Dynastia Copypasta - For all your "tough guy needs"

[J A N D E K]

I saw Ron /pol/ at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him to be mutuals on Kiwifarm or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she wasn't looking he whispered "1488".

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly and claiming the jews did 9/11.

Did we witness the birth of a new copypasta?

 

[QU 734]

Why do you say this

ok i admit it i love you ok i fucking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your boyfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninterested in me it fucking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i'm begging you to either love me back or remove me and NEVER EVER contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you don't love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life

 

[Y2K Baby]

ok i admit it i love you ok i fucking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your boyfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninterested in me it fucking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i'm begging you to either love me back or remove me and NEVER EVER contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you don't love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life

Thank.

 

[Cinderblock]

ok i admit it i love you ok i fucking love you and it breaks my heart when i see you play with someone else or anyone commenting in your profile i just want to be your boyfriend and put a heart in my profile linking to your profile and have a walltext of you commenting cute things i want to play video games talk in discord all night and watch a movie together but you just seem so uninterested in me it fucking kills me and i cant take it anymore i want to remove you but i care too much about you so please i'm begging you to either love me back or remove me and NEVER EVER contact me again it hurts so much to say this because i need you by my side but if you don't love me then i want you to leave because seeing your icon in my friendlist would kill me everyday of my pathetic life

Now this is quality copypasta material. Epic

 

[dopy]

I know this is kind of off topic but one of the things that really bothers me is when green beans squeak against my teeth. Whenever Mommy makes her Special Green Bean Casserole I kind of just have to grin and bear it. She makes it every few weeks so it's kind of a longstanding family staple. Now, I don't brush my teeth often (maybe once-ish a month) so you'd think that the layer of tartar I tend to have would act as a kind of sound-proofing protecting my skull from the incestant sqeak squeak squeak of chewing on her beans, but you'd be wrong.

 

[Kirito]

What is so funny about copypasta? Someone put a lot of time in writing out a wall of text, and all you do is just copy and paste it? Unbelievable. Freaking unbelievable. It is so disrespectful for the original writer to have his thoughts repeated over and over just for some kind of sick joke. You fools know the CSU copypasta, right? People chuckle at it because he was "very mad". Well, think about it, what if he WAS very mad? What if he actually had feelings and his day was ruined? Ever think about it like that? No, of course not. You tools just took his words over and over and used it for shits and giggles. How rude. That is just fucking wrong on so many levels. I'm not going to write out a copypasta myself, because I don't want my words to be spammed out over and over again. I'm just expressing my thoughts and feelings on the abuse of copypasta. It just needs to stop.

 

[HG 400]

OP is a faggot.

 

[Coldgrip]

*Angry didgeridoo sounds*

 

[HarvurdChikee]

He has no mercy towards anyone. Trust me, I know. Heck, I am a law enforcement officer here in Australia, and I have met some pretty hardcore mother fuckers during my career. But this @Dynastia guy... He is in a completely different league. I have no words to describe the amount of insanity and hatred this man has. I have met Dyn once. It's been over 20 years, but I still remember every detail what happened that day or should I say night. I was a rookie cop back then having been at work for a couple of weeks. One night we had to go to carry out search warrant at some rural property in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately for us it was @Dynastia's outback nigger training compound known as Abbo Front. My workmates were nervous about this, saying that we should call in Swat team or let the Kangaroo Guard take care of the situation. I thought they were just trying to scare me, but I was wrong, I was so, so wrong. So we get into our cars and drive to the property. And there he was. He stood out to me almost immediately as he was dressed in an all-brown Nazi uniform. He chanted 'Racial Holy War', and then he raised his AA-12 and began shooting with god-like accuracy. When the shootout was over, I was the only cop still alive. Before I could change the magazine of my gun he shot me in the leg. I don't remember much of what happened after that as I was passing out because of the blood loss. The last thing I can recall though is him standing over, urinating in my face saying "Drink this you fucking kike cock sucking copper!" I still see a psychiatrist on a daily basis.

 

[wabbits]

When I saw this, I was afraid Dynastia had died and his incomparable shit posting had ended. No more of his mordant wit and innovative exploits. His skillful use of the Brevity Thing (not much in evidence in the OP text, but generally his style) taught me much. What a relief that he will continue to be the global bad ass the internet needs.

(Soros paid me only $25 to post this plus a $5 bonus for a Lebowski reference and you know I wouldn't work that cheap if the content wasn't coming from the heart.)

 

[QU 734]

Thank.

You fucking do that every damn time I try to talk to you about anything even if it's not important you just say thank and to be honest it makes me feel rejected and unheard like nothing would be better than that bullshit who the fuck just says thank after you tell them something important I just don't understand how you think that's ok and I swear to god you're probably just gonna say thank to this but when you do you'll know that you're slowly killing me inside

 

[Cinderblock]

You fucking do that every damn time I try to talk to you about anything even if it's not important you just say thank and to be honest it makes me feel rejected and unheard like nothing would be better than that bullshit who the fuck just says thank after you tell them something important I just don't understand how you think that's ok and I swear to god you're probably just gonna say thank to this but when you do you'll know that you're slowly killing me inside

I have a boyfriend.

 

[J A N D E K]

You fucking do that every damn time I try to talk to you about anything even if it's not important you just say thank and to be honest it makes me feel rejected and unheard like nothing would be better than that bullshit who the fuck just says thank after you tell them something important I just don't understand how you think that's ok and I swear to god you're probably just gonna say thank to this but when you do you'll know that you're slowly killing me inside

He’ll rate this feels and “Thank” again.

 

[QU 734]

I have a boyfriend.

I might care if I was an beta faggot (like your boyfriend probably is lol), but I'm a fucking Chad now.

One of the biggest changes that happen to you when you undergo your transformation to a Chad is not giving a fuck and just treating talking to women like any other sales job. It IS a sales job. So you just ask chicks out. If it's a hard no, you move on to the next customer. If it's not a hard no, you add that bish to the backup call list and only hit her up when you're bored and in the mood for it, or when you're trolling for dates using the mass-texting method, where you just write up a generic text and send it to your backup list similar to dragging a net behind your boat to see what you catch. Sometimes the backup list works as a matter of timing because you catch the chick at the right time.

The biggest problem most guys have is they get too focused on 1 woman, and this causes them to reek of desperation and to also get wayyyyy too emotionally invested and affected by the decisions some woman makes outside their control.

Like any business, you need to build a client list. You need to keep hitting on women and getting their numbers, then processing them through your pipeline. Back when I dated, mine was like this:

First I message women online and push to number close within 3 messages or so. (1) message them some bullshit about something they put in their profile, or if you're lazy, some non-obvious copypasta, (2) bish replies, so you quickly establish some bullshit thing in common that relates to a date activity, like the beach, food, coffee, whatever. (3) bish replies positively, you: "we should totally do ___ sometime, whats your number". It's a formula and an assembly line. You're a chinaman making iphones. Don't try to make it bigger than it is.

You have tiered phone lists. Like I had my main "active" list of women I was working on dating or dating, my "backup" list of women I felt weren't an efficient use of time or wasn't that interested in, my "deep backup" of women I felt were longshots or had very little remaining interest in, and my "nope" list of numbers I kept just so I'd have caller ID on them if they ever contacted me. For me, I managed these lists with letter prefixes on the chick's name: x backup, y deep backup, z "nope".

You work your customer list in the following priority: (1) work your active girl list by texting with them to make plans, (2) when you're caught up on your actives, go look for new leads either online or IRL to keep a steady flow of new numbers coming in, (3) if you've got time coming up and you have free time and no plans, AND finished with 1 and 2, then mass-text your backup list sometime like "heyy how've you been?" if you've got time to kill, or "what are you up to saturday?" if you don't. Process any replies. If you STILL have an open slot, do the same to your deep backups. After all that is done, head back to the beginning and repeat.

You have to treat dating and getting pussy like a job if you want to be successful, because it is. In the process of doing this, you'll start to realize that your approach to women starts to become Chad-like as a matter of practical necessity, simply to keep building your pipeline and processing it.

Betas sit around not getting leads, sitting in an empty "office" all day, and then when 1 customer walks in, they lose their shit and don't know what to do and act like this 1 customer will make or break their business. So of course this freaks the customer out and she runs across the street to my store, which has a line. She figures "shit, there's a line, must be good!" meanwhile beta's face is pressed the the glass contorted in rage watching my poor customer service as I make my sales and hustle the women out as fast as possible. Double rage when he sees I have repeat customers. Think of it like how when some shitty new hipster place gets trendy on Yelp and suddenly there's a 2 hour wait, and the whole reason people want to go there is because everyone else is going there and people are too stupid to know good from bad, so they follow the crowd.

 

[Cinderblock]

Stuff about being a chad

Jesus, I almost fell for your copypasta bait. LOL, You deserve a medal; you were this close to making me sperg out about the funnel technique in dating and how I'm more of an "always with a broken heart" kinda person who likes reading tragic poetry. Also, I don't have a boyfriend.... that was a joke. Also, I don't have a girlfriend... which isn't a joke .

PS.
Bon chevalier masqué qui chevauche en silence,
Le Malheur a percé mon vieux coeur de sa lance.

 

[Y2K Baby]

Jesus, I almost fell for your copypasta bait. LOL, You deserve a medal; you were this close to making me sperg out about the funnel technique in dating and how I'm more of an "always with a broken heart" kinda person who likes reading tragic poetry. Also, I don't have a boyfriend.... that was a joke. Also, I don't have a girlfriend... which isn't a joke .

PS.
Bon chevalier masqué qui chevauche en silence,
Le Malheur a percé mon vieux coeur de sa lance.

Dork.

 

[Rand /pol/]

Dork.

Penis.

 

[QU 734]

Jesus, I almost fell for your copypasta bait. LOL, You deserve a medal; you were this close to making me sperg out about the funnel technique in dating and how I'm more of an "always with a broken heart" kinda person who likes reading tragic poetry. Also, I don't have a boyfriend.... that was a joke. Also, I don't have a girlfriend... which isn't a joke .

PS.
Bon chevalier masqué qui chevauche en silence,
Le Malheur a percé mon vieux coeur de sa lance.

Have you considered dating an autistic girl? 3 years ago, I met the young lady under the spoiler. We started going out. No one else would go out with her because of her autism. She is completely antisocial but since she respected me, I talked to her on the Internet and she basically declared her feelings for me in the setting she always found most comfortable. We have been happily together now for 3 years, and a year ago I moved in with her at the request of her parents. She is really hard to deal with, but I enjoy doing things for her.

Her parents are fairly rich and they finance our living. They've effectively hired me to live with her and take care of her. They just wanted her out of their hair now that she's an adult. I'm not really doing it for the money, we live modestly and the only payment I receive is the food I eat and the roof over my head. I've learned to enjoy giving my time and love to her even if she doesn't always reciprocate.

As for the sex life, it can be rather dull.

She can take care of herself for the most part, but will forget the little things. She's afraid to go outside alone or drive. She's afraid to try new things in general.

Sometimes I have to remind her to brush her teeth or shower, but there is something to be said for a girl who's a little musky. It's rewarding because I can bathe her myself.

At first it was hard to deal with her, but then I realized that women are children first and partners second. I think of her not only as a passionate lover and friend, but also as a student.

I use the computer a lot less than I used to, I devote most of my time to her happiness now, and I feel much better for it.

I'll take your questions but I don't have all the answers.

Spoiler: my sweetie

 

[dopy]

Don't get me wrong, I love Mommy, and we're lucky we have food on the table (Mommy kicked Daddy out years ago after she found him fooling around with other men, and I don't have a job currently, and Mommy is too large to work out of the house) but it's just that continuous rubbery squeaky sound I can't bear. I really love her cooking, and I love her, and it's not the flavor of the beans either that bother me. It's just the feeling of that slight rubbery drag over my front teeth with that slight squeak that you can sometimes emulate by rubbing styrofoam blocks together, but the sound is entirely contained in the bone structure of your skull and you can actually feel it. We had Mommy's Special Green Bean Casserole last week and I kind of rebelled (well, I'm 33, so it's more just I kind of implicitly said no to her cooking, I'm not an angsty and confused teenager anymore) when she came over to the top of the stairwell to the basement and yelled down into the darkness to get my cute lil' bumps up to the dinner table and I just kind of sat there and stared at the screen (I was browsing GBS at the time) and just sat in the silence and waited for her to go away maybe thinking she thought I was out grabbing more Mtn Dew (we both drink it by the truckload lol).

I don't always like getting ready for dinner either because Mommy likes to dress me up a little and put makeup on me (she started doing this after Daddy left for some reason, but I'm used to it by now). Also because it's hard for her to get out and about, I have to go to the store and buy clothes for her and try them on, I send pictures back to her (occasionally Livestream it) because she always says that she needs to "See them duds in action" before she wears them. But she doesn't really get dressed most days. Also she says that she was going to start making her Green Bean Casserole more often because she says I wasn't appreciative enough last time we had it. I can put up with the makeup and the dressing up (Mommy's been doing this since I was about 9 or 10 so I'm used to it) but the sound of the beans making my entire skull resonate at high frequency in such a way that I can't escape it is just too much to bear. I can deal with having to bathe Mommy daily and tuck her into bed and pan fry her Twinkies in butter for dessert (it's her favorite :3 ) but it's just those damn beans squeaking against every single tooth from my molars to my incisors and the feeling of that leathery rubbery skin dragging against every surface of the insides and outsides of my teeth and the high pitched vibration resonating from the bottom of my jaw into my nasal cavity up into my ears and my upper cranium and it happens over and over with every single bite and you just have to sit there with this heckish squeaking that is just this sensation of chewing styrofoam and cotton balls and grinding them in your teeth and your ears are just ringing with this and smiling because you love Mommy so much and you have to stare at her with teary eyes and she says that she's lucky that her little girl never betrayed her like Daddy did and you just kind of nod because you don't know what she's talking about and you love Mommy anyway and it's just squeak squeak squeak. You know what I mean?

 

[Cinderblock]

What have you monsters done with my thread lol?

Feels over reals: I've already dated an autistic girl. The sex was great. Her B.O. was not.

Dopy: Your postings of great walls of :autism: will get the attention of the White House. I suspect Trump will hire you to make walls of text big enough to keep the immigrants out and his approval ratings sky high.