitty

Usually person b is too uncomfortable to give a "no" because person a is the type of person who has a meltdown when rejected.

 

[trashbat]

Usually person b is too uncomfortable to give a "no" because person a is the type of person who has a meltdown when rejected.

i don't think that's true. it's a pretty straightforward desire to avoid hurting another person's feelings

 

[Bassomatic]

i don't think that's true. it's a pretty straightforward desire to avoid hurting another person's feelings

Sometimes you have to, and a lot of people aren't brave enough to do it, or aware you can do it with love and tactfully. Often these hand held gut checks are wonderful life changing events but they hurt like no other.

While I won't ramble on too long about how honesty effects this and so many other subjects in day to day life, it's part of it. We are so scared to hurt people, even for the right reasons we don't and let some toxins eat away at wonderful things like friendships.

If people keep being such pussies we are gonna move this to the medical community, and to make that analogy, picture this, your doc says... chemo sucks but you should have it, but let's got watch that new Marvel movie instead?

 

[White bubblegum]

If you're too pussy to confess your feelings to your friend, that's not friendzone. That's called being nonconfrontational.
If you confess your feelings to your friend and they reject you by saying something like "i only like you as a friend" or "im not ready for a relationship", it can be friendzone depending on how you react to it.
If you just walk away and stop being friends with them because they rejected you, that shows you never really felt friendship for them, only lust. So no friendzone.
But if you keep being friends with them, albeit with disappointment, because you value the friendship you have together, then that's friendzone. You'll always want to be something more, but you're just happy to have the privilege of being friends with that one person.

But that's just me. Clearly, the issue of friendzone is a nuanced one.

 

[wellthathappened]

Sometimes people of the opposite gender want to be friends rather than fucking. If the situation is too awkward for you to bring romance into a friendship perhaps doing it isn't some "friend zone" thing so much as a bad choice.

 

[Ido]

Just saying, if you don't really know a girl, ask her our randomly, and she says either "let's just be friends first" or "You seem nice but..." then she isn't interested in you at all and is only saying it to get you to leave her alone. It's an attempt to let them down gently, but doesn't really go as planned in most cases.

If you go up to a friend you know really well and she says it would be AWK then sure, it sucks but just deal with it, plenty other people out there.

Either way, it's way too over blown and the only people who care about it are people who are just looking for pussy. Girls can smell that shit from a mile away and will turn you down.

 

[Replicant Sasquatch]

No.

Healthy well-adjusted adults call it rejection. The friend zone is an imaginary status which Nice Guys say they occupy because they think it elevates them just above the other men a woman isn't interested in.

 

[Monika H.]

Honestly?
I don't believe in friendzone crap.
As OP said, it's a term used by people who feel entitled to relationships.
I do believe in unrequited feelings and misunderstandings, as any sufficiently mature person does.

 

[Commander Keen]

The friend zone exists, but not in the way people talk about it. I’ve been friend zoned by tons of women, but...we still fucked.

Women and men fuck their friends all the time. Pretty much constantly. If you’re into a girl and she says “I just think of you as a friend” but she still turns you down when you’re both drunk and you ask her to trade oral sex...she doesn’t really like you. Same thing with women, if you’re into a dude and he friend zoned you and also turns you down when you offer to slob his knob then he doesn’t really like you.

It’s either that or you’re ugly/fat/small dicked/smell weird.

 

[HazamA]

Crybabieszone exist.. yes? yes!

 

[4000saladplates]

The friend-zone is for nice guys/incels who think that if you're nice to a girl for 6 months she'll date you and if she doesn't she's a friend zoning bitch. Most normal adults just accept that when someone says "let's just be friends" it's a nice way of saying no.
Side note: if you want to date someone, don't try to be their friend first, just be up front with your intentions. Otherwise, it can come off like you only wanted sex and were never really friends.