I understand your concerns and how difficult it is for you and your team/friends to believe in my sincerity after everything I did and said. I assure you and promise that I DO REGRET FOR EVERYTHING I DID. I PROMISE THAT I WILL NOT DO THE THINGS I DID EVER AGAIN. I ASSURE YOU I’M NEITHER A THREAT NOR A DANGER. I want to find peace and with your help, leave the past buried so that I can start a new life away from my old life. We can stay in contact for as long as I have internet if you want. I have no problems with that and we can talk on telegram if that is ok.
Mr. [Redacted], I don’t see you as my enemy but I admit I fear you. I wrote this down telling the truth in everything I wrote but I fear the uncertainty. I don’t know what you will say. I confess that I’m not sure what your true intentions are and if you don’t seek revenge on me as you said or if all you want is burn me to ashes even after I said that I regret for everything. I don’t know who to trust and what to think at this point.
I’m doing my best to help you understand who I’m I and the events that led us here.
I truly left the wrong path and everything I used to be and do. I left darkness behind and I don’t want to return to it in all my days on this earth. I have prayed god at night asking forgiveness for my evil acts. And have told my closest friend of what I did. I do want to be a new man with all my heart. You saw animal stuff but I saw more than that. Thinking about it makes me cry because I wasn’t able to see the true nature of what I was doing, seeing and listening. It was like a spell. Like two people living in the same body while one could not control the actions of the other.
To tell the truth, that’s a lifestyle that even if you are not caught is a hollow horrible life. You turn into a monstrosity and everything changes without you even noticing. Before you know it you have turned into filth and all values and limits are gone. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s too hard to explain.
I will explain how it started and how it ended.
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The only reason I decided to stay and message [woof’s friend] was because I realized that what I did was wrong beyond all scale for evil things and wanted to apologize with him and let him know that I regretted for what I did. Why him? He always was very good to me and I wanted to talk one last time with him. We were friends in not distant past, very good friends. I'd stay up all night not going home to just video chat with him and was awesome. Also wanted to let my old friends know that I was sorry about everything and that I feel I disappointed them all with my actions.
I don't know if [friend] still sees me as a friend but I truly thank him for taking the time to read my letter. He is someone I’ll never forget. I hold good feelings for him and my old friends although I know I’ll not talk to them again. [Friend] and my friends that I met years ago were very good to me and they will be in my memory for ever.
I said to him when he asked (He can confirm) that I'd just stay sitting here waiting for the hammer to fall full force on me.
I'm not in position to ask for anything but I'd like these messages/emails to remain private and that any of this will never be published in public. I will also include a message/letter I sent to my friend [friend] days ago where I explain many things and apologize for everything. That letter was also an apology to my old friends that I met many years ago before I took the wrong path.
That letter was the result of my conclusions after analyzing everything I had done to that day both good and bad, and decided that the path I had taken was not the right thing and not what I wanted for my present life and the future.
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This was my letter/message to him:
This message was written to clarify some things and to apologize.
I beg you, read it through. I’m not asking for forgiveness. I’m just explaining my sad story.
First off, I want this message to stay private. This is only for you. You will do whatever you want in the end but since this is a personal message I’d like you keep it to yourself. I want to apologize for many things. I have known you for some time now and we were good friends. We used to talk a lot and I did enjoy our talking. It was me who didn’t have much to say most of the time but still loved to talk with you. I don’t see you as my enemy and don’t have bad feelings for you, but circumstances most likely have made you hate me at this point. I’ve done bad things and I want to apologize for that. I’m apologizing about everything. I feel really bad because I disappointed many good friends like [redacted] among others. I’ll never forget so many years ago when I met you, [redacted]. I said to them that I didn’t have any friends to talk with and they made a small group and invited me so that we could talk, share things and enjoy the best each one of us in the group had to offer. I saw as the group grew up with new members like [redacted]. Don’t know if he is still around but his comments were funny. I remember they wanted to mail me some money for my birthday. I didn’t say much at the time but their generosity and friendship was heart touching and is something I have present in my mind to this day.
They must hate as well and I understand why. I just wanted to say that they have a special place in my memory and heart. I’m sorry that things ended up this way. I wasn’t like this when we met years ago. I stepped into the dark side led by curiosity and a rumor of places where that which you’d think was impossible was actually possible. I did search in secret and after some time, came across places so dark that many would have nightmares for the rest of their lives if they could see what’s in there. Reality would turn unreality and any concept of what good and evil is would just vanish. There were no boundaries, no limits. I was shocked by what I saw and the more I saw it the more I got into it.
The dark world is something peculiar you know. The moment you find it your soul rips in half. A part of you hates it and want to leave it but the other part wants to embrace it and stay. An inner fight takes place in you like to animals fighting.
The problem is that after some time seeing hellish things, you start to see it as just something else not paying special interest to it anymore and even if you see others doing dark things it won’t cause any effect on you. Feels like if a dark spell had been cast upon you. I can’t describe it in any other way.
Now the recent events had a good effect on me albeit a painful one. Reading through posts of people who found leaked content realized that some of the things done were horrible and cruel beyond any possible scale. Their posts made me see things from a different perspective. The perspective of normal loving people made me realize that without noticing I turned into a monster. I was a lurker for the most part. In all that time only did two bad acts for someone else. Contrary to what most people believe, I did not enjoy what I did. It made sad actually and haunted my thoughts for a long time. What made it bearable to some degree was seeing people happy for what I had done which made me feel like it was nothing to worry about and the fact that both animals were stray, in a very sorry state and would have died anyway.
People’s comments made me see the world from my former perspective and broke the spell. The dark places are now gone and just like those places I’m leaving my old life in the past. I’m starting a new life away from everything and will not look back into anything dark in all my days. From now on I want to have a normal life like a normal person and try to forget the past as best as I can.
I made mistakes and was taught a lesson. Lost my friends and will surely have lots of troubles coming my way in the near future. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for everything and say good bye to my friends.
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Want to tell you some stories and a bit about me and dogs.
As I said before I was always an animal lover in the right way. I was born and raised countryside surrounded by animals and loved animals since a short age. Loved and took care of countless animals in my childhood, adolescence and adulthood. I took care of dogs for the most part. Mostly dogs that had been neglected by my neighbors. Helped them in any way I could but was frustrating at times because many owners would not support what I was doing and saw animals die for no reason.
Someone I knew, a neighbor next to my grandma’s house had two beautiful Doberman pups. I loved them. They were so elegant and kind. Always up for jumping playing and running all over the place. One afternoon, the female got a horrible beaten only because she stood up on her hind legs and stole some food item from the table. Suffice to say she came bleeding and I wanted to beat the owner really bad but my mom didn’t let me. This was when I was in high school. One day she got sick with gastroenteritis and her owner left her to die. I offered my savings to buy her in hopes to take to the vet and save her but her owner said no and she died lying against the fence. The male, was killed some months later when they hit him with their car. They didn’t take the time to take him to the vet. At least I stayed there with him till the end. I never forgot them. Their names were Shira and Simba. As a tribute to their memory I put two SS after my name on BF, meaning Wolf Shira and Simba.
The first breed that I had was a stray Doberman. She had a TVT commonly known as a venereal tumor that had not been treated for years and therefore she was in pretty bad condition when I found her. She was active and all but had a hole as wide as a fist in her shoulder and her parts were in bad condition.
She lived around a trash yard where she’d feed on rotten food and the like. One afternoon after I saw her I brought up a pizza that I bought for her and she loved it. That simple act marked the start of our friendship as I started buying pizzas for her almost on a daily basis. She later moved after me and made sort of “nest” in an empty space full of trees next to my home and I made a wooden house for her to keep her dry from rain and fresh from the sun. She lived there and I fed her with dog meat, egg and vegetables every day making her gain some weight. My mom didn’t like her with her wounds but she agreed to accept her at home if I could cure her. Took her to the vet but they said the cancer was too advanced to do anything so I did have her and made her as happy as I could for as long as was possible.
I picked up another stray sometime later and called her Schwarz. She was a Doberman mix and a really happy girl. All black and tan, with a tail like a pointer but shorter and large ears folded back like bat wings. By happy I mean a dog that is hyper active and loves running and going out for walks. Schwarz was how I named her and we were very happy. I miss those days.
She passed away because my mom made me fix her and she got tetanus most likely to reused blades/needles and stuff. Our vet clinics are usually located in garages and places that are not very suitable for such activities. I cried lots when she got sick and passed away. I did everything in my power to save her.
I could continue telling stories of dogs that I had but I don’t think you are interested in stories. Some of the best and most loyal friends I have had were dogs. They have loved me with everything and have been the only ones that have welcomed me wagging tails when my family and everyone else have turned their back on me. I’ve done the same for my dogs. I’ve been loyal to them day and night. They are my pack. When bad things happen and you don’t know where to look, my dogs are the only ones that have been there for me. I really mean it. I’m a dog person. I love dogs even if my recent acts seem to state the opposite.
I was not into anything dark some months ago. A proof of this is the fact that I shared all sort of personal information with many friends both furs and zoos. I did not have any secret at the time, nothing to be afraid of. My nature is to be a very communicative friendly person who likes to talk with friends and share anything. From pics of what I cooked for dinner last night to the beautiful landscapes in the mountains. I’ve been sharing stuff for years. This tells you that I had nothing to hide. Had I been into dark things before, I’d never shared any real life info with them.
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This is how my path into the dark started and how it ended. This is my true story and I hope this can serve to prevent others from following my path, a path that leads to self-destruction and pain for oneself and others.
Mr. [Redacted]. If you want to understand what made me do the things I did here it is.
I felt curiosity for dark things after hearing rumors of hidden places where things one would never believe could happen were actually real. Some called it wonderland. Heard of places where reality would turn into unreality. Heard stories of something called, dark web or deep web. I had heard about it in movies but never in real life. Anyway, I started my search for those places in secret and eventually found "mirrors" of those places on telegram. I saw all sort of things that I will not mention here and that I'd rather had never seen... I was introduced to sick music like Bushpig, Snuffporngore, Butcher’s harem, and other very dark music.
I came to places like:
[Redacted].
Those and other places are on Telegram and are real. In all those months I found a few animal groups compared to the darker ones.
I was in shock when I saw what was in those places. If any of you have been there you will know what I talk about and I don’t mean just about animals.
I saw people so dark that animal cruelty would seem like child’ splay compared to the things they did. I saw people who would self-inflict mutilation and wounds in their own bodies with their own hands and cutting tools. I saw a video of someone who removed his own parts…Artists of flesh as I was told they called themselves. I saw all kind of pics about dark, places, rituals, blood gore death, things that it is best not to look at and music that I wish I had never listened.
I was told if you want to find wonderland, you must go all the way down the rabbit’s hole. They didn’t say that wonderland would brand my soul.
Wonderland should actually be called hell land. I was told many things like “Light blinds your eyes, darkness enlights your mind” I was told many thing that twisted my mind and personality. It was a world of depravity and insanity beyond any conception a normal person can have.
Those places and people had an effect on me; my soul was ripping in half. A part wanted to desperately leave. The other wanted to stay. Was a mix of curiosity/hate for those things but was much more and deeper… I was conflicted with myself. A big internal struggle took place in me day and night. Like two opposing forces. Every time I’d ask about it, they’d say it was normal and that would pass away eventually.
Eventually I told to myself it was just my head playing tricks on me because of what I was seeing and after some time, things like gore, death, and all kind of darkness seemed as normal as looking a a fruit hanging from a tree. It was not like I wanted to do any of that in real life but the shock effect those things once had in my person was now gone. Replaced by just apathy or maybe indifference if that is the right word.
I still had good feelings in me. Still loved animals, I had loyalty to my true friends and the like but my indifference to gore, blood and death increased and indifference became obvious. Also started spending more time away from my good old friends from telegram. The ones I talk about above. They are amazing people!!! I would spend more time alone at times. I was changing. I could notice but I could not find out what it was or how to stop it.
There were several dark groups and channels. Many were public at first but became private/secret some time later. I didn’t go to those places looking for anything specific other than rare pictures and music, but after some months of brainwash my mind had changed. Although I didn’t know it, I had been molded to indifference for what I would find later. I was a wanderer for the most part. A lurker when one day someone posted a video of animal stuff which was different to others I had seen involving humans. It was after someone mentioned the word animal referring to the video that I understood what animal cruelty is. This new topic caught my curiosity as I had seen dark things with humans but never with animals. It was that, what opened Pandora’s Box and led me to my demise.
I was introduced to some people into animal animal some time later. The things they did was not nearly what I had seen done to/with humans and dead bodies. It was just some light and often faked bondage and dildo play. I was told this was cruelty. Only saw pictures of this and mostly pics of legs tied in normal position. Not uncomfortable ones that I could see.
Someone invited me to a group some time later and saw more of the same. I looked the same stuff for months not seeing anything new aside from old pics that were traded by people at times.
One day new people joined. They were Shady people. They posted hard pictures that even I had a hard time looking at. This was more similar to Zapp S’kred than anything else and made me wonder I they came from there. One of them said to know the producer. Unlike everyone else, these people liked gore and cruelty and were secretive. They would only say a few words from time to time. I didn’t like those things even at that point but I was just indifferent.
One day I was asked to produce two videos for them. They said everything they’d like to see. I had fear of what I heard. They said they would reward me with things I could not dream of.
I did as they wanted. It tore me apart, but did it. I cheated on them though and lessened things as much as I could. What I got as reward were nightmares for weeks, constant depression and the inability to talk of this to anyone.
They praised me for what I did, were more than happy in their own words. One day they vanished. Their accounts said DELETED.
Took me a long time to recover. Other gore lovers said that I should not worry about it that it was nothing...
I didn’t do anything dark after that but I did stay telling fake stories in a failed attempt to feel any better. My internal conflict had since increased ever since. But again it was partially stopped by people telling me that it was ok and was nothing. I was living in a world of darkness.
One day everything was discovered. It didn’t matter much until I heard people were very angry to say the least. I didn’t understand why until I saw their comments but even after that, I was still trying to figure out why they were so angry. It took me two days to realize why. I was still looking at things from the angle of the dark people and world where I had been the last months. The moment I looked at things and facts from the angle of normal people was like a veil had been removed from my mind and eyes and I cried alone for days, especially at night because I understood the nature of the things I did.
I regretted for everything and wrote a letter to an old friend. It was too late though. I was beyond salvation. The world hated me and I was a monster, an aberration of nature and all. But at least I was conscious of the things I did. I was free now.
I was told to leave, hide and regroup. I said I’d stay and that I’d leave everything behind. Never again I’d step on the path of darkness and evil. Nothing could change the past but maybe I could have a remote chance to change the future.
I said a to a good old friend that I was grateful to the people who called me a monster and that stood up against me because it was thank to them that I saw my mistakes and I asked him to make my message public for everyone to see.
Many bad people are sent to jail every day, many are locked for years, but how many truly change their minds and regret the bad things they did? I don’t have an answer for that.
I don’t know what the future will bring for me. I don’t know if those who know hold power over me will really give me the opportunity to start a new life rather than burn me to ashes as revenge one me but what I do know is that I have regretted for my past actions and that I credit and thank those who did everything in their power to find me and set me free.
That is how it ended.
My advice: Look not only for the dark animals groups but for the human dark groups also. Those groups make you ready to do worst things you can think of. Those places corrupt your mind and who you are and are like a drug. Once you get in you can’t get out easy.
I know the things I did cannot be undone or forgiven. You have the power to destroy me at any time. I’m just asking for a second chance. I’m no longer a threat nor now or in the future.
Don’t do as I did. Please have mercy for that which mercy did not have.
Good day to you.
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