Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Vault Boy]

I would laugh my ass off if they cut her from the story without her even showing up in IX.
Like, all we see is Poe and Finn standing in front of a grave marked "Rose" and Poe mentions that she died after the crash with Finn. Then they go their merry ways and never talk of her again.

Better yet, just have her off-handedly mentioned as having died on her way back to her home planet.

It'd get rid of her, reference a classic Simpsons episode, make me laugh my ass off, and be a nice "fuck you" to Rian.

 

[Red Hood]

Well this is something. View attachment 707740

So let's see, starting from 12:00 high clockwise...
It's Rey
Chewie's "who farted" face
Oprah
Purple power ranger
Nathan Drake
Chrome dome
The family Zuckuss started with a Tusken
"I could have been a god to Teddy bears, how'd I get dragged back?"
It's Finn.
Oh and there's some kind of alien or butt plug behind him.

I think it was once implied that they're trying to set up Dr. Aphra as the new Katarn which is sad in and of itself and makes no sense. I even see her fans often call her the "more BADASS Kyle Katarn"...

If your goal was to make me cringe, mission accomplished. Kyle earned his legendary status and furthermore let the player experience that badassness firsthand. Aphra appealed to Tumblr. They probably won't bring him back for the simple reason that they're afraid viewers are idiots and won't understand why his name vaguely sounds like Kylo Ren. I think in spite of the Death Star plans being kind of a footnote in his career, Disney wanted to effectively cross out his name with Rogue One. I can imagine there being some anti-Legends sentiment among the higher ups. Gary Whitta implied there are some people at Lucasfilm that really fucking hate Dash Rendar so...who knows? Kyle might be on someone's shit list too.

Anyway, here's Kyle's theme. One of the best character themes in the series by someone that's not John Williams.

This looks like the sort of mashups they use on action figure boxes and things like that, not the official poster. I would say its real and came from an employee at Hasbro or something.

I don't really care for it from that perspective though. The Last Jedi branding had a nice consistent color scheme of white and red. This seems like a convoluted mess tossing blues into the mix and looking too close to Last Jedi's style. They should have gone with blue, green or maybe a purple as a dominant color to differentiate from the last two movies.

It looks to me like a Chinese bootleg cover, but it's missing something...

 

[Creep3r]

Better yet, just have her off-handedly mentioned as having died on her way back to her home planet.

It'd get rid of her, reference a classic Simpsons episode, make me laugh my ass off, and be a nice "fuck you" to Rian.

Still relevant.

But man the amount of drama that would unfold if they really did "Poochy-off" Rose would be more entertaining than the movie itself, unless Disney or Kelly play the victim card and explain that she's not in the movie due to fear of being "threatened" and "victimized" again. That might be a solid strategy for them to use to avoid having the woke crowd go against them.

 

[Exceptionally Exceptional]

Mark Hamill is pressing X to doubt.

 

[Owen Grady]

Mark Hamill is pressing X to doubt.
View attachment 708580

I'd like to think he's saying NuWars is fanfiction.

 

[Puddleduck]

On a side note, let's take a moment to appreciate what a piece of shit Chuck Wendig is courtesy of @damian:

I hate to agree with Cuck Wendig, but ... I largely agree with Cuck Wendig. Not about too white/straight/male stuff obviously because that's a retarded thing to moan about, but I have to skip through LOTR as well, I do find it a slog.

Though I do wonder how much of it he actually read - Frodo wasn't a "chosen one", he wasn't destined or prophezied to carry the Ring, and he had no particularly power over it. In Rivendell he could literally have said he didn't want to go to Mordor, and Aragorn would probably have taken it.

Spoiler: fantasy spergery

I think a "modern LOTR" which Wendig might prefer is the His Dark Materials trilogy. The characters are of differing races and both genders, and the world building serves the plot. Thinking about it though, in the plot Lyra is like the opposite of Frodo - she is the subject of a prophesy, and she does have unusual skill with the Compass.

 

[Elwood P. Dowd]

I want to believe the poster is fake due to its shitty quality but it matches up with most of the leaks and spoilers that we know about. The jerks in the black hoods behind Emo Ren seem to be his Knights of Ren so I guess that confirms their unnecessary increased role in the movie, but honestly, these fucks didn't even need to exist in the first place and if they're sith wannabes then the only one who can fight them is Rey since she's the only shitty pseudo-jedi, but I guess that's gonna be the "big changing point" where she takes out super elite warriors with no problem. Also the lamp droid is actually the fucking sidekick? Geez...

On a side note, let's take a moment to appreciate what a piece of shit Chuck Wendig is courtesy of @damian:

Wendig is apparently unaware that authors of Fantasy fiction have been criticizing LotR for damn near fifty years at this point. The critique that springs to mind immediately is Epic Pooh, by Michael Moorcock. That fact that I violently disagree with said criticism notwithstanding, Wendig's apparent ignorance of it is amazing. He holds himself out as some sort of expert, doesn't he? Writer's workshops and what not? Wow.

Also, in the circles Wendig travels (or would like to travel), criticism of Tolkien is almost de rigeur. and is far away as possible from being any sort of "unpopular opinion." The sort of people who get publishing contracts at Tor these days, and more importantly the sort of people awarding such contracts, all spout intersectional feminism, go on about Teh Ebbil White Man, eh, all the shit we've seen over the past decade. If Wendig had balls bigger than raisins he'd criticize someone like an Ann Leckie or (even better) N.K. Jeminsin. But no fucking way would he ever do such a thing. And I'd imagine the sort of people who like Tolkien are already not reading him, and are unlikely to ever read him.

I kind of liked the first Blackbirds book in Wendig's series, as much I loathed the one and only Star Wars book of his I read. And I try to keep a nice separation between art and artist. But I think I'm pretty unlikely to pick up anything else by Chuckie boy any time in the near future.

Spoiler: Me Sperging about Puddleduck's Sperging

I think a "modern LOTR" which Wendig might prefer is the His Dark Materials trilogy. The characters are of differing races and both genders, and the world building serves the plot. Thinking about it though, in the plot Lyra is like the opposite of Frodo - she is the subject of a prophesy, and she does have unusual skill with the Compass.

And the latter half of the third book is Atheism+ tier REEEEEing in an extraordinarily annoying fashion. Which I suppose is about right, since I'm pretty sure Pullman deliberately set out to write an anti-Narnia series more than he did anything else. So I guess he needed to annoy the reader in the same way Lewis did in The Last Battle.

Polar bears in armor/Talking fauns carrying umbrellas = Teh Cool, so I can't hate on either set of books. But man, neither story is advanced by the clumsily bolted on preaching.

I'd actually nominate Michael Moorcock's Elric as the best anti-Tolkien Fantasy, as much as I loathe Moorcock on a personal basis, even after all this time.

 

[Emperor Julian]

-Writes fantasy
-hasnt the read the definative fantasy novel.

If he didnt like it it'd be one thing but he hasnt fucking read it, which is like being involved in UK Theatre and you've never seen any shakespeare plays.
Also world building is genrally quite important if you're going into a totally alien world. The trick is to introduce it organically. Without it no one knows why the crushing defeat of the Brony alliance at the 3rd battle of dildo mountain is such a central issue for the quest for friendship.

 

[Creep3r]

I loathed the one and only Star Wars book of his I read.

And here I thought I was the only one crazy enough to go through the Wendig self-torture.

 

[Tookie]

Though I do wonder how much of it he actually read - Frodo wasn't a "chosen one", he wasn't destined or prophezied to carry the Ring, and he had no particularly power over it. In Rivendell he could literally have said he didn't want to go to Mordor, and Aragorn would probably have taken it.

Aragorn would definitely qualify as a "chosen one" but it's hard to tell what Chuck Wendig is ever talking about due to his shitty writing skills and colossal faggotry.

 

[Andrei Tarkovsky]

Well this is something. View attachment 707740

Here's a higher-res iteration.

I have a feeling this isn't the official poster, as much as it is just promotional material for Celebration. Also:
>C-3PO with a bowcaster
Fucking lmao

Still, I'm looking forward to seeing this, despite J.J back at the helm. Kinda disappointed I stumbled upon this yesterday, since I've tried to make it my mission to avoid any kind of spoilers and/or content from this film until it's release date.

"Remember Lads, Subscribe to PewDiePie"

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

Though I do wonder how much of it he actually read - Frodo wasn't a "chosen one", he wasn't destined or prophezied to carry the Ring, and he had no particularly power over it. In Rivendell he could literally have said he didn't want to go to Mordor, and Aragorn would probably have taken it.

And Aragorn would have failed, since the point of the Ring was that it could corrupt anything. A simple person like Frodo was the most resistant to it, but even he failed at the end, and it took someone who had long been corrupted by the ring (Gollum) to actually destroy it. It's been a while since I read it, but it's implied in the books (that's why Gandalf won't take the ring, because he knows he'd end up like Saruman, or for that matter, Sauron himself) and IIRC Tolkien stated it in some of his letters/commentary. Frodo arguably is a "chosen one" in a lesser sense of the trope, since Gandalf basically gave him the quest to carry the ring, and you don't turn down a request from the demigod who saved your uncle's life (and also brought your family great fortune).

 

[Elwood P. Dowd]

"Remember Lads, Subscribe to PewDiePie"

Is 4-Lom still canon? He started off as a protocol droid himself, after all.

edit: dumb twitter images, marginally relevant. Wonder if this is the garbage Article 13 will shut down? ?

Spoiler

 

[Tookie]

dude 420 pages lmao

 

[Andrei Tarkovsky]

>Let the past die, kill it if you have to... Lmao, just kidding! Kylo's helmet is back

Bravo, Abrams.

Kylo letting go of his Vader infatuation was one of the key elements in developing the character (the elevator scene in particular really emphasized this... and now they're just going to change that?). By killing Snoke and leading the First Order without hinging on the past: he's becoming his own man. Brash, commanding, arrogant, forward-thinking, confrontational - like an unhinged Ep. III-Anakin leading an Empire; accelerating the very concept of what his place in the Galaxy is meant to be. It made him far more interesting for me as a viewer.

This, on the other hand, seems like a cop-out, in a pathetic attempt to please certain fans that seem to be beyond ever being able to feel satisfied with Star Wars again. Not to mention that it makes zero sense thematically. What happened to letting the past die? That's what I wanted...

This has to co-inside with the visual presentation of The Knights of Ren (having Ben without his mask in the group would seem rather out of place). There should be no other reason why it's here.

 

[Emperor Julian]

Kylo appears to be stuggling with how to hold a sword in that picture.

 

[Red Hood]

Wendig is apparently unaware that authors of Fantasy fiction have been criticizing LotR for damn near fifty years at this point. The critique that springs to mind immediately is Epic Pooh, by Michael Moorcock. That fact that I violently disagree with said criticism notwithstanding, Wendig's apparent ignorance of it is amazing. He holds himself out as some sort of expert, doesn't he? Writer's workshops and what not? Wow.

Also, in the circles Wendig travels (or would like to travel), criticism of Tolkien is almost de rigeur. and is far away as possible from being any sort of "unpopular opinion." The sort of people who get publishing contracts at Tor these days, and more importantly the sort of people awarding such contracts, all spout intersectional feminism, go on about Teh Ebbil White Man, eh, all the shit we've seen over the past decade. If Wendig had balls bigger than raisins he'd criticize someone like an Ann Leckie or (even better) N.K. Jeminsin. But no fucking way would he ever do such a thing. And I'd imagine the sort of people who like Tolkien are already not reading him, and are unlikely to ever read him.

I kind of liked the first Blackbirds book in Wendig's series, as much I loathed the one and only Star Wars book of his I read. And I try to keep a nice separation between art and artist. But I think I'm pretty unlikely to pick up anything else by Chuckie boy any time in the near future.

Spoiler: Me Sperging about Puddleduck's Sperging

And the latter half of the third book is Atheism+ tier REEEEEing in an extraordinarily annoying fashion. Which I suppose is about right, since I'm pretty sure Pullman deliberately set out to write an anti-Narnia series more than he did anything else. So I guess he needed to annoy the reader in the same way Lewis did in The Last Battle.

Polar bears in armor/Talking fauns carrying umbrellas = Teh Cool, so I can't hate on either set of books. But man, neither story is advanced by the clumsily bolted on preaching.

I'd actually nominate Michael Moorcock's Elric as the best anti-Tolkien Fantasy, as much as I loathe Moorcock on a personal basis, even after all this time.

The important part is, Chunk Windbag is autistic enough to think he's the first one to ever publicly criticize LOTR. Let's give this brave iconoclast some asspats.

Also, Wendig criticizing anyone's writing style is rich.

The writing style is certainly up for criticism (but IMO it is genuinely beautiful in places, particularly anytime Gimli or Sam is describing something they admire.) As for worldbuilding...There's a reason r/bookscirclejerk takes daily potshots at people overusing the term.

 

[Tookie]

Kylo appears to be stuggling with how to hold a sword in that picture.

I've seen a photoshoot before where there were making Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver hold lightsabers at every 15° angle in a full circle so they could squeeze them into any conceivable promotional art like this. Most of the poses were ridiculous.

 

[Andrei Tarkovsky]

The chinese market version has just leaked.

 

[Stab You in the Back]

Also, Wendig criticizing anyone's writing style is rich.

The writing style is certainly up for criticism (but IMO it is genuinely beautiful in places.) As for worldbuilding...There's a reason r/bookscirclejerk takes daily potshots at people overusing the term.

I was under the impression that Tolkein's writing was intentionally stilted in LotR because he was writing it in a classical style (him being a classics professor and all). LotR was published in 1955. Its not like they didn't have modern writing styles back then and that Tolkein wasn't aware of them. He made a deliberate choice to write the book the way he did. Just like Wendig made a choice when he decided to write a Star Wars book about queefing lesbians.