Posted by
u/Deadnameproblems
4 hours ago
My sister has named my nephew my deadname. How do I deal with this?
Throwaway because I feel this is a fairly uncommon scenario.
I am mtf transgender, been on hormones for about a year and a half. Living full time female for about 4 years nearly.
When I came out my whole family was VERY supportive about it. My parents ferrying me to my appointments about 2 hours drive away as I can't drive yet. While my sisters were supportive, there was definitely some misunderstanding and it took them a little longer to just understand the idea of being trans.
I have a sister who has mothered 3 kids so far before I came out and we have varied relationships. I explained to them what transition was and they accepted it immediately. About 8 months ago, another of my sister's had a baby boy and he is my world. I adore him and we have a great relationship so far.
About a week ago, another of my sister's had a baby boy also. The day of the birth, she posted a picture of the baby to our family chat group with the name.
It was my deadname. First and middle name. I was speechless. I had no idea to react to this.
A few months back my mother had told me that her and her partner were considering the first name and it really wrecked my head and I cried heavily in front of my mum. She told me this behind my sister's back. Realistically my sister had no intentions of asking me whether this would be okay or whether it would affect me in general. I assumed that my mother had relayed back my feelings
Now the name itself has been explained to me as her partner's grandfather's name he was close to. The middle name is our fathers name.
This doesn't change how the name makes me feel obviously and every time someone mentions the name, it brings me a lot of emotions that I'm not really sure how to deal with.
It's been a week and I've yet to see the baby. I am worried about going round too soon as my sister will likely ask me how I'm feeling about it and I will almost definitely get emotional and have an argument about it.
The problem really is that I haven't been considered in the naming process of a name that makes me feel horrible and reminds me of depression and suicidal thoughts.
My family has been fairly quiet on the subject to the point where it feels like they don't wanna talk about it. The few times my mum or dad has spoken about it I have basically been told that I just need to "get over it"
Has anyone had anything similar and could offer any advice as I'm just very confused on how to feel or deal with the situation?