Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[Count groudon]

When I was like 7 or 8 our teacher gave us an assignment where we had to give a step by step breakdown on how to do something we were good at, and then we had to give an oral presentation in front of the class as a way to get us accustomed to public speaking and open up about ourselves. I had not the slightest idea of what to write about, so I decided to make a report on how to make slime where I basically listed a bunch of random household cleaning shit that popped into my head and said to mix it all together until it was slime. For reasons that I didn't understand at the time my teacher pulled me aside and said I couldn't present mine to the class and just left it at that. It wasn't until many years later when I found that assignment while cleaning out my old back pack so I could let me cousin use it that I found out why that was. You see, since I was essentially bullshitting my way through the assignment I didn't actually pay attention to what components I was listing, and because of that I didn't realize that I had listed ammonia and bleach as things to mix for the project.

tL;DR: Groudon almost inadvertently taught his 2nd grade class to gas themselves.

 

[chunkygoth]

I went to the same Catholic School from Kindergarten to Eighth Grade, and it was an experience to say the least.

One example is the concept of Silent Lunch, which looking back on it, was probably super spooky for anyone that walked by the lunchroom during that time. I mean can anyone even imagine a grade school lunch room being completely silent? I talked to one of my friend's moms about it and she said she walked by the room one day to go pick up something and was creeped out by it. She said "All you could hear was the light noise of chewing food", which sounds like horror movie shit.

It was such a regular part of my school experience that TV shows featuring kids in the lunchroom confused me. "Why are they allowed to talk? Why is no one screaming at them to stop talking?". It was a very warped experience when I look back on it.

So basically, we had to sit in the lunch room, in complete silence, for the entire lunch period. Talking would cause you to lose your recess. Even communicating via crude sign language would cause this punishment to be levied at you (I once lost my recess for arranging a lunch trade entirely by tapping on shoulders and pointing at the food). And if you got caught, the lunchroom proctor would point you out and SCREAM at you and then have you stand up for the remainder of lunch, and then when recess starts, you come and sit at the front of the room to be part of "The Lunch Bunch". By the way, the teacher yelling at us was one of those reasons I thought the screaming librarian from All That was a funny bit in my youth because so often, I found the teacher yelling to be far more distracting and annoying than any whispering among the kids.

I remember one time, in Third Grade, I begged my teacher to let me stay in the classroom and eat because I was scared to death to go in there. I even told her "Look, I'm a fat kid. Lunch should be my favorite part of the day, but I'm almost too scared to eat because I'm afraid to make any noise". I didn't get my way, but it was indicative of what the atmosphere was like.

Now fast forward to High School and I found out I had a VERY hard time talking to people during lunch, even though I was completely allowed to do so now. It took a long time to beat nine straight years of lunch time silence out of me.

Looking back on it, the logic for the silent lunch was probably that the school administrative office was right next to the lunch room and they wanted to make sure the staff could hear the phone calls coming in and things like that. Okay, I get that I guess, but then why not just close the door to the cafeteria? Or screw it, why not just let us eat in the classrooms?

There are plenty of other weird things that went on at that school, but Silent Lunch is the big one that makes people go "huh?" when I tell the story. Some of my friends are teachers now and they can't even imagine a silent lunch room with a bunch of grade school kids, and others weren't sure I was describing a grade school or Juvenal Hall.

Maybe it was a Rule of St. Benedict throwback.

 

[Dolphin Lundgren]

When I was in middle school I witnessed a girl who ended up with a burst appendix right in the hallway. She was in so much pain that she fell to the floor and couldn't stand back up. Of course she had to be rushed to the hospital and it was a scary sight to see.

 

[8777BB5]

I went to the same Catholic School from Kindergarten to Eighth Grade, and it was an experience to say the least.

One example is the concept of Silent Lunch, which looking back on it, was probably super spooky for anyone that walked by the lunchroom during that time. I mean can anyone even imagine a grade school lunch room being completely silent? I talked to one of my friend's moms about it and she said she walked by the room one day to go pick up something and was creeped out by it. She said "All you could hear was the light noise of chewing food", which sounds like horror movie shit.

It was such a regular part of my school experience that TV shows featuring kids in the lunchroom confused me. "Why are they allowed to talk? Why is no one screaming at them to stop talking?". It was a very warped experience when I look back on it.

So basically, we had to sit in the lunch room, in complete silence, for the entire lunch period. Talking would cause you to lose your recess. Even communicating via crude sign language would cause this punishment to be levied at you (I once lost my recess for arranging a lunch trade entirely by tapping on shoulders and pointing at the food). And if you got caught, the lunchroom proctor would point you out and SCREAM at you and then have you stand up for the remainder of lunch, and then when recess starts, you come and sit at the front of the room to be part of "The Lunch Bunch". By the way, the teacher yelling at us was one of those reasons I thought the screaming librarian from All That was a funny bit in my youth because so often, I found the teacher yelling to be far more distracting and annoying than any whispering among the kids.

I remember one time, in Third Grade, I begged my teacher to let me stay in the classroom and eat because I was scared to death to go in there. I even told her "Look, I'm a fat kid. Lunch should be my favorite part of the day, but I'm almost too scared to eat because I'm afraid to make any noise". I didn't get my way, but it was indicative of what the atmosphere was like.

Now fast forward to High School and I found out I had a VERY hard time talking to people during lunch, even though I was completely allowed to do so now. It took a long time to beat nine straight years of lunch time silence out of me.

Looking back on it, the logic for the silent lunch was probably that the school administrative office was right next to the lunch room and they wanted to make sure the staff could hear the phone calls coming in and things like that. Okay, I get that I guess, but then why not just close the door to the cafeteria? Or screw it, why not just let us eat in the classrooms?

There are plenty of other weird things that went on at that school, but Silent Lunch is the big one that makes people go "huh?" when I tell the story. Some of my friends are teachers now and they can't even imagine a silent lunch room with a bunch of grade school kids, and others weren't sure I was describing a grade school or Juvenal Hall.

At my Elementary and Middle school (both of which were public) we had what was known as the 23/22 rule. Since lunch was forty-five minutes, you had to eat in silence for the first twenty-three minutes of lunch and then the last twenty-two minutes you could talk quietly. If any loud noise was made during the first twenty-three minutes, a minute was taken off your talking time and if you used up all the talking time, the class got a recess detention (Elementary School) or lost their chance to attend Fun Friday (Middle School)

The thing that always annoyed me about it was that the lunch monitors (who were usually the biggest assholes/cunts at the school) would punish the classes if their teachers made loud noises. For example, in fourth grade the lunch monitor gave my class three days of recess detention because our teacher did a victory dance when he found out his wife was pregnant with twins (They'd been trying for six years to have a baby) and in seventh grade my class lost Fun Friday for a month because the lunch monitor accused my science teacher purposefully blowing her nose too loudly to spite him.

Despite our parents best efforts, both principals stood by the lunch monitors decisions in both cases. As you can expect, the lunch monitors did not attend our classes fifth and eighth grade graduations due to the fact they knew they'd get torn a new asshole.

 

[Stock Image Photographer]

When I was in middle school I witnessed a girl who ended up with a burst appendix right in the hallway. She was in so much pain that she fell to the floor and couldn't stand back up. Of course she had to be rushed to the hospital and it was a scary sight to see.

When I was in middle school I kept making jokes to this girl I sat near in science class. She seemed like she was trying to keep herself from laughing, but eventually let out this huge gut-busting laugh, after which she doubled over in pain. She had to go to the nurse's office, and I learned afterwards that she had an appendectomy recently and that her laughing at my jokes nearly caused some internal sutures to break. I still feel bad about it.

Despite our parents best efforts, both principals stood by the lunch monitors decisions in both cases. As you can expect, the lunch monitors did not attend our classes fifth and eighth grade graduations due to the fact they knew they'd get torn a new asshole.

Lunch monitors and hall monitors seem to be universally terrible people. I think it's because they're usually middle age and they know they have no better job prospects, so they take their frustrations out on kids who can't fight back.

 

[DennisReynolds]

My friend took a shit in a drinking fountain at my upper class middle school. They locked the school down and announced it over the intercom. Lulz were had.

 

[Ed.]

I once witnessed a tard burst through the door and sprint behind our stage naked, he was hiding behind props and everyone was scared to go near him because he kept making growling noises. One of his special teachers came in and lured him out like a dog with apple pie.

 

[Mongolian_CoolRat]

local viners were invited to our school to have a talk about the future with our class and it was pretty ok,like they just kinda accepted the chance and even they didn't know what to talk about since they were only like maybe 5-6 years older than most of us but they were pretty chill about it by not over exaggerating the whole motivation thing

but uh they were mostly just college/university students so they ended up giving some neat advice about choosing where to go or if it was even worth going to specific ones

mostly just remembered those guys since most motivation talks are either the same thing or just terrible

 

[Very Clever Nickname]

I remembered another story about this weird phobia I had as a kid.

When I was about 7 or 8 I had this thing where I was afraid to sit in the hall for lunch because I was worried someone would throw up. I always begged to sit by the door so I could run out if it happened and they somehow always indulged me in this weird fear I had. It got so bad I eventually sat in the classroom to eat lunch for like 2 months until I got over it.

 

[DrJonesHat]

At my elementary school, we had the opposite of silent lunches. We were encouraged to sit with people we didn't usually sit with, and strike up a conversation. Much fun was had by this method, and that's how I got into building things because a kid showed me all the stuff he made out of common school items. Seriously, I went to elementary school with MacGuyver's kid. He's probably got a PhD in mechanical engineering now and has his own private nuclear reactor in his basement, powering his experiments while he's assisted by his sapient robot servant.

 

[Dolphin Lundgren]

My friend took a shit in a drinking fountain at my upper class middle school. They locked the school down and announced it over the intercom. Lulz were had.

This one time in middle school there was a sewage leak in the water fountain that was announced on the intercom....after I had already taken a sip from it.
Shit was nasty.

 

[Count groudon]

In my junior year my lovable idiot stoner friend almost got expelled from the vocational school me and my friends went to for half the day because he used a blowtorch to light a can of dip on fire so he could try huffing it.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Shit was nasty.

Literally?

 

[Dolphin Lundgren]

Literally?

Nah, not literally. Tasted like I got oversalted water in my mouth. But seriously though, the shit was nasty.

 

[ForgedBlades]

Was just thinking about this story and it still makes me laugh.

Back in high school I took accounting classes with two of my good buddies. Great times, some of the best I had in high school. We would sit around slacking off and just goof on shit since most of the class was group work. Teacher was totally laid back too which made it even better.

So one day we are sitting there listening to lecture and one of my buddies pulls this gigantic novelty pen out of his bag and starts taking notes nonchalantly with it. He doesn't make eye contact with us or try to play it up, he's just going about his business as if what he is doing is completely rational and normal.

Me and my other buddy try to hold back the laughter. Neither of us wanted to bust, but it was one of those times where trying not to laugh made it infinitely more funny. He could hear the snickering from both of us and he still kept a poker face and refused to acknowledge it. I finally bust out in uproarious laughter, followed by my friend. The teacher calms us down and goes back to talking.

He still wouldn't put that fucking pen away. I got kicked out of class because I couldn't have stopped laughing even if my life depended on it.

 

[DonaldJTrump]

Was just thinking about this story and it still makes me laugh.

Back in high school I took accounting classes with two of my good buddies. Great times, some of the best I had in high school. We would sit around slacking off and just goof on shit since most of the class was group work. Teacher was totally laid back too which made it even better.

So one day we are sitting there listening to lecture and one of my buddies pulls this gigantic novelty pen out of his bag and starts taking notes nonchalantly with it. He doesn't make eye contact with us or try to play it up, he's just going about his business as if what he is doing is completely rational and normal.

Me and my other buddy try to hold back the laughter. Neither of us wanted to bust, but it was one of those times where trying not to laugh made it infinitely more funny. He could hear the snickering from both of us and he still kept a poker face and refused to acknowledge it. I finally bust out in uproarious laughter, followed by my friend. The teacher calms us down and goes back to talking.

He still wouldn't put that fucking pen away. I got kicked out of class because I couldn't have stopped laughing even if my life depended on it.

Oh, I remember those, haven't seen one in at least 10 years

 

[Big Nasty]

Oh, I remember those, haven't seen one in at least 10 years

I have one in my office .

 

[fashion]

A few years ago, when we were in math class, for some reason a lot of people wanted to use the bathroom. The teacher (who was a really cool guy who called everyone “mate” for some reason) usually let the first person who asked to the bathroom, and the rest would wait for their turn.

Then, Kate appears. She’s kinda the autistic kid in class, only she’s not autistic and actually pretty cool. The only problem is, she was hard of hearing and would do really stupid things only for the lols.

Anyway, for some reason, she thinks it’s her turn and starts to go to the bathroom. Then the teacher says, “No mate!”. And for some reason, she starts running to the bathroom, even when he repeats “No mate!” a million times. By now, everyone in class is confused af.

When she gets back, the whole class is quiet and stares at her for answers. She is equally as confused. Then the teacher says, “Mate, why did you go to the bathroom? It wasn’t your turn.” “Then why did you say ‘Go Kate?”

She actually thought the teacher said “Go Kate” instead of “No Mate” and kept on running

 

[Jerri's Kid]

When I was in elementary school, there was this little kid who was really into collecting insects. He always carried a jar filled with various kinds of bugs he would capture while out in the field. I don't know how he did it, but one afternoon he managed to capture a tarantula hawk wasp. I didn't know its name at the time, but those things existed in my area and it was an enormous blue wasp with orange wings, so I don't know what else it could have been.

Anyway, we were all very impressed by his find, but then the dumbass teacher watching over us demanded that he let the thing go. Well, after spending several hours in a tiny jar, it was rightfully pissed off, so as soon as he opened the jar it immediately flew at him and stung him twice. You could hear his screams from across the field. Never fuck with Cazadores.

 

[vertexwindi]

When I was in elementary school, there was this little kid who was really into collecting insects. He always carried a jar filled with various kinds of bugs he would capture while out in the field. I don't know how he did it, but one afternoon he managed to capture a tarantula hawk wasp. I didn't know its name at the time, but those things existed in my area and it was an enormous blue wasp with orange wings, so I don't know what else it could have been.

Anyway, we were all very impressed by his find, but then the dumbass teacher watching over us demanded that he let the thing go. Well, after spending several hours in a tiny jar, it was rightfully pissed off, so as soon as he opened the jar it immediately flew at him and stung him twice. You could hear his screams from across the field. Never fuck with Cazadores.

Jesus Christ. I heard their stings are some of the worst pain a human being could ever experience.