- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Why is this fat mongoloid afraid of his birthday on June 9, 1981? It's not a secret.
Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT
- Thread starter chimpburgers
- Start date
Why is this fat mongoloid afraid of his birthday on June 9, 1981? It's not a secret.
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2017
because it's another year older as a man and not as a anime princess
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2016
"(for housing)... I need proof of significant income..."
That means you need a job, you retard
He IS the wrong horse, now.
That means you need a job, you retard
He IS the wrong horse, now.
- Joined
- May 18, 2016
Very relatable for Jake of Arabia.
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2015
This has got to be one of the Googleshngiest Jake posts. http://archive.li/0721gView attachment 567180
"everyone's gone"
I figured his (observed) birthday was going to be some wimpy, sad sack 'the day I came out as trans' thing but apparently the reality is even sadder than that.
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By that logic I (and probably most other kiwis) have about 20 birthdays a year... Not because of fear of stalkers but because fuck it, it's the internet and who cares?
"My (observed) birthday" - putting in a fake birthday on his Twitter account does not make it an "observed birthday," nor should it be an excuse to start panhandling by trying to manipulate people with this nonsense.
He then links to his Amazon toy list because "habit tells me I should link this again." He's added some new toys, including multiple Nintendo Switch games. Here's just the things added this year. http://archive.li/rk36e
"I need proof of significant income" Jake says, as he begs people to give him Patreon money, can you imagine being the landlord that sees a fat, bald, gnome-bearded man in velcro shoes waddle up and claim "secretgamergrrl's" Patreon as his "proof of significant income."
"but everyone's gone"
Mind you this is just two days after he said he was "trying to secure a meaningless dreary job," typical Jake behavior to just give up and blame all the people he drove away for not being around to give him pity bucks.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
This has got to be one of the Googleshngiest Jake posts. http://archive.li/0721g
"My (observed) birthday" - putting in a fake birthday on his Twitter account does not make it an "observed birthday," nor should it be an excuse to start panhandling by trying to manipulate people with this nonsense.
He then links to his Amazon toy list because "habit tells me I should link this again." He's added some new toys, including multiple Nintendo Switch games. Here's just the things added this year. http://archive.li/rk36e
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"I need proof of significant income" Jake says, as he begs people to give him Patreon money, can you imagine being the landlord that sees a fat, bald, gnome-bearded man in velcro shoes waddle up and claim "secretgamergrrl's" Patreon as his "proof of significant income."
"but everyone's gone"
Oh, pray tell what dreary job is Jake trying to secure? We all know he’s far to important and special to waste his brillant mind anywhere outside of the games industry. If Jake can’t get paid to churn out descriptions of scary monsters, trolls and amazon warrior princesses then he’s not getting out of bed.
Love him referring to his mom as “sketchy people.”
I look forward to the day Jake does have to support himself with a real dreary job and the novel length googleshengs about cleaning toilets and bedpans at the nursing home.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
If he put on Muslim garb he'd pass better as a fat Arab than he does as a woman, with his scraggly goatfucker beard.
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2016
Based on his past posts I don't think he's referring to his mom but, rather, anyone she invites over- be they gentleman callers, female friends which which to have a drink, or extended family. Basically, Jake throws a fit whenever his mom tries to have a life outside of bringing home tendies for him.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Can't afford food or clothing but has a Switch. Got it.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2014
Yaqub Ali?
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2015
Crosspost. Rebecca and Jackson Gerber claim Jake is part of their "ohana." They would rather shamelessly ebeg for their dog's birthday (hours after they just went to Disneyland, less than a month after spending 9~ days at Disney World in a $500~ a night room) than try to signal boost Jake's ebegging.
I wonder how many 'friends' Jake lost due to his RIOT/SOHA lies, almost all of that was Becky's fault for feeding him things to repeat, although I'm sure he added the SOHA part himself.
I wonder how many 'friends' Jake lost due to his RIOT/SOHA lies, almost all of that was Becky's fault for feeding him things to repeat, although I'm sure he added the SOHA part himself.
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2014
Crosspost. Rebecca and Jackson Gerber claim Jake is part of their "ohana." They would rather shamelessly ebeg for their dog's birthday (hours after they just went to Disneyland, less than a month after spending 9~ days at Disney World in a $500~ a night room) than try to signal boost Jake's ebegging.
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I wonder how many 'friends' Jake lost due to his RIOT/SOHA lies, almost all of that was Becky's fault for feeding him things to repeat, although I'm sure he added the SOHA part himself.
lol at Cuckson joining in the ebegging. If they can't buy their dog a toy, how the fuck are they going to afford a trip to Germany?
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2017
hey, since Price got Jake a """job""" at Paizo to make up a monster description, here's my take on it as well complete with it's own stat block
sorrow gnome, cr 1, hp 8, ac 12, touch ac 11, flat footed ac 11, size medium, darkvision 30 feet, saves: will +0, reflex +0 fortitude +0, attacks slam: d4+1 damage, ability scores: strength 12, dexterity 12, constitution 12, wisdom 12, intelligence 12, charisma 12, terrain: urban, forest, underground, special abilities: a sorrow gnome has a -1 penalty to all saving throws, light blindness alignment: chaotic evil. treasure: incidental. description: when a gnome obsesses over petty slights and grudges for countless years of it's life, it's unhealthy lifestyle and derranged mind warps it's body as it's new twisted and evil obsessions cause it to push everyone away, become a corpulent fusion of gnome and mole with it's damaged eyesight and huge beard. They lurk in out of the way corners where they can be somewhat close to their obsession and nurture it in a grudge as they shift blame for their actions on everyone else
(also I am still working on my own campaign, had to push it back a year to get stuff done but I have been working on said stuff for several days now in short bursts and I am making decent progress on it. I haven't given up on it like Jake has with his many gaming gigs)
sorrow gnome, cr 1, hp 8, ac 12, touch ac 11, flat footed ac 11, size medium, darkvision 30 feet, saves: will +0, reflex +0 fortitude +0, attacks slam: d4+1 damage, ability scores: strength 12, dexterity 12, constitution 12, wisdom 12, intelligence 12, charisma 12, terrain: urban, forest, underground, special abilities: a sorrow gnome has a -1 penalty to all saving throws, light blindness alignment: chaotic evil. treasure: incidental. description: when a gnome obsesses over petty slights and grudges for countless years of it's life, it's unhealthy lifestyle and derranged mind warps it's body as it's new twisted and evil obsessions cause it to push everyone away, become a corpulent fusion of gnome and mole with it's damaged eyesight and huge beard. They lurk in out of the way corners where they can be somewhat close to their obsession and nurture it in a grudge as they shift blame for their actions on everyone else
(also I am still working on my own campaign, had to push it back a year to get stuff done but I have been working on said stuff for several days now in short bursts and I am making decent progress on it. I haven't given up on it like Jake has with his many gaming gigs)
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2016
I dunno, some of those stat scores seem pretty inflated...
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2017
fair point. I wanted the monster to be pathetic from a game standpoint but not reflect Jake's own poor health and mental state. If I did, the monster would be too easy to beat even with giving it extra abilities
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
A real Jake gnome wouldn't even have an attack that can cause damage. Its attack would be something like wailing pitiably or telling a ridiculous lie, and only require rolling a saving throw to resist rolling one's eyes.
- Joined
- Sep 15, 2017
I smell an idea for that as a joke monster for april fool's day. Might be a good joke for this thread.
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2016
He could be like the actual gnome from northern European folklore. They're haughty and passive aggressive fuckers that lives unseen under your house, if you have one you can't get rid of him. The home owners needs to appease the gnome by leaving food for him and if he feels he isn't treated with respect or if things aren't done the way he thinks they should be he'll start scaring the cows and other types of (mostly) minor bullshit.
The gnome generally refuse to show himself but he is described as being a man of age with white beard and wearing old clothes. His demeanor is said to be crabby and sullen.
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2016
No physical damage, but what about sonic (from the noise-making) or some sort of mental attack?
I feel like a sanity check would be required for being in the same room with him.
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Pre-publication excerpt from LYMESTONE MANOR
Encounter:
GOOG (Sorrow Gnome, 1st level, see "Maze Controller's Manual" for stats)
Round 1: Goog calls for help. (No one answers)
Round 2: Goog attempts to flee, moving one square in a random direction. Roll 1d6; on 2 or lower, his frantic flailing knocks over a box, scattering its contents across the floor. (Treat these as caltrops.) If all map squares in the room already contain caltrops, additional spills have no effect.
Round 3: Goog plays dead (Infer Intention check DC 5 to see through)
Subsequent rounds repeat this pattern.
Berserking Sorrow: If Asuka (see below) is harmed or killed in his presence, Goog will become frenzied. His shrieks for help will become audible outside throughout the manor, and he will no longer attempt to play dead. Berserking sorrow can be negated by a quell emotions spell or similar effect.
ASUKA (Housecat, as per "Maze Controller's Manual")
Goog refers to this adorable grey housecat as his
"familiar" but she is in fact a regular nonmagical animal.
Each round, Asuka will attempt to flee for the nearest exit. If actively obstructed or attacked, she will perform a standard attack.
Harming Asuka in Goog's presence will cause him to enter berserking sorrow.
Encounter:
GOOG (Sorrow Gnome, 1st level, see "Maze Controller's Manual" for stats)
Round 1: Goog calls for help. (No one answers)
Round 2: Goog attempts to flee, moving one square in a random direction. Roll 1d6; on 2 or lower, his frantic flailing knocks over a box, scattering its contents across the floor. (Treat these as caltrops.) If all map squares in the room already contain caltrops, additional spills have no effect.
Round 3: Goog plays dead (Infer Intention check DC 5 to see through)
Subsequent rounds repeat this pattern.
Berserking Sorrow: If Asuka (see below) is harmed or killed in his presence, Goog will become frenzied. His shrieks for help will become audible outside throughout the manor, and he will no longer attempt to play dead. Berserking sorrow can be negated by a quell emotions spell or similar effect.
ASUKA (Housecat, as per "Maze Controller's Manual")
Goog refers to this adorable grey housecat as his
"familiar" but she is in fact a regular nonmagical animal.
Each round, Asuka will attempt to flee for the nearest exit. If actively obstructed or attacked, she will perform a standard attack.
Harming Asuka in Goog's presence will cause him to enter berserking sorrow.