Megathread Phil buying edgy shit megathread - Your tax dollars at work

[The Dude]

Those shirts look like they came from early 2000’s hot topic

That's Phil's wardrobe in a nutshell: edgy middle school emo kid circa 2004. He's got the mental age of 13. He will always be just an immature try hard edge lord. And its fucking hilarious.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

He's got the mental age of 13.

Are 13 year olds really as immature as Phil?

 

[Mogambo]

Are 13 year olds really as immature as Phil?

You're right. 13 year old boys don't think boy bands count as "revolutionary" or "hardcore." By that age they're laughing at the speds who are running around with their arms flailing behind them like a Naruto character. You just KNOW Phil ran through the hallways of his high school like that while shouting "I am Sasuke! Kawaii desi!"

 

[Y2K Baby]

shouting "I am Sasuke! Kawaii desi!"

Sasuke would NOT say that.

 

[Syaoran Li]

I get this weird feeling that if Phil were born five or ten years earlier, he'd still be an edgelord.

If he didn't have a weeb phase in high school, Phil would probably turn out to be one of those right-winger militia movement sympathizers or paramilitary wannabe types. You know the ones I'm talking about.

I'm talking the kind of guys who would read Soldier of Fortune Magazine and cheap paramilitary paperback novels unironically, sperged endlessly about shit like Ruby Ridge and Waco, and would proudly fly the POW-MIA flag in their yard despite never serving in the military in any capacity.

Sort of like Jace Connors, only a Boomer or Generation X'er and obsessed with Soldier of Fortune Magazine and Red Dawn instead of Call of Duty.

Phil definitely fits the edgy mall ninja wannabe tough guy profile. Honestly, had he been exposed to different media in his formative years, he probably would've been a real life Jace, only a lot less funny or endearing.

Even if you factor the Naruto obsession and his weeb tendencies into account, he only really turned out the way he did because of identity politics and cosplaying as the wrong Hetalia character at the wrong time. Had he cosplayed as Germany or Prussia, he'd probably be one of those Alt-Right Wehraboos instead of an SJW Antifa LARP'er.

And if Phil was born 5-10 years earlier and still had a weeb phase, he'd be one of those guys you saw everywhere back in the 90's and early 2000's.

The kind of guys who unironically wore black dusters, backwards ball caps, fingerless gloves, and mirrored sunglasses and listened to bands like Nine Inch Nails and The Sisters of Mercy.

He'd be the kind of guy who would probably be big into edgy shit like Vampire: The Masquerade (especially the LARP version) and he'd still have a lot of shitty mall ninja blades but less commie sperging.

Also, I could see him probably getting into Satanism, Paganism, or the Occult instead of being fixated on Judaism, Buddhism, and Militant Atheism at random intervals.

Yes, I know of his very short-lived Troon Witch phase when he wore a Wiccan necklace and a Halloween witch hat, but the kind of edgelord I am describing would be fixated on occultism and Neo-Paganism in the same way that Phil is cyclically obsessed with Judaism and Buddhism (despite being a rabid Anti-Semite these days)

Instead of Naruto, Phil would be into old VHS weeb shit like Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D, Angel Cop, and Legend of the Overfiend.

I would normally blame Phil's behavior on his fixation with far-left identity politics, and while that has certainly ruined his life and made an already bad situation exponentially worse, I can't help but think that Phil would've been a whiny edgelord fuck-up no matter what.

If he were born just a few years earlier, he'd still be a friendless edgelord wasting his money on useless shit in a futile attempt to look badass.

The only difference is that he'd be either a Militia Movement edgelord or Trenchcoat Mafia edgelord instead of claiming to be the Prime Minister of Antifa.

 

[Y2K Baby]

those right-winger militia movement sympathizers or paramilitary wannabe types. You know the ones I'm talking about.

I'm talking the kind of guys who would read Soldier of Fortune Magazine and cheap paramilitary paperback novels unironically, sperged endlessly about shit like Ruby Ridge and Waco, and would proudly fly the POW-MIA flag in their yard despite never serving in the military in any capacity.

Sort of like Jace Connors, only a Boomer or Generation X'er and obsessed with Soldier of Fortune Magazine and Red Dawn instead of Call of Duty.

If you're into that kind of person, HMU through a local toll-free number

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Also, I could see him probably getting into Satanism, Paganism, or the Occult instead of being fixated on Judaism, Buddhism, and Militant Atheism at random intervals.

Yes, I know of his very short-lived Troon Witch phase when he wore a Wiccan necklace and a Halloween witch hat, but the kind of edgelord I am describing would be fixated on occultism and Neo-Paganism in the same way that Phil is cyclically obsessed with Judaism and Buddhism (despite being a rabid Anti-Semite these days)

Instead of Naruto, Phil would be into old VHS weeb shit like Ninja Scroll, Vampire Hunter D, Angel Cop, and Legend of the Overfiend.

So basically an retarded Varg Vikernes?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

[...]

Phil identified as conservative Republican in high school IIRC. I hear he wore a fedora.

 

[Big Nasty]

It's been a while since Phil bought or stole any road maps, right?

 

[The Dude]

It's been a while since Phil bought or stole any road maps, right?

Its doubtful Phil has ever stolen anything. He's terrified of the police and being arrested. Despite his "Crime Minister" boasting, he's very law abiding because he knows his TardBux rowboat will be torpedoed if he's convicted of a crime. So Phil talks a lot of shit to try to impress other Leftards.

 

[Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.]

I get this weird feeling that if Phil were born five or ten years earlier, he'd still be an edgelord.

If he didn't have a weeb phase in high school, Phil would probably turn out to be one of those right-winger militia movement sympathizers or paramilitary wannabe types. You know the ones I'm talking about.

I'm talking the kind of guys who would read Soldier of Fortune Magazine and cheap paramilitary paperback novels unironically, sperged endlessly about shit like Ruby Ridge and Waco, and would proudly fly the POW-MIA flag in their yard despite never serving in the military in any capacity.

Sort of like Jace Connors, only a Boomer or Generation X'er and obsessed with Soldier of Fortune Magazine and Red Dawn instead of Call of Duty.

A sound theory, and the fascinating thing is that he'd still fail to fit in.
Tactikool Gear shits are annoying as hell, but they're also pedantic and smug to an insane degree. Think "hipsters with guns". Every firing range has them, we all hate them, and they will talk and talk and talk no matter what you do. Phil can't hang with that.
Phil has spent the money for "full digital camo" nonsense, and then covered said nonsense in eye catching antifa patches and punk shit. This defeats the purpose of both, and he'd be ridiculed mercilessly for it.

That's the ironic thing. Even alternate universe Phil who became a hardline Militia sperg would still fail to fit in with his chosen group, probably to an even greater degree than he does fitting into the "anarchy and buttsex" crowd. The Militia kids are all about oneupping each other, and there's no "my feels" copout.
"Oh, you got that compensator? For that money? How droll, you could've got this one from this one manufacturer that only I've heard of because I'm a real patriot!"

In every iteration of who he might have been, he'd still screw the pooch, because if he didn't?
He wouldn't be Phil.

 

[ThunderPlunder]

Edit: thinking more on it, if Phil goes wearing that outside, it won't be pretty for him if he runs into real Marines. Marines don't take too kindly to pinko tankie tards like Phil disrespecting their uniform and being un-American shit stains. Phil's likely to get a Devil Dog beat down if he runs into anyone from the Corps, and they will not use his preferred pronouns.

This is exactly how I lost my first job bouncing. Something extremely similar happened to your hypothetical. I was not polite about it.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

A sound theory, and the fascinating thing is that he'd still fail to fit in.
Tactikool Gear shits are annoying as hell, but they're also pedantic and smug to an insane degree. Think "hipsters with guns". Every firing range has them, we all hate them, and they will talk and talk and talk no matter what you do. Phil can't hang with that.
Phil has spent the money for "full digital camo" nonsense, and then covered said nonsense in eye catching antifa patches and punk shit. This defeats the purpose of both, and he'd be ridiculed mercilessly for it.

That's the ironic thing. Even alternate universe Phil who became a hardline Militia sperg would still fail to fit in with his chosen group, probably to an even greater degree than he does fitting into the "anarchy and buttsex" crowd. The Militia kids are all about oneupping each other, and there's no "my feels" copout.
"Oh, you got that compensator? For that money? How droll, you could've got this one from this one manufacturer that only I've heard of because I'm a real patriot!"

In every iteration of who he might have been, he'd still screw the pooch, because if he didn't?
He wouldn't be Phil.

I would imagine that those people would not be impressed with toy guns.

 

[Positron]

3 March 19

Isn't "we own the night" a slogan for streetwalkers?

 

[Tragi-Chan]

3 March 19
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Isn't "we own the night" a slogan for streetwalkers?

I guess Phil finally remembered he’s supposed to be a sex worker.

Anyway, good to see he finally figured out how to hide his tard eyes. Shame he can’t conceal the huge wattle or the fact that he’s a massive fat bastard. I would also say that his disguises would be more effective if he didn’t keep showing them off.

Phil may own the night, but we own Phil.

 

[Bassomatic]

The best is you can still tell hes really fat.

Seriously his face cover probably just panty hose, looks like a lunch ladies cankle, not a super warrior.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

The best is you can still tell hes really fat.

Seriously his face cover probably just panty hose, looks like a lunch ladies cankle, not a super warrior.

He decided that posing with his belly front and centre was the best way to show his powerful super soldier physique.

And I’ve said this before, but he could get a real balaclava for about the same price as that cheap shit he’s wearing, one that might actually go some way towards concealing his wattle.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

How cute, Spud's supporting a legitimate terrorist group loud and proudly.

 

[Adamska]

3 March 19
View attachment 683201

View attachment 683204View attachment 683203

Isn't "we own the night" a slogan for streetwalkers?

Fun fact Phil: hiding everything like this now means we can far more easily tell how you're so fucking fat that your balaclava is about to rip open, how you still look retarded because it looks like you're eating said shitty balaclava, and you can't fit in that overpriced hoodie due to those blocks of cheese you eat.

Even with every part of your body hidden, you still look laughable.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Fun fact Phil: hiding everything like this now means we can far more easily tell how you're so fucking fat that your balaclava is about to rip open, how you still look exceptional because it looks like you're eating said shitty balaclava, and you can't fit in that overpriced hoodie due to those blocks of cheese you eat.

Even with every part of your body hidden, you still look laughable.

You can still even see his FAS eyes behind the balaclava and the goggles.