Cookbook / Recipe Sharing thread

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

@Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. I tried making the Shooter's Sandwiches, and they turned out very tasty, but a little soggy. I think that's primarily due to not being able to find decent bread in the middle of nowhere Midwest USA. Any good bread recipes you can recommend before I try out one of my own?

There's a bit of a trick to this. What we need is something crusty and robust to stand up to our fillings, so I might offer this ciabatta recipe. Bread is a deceptively difficult thing (at least for me) for something with so few ingredients, but with some practice, you can end up with an excellent option that can hold up for recipes like the Shooters.
Leaving it out in a clean, dry place for a day or two will also help a lot. We don't want stale, just a little tougher.
Good luck!

 

[pwincess fwuffypants]

Slow cooker whole chicken. Get a large onion and slice it. Put the slices in the bottom of the slow cooker. Take one whole chicken, remove all the gizzardy stuff and either put it back in the freezer or throw it away. Rub 1tbl of curry powder and 1tbl of salt into the skin of chicken. Put chicken in slow cooker on top of the onions and pour 2 cups of water in, enough to keep it moist and hot. Turn it on and cook it for as long as your slow cooker's manual tells you to.

Then when it's done, let it cool, get some gloves on and pull all the meat off the bones and put it into plastic tubs. Put most of the meat in the freezer and keep a week's worth out in the fridge. You can use this meat to make sammiches, soups, casseroles, anything really. You can save the liquid the chicken cooked in too and use it as stock or broth.

 

[Valstrax]

Alright you autistic shitwads, you want to make dinner but you don't have the time to make a fucking rotisserie chicken? Then follow these instructions or do whatever I guess.

Step 1. Get yourself a pack of instant noodles, any kind will do but I prefer chicken. (They're like 90 cents where I'm from and you can go fucking nuts)
Step 2. Set your oven to max, fill a pot with hot water and let it sit on the iron. (tip: put salt in the water, it helps boil faster)
Step 3. Prepare your ingredients, I usually go for hot sauce and green onion but you can use whatever you want really.
Step 4. Place the noodles into the boiling water and wait around 3-4 minutes. (tip: add hot sauce to the mix to add a spicy flavor)
Step 5. Once the noodles are done, strain that bitch with water and place into the bowl.
Step 6. Decorate that shit with whatever ingredients you have/want.

There you go, kiddies. Something to cry about when you're on Hell's Kitchen or some shit.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

I am not fancy, but here's a thing: if you mix mayo (nice, thick one, I am aware USA has mostly garbage mayo, but try finding some), a dash of narsharab (pomegranate sauce - essentially,syrup - like this one) and some granulated garlic (or garlic salt - I didn't use it cause I like garlic, but not salt), and put it into the fridge for like 30min, you'll get a GREAT dipping sauce for veggies of any kind (and chicken breasts and other low-flavour meats). I like dipping deep-fried cauliflower into it.

 

[Cat Menagerie]

Couche couche. This is a very quick and simple staple Cajun breakfast dish and is essentially a cornmeal based mush.

1/4 cup lard (can substitute oil, butter, or shortening)
2 cups yellow cornmeal
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup mılk (I find whole works best)
3/4 cup water

Heat the oil in a heavy cast iron pot or Dutch oven. In a separate bowl, mix in dry ingredients, followed by the mılk and water. Mix into a batter then pour into the heavy pot once the oil is hot. Allow crust to form on the bottom prior to stirring. Reduce heat to simmer and continue stirring occasionally for about 15 minutes. Normally served in a bowl with mılk and sugar.

 

[DeadwastePrime]

My favourite recipe

1 2 Liter Bottle (with cap)
1 1 Liter Bottle (get 2 caps for it)
1 20 oz. Bottle (with cap)
1 Quart Jar
2 ft. 1/4in. diameter rubber/plastic hose (aquarium hose works good)
Coffee Filters
1 Funnel
1 Tubing Cutter (go to Home Depot)
2 Plyers
1 Roll of Ductape or Electrical Tape 1 Blender or Food Processor

200 60mg Pseudophedrine HCL pills (Actifed, Sudafed, Suphedrine, etc.)
1 1/2 cups Ammonium Nitrate fertilizer (33-0-0)
3 cans starting fluid
3 AA Energizer Lithuim Batteries
1 bottle Red Devil brand Lye
2 caps of water (use the top off the 2 liter)
1 box Iodized Salt
1 bottle Liquid Fire brand drain opener


Procedure:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1) Rinse and dry out all of your bottles. Be sure to get ALL of the
moisture out. Don't go any further until they are completely dry.

2) Put your pills into the blender or food processor and grind them
into powder. Mix them in with the 1 1/2 cups of Ammoniun Nitrate
fertilizer. Use the funnel to pour the mixture into the 2 liter
bottle.

3) Hold your cans of starting fluid upside-down and hold the button
until all of the air is out. Once the air is out, use a screwdriver (I
use a bottle opener.) to poke a hole in the bottom of the cans. Using
the funnel again, pour the liquid (ethyl ether) out of the cans into
the 2 Liter with the Ammonium Nitrate/pills mixture.

4) Now you have to take the Lithium strips out of the batteries (This
is why I recommend being experienced.). Tighten the tubing cutter onto
the center of the battery and spin it around until the metal casing is
cut. Be careful not to cut into the guts of the battery. If you mess
up the battery may become extremely hot and catch fire. Next take your
2 plyers and grab each end of the battery. Pull each side of the
casing off. Once the insides are out of the casing, place them in an
air tight container (Tupperware, Rubbermaid, etc.). They can be stored
for up to 3 hours. The lithium will become very volatile if exposed to
moisture in the air or water. Be careful!

5) Unroll the guts of the first battery and remove the Lithium strip.
There are two strips in a Lithium battery, so be sure not to get the
wrong one. You do not want the one that has shiny metal around the
edges. Tear the Lithium strip into tiny pieces and place them in the 2
Liter. Do the same with the other two batteries.

6) Take the cap off your bottle of Lye and fill its cap with it. Pour
this into the 2 Liter as well. Use the funnel!

7) Take the top of the 2 Liter and fill it with water. Pour the water
into the 2 Liter. Repeat once. You should see little bubble floating
to the top of the liquid in the bottle. Place the cap on the bottle
and swish it around a little (do not shake!).

Now your dope is cooking (I call it "rolling"). About every 5
minutes loosen the cap a little to release the pressure and to make it
"roll" a little harder. After about 10 seconds re-tighten the cap.
Don't breathe too deeply, because gaseous ammonia is released.

9) You have to keep adding Lye or your dope will stop "rolling". About
every 20 minutes add about 1 cap (use the cap off the lye bottle!) of
Lye. Tighten the top tight on the 2 Liter and shake the bottle
vigorously for about 8 seconds. Loosen the top, releasing the
pressure, and the dope will start "rolling" perfectly. Repeat every 20
minutes. You do not want to use more than 2/3 bottle of Lye, so you
may have to adjust the amount you add or how often you add it to make
it go for 2 hours.

10) After 2 hours, your dope is through "rolling". Get the funnel and
place it in the 1 Liter bottle. Put two coffee filters in the funnel
and pour the liquid from the 2 Liter through them into the 1 liter
bottle. Pour a little at a time to make sure you don't let any get
outside the filters. Once the 1 liter is filled, tighten the top on it
all the way. It'll ruin your dope if you let dirt or moisture get into
it.

11) Take the 2nd top to the 1 liter and the top to the 20 oz. and cut
holes in them barely big enough to fit the plastic/rubber hose into.
Put each end of the hose into each top and make them air tight using
ductape or electrical tape. Make sure you use a clean hose!

12) Remove the cap from the 1 liter bottle and screw on the one with
the hose attached to it. Pour iodized salt into your 20 oz. until it
is filled about 1/2 inch from the bottom. Take the cap from your 2
liter or another cap the same size and fill it with Liquid Fire. Pour
the Liquid Fire onto the salt and tightly screw the top attached to
the other end of the hose onto the 20 oz. Shake the 20 oz.
left-to-right for about 4 seconds. Pump (squeeze and release) it once
and sit it down. Smoke will begin the fill the 1 liter. As the smoke
begins to go into the liquid, you will see the dope "fall". It looks
snow. When the smoke stops, take the top off the 1 liter and tie a
knot in the hose. Put the other top back on the 1 liter and shake it
vigorously for 30 seconds. Let the crystal settle. Put the funnel over
the jar with 2 new coffee filters it it and pour the liquid through
them. A little bit of meth gets caught in the filters, but the rest
stays in the bottle. Cut the top half of the bottle off and use a hair
dryer to dry the crystal. You're done!

i prefer cocaine but thats just me not being rural trash like yourself

 

[HG 400]

i prefer cocaine but thats just me not being rural trash like yourself

Cocaine is for high school kids and soft boys.

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

Alright bitches, tonight we're doing Date Night recipes.
I don't know where you live, but it's cold and icy as shit here right now and that means we need something nice and comforting for a quiet night in.
Thus, we're doing Pork Argodolce.

Ingredients:
3 1/2 pounds boneless pork shoulder, cut into 2-3 inch chunks (It's often called a "pork butt" at the store but it's actually a shoulder cut, and this is important. We need a well marbled, yet hearty cut that is appropriate for a long braising. This will make or break the dish, so get the right cut. If you don't have that marbling, you're headed for a dry ass roast)
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1/3 cup aged balsamic vinegar (good shit, there's a lot here, so do not cheap on this and pay for the nice stuff)
1/4 cup distilled white vinegar (we don't want to do all balsamic, this will raise the acidity a little to balance the honey while not overwhelming the flavor)
3 tablespoons honey (any kind, I use regular ass clover honey, but if you've got another variety you prefer, go for it)
2 anchovy fillets mashed (Do not leave this off. I know, you think you don't like anchovies, but these will essentially dissolve in the liquid with this kind of cooking time, and it adds a nice unctuousness to the whole affair. That straight anchovy flavor isn't something you'll taste once it's done, just do it.)
2 cloves minced garlic (And use nice, fat cloves, not the shrimpy ones on the weird end. If in doubt, go heavy instead of light, you're adding a lot of honey, so you need a nice herbal bite)
1/4 cup green onions (to sprinkle on top)
1 tablespoon minced fresh rosemary (yes, it has to be fresh, and I'd advise more, details below)
1 tablespoon kosher salt, plus more to taste (if you have it, I prefer sea salt, and it'll really help this shine)
1 teaspoon red chili flakes (you can be liberal with these depending on taste, it's pretty forgiving if you like a little more heat)
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

First, preheat the oven to 325 F.
Now what we're doing here is mixing up everything except the pork and the green onion into a prep bowl with a whisk. The original recipe calls for 1 tbs of rosemary, but that's the bare minimum. I favor more like 1 1/2 tbs of the minced rosemary and stick a sprig or two in the braising pan while it cooks, because it'll help round off the flavor nicely. Now you're gonna dice your pork into nice cubes, 2-3 inches or so, and toss them in your sauce. Then you want to move that into a baking dish (I use a large casserole dish with high sides), and set that in the oven for about an hour and a half. After that, you're gonna want to take it out and flip the pork pieces so the part that was out of the liquid is now beneath it. This is gonna give you a good, even mix of roasting and braising. Then it goes back in for another hour. If you find that you're losing too much liquid, don't panic, just add a little water so it covers about halfway. We don't want them swimming, just braising. By the end, you want them fork tender, but not falling apart.

Now take them out. Skim the fat if you'd like, or don't, I'm not your cardiologist, and opinion is divided on whether or not this is a good idea or a mortal sin. I like to serve this over some garlic mashed potatoes, but you can do polenta, grits, pretty much anything. Whatever you're serving over, we're gonna sprinkle our sliced green onion over the top and make a nice little plate. If it's date night, make sure we use a nice deep plate and run a paper towel around the edges to clean it up and make a sexy plating.

For wine, I know you normally do a white with pork, but this is a pretty strong Italian dish. That Riesling is going to be eaten alive by the tomato and garlic, so I'd actually recommend a more subdued red. A Shiraz, particularly a light one with a peppery finish, might be a nice pairing here.

Serve it on a nice occasion or for a date night. Happy cooking!

 

[Man vs persistent rat]

I got very motivated to make that from the Chef John video, he's on a tear at the moment. Especially as it's always good to find new ways to use mashed potato, delicious as it is. I also recommend his rendang (recipe in video description), if you've made a chilli you can easily make that.

 

[pwincess fwuffypants]

Chili.

The Mexipois: 1 white onion, 2 jalapenos, 1 habanero (or carolina reaper), all diced
The chili mix: 3 tbl chili powder, 1 tbl oregano, 1 tbl cumin
2-3 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
2lbs ground beef
1 big can of kidney beans, 1 big can of pinto beans
1 big can crushed tomatoes
1 regular can tomato sauce
Salt to taste

Salt and pepper the mexipois. Cook the mexipois in a little bit of oil until the onions start to turn translucent. Add the garlic, cook it for a minute or two. Add the ground beef. Cook until it's browned. Add chili mix, stir it around to wake it up. Add all the tomatoey stuff, bring to simmer. Give it a taste and add salt as you like. Stir in the beans bring back to simmer. Give it a taste, salt it more. Simmer for an hour or so.

 

[DeadwastePrime]

1 big can of kidney beans, 1 big can of pinto beans
1 big can crushed tomatoes

sinner. real chili never needs tomatoes or beans. just a meat stew with vegetables

 

[pwincess fwuffypants]

sinner. real chili never needs tomatoes or beans. just a meat stew with vegetables

Hey, I was a poorfag when I was cooking for myself, and I'm not ashamed of using beans to stretch out the chili. If you're not a poorfag, you can leave it out.

 

[Pocket_Sand!]

@Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. the Pork Argodolce was truly outstanding, and we enjoyed cooking it as much as eating it. Your recipe instructions and recommended methods were great and very helpful. The wine pairing was perfect, we went with a sort of "peppery" Shiraz that we sometimes have with Indian.

Also as a side note, the ciabatta recipe you recommended for the Shooter's Sandwiches was perfect once I got baking it down (took me two attempts, I'm not ashamed to admit that I find bread something of a challenge). And I've made a habit of packing them along for work a day or two a week. They're an outstanding meal on their own, and hold up to being in a lunchbox very well (which I suppose was what they were intended for).

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

@Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. the Pork Argodolce was truly outstanding, and we enjoyed cooking it as much as eating it. Your recipe instructions and recommended methods were great and very helpful. The wine pairing was perfect, we went with a sort of "peppery" Shiraz that we sometimes have with Indian.

Also as a side note, the ciabatta recipe you recommended for the Shooter's Sandwiches was perfect once I got baking it down (took me two attempts, I'm not ashamed to admit that I find bread something of a challenge). And I've made a habit of packing them along for work a day or two a week. They're an outstanding meal on their own, and hold up to being in a lunchbox very well (which I suppose was what they were intended for).

Awesome, man! I've been obsessed with the Agrodolce lately, it's deceptively easy and you can prep before work and have a hot meal when you get home with very little effort. It's cold as shit here, so comfort food is called for.

 

[gREEEEEEEEEr]

Chili.

The Mexipois: 1 white onion, 2 jalapenos, 1 habanero (or carolina reaper), all diced
The chili mix: 3 tbl chili powder, 1 tbl oregano, 1 tbl cumin
2lbs ground beef
1 big can of kidney beans, 1 big can of pinto beans
1 big can crushed tomatoes
1 regular can tomato sauce
Salt to taste

Salt and pepper the mexipois. Cook the mexipois in a little bit of oil until the onions start to turn translucent. Add the ground beef. Cook until it's browned. Add chili mix, stir it around to wake it up. Add all the tomatoey stuff, bring to simmer. Give it a taste and add salt as you like. Stir in the beans bring back to simmer. Give it a taste, salt it more. Simmer for an hour or so.

That sounds like a decent enough recipe, but I personally don't feel like two jalapenos and a Carolina Reaper would make it spicy enough.

edit: no, I take it back. Oregano in chili? What is this, Italy? Where's the garlic?

 

[pwincess fwuffypants]

That sounds like a decent enough recipe, but I personally don't feel like two jalapenos and a Carolina Reaper would make it spicy enough.

edit: no, I take it back. Oregano in chili? What is this, Italy? Where's the garlic?

Garlic - got me there, forgot it. I'd say 2-3 cloves. But it's really about how much you love garlic.
Oregano - almost every chili recipe out there will call for some oregano. You can argue about the amount all you want.
Peppers - sure, you can argue about that too.

 

[gREEEEEEEEEr]

Garlic - got me there, forgot it. I'd say 2-3 cloves. But it's really about how much you love garlic.
Oregano - almost every chili recipe out there will call for some oregano. You can argue about the amount all you want.
Peppers - sure, you can argue about that too.

After consulting Google, it seems like it's about 50/50 on the oregano. I expected more of them to call for bay leaves, instead, but they did not. I'm guessing that people go "bay leaves?" but already have oregano in their kitchen, so many recipes are written to assume this.

And I like my food spicier than humanly possible for most mortals, so that affects my preference on the chilies.

 

[Buster O'Keefe]

Roast Chicken

Every cook has their own recipe and method for roasting a whole chicken. Here is mine.

Ingredients:

• 1 whole chicken, gutted and plucked, the best you can afford. I would choose a 'free range' bird: outdoor reared, actually looks like a chicken and not a freakish abomination. Even better, raise your own hens. 1.5 kg (oven ready) is a good size for 2 people plus leftovers.
• 1 lemon
• Bunch of fresh herbs: thyme, rosemary, tarragon are all good here.
• Enough streaky bacon to cover the breast meat
• Sea-salt and pepper

Equipment:

• A trussing needle
• Butcher's twine
• A roasting tray with rack

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 180C (fan oven). Bring the chicken, uncovered to room temperature. Wipe off any moisture with kitchen roll, You want dry skin.
2. Quarter the lemon and put it and the herbs into the body cavity. Throw some seasoning in there, and then using your needle and twine truss that sucker so the cavity is as sealed as you can get it and the legs are tight to the breasts. This is a good method
3. Season the bird all over with plenty of salt and pepper.
4. Drape the bacon slices over the breasts.
5. Roast with as little disturbance as possible for 20 mins plus 45 minutes per kg. Our 1.5kg bird will be in for 1 hour and 25-30 minutes
6. 20 minutes before the end of the cooking time, carefully remove the bacon and return the chicken to the oven. Eat this bacon now, this is your first cook's reward.
7. Once cooked, snip the twine and drain the juices from the cavity: I stick a wooden spoon into the ass end and use a spatula to help lift it up and let the goodnes pour out. Keep the juices for gravy. Let the bird rest for at least 20 minutes before carving. I let mine rest for longer. Don't worry about it getting cold, warm plates and gravy will sort that out.
8. Carve it up, and make sure you eat the 'oysters' from the back. Cook's reward number 2.
9. Serve however the hell you want.

This is a pretty simple recipe which yields juicy meat every time. I tend to serve the legs with a roast dinner on the day I cook the chicken, and use the breasts for fried rice and pie dishes over the next few days. Freeze the carcass to make your own stock.

Do any Kiwis have other tried and trusted roasting methods? Does anyone brine? Do you baste? Do you you stuff your bird?

 

[Shibaru]

Microwave Baked Potatoes.
I've used this Recipe for years and it's pretty simple:

You will need:
-A Microwave
-A Fork
-A Potato

Take your Fork and Poke Holes in the Potato, then once you have enough holes in the potato, place it onto a plate and put it in the microwave.
Microwave for 3 Minutes, then let it cool for 1 Minute.
Presto! An Instant Baked Potato that is actually very Tasty.

A Pretty Simple recipe this, but One that I Enjoy.

 

[TheRedChair]

Tales From the Po' Man's File. The Ghetto Tottie.

NOTE: WARNING. Do not take this while you are on many sort of medication... PERIOD. Hot Totties (Toddy) are a old folks remedy/drink to help relieve the aches, pain and congestion coming from a cold, flu, ETC. The earliest version of a goes back over 300 years.

It is supposed to be used INSTEAD of the usual cough/pain reliever medicine. I've seen Darwin in action when people take drugs and alcohol and wind up as a Pretty Corpse. The reason why I'm posting this is because its fucking wet and cold in most of the US right now. It's also a decent drink if you do it to your tastes. Be smart and look up what Hot Totties are used for. I'm not going to be responsible for you being a Dumb Ass. Be Safe. Be Smart.


When you have money you can make what ever mix drink with high quality products. When you are struggling in life you use what you have to get by. The Ghetto Tottie was created as something necessary to help relieve the aches and pain of a cold.
But there is one thing that is different than what you will see being done on YouTube. How you drink your " Ghetto Tottie" over how they drink theirs.

For a general Hot Tottie the Ingredients are:
2oz of a quality whiskey.
1 whole squeezed lemon.
2 table spoons of honey.
2 oz of water.
1 Tea Bag (sometimes)
All of the contents put into a small pot to heat up until it is nice and hot. Put the contents into mug and drink it in.

For a Ghetto Tottie you need the following:
1 measuring cup. Preferably the 2 cup version or a Mason Jar.

1 Mason jar to place the contents in. It MUST be a Mason Jar as the thickness of the glass can take the boiling heat of the water you will be placing it in.

2/3 cup of cola. If it is flat that's fine. It is a good way of getting rid of flat soda.

4 or so packets of "Honey" sauce that you get from a fast food joint. Most honey packets have some honey but most of it is probably corn syrup. If you can get real honey that's great but when your struggling you use what you have.

6 or more teaspoons of concentrated lemon extract. Get it as tart as possible to your taste.
Enough water to raise the contents to one cup (8oz). The Hooch mix has 4 servings to use to make your Ghetto Tottie. Lasts about a week or so in the fridge.

What you need to do next:
1. Stir the contents in the measuring cup. Note: I use chopsticks to squeeze out the honey sauce. It's easier that way.

2. Pour out 2oz of contents into the mason jar.

3. Add 2oz of Cheap Vodka into the mason jar.

4. Close the mason jar and place it into a small pot of water. Add water into the pot until it is equal level as the contents in the mason jar.

5. Turn on the stove and get the water in the pot almost to a roiling boil. This means the water is bubbly but not into a heavy boil.

6. Turn off the stove and get a rag, oven mittens, ETC, so you can to grab the mason out of the pot of hot water. The mason jar WILL BE HOT to the touch.

7. Bring the mason close to your nose, crack open the lip and let the alcohol penetrate your clogged nasal passages as your try to sniff it. Alcohol vaporizes before the heated water/liquid inside the Mason jar. It acts like Vicks vapor rub that you place under your nose except being 90% alcohol vapors, it will bitch slap you across the face.... hard. When you sniff enough of the Mason Vapors open up the top and slowly drink the hot drink. You will feel a warming sensation as the heated contents go down your throat. This is the reason why you do not drink a hot tottie and take medication. You are sniffing heated organic alcohol vapors and it will hit your blood stream a hell of a lot faster than drinking mix drink with vodka.

8. Finish up the contents and go to bed. Drink ONLY one Ghetto Tottie before going to bed. If you can't drink it all... Don't.


The Ghetto Tottie is a direct swap of close enough ingredients that is used in a regular Hot Tottie. The Tea is for the Caffeine. You get that from the cola. Whiskey is swapped out for Cheap Ass Vodka. And so on. To this day I've used this drink on many occasions when I get sick and tired of cough medicine that only relieves the affects of a cold. I might as well be smashed and get some decent sleep for a few hours at least.

Your miles may vary, but it did work for me. And so it became another tidbit of information... to be shared and placed within... "The Po' Man's Files".