Obviously I can't put too much stock into observing that a crowd of malingering autistics can't keep their story straight, but is there any way to reconcile it?
Gender is a spectrum is the closest thing I think they have to a non-self-defeating argument? They treat gender like the Kinsey scale, which basically means anyone can be anything they want to be - and some people are wired in the wrong body, some people are finding their way, etc.
The big flaw is they're not co-mingling gender and sex, they're doing it with gender and sexuality, which is why they piggyback on LGB arguments so often - we were born this way, trans women are women, etc. So anyone who isn't all the way there, or wants to pull back, is just someone 'exploring their gender'. Of course, if you explore your sexuality, you're just sleeping with different people or watching different porn or whatever, while exploring your gender can mean anything from changing clothes to mainlining heavy medications and all the surgery that's been discussed.
There's a few other problems with this argument, but the main one is that - no, trans wo/men and normal wo/men (not in the mood to indulge in 'cis' or 'natal') are
not the same. They don't have the same genitals, they've been socialised differently (troons love to argue that they were socialised as their mental gender not their physical gender, but that's also clearly bullshit - the whole point of the SJW argument is that we're treated as how we look, not who we are) their bodies have developed differently and so on. The world can treat them the gender they want to be all they want, but it doesn't change that they will always be trans, it's a huge part of who they are, and while it might not be the entirety of their personality, it will always be there. It's why things like 'deadnaming' is such a stupid thing - because who they were before isn't written out of history, they existed and always did and changing themselves so much won't ever alter that.
tl;dr Their main argument is treating gender like sexuality. It's not. If you're getting in a discussion with them, don't let that slip in as a given, because it really, really isn't.