Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[Non-Threatening Niall]

There was this girl I went to school with, let's call her Carla. She had long, thick, filthy platinum blonde hair and a perpetual rosacea that gave her a pig-like appearance. She was not slim by any means, yet the school uniform seemed to hang on her as if it were two sizes too big. She'd also wear one saggy knee sock (thus revealing her equally thick leg hairs) and the other pulled all the way up, a la Pippi Longstocking.

Anyway, Carla's trademark (and also her four brothers and their mum, as I'd eventually find out) was a distinct speech impediment that was part lisp and part Chuckie Finster, topped with her pronouncing Rs in a guttural (as in French or German), sprinkly (as in showering whoever she was talking to) way, which at first we thought was a weird accent thing when she joined the class, but soon discovered it wasn't.

Besides her overall nasty appearance and delightful, lingering fishmeal fragrance, Carla's reputation was cemented around year 9 one time she had some sort of accident and missed school for a week or so. Someone opened her locker to retrieve some books she needed for catching up over the weekend, and immediately the blast of rank odour inundated the corridor. For whatever reason, the appalling stench had attracted a small crowd. Then, a friend and I grabbed a couple broomsticks and emptied the locker's contents into the floor, and among some equally stinking workbooks and some other assorted garbage, out came four half-eaten bacon baps for the horror and amusement of the masses, upon which dozens of massive white worms had been feasting for days. Some kids were even counting the fucking worms out loud as they crawled on the floor.

Around the same time, she was friends with some poor tryhard spacker who I only remember by his nickname of "Seal Arse" and his sad attempt to earn some "edgy street artist" cred by walking around with two or three empty spray paint cans on his messenger bag (plastered with buttons and patches of random shit), so the metallic peas would bounce inside them and make noise as he paced.

There was also this tomboyish-but-not-in-a-cool-way girl with whom Carla had kind of a 'vitriolic friendship'. At the end of every school year, these two would put up a wrestling show just for the attention, complete with angles, hair pulling, face scratches and rolling on the ground. Fuck the solstice, Carla's yearly catfight was all the indication we needed that the summer was finally here.

For one of those acceptance workshops we were given sheets in which we had to draw ourselves and list qualities and flaws that made us unique. I saw hers and trust me, CWC's artistic prowess seems like the labours of Todd McFarlane by comparison. The only redeeming quality she scrawled on the paper was "I know how to play the Donkey Kong Bongos". I wish I snapped a picture of that.

Her older brother, presumably a lolcow in his own right, liked to call everybody "leper mong". With time, everybody started calling him that, mimicking his trademark speech pattern and all. I don't remember much of him, except that he once interrupted a school assembly to proudly declare "fun fact, Hitler had only one ball" on the mic, out of the blue. He was in year 12 at the time.

My family moved and I changed schools later that year and haven't seen Carla since. However, someone told me she received some kind of special achievement award from the headmistress because of her outstanding proficiency in French the year after.

 

[Bunnything]

Fairly heavy shit coming up, I believe it fits here, or at least will in the future, I won't give out names, I don't have full doxxes nor would I particularly want them gotten.

There's this guy I know, I'll call him Fluff, everyone else does. Fluff has always been a strange guy, liked anal, liked getting pegged. Thought he was a better speaker then he is.
He fell in love when he was 16 with this girl named Vi, who self professed herself to be a Lesbian but her "Lesbian Lover" wanted nothing to do with her after a while, her and Fluff started fucking, this lasted two years, Fluff was completely in love with Vi-whom's manipulative, I'll get to why later.
Two years go by, Fluff and Vi have a huge fight, Vi has a mental breakdown, runs into the bathroom and locks the door. Fluff finally gets her out, apparently she gets pushed, she cries that she's being abused. They break up.
She runs to another boy slightly older, I believe his name was Andre. Andre is a complete dickhead, over time he locks her in the house, beats her repeatedly, ends up getting her pregnant.
They break up, she runs back to Fluff after they've been broken up for five-six year. 20-ish now, she has a kid still in her womb. Fluff accepts her back, they get back together.
Current day, Fluff is 23, maybe 24, she's about the same age, kid is 3, she moved in a boyfriend who is a NEET with a superiority complex, she wants to become transgender but doesn't want the penis, just wants to get rid of her tits. She spends all of his money on stupid shit, forcing them to live with their parents. She also draws furry art, and now, works for Walmart, which, last time I talked to her, she constantly bitched and moaned about.
Basically Fluff is a guy who's too fucking stupid, or too nice for his own good. Allowing his wife to spend his money as she does, allowing her to take vacations, allowing her to fuck people in his own bed while he's around.

About Vi: Vi has...a harsh past, to say the least. When she was young, perhaps 10, she was repeatedly raped by her uncles several, her family also didn't believe her when she was telling them, I'm not sure how they were caught, but they were. Perhaps child pornography charges or something of that sort. Her family ostricized her afterwords-this had been going on for a few years before they were caught. They got 20 years.

 

[yasscat]

Fairly heavy shit coming up, I believe it fits here, or at least will in the future, I won't give out names, I don't have full doxxes nor would I particularly want them gotten.

There's this guy I know, I'll call him Fluff, everyone else does. Fluff has always been a strange guy, liked anal, liked getting pegged. Thought he was a better speaker then he is.
He fell in love when he was 16 with this girl named Vi, who self professed herself to be a Lesbian but her "Lesbian Lover" wanted nothing to do with her after a while, her and Fluff started fucking, this lasted two years, Fluff was completely in love with Vi-whom's manipulative, I'll get to why later.
Two years go by, Fluff and Vi have a huge fight, Vi has a mental breakdown, runs into the bathroom and locks the door. Fluff finally gets her out, apparently she gets pushed, she cries that she's being abused. They break up.
She runs to another boy slightly older, I believe his name was Andre. Andre is a complete dickhead, over time he locks her in the house, beats her repeatedly, ends up getting her pregnant.
They break up, she runs back to Fluff after they've been broken up for five-six year. 20-ish now, she has a kid still in her womb. Fluff accepts her back, they get back together.
Current day, Fluff is 23, maybe 24, she's about the same age, kid is 3, she moved in a boyfriend who is a NEET with a superiority complex, she wants to become transgender but doesn't want the penis, just wants to get rid of her tits. She spends all of his money on stupid shit, forcing them to live with their parents. She also draws furry art, and now, works for Walmart, which, last time I talked to her, she constantly bitched and moaned about.
Basically Fluff is a guy who's too fucking stupid, or too nice for his own good. Allowing his wife to spend his money as she does, allowing her to take vacations, allowing her to fuck people in his own bed while he's around.

About Vi: Vi has...a harsh past, to say the least. When she was young, perhaps 10, she was repeatedly raped by her uncles several, her family also didn't believe her when she was telling them, I'm not sure how they were caught, but they were. Perhaps child pornography charges or something of that sort. Her family ostricized her afterwords-this had been going on for a few years before they were caught. They got 20 years.

...where's the lols?

 

[ShanghaiGuy]

Long story:
There is this guy from my university I keep tabs on every now and then. The more stories I heard about him the stranger he seemed, I've only had a few personal interactions with him and those were enough for me to know this guy is a cringy autist.

He would spend all of his spare time on campus and at home drawing his "web manga" where he is the main character and he along with his dragon girlfriend fight.... Some shadow thing? The art is awful (child's drawings on the fridge) and the plot is flaming garbage.

He's obsessed with making is Manga a real thing(he's stopped now due to other reasons), and would make every university project about his dragon fetish Manga. So much so that his tutor told him "if you make it about this again, I will instantly fail you". So what did he do, he made his next project about his dragon fetish Manga and was annoyed that he got a failing grade.

All he would do is draw, watch anime and play video games. There is nothing wrong with this in moderation but being a fat lazy slop who's dream is to move to Japan where "he would fit in" and believes Asian girls will just fall for him and his 90kg belly was a joke.

He was a bit of a creep as well, he would ask my friend to go to the woods or hiking with him nonstop. Once he even showed up at their house unannounced and knocked on the door for 10 minutes. Hurting his hand in the process and was stopped when my friends father came home. (side note: he's also a furry, who is still a virgin and is frustrated by girls not liking him). He would go up to people talking about the anime he watched (all about high school girls) and warned people about one that was "funny but be careful, it has uncensored boobs". I heard him mention in class to at least 5 separate people.

He would just have these autistic outbursts and think they made him cool or some shit. He told a natural acquaintance of ours he once choked a kid for calling him gay...he was 18 and the kid was like 10 (so very strong).

My favorite moment was when I was speaking to a friend in the little Korean I know and they were teaching me some new words. We were going back and fourth and this autistic genius hears Asian speak and waddles over and says something in Japanese. (at this point I didn't speak any Japanese but now I know it was shit Japanese he picked up from anime) all I said was "what?!" and he got nervous mumbled the meaning in Japanese, we said cool and he shamefully went back to his seat.

He also got mad when I said an anime he liked was bad. He failed his final year and was shocked, but considering he left classes due to stress... I wasn't surprised at all.

So where is he now? Well since graduating he has still failed to get a job, girlfriend or move out of his parents house. His last autistic moment was going speed dating and after the girl told him she wasn't interested, he just started talking about his Warhammer figures.

I spoke to him a couple of months ago, he wants to move to Japan to teach English (he has dyslexia), can't handle stress and has bad Japanese. I asked him why and he gushed about how perfect Japan is. I asked why he can't get a job in his own country, to which he explained he is on disability and can't work...

Which led me to ask if you are too disabled to work there, how can work be fine to work a more stressful job in Japan.

At this point his mom asked him to cut the yard. He wasnt pleased his mom made him do stuff.

 

[Bunnything]

...where's the lols?

They'll be coming when they broke up and she has her meltdown.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Recently my college course required me and a few classmates to use the school forums. It was a mass media course asking for the Top 10 TV shows that each of us have and I found this in one of the entries from a classmate...

I'm a brony, and I love this show for defying many of the girls-show norms. It's got lore, it's got complex characters, and it's got a huge amount of high quality fanfiction. It's also much better than other mean spirited cartoons these days that kids watch these days like Toddler Titans Go, and disgusts me that kids aren't watching real cartoons like this.

It does not help the person who wrote this literally plays on his 3DS in class while sperging about feminism when the class brought up how the role of women has evolved in television.

 

[Steamboat_Bill]

Recently my college course required me and a few classmates to use the school forums. It was a mass media course asking for the Top 10 TV shows that each of us have and I found this in one of the entries from a classmate...



It does not help the person who wrote this literally plays on his 3DS in class while sperging about feminism when the class brought up how the role of women has evolved in television.

Are you sure you didn't make this up as a parody of the average cartoon fan?

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Are you sure you didn't make this up as a parody of the average cartoon fan?

Nope, they are literally in my class.

Here's their full list for context

1. Game of Thrones

I love medieval fantasy, especially the dark kind, and realpolitik, and I love to see it being shown in the mainstream media and ordinary people start delving into the lore and political systems of Westeros.

2. Castlevania

Like I said, I love medieval fantasy. Castlevania is also a video game adaptation, which most of the time they do not hold up, but this show did. It's animated, they got Lord of the Rings stars in it, and they got Warren Ellis writing the script. This show also shows how cartoons can be for adults too without being like Family Guy.

3. My Little Pony; Friendship is Magic.

I'm a brony, and I love this show for defying many of the girls-show norms. It's got lore, it's got complex characters, and it's got a huge amount of high quality fanfiction. It's also much better than other mean spirited cartoons these days that kids watch these days like Toddler Titans Go, and disgusts me that kids aren't watching real cartoons like this.

4. Star Vs. The Forces of Evil

I love magical girls, and this show has that and more. It also surprisingly deals with themes of colonialism and racism. Another show that shows that cartoons are not mean spirited.

5. Steven Universe

Great characters, great plot twists, great music, and great animation. Furthermore, it has great themes of feminism, and has a diverse cast of characters.

6. The Crown

I love historical dramas and I love royalty.

7. A Series of Unfortunate Events

It's based of a book series that I love and it's incredibly clever and funny.

8. Samurai Jack

I love Aku, the main villain, and the last season was a little rushed, but it was worth waiting over a decade for. It shows how to the world that kids cartoons are no laughing matter.

9. Legend of Korra/Avatar Last Airbender

I loved the latter show when I was young, and the Legend of Korra was a return to my childhood. I am disappointed though that many critics hate this show, but we all know that only bigots hate this show.

10. RWBY

It's based off anime, every weapon's a gun, and it's got great music and fight scenes. If only it was in 2D, this show would be perfect.

 

[Gingervitis]

Nope, they are literally in my class.

Here's their full list for context

This guy is an absolute manchild and I would not be surprised if he failed the class.

 

[yasscat]

Nope, they are literally in my class.

Here's their full list for context

RWBY isn't "based off" anime. It IS an anime. /RWBY sperging

 

[Alex Krycek]

I actually have a few of these but I don't like to be outright mean. That being said one of them did kinda screw me over recently so I'm willing to talk about them a little bit.

I have a knack for talking to people. Like I don't know why but I'll just talk to anyone and strike up a conversation. Sometimes it's just a 5-10 minute interaction. Sometimes I make a friend for life. There's this guy who used to live down the street from my parents, immigrant guy in his 50s from an Arab country. He started off just as a dude I would see at the gas station from time to time but turned into a guy I'd occasionally have a couple of beers with and talk politics or sports. Maybe watch a movie together. He did some work for my dad and bonded with the family. Would invite us all over for bbqs and dinner. Stuff like that. His son and I were about the same age and we would play soccer. His daughter and my gf got along pretty well. His wife and my mom became best friends.

Well one day he shows up at my place. Not my parents place, but mine. He doesn't tell me how he got my address or even explain why he wanted to hang out. I should also mention he had a backpack with him. He asks to use my bathroom and I'm completely fine with that. When he returns he's in full drag. I didn't really care at the time and just asked that he not do that in front of my gf. He ranted to me about how he had been married for 20 years and it was all a lie. This was how he really was. I just kinda shrugged and offered him a beer. Told him everything would be okay. I'm generally a tolerant person.

He took that signal to start doing cocaine on my coffee table, smoking weed, and watching porn. In my open garage, while my gf is sleeping and on a week night. I told him to leave pretty fast. Instead he put everything up and came back outside. He acted like it never happened and I was cool with it, we had a few more beers and I saw him off.

Fast forward a little over two weeks and he shows up again. Same backpack. Somehow he knew my gf was out of town. I'm assuming he was talking to my dad around that time. I told him not to smoke weed because one of my neighbors is a Jehovah's Witness and has called the cops just for me playing music too loud. He goes back to being in drag and watching porn. I keep the garage closed and put my headphones on to listen to music. Eventually he starts doing coke again. Since the garage is closed I don't care that much but I really don't like Coke. He gets so drunk that he falls over and can't drive home. I guide him to my couch and let him sleep there for the night.

He stays for 2 days because he knew I didn't have work. I told him Sunday night to leave because I had work the next day. He agrees. The whole time he largely remained in drag and I mostly stayed in my bedroom watching soccer or in my garage fixing up stuff or drinking some beer.

He came by periodically after that and always asked if the gf was home or awake. I always said she was even if it wasn't true because him using cocaine, watching porn, and dressing like a woman made me uncomfortable. I eventually told him that he should stop coming by unless we were cooking. That the gf and I needed our space and that while we liked him he should really remember that I'm like 20 years younger than him and don't use drugs (unless you count alcohol and nicotine).

I see him when I visit my folks here and there or at the gas station. Until about 4 weeks ago. My dad pays him 200 for a TV since his goes out and he needs a new one. The guy takes the 200. He never gives my dad the TV. He also asks me if I'll buy things with his credit card. I say no. He tells my dad that his credit card got stolen. That why he can't get the TV. That wasn't the initial agreement though.

Anyway. His lease is up and he skipped town, he won't answer anyone's phone calls and blocked us all on Facebook. I still talk to his son but honestly I'm not worried about collecting the 200. I'm just glad I don't have to deal with a closeted tranny drug addict scam artist anymore.

 

[Jigaboo Jones]

This isn't exactly a personal lolcow, but more of a lulzy incident that I once witnessed, but I'm pretty sure that the person in question would qualify as a lolcow if I knew her.

I'm not sure if I captured it in a particularly entertaining way, it's probably one of those "you had to have been there" type things, but here goes...

The story begins thus:

I was walking around in an Ethnically Vibrant Neighbourhood™, and, passing by a bodega, saw two negresses shouting at each other in extreme agitation; one was absolutely gargantuan and the other one was of fairly normal size, and actually kind of attractive. The larger one was fucking monstrous. Like, I would be legit scared if she was coming after me just on the basis of sheer size, and both of these chicks were hyped up to all hell, fighting over the affections of one or another Tyrone.

Spoiler: tl;dr story about two negresses fighting in the ghetto

The gargantuan one was much darker than the other, which I only mention because "dark skin bitch" and "light skin ho" were some of the kinds of things that were being said. But I lost my shit when the big one started dancing around and singing something like this:

Sha-woo booda woo / Da biddy biddy boo / You be a biddy, boo
Shanice she do dat woo / You know dat it be true / I do it better than you
Just go and ask yo man / Yo man he understand
He know about my woo / Dat woo dat I can do
Sha-woo booda woo / You know I do dat woo
You know I got dem curves / ???????? (rhymes with curves) ?????????
You know I got dat flex / You know I'm good at sex
Just ask yo man Tyrone / You know I flex his bone
Yo be a lite skinned bitch / Ima give you a stitch
whatever whatever whatever
etc.

A lot of that I just pulled out of my ass because I don't remember exactly what she was saying/singing, but that was the general gist of it, and the chorus was definitely "shawoo-booda-woo / da biddy biddy boo / you know I do dat woo" and was about pleasing the other chick's man sexually. Then the light skinned one flipped shit and, this is one of those instances where you just can't explain anything except by invoking a total cliché & stereotype, but she jumped up and ripped out the big girl's weave. The big girl punched her in the face and then it was on but the little chick acquitted herself really fucking well in the ensuing fight. It was actually pretty badass to watch. But the big bitch kept it up, shawoo boo da woo, shawoo boo da woo ...

It was fucking on. I mean, shit was lit, as the negroes would say. A shitload of them just basically appeared out of nowhere and made a circle and watched and were basically like damn that lil bitch got some flex on her / look at that bitch fight ain't that a motherfucker / shit that bitch beatin' that big bitch's ass / damn that's one bad bitch / yo these be some type niggerish bitches up in this mufugga / daaaayumn / I'd fuck wit that bitch tho / etc.

One particular negro who I'm pretty sure was the Tyrone they were arguing about sat back with a particularly wry grin on his face, and the two chicks kept throwing him dat stank eye.

Me, I absolutely lost my shit at shawoo boo da woo, yo bitty titties, boo, you know what I can do, you know I flex dat woo, once the big chick kept singing/shouting after getting her weave ripped out of her hair and her face scratched and shit and while actively fighting the other chick. I was laughing my fucking pasty white ass off.

The cops wound up coming, of course. The little chick calmed down immediately but the gargantuan black negress kept bellowing out fucking shawoo booda woo type shit and even clapping along with the rhythm once the two of them were separated. Only the big chick wound up getting arrested, or, actually, I think, transported to the psych ward. If she hadn't kept up with the shawoo booda woo, I'm pretty sure that she would've been let go like the "lite skinned bitch."

It reminded me of on The Shield where this one black guy was always fighting with one of two women and which woman it was would switch up every time the cops got called. But anyway.

Spoiler: sperging about race

Honestly it was mostly pretty bog-standard ghetto shit, unexceptional. If you live around a lot of ghetto ass black folk you see this kind of thing. When I lived there most of my friends and coworkers were black, it got to the point where basically it seemed like they forgot I was a White guy and just treated me like one of the niggaz. I spoke AAVE/"Ebonics" fluently and, when I was in exclusively Black company, I spoke it more or less exclusively.

Most of them were chill. By most people's definition, I'm a racist, but I don't hate niggers, I can't. They're just niggers. They can't help it. And, honestly, they know it. Most of them know that they have lower IQs better than /pol/ does, even if they don't express it that way. They have their culture which has good and bad elements.

"Niggers vs Black People" really is basically a true and honest description of what it is like to live among them. Doing so for an extended period of time definitely helped shape my opinions on race, but in doing so it also gave me a perspective on shit that made it impossible for me to actually dislike them, and actually since after my first few years living in niggertown I developed an easy rapport with Blacks that I still have even when I randomly interact with them. It's all in subtle nonverbal cues basically.

So anyway, the scene was basically "niggers gonna nig." And, truly, Blacks know genuine niggerdom when they see it. Try to get the opinion of a reasonably dignified black dude on a scene like that. It'll sound like based redpilled race facts.

As noted, they call behavior like I described above as "acting niggerish." Some of them just find it funny, quite a few of them actually take exception to it as being embarrassing to their race. But most of them, in this instance, were definitely there for the lulz.

And boy, was Shanice lulzy and niggerish. But lulzy niggerdom is not unusual in niggertown. I am not at all fucking with you when I tell you that I would occasionally come upon fragments of a weave lying on the ground, sometimes together with some brightly colored fragments of fake nails and shit like that. And of course sometimes I'd see the actual fight. There was the occasional shooting. Again according to stereotype most of them couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. And so on.

Nothing about the story I'm telling, as far as that goes, constitutes anything like a lolcow, although "cow," well... actually, incidentally, "heifer" was a pretty common mild insult/sometimes used affectionately used by a lot of the Black women I knew to refer to one another. I'm pretty sure it got thrown around in that fight. The little chick was on some "you coal black sow bulldaggin bitch" type shit. It was a pretty legit fight.

But there was absolutely nothing exceptional about two bitches fighting, except one thing--

Shawoo boo da woo
Shawoo boo da woo
Da biddy biddy boo
You know I do dat woo

And this rhythm that went with it. dah-DAH dah dah dah dah, dah-DAH dah dah dah... (etc, etc. Yo man he understand ...) dah-DAH dada-da-DAH ... I wish I could capture it. Truly.

This happened before everyone had a cell phone camera, else it would've wound up on WorldStar (once cameras became ubiquitous, whenever some truly niggerish shit was going down, you could count on some of the negroes in the background yelling, "WORLDSTAR! WORLDSTAR!")

But fucking Shanice and shawoo boo da woo.

I will never forget that for the rest of my life. Fucking seriously.

Shaboo
woo
da
woo
da
biddy
biddy
boo
you
know
I
do
dat
woo

Like, never will I forget.

 

[ShanghaiGuy]

I have another small personal lolcow story.

There is this western girl I know, she is getting her PhD in psychology (while self diagnosing herself with multiple mental problems).

She constantly posts about her relationship and how shit they are, complains about how she's asked out by all these guys and how she turns them down. (she's fat, unattractive and has a "lel xD imma random gamergurl I love harely Quinn. #notlikeothergirls" personality.

She went on a tv program with her ex boyfriend saying shit like "one night we'd be slaying zombies together and the next we were saving Zelda."

Super far left wing and believes anyone who isnt as left has her literally wants to murder all minorities, disabled and mentally ill. She has been warned by her university for her behavior and recently she posted something online I disagreed with。。。(regarding the politics of that country.)

We had 3 or 4 exchanges and she had a whiteknight trying to help, but clearly she isn't used to having her worldview challenged and said I must support rape. (the topic had nothing to do with rape)

She then sent me a message privately saying a few gems:

1. I have never commented on their posts about their abuse, rape, stabbing, nearly getting fired for "their mental health" and suicide attempts... Therefore I support all those things.

2. They support minorities and because I'm mean to them I must hate them...

3. Im an immigrant who no longer lives there so my opinion doesn't matter.

She then blocked me, so I couldn't respond. I was tempted to file a complaint with her university, but the form is so annoyingly obtuse, i don't know if there's a point.

 

[Cancer Hunter3#]

Shawoo boo da woo
Shawoo boo da woo
Da biddy biddy boo
You know I do dat woo

Holy shit this is too funny like what the hell!
New to the farm. But i have a story worth posting. I have a personal lolcow of mine who went to the same private junior high school as mine. Anyway this kid has always been weird, he always repeat the phrase "cyka blyat" in everyone face and spoke foul words loudly to everyone. He also once jokingly(?)pushed me while i was in the stairs. I who didn't get injured wasn't too happy about it and throw a broom at his head and we both end up in the teacher's room.
He is also a porn addict. I got info from his "friend" that he mastrubates seven times a day. Now this "friend" i don't really believe him but many of his friends said that they had caught him mastrubated before at our national languege in the back of their class while the teacher wasn't looking. Some also said that they have gone together with him then he would dissapear for a while, and when asked about it he answered that he was gone to mastrubate.
The worst part came when i have to do a charity related group project with this kid in my group. He never participate in our discussion, never actually help us anything and when we asked where we should do our project he always answered ro do it in mental asylum. Never helped us editing the documentation video than get angry at us for getting a bad video result
I was told by other friend that this guy let just called him "the weird one" was veing bullied badly at his elementary school.
I feel a bit pity for him but nonetheless our attempt to kinda help or befriend him only ended in him creeped the hell out of us.
Some of my friends are in a good term with him tho because they think he still has some good left.
But nevermind i don't have to deal with another foul mouthed mastrubator again

 

[Kuwomi]

Not sure if this counts since it's online but there's this one weird fatfur on Twitter I've been checking in with every now and then and he always continues to astonish me. One notable thing is his "#fatthoughts" tag where he fantasizes about becomes an immobile blob.

Spoiler: #fatthoughts

Sometimes he'll post terrifying selfies of his bloated gut too

Spoiler: Sea of flesh (NSFWish)

The best part though, and what I've saved for last is that he plans to go on female hormones so his moobs can get bigger. He lives with roommates and spends the majority of his paycheck on takeout / snacks so he barely has any money for anything else. I wonder how this is gonna turn out?

 

[TheCapybara]

This one group of vegan animal rights activists that started protesting outside of a pork slaughterhouse in my city. They were loud, obnoxious, and generally made a nuisance of themselves for everyone in the area, getting in the way of trucks going into the slaughterhouse and the like. Never particularly liked the place, it always seems to stink whenever you go by, but the activists made going through even less pleasant.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Not sure if this counts since it's online but there's this one weird fatfur on Twitter I've been checking in with every now and then and he always continues to astonish me. One notable thing is his "#fatthoughts" tag where he fantasizes about becomes an immobile blob.

Spoiler: #fatthoughts

Sometimes he'll post terrifying selfies of his bloated gut too

Spoiler: Sea of flesh (NSFWish)

The best part though, and what I've saved for last is that he plans to go on female hormones so his moobs can get bigger. He lives with roommates and spends the majority of his paycheck on takeout / snacks so he barely has any money for anything else. I wonder how this is gonna turn out?

Thread. Now. A deathfat furry who trooned out to get fatter. This is gold.

 

[whiteboydiddy]

Mannn, when I was in my mid teens, I got caught up with a lotta bad people. It started off with my friend Nick (who I cherished cause he was like minded which is hard to come across for an eccentric like me, esp in high school), who introduced me to his townie friends (and other wild bulls from our high school). I could tell a lot of those stories in a later post. For now i'm gonna focus on my best friend for a few years, 3 years my senior.

My Friend J AKA GG Allin if he looked and acted more like Sid Vicious minus the fecal matter

Spoiler

I initially met J through Facebook, seeing a comment of his and noticing his Bathory logo profile pic (and I loooove Bathory). I commented on it, and, him being a similarly lonely individual at the time, went through my profile and found a pic of Drinky Crow, and thus decided I was a worthwhile ally. I'd hang out with him from time to time from about the time I was 15-16 (he made me smoke my first cig), but I didn't start hanging out with him a lot until I was 17, the year I had the entire juvenile court system's cards stacked against me (a call from a family friend whose a lawyer who knows that what the cop did was out of line...I got caught with weed, it's another story for another day). Around this time, he kept making cryptic comments about how sniffin' heroin isn't as bad as shooting it, yo. So, he started supplying his minor companion/side kick with a bag or two from the sleeves he'd cop. I never had a problem with it, did it on the weekends, but the act of casually doing heroin should give you an idea of where I was at the time. Yeah, he was basically an old school style punk dirtbag, think Crispin Glover's character in River's Edge (best teen movie of the 80s along with Heathers of course), but with a penchant for pathologial lying. He had his flaws, yeah but he was a homie I knew I could trust and had my back (we almost even became blood brothers).

Then he started shooting it.

This is where shit starts to go to hell. Gets fired from his job at nameless convenience store for stealing up to 6k over 6 weeks by voiding purchases after memorizing the manager's pin. I mean, he was a smart guy, very tech savvy, super into 4chan culture and stuff, etc. He also allegedly hacked our high school's server to change his grades, doing thousands of dollars worth of damage in addition to hacking every single printer in the school to print pictures of Papa Smurf...i've heard about it from people other than him so it might actually hold some weight) The penultimate moment was standing outside of Walmart with him and GF and watching him getting kicked out of his house after his dad found his rig. Things escalated from here, here's some specific highlights:

- him getting drunk on 4Loko and trying to murder his girlfriend with a knife in our friend S's house with his grandparents present

-throwing up out of my car window FIVE times after shooting molly mixed with coke, he also decided he was bi now and told me I was cute...got paid in 4 10mg Oxys though so I can't really complain here

-me letting a junkie shoot up with my seatbelt after naively agreeing to let him drive through the area (he's more familiar with it and its rough)

-putting on "Baby Mafia" by Three-6 Mafia with us singing it in unison (which was something we'd do in our friend N's garage a lot, they'd drunkedly play with shotguns in there too, and they were admittedly pretty cool weapons)

The day before he went off to prison, he promised me 40 dollars in exchange for driving an hour and sixteen minutes away to see his GF at her halfway house of sorts (again, she is a wonderful human being, she's just troubled). Meeting goes nice, everyone enjoying themselves...until I need gas. J, of course, wasn't putting up shit, but his wonderful GF gave me a fiver out of pity. Got me home! The next day, I wonder why he's not responding to me, only to find out through our local news that he'd been finally thrown in the slammer. I was slightly relieved, though pissed I never got my 40 dollars. When he got out and called me, the first thing he said was that he'd get me that $40 as soon as he got a job, and he seems genuinely reformed, if a bit exhausted of options in life. I would like to see him one day, smoke a cig or two and catch up. He put me through hell and back, but I could tell he cared about my well being, regardless of his uncontrollable mental state. That all being said...he did put me onto Electric Wizard and Dystopia, now two of my favorite bands ever. tl;dr one of the most insane people i've ever met but he was real with me)

I also got more stories about S, the man who genuinely believed 9/11 happened in 1997 and that you could get drunk from saving and drinking the piss taken after a long night of drinking would get you drunk (he even brought it to school!). If yall wanna here more, just lemme know here. I went through a lot of weird shit as a troubled teen.

 

[yasscat]

If yall wanna here more, just lemme know here.

moar.

 

[whiteboydiddy]

moar.

Aight! Let's talk about S a bit.

Spoiler

S was J's right hand man, and arguably a worse enabler of his shit than I was. S was always cool to me but, being a consistent huffer of gasoline and duster (i'm walkin' on sunshine!), his mindset was a little...off. He lived with his grandparents (I believe his mother passed and his dad was a bit of a lolcow himself), and would nonchalantly smoke weed and get belligerently drunk in his room (one time ended with an argument between his grandparents and him that ended with me and J's ex getting kicked out of the house). However, whereas J had the "batshit crazy (pseudo) intellectual" thing going on, S was decidedly a little slower. I once watched him take ten minutes to search YouTube for one Doors song. Despite his visibly lower than average IQ, him and J managed to invent their own language, which I won't reveal the functions of for the sake of powerlevelling. But, like, goddamn, him and J would fluently speak it to each other while everyone else would just watch in awe. The only other person who picked up on it and could speak it fluently was J2, who he ended up becoming besties with. For about a month. They both got deep into K2 (synthetic weed) and, from what I heard, got into a legitimate fight over who got to smoke the resin of some of that shit after scraping it off of a tinfoil pipe (Oh yeah, NO ONE could roll a tinny like S. I guess his grandparents constantly trashing his paraphernalia honed his skill for that). One night, while they were hanging out, drinking, taking xanax, etc. S apparently made enough noise to anger J2's dad. J2's dad told them to turn it down. S's response? Punch the guy in the face. This ended up turning into a full on fight, with J2's dad apparently laying the goddamn smack down on poor benzo inhibited S. 3 days later, S later told me, he woke up in a rehab with no recollection of how he'd gotten there. And sure enough, no one from back home would take his calls. The guy burned most of his bridges in the span of 48 hours and couldn't remember a lick of it. I'd feel bad, but that's what happens when you take 3 bars and start drinkin'.

The real kicker is that, when that latter event happened, S was already on felony probation for a whole lotta theft (there was a lot more to it than that, but again, not tryin' to show my powerlevel here), but for whatever reason, the courts straight up refused to punish him for violating any terms of his probation. Failed drug tests? send him to rehab. PO comes over for a surprise visit and finds a bowl? Throws it out and doesn't speak of it again. Doesn't call when he's supposed to? Doesn't matter. I have absolutely no idea how he got off of probation. The last time I saw him in person was the night me and J's ex got kicked out of his house. I've talked to him through FB since, but that's about it. Never pulled any shit on me, but his antics were certainly lolcow worthy, especially the shit I sadly wasn't around for. But at least I got his scientific explanation for why saving drunk piss was a good way to cure hangovers, and saw him say "9/11 happened in 1997 right?" in a completely sincere manner.