Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[Chichan]

This girl that was in my graduating class decided to send this guy nudes of herself, but the fucked up part is she was chubby and had the bright idea that pouring milk down her naked body would make it sexy. Did not bode well she had a hairy muff so her nickname became milky muff.

Some wigger decided to threaten to shoot up the middle school.

There was 3 false bomb threats within one year.

This girl who was considered some what popular was giving her bf a bj she tried to do it a second time and he ended up giving her a golden shower.

Some chick that was friends with these 2 hill billy motherfuckers got Eiffel Towered by them. Basically everyone at my school were whores.

 

[Tahoma]

My middle school got a bomb threat by the janitor of all people.

 

[PT 940]

I tried to think of all the really messed up stuff that happened when I was in school that wasn't it's own long story and could be told in just a sentence or two. Here goes:

- In 5th grade someone broke into our classroom through an open window and stole all of the laptops the class used. The shades were down so not sure how the thief knew where they were *cough cough inside job cough

- In 7th grade, on a field trip to the pool, one of the teacher took her clothes off in front of all the girls because she was changing. Saw it myself and was mortified; I don't think anyone told on her because she taught the rest of that year and the next year.

- Also in 7th grade one of my friends got pregnant and stopped coming to school. She went back after having the baby but was transferred to another class on the other side of the school.

- In 9th grade a kid showed me a rock of crack for the first and only time in my life.

- In 10th grade a kid openly cleaned the pipe he smoked weed out of in the middle of shop class. All the white kids in my class were stoners, all the black kids dropped the class after a few weeks, and the only other girl in the class refused to do any work when she was in there.

- In 12th grade a guy got up in the middle of English class when his cell phone went off. He answered it and started talking in the middle of class and the teacher demanded she give the phone to her. He wouldn't and went in the hall to finish the call and the teacher sent him to the office. I talked to him about it later and he said it was his lawyer calling to talk to him about giving his and his girlfriend's baby up for adoption. Someone my age having to deal with this really messed with me.

 

[Frazzle]

I walked into the bathroom at one point and one of the kids from the special needs classrooms was in there taking a piss with his pants and underwear down to his ankles at the urinal. He turned around while hanging dong and pissing and waved at me as I came in.

 

[griefsquirrel]

A notorious bully at our school started targeting my friend. Now this was very back in the day so school administration didn't do anything as long as nobody was injured. We decided that this cannot go on, waited until lunch break, then I sneaked up to him and held his arms down while my friend punched him in the face and stomach. We were younger and weaker but we were two, had the element of surprise and we both hated the guy. He ended up with a bloody nose and a teacher saw the scuffle. When we three had to go to the principal we said he was attacking us and we just defended ourselves. The principal believed it and the bully got in trouble over it. He left us alone from then on but didn't learn his lesson and ended up being expelled a few months later.

 

[Dropped Burner]

In 8th grade we had to do a presentation for arts class. I did nothing. The other autist in the class put on a quasi-puppet show based on Final Fantasy 7 with custom built figures.

In 9th grade an anorexic girl pissed herself in the hallway. I guess she was going through some shit. Anyway, a crowd formed. I felt particularly proud of not stopping to gawk. I masturbated to the memory a lot.

Being one of the few autists in a small town, I'm probably the subject of more stories than I could tell. How about the time I thought a girl looked like a celebrity, so I printed out a naked photo of the celebrity to show her. Gods I was horny then! Even whipped it out in class once during a movie. Showed another boy. Racy stuff! The teacher knew what I was doing (might have even seen it? surely not) but never said a word. Honor among thieves? Perhaps she too sometimes felt the urge to be seen.

 

[RG 448]

The teacher knew what I was doing (might have even seen it? surely not) but never said a word.

I figured you had enough problems so I just ignored it and took another shot.

 

[edibleBulimia]

Gonna type it like a greentext because I’m lazy

-Be me, in 7th grade
-We shared our classroom with 4th grade
-Basically, they’d have classes in the afternoon and we’d have it in the morning
-Worse thing ever, they were annoying, leaving gum under the table, drawing in models we’d expose in the class, writing on the desks
-We share a close relation of hate
-One day class ends
-Be leaving some minutes late because I barely payed attention and didn’t write anything
-See some boy from my class putting a small box on one of the desks
-Ask him what’s that
-“Oh just a prank, there’s a plastic scorpion in it”
-I laugh and leave, thinking “these kids are gonna get it”

-Mfw it was a real scorpion, Tityus serrulatus apparently
-Mfw it stung a kid before the teacher caught it, kid almost died
-Mfw the boy got expelled and his parents were almost sued by the kids parents

At least they never messed with us again.

 

[Dropped Burner]

Tityus serrulatus, the Brazilian yellow scorpion, is a species of scorpion belonging to the family Buthidae. It is native to Brazil, and its venom is extremely toxic. It is considered the most dangerous scorpion in Brazil.
It has a diet of insects, such as cockroaches, and is suited to life in sewers and trash heaps in urban areas. Having a low metabolic rate, it can survive for months without eating.

Finally an animal-related prank that beats the numbered pigs

 

[PT 940]

At the end of a school day I (and I'll put this lightly) found myself in need of a feminine hygene product. I quietly asked my one and only female friend and she didn't have one. One of my guy friends saw I was trying to be quiet about something and asked me about it so I told him. We were standing right in front of my lockers and people were getting their stuff to leave school and he just starts yelling about it and asking random girls if they have one and none of them responded other than giving him dirty looks. I rode a late bus and had a long wait to get home after school so I decided to ask someone in the office if they had one.

I walked into the office and realize for some reason all of my friends followed me in. I didn't want to make this a big deal so I leaned as close as I could to the person working and asked in a quiet voice, then my friend yelled "She wants a pad!!!"

The junior councellor was passing by and was appalled by my friend's outburst and took ME (not him) into another room for a lecture about what had just happened. I was mortifed. She said something awful, like "This is a really special time in your life but you don't need to be telling all of your friends about." I explained how my friend overheard it and I didn't really want to tell him and I definitely didn't want them following me into the office. She asked why they were there and I said, "They just followed me." She goes "My friends follow me, too" which I doubt. All the while she has the thing in a little box in her hand and is waving it around while she talked (one of those people who move their hands a lot when talking.) So she finally finishes her talk and I am just beyond embarrassed. She hands the little box to me and I put it in my pocket and NO JOKE she says to me "Thank you for not parading it around the hallway." I wanted to die.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

In 11th grade we had a poetry assignment in English, and I kinda went overboard with mine because it was practically a love letter to someone though you could tell there was a touch of teenage angst to it. I actually ended up giving the poem to the guy in the hallway sometime after we turned in the assignment, but then like the next day my teacher called me over to her desk and said she was considering sending in my poem to some YA poetry magazine or something, but I had to give my signed consent. So she handed me the form and I took a look at it, and saw that she (inadvertently, I don't know if there was a limit) butchered the poem by only copy-pasting the first three out of twelve stanzas. As a result, I didn't sign it and give it back to her to mail it in. Far as I can tell, it was never published in that magazine/newsletter/whatever and she never asked me again.

She was also a hippie now that I think about it, a hawkish hippie because she seriously looked like a hawk always wearing these weird hippie dresses that drag on the floor. She kinda looked like a blonde Rolanda Hooch with glasses dressed like a pineapple if I had to give a description of her. I think she also played favorites or at least was trying to make friends with some of her students, myself included. She actually gifted me the 500 Manga and Anime Villains book which in hindsight I shouldn't have accepted the gift because it's weird for a teacher to do that to their students, but it's an informative little encyclopedia so eh.

It's been about so many years now, so I don't mind sharing my autistic teenage ramblings for some cheap yucks.

Spoiler: ANGST AAAAAAAIDS

All of Me

I never asked to be in your life
But you insisted, sometime in a past Fall
So I followed along without complaint
And I felt my ice-cold bubble thaw
Since then, you've brought out
The alien feelings I fought

Any song of soft meaning
Any book that has a close friend
I picture us two together
Standing next to another without end
Even thinking of it being abroad
Helps keep the secret bond strong

You encourage me to be like this
Though I'm sure you aren't aware
My subconscious keeps this close by
Whenever I commit to habits I bear
From song to stories, art and thought
It all contains friendship, and even more I later sought

Somehow, my negative feelings cried “No!”
And proclaimed I didn't need it
About a year after our friendship had begun
I started at once to isolate
That's right, I didn't want to stay anymore
And continue to let you dive to my core

It must've spread, or you grew sad
Seeing me not willing to continue onward
Without a care, I watched you go
But still stayed in sight a little longer
I kept resisting coming back
Just to keep myself in the black

I try my hardest to forget
To erase it all from my memories
So I won't be haunted any further
And forever be in peace
But alas, it's not meant to succeed
You already have all of me

Everything about you has etched inside myself
Both in willing and unconscious strain
The images keep appearing here and there
You even sneak into my dreams now and again
Try as I must, you still remain
And it makes me go insane

It seems now I can't let go of it
Pulling it back for a little while
Just to have a little nostalgia, I suppose
And to bring back the ghostly smile
Yet I've wanted it back inside all along
To feel again a sense of never being alone

You, for whatever reason
Have already gone away from me
Tending to avoid eye contact
Like it was always meant to be
We only speak small-talk if we pass
Only not like how we did in the past

Recently, you started to return for a bit
I'd see you more at the monthly dances now
You are yourself at this time, doing what you did best
Making new friends under this new vow
I felt you were moving on as well
You've been coming out of your bubble's shell

However, it's something I don't really understand
About why you play “My Immortal” on the church's piano
I don't suppose it was a defect for moving on
But why that certain song, I may never know
Now every time I hear the song, or when I sing the words
I imagine you playing along silently to the solemn chords

I suppose I should say how I feel, but my mind refuses
And my voice never wants to speak the word
Especially in black and white, just like this
Never to be physically heard
I end it here in a different phrase than I'm going for, to be truthful
Wanting to say that like you, I'm trying to keep the glass half-full

 

[Yuusha-sama]

This story might not be to everyone's taste.

A story from a close acquaintance of mine.
I will hold the the story short.
They had a terrible teacher named Frau Vogel (Mrs. Bird), who was easily annoyed.
She would hand out written warnings, if she was angered.( collect enough of them and you would be suspended from school.)
If she was angry enough, she would open the drawer without looking and slamming a writing block on the desk.

The acquaintance of mine and his friend had a great idea.
They shot a sparrow and put it in her drawer before class.
In class they annoyed her so hard, that she would slam the drawer open and she took the sparrow instead of the block and slammed it on the Desk.
After realizing what had happened, she bursted into tears and ran out of the classroom.

 

[PT 940]

This story might not be to everyone's taste.

A story from a close acquaintance of mine.
I will hold the the story short.
They had a terrible teacher named Frau Vogel (Mrs. Bird), who was easily annoyed.
She would hand out written warnings, if she was angered.( collect enough of them and you would be suspended from school.)
If she was angry enough, she would open the drawer without looking and slam a writing block on the desk.

The acquaintance of mine and his friend had a great idea.
They shot a sparrow and put it in her drawer before class.
In class they annoyed her so hard, that she would slam the drawer open and she took the sparrow instead of the block and slammed it on the Desk.
After realizing what had happened, she bursted into tears and ran out of the classroom.

Holy cow...that's crazy. But I still kind of like it.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

This story might not be to everyone's taste.

A story from a close acquaintance of mine.
I will hold the the story short.
They had a terrible teacher named Frau Vogel (Mrs. Bird), who was easily annoyed.
She would hand out written warnings, if she was angered.( collect enough of them and you would be suspended from school.)
If she was angry enough, she would open the drawer without looking and slamming a writing block on the desk.

The acquaintance of mine and his friend had a great idea.
They shot a sparrow and put it in her drawer before class.
In class they annoyed her so hard, that she would slam the drawer open and she took the sparrow instead of the block and slammed it on the Desk.
After realizing what had happened, she bursted into tears and ran out of the classroom.

Oof, someone didn't have a sense of humor about their name. (Unless she was a germaphobe.)

 

[Caesare]

One night they were out walking at like 2am and decided to play a game of, as Beavis and Butthead called it, "Ding Dong Ditch." For those of you unfamiliar, that's where you ring someone's doorbell (or knock) and run away like it's the funniest thing in the world.

Just about every group of kids does that at some point in their youth. They had a different name for it when I was a kid, everybody called it "nigger knocking".

We also called those red, rocket shaped firecrackers that you put on the ground horizontally (instead of straight up like a bottle rocket) "nigger chasers".

 

[Clockwork_PurBle]

Here's some high school teachers. I have many school stories.

Spoiler: HS: fuck this bitch

So we only had like three or four different junior high - high school teachers for math. Each teacher would teach two or three classes. For example, Teach A would teach 7th grade math and senior calculus, Teach B would teach 8th grade math and 10th grade standard diploma math, etc. When I was in junior and high, this teacher, who I'll call Mrs. Debbie, taught 7th grade, 9th grade standard/advanced math, and 12th calculus (?, maybe trig, idk I was on standard diploma so didn't have her as a senior). Mrs. Debbie was very moody (probably bipolar) and could quite frankly be a bitch. She taught math EXTREMELY fast and taught it via smart board (meaning she just sat down and drew on an iPad thing that appeared on the screen). She would teach the thing really fast once, and then half-ass it a second time (if we were lucky). Then immediately after the lesson she would give a quiz on it. The quiz would be 3 or 4 questions long, so if you got one wrong, it was already like a 70 (C) grade. Grade would absolutely go in the book. Mrs. Debbie was a staunch supporter of the "There is no math gene. Everybody is a math genius. Math is so easy. There is no such thing as not being wired towards math. If you struggle in math you are just lazy and retarded. If you don't have a 100 average you're just a fucktard" bullshit. I've found out a lot of schools don't do this anymore, but my school is primitive so they do; there's advanced diploma and standard diploma. When you're on advanced, you are forced to take Spanish I and II and have faster math, getting trigonometry at the end of senior year. If you're on standard, you can graduate without Spanish and end with a form of Algebra. She taught all her classes the same, I guess to punish those retarded standard kids. Mrs. Debbie also played favorites with athletes and cheerleaders. If you were like me, and struggled in math (because sorry not sorry, not everyone has the capacity to be a math genius, there is a "gene"), you were basically fucked. Need help? Good fucking luck (unless of course you were a running back or cheerleader).

Spoiler: HS: and fuck this shithead too

So when you were on standard, all of the teachers were shittier (or not all of them, but they weren't as good or as organized). My senior year math teacher was Mr. Ass Cow (what we nicknamed him), who is still up at the school because of tenure and they can't get him to leave. Also, despite being a cunt, he's seen as a "good ol boy" (raised here, went to college, came back here to teach). Ass Cow had a battery explode in his face so he looks like Freddy Kreuger (another nickname). He cheated on his wife with some older woman whore back in the day who had a shelf-ass. His voice is also AIDS. Has a dumbass, probably exceptional son that threatened to shoot up his graduation, got kicked out of college for bomb threats, and who climbed up on a homecoming float and pantsed a girl in HS. Here's the son's soundcloud. He has deleted his exceptional stuff (except for one). Even before he got Kreuger'ed, Ass Cow was a piece of shit asshole. All you have to do is mention his name and everyone's eyes roll. They stuck him teaching senior standard math and 10th grade math because the school couldn't hire anyone else (nobody wants to come here). Basically, all he did to "teach" us was play videos of what we were doing on YouTube and give us worksheets, all the while making smartass comments and being condescending. I can't tell you a single thing we did in that class other than stare at graphs. We would get our worksheets back and half the class would have question 2 marked correct, and half would have it marked wrong despite having the same answer. Most every faculty member hated him, except for a few kissups who would remind us (when they heard us complain about him) that he apparently made a 30 on his ACT way back when. Oh he made a 30? Well I would bet money that the 1960/70-whatever ACT wasn't a third as hard as the one we have today, and I'd like to see him pull a 30 in 2018.

Well, one day in April (I think) the boomer decided he was going to make us watch a corny cell phone addiction video. Looked like it was made in 2004 despite being around 2016. After it was over he said something like "that's why y'all stay on your phones constantly, to avoid responsibility." Normally I try to be non-combative and just observe the retardation from afar, but given that I was a senior who's patience with that joke of a school had run out, I spat back: "I guess that's why you stay on your phone all day instead of actually teaching. You're a laughing stock." Surprisingly, he didn't do anything to me.

Needless to say I was not prepared for college math at all and had to take beginning algebra.

Spoiler: HS: fat bitch

They call her "Big Red".

Because she was fat (not obese, but fat) and had red hair. This teacher, also a math teacher, never left her desk. She also half-ass taught from a Smart Board. She always had food on her desk, was always eating something, and was incredibly lazy. In eighth grade, the first week back from Christmas break, I missed due to the flu. That was when beginning algebra stuff was taught. When I came back, of course she wasn't going to teach me how to do it; I had to get a friend to help me and watch YouTube. I had a shit ton of daily work and homework to do. I took two days to catch up and get it all done (and teach myself of course). I got all the work done and gave it to her after class. Big Red told me to put it in a certain pile on her desk. Well, mid-9 week reports come in (we have two semesters, with each semester being divided into a pair of 8/9 weeks) and I had an F for the class. I had 0s in place of the work I did. When I confronted her, she said I didn't turn them in or do them. Then I reminded her I did and that she told me to put them "here". Then she was like, "I guess I lost them."

So I have to do all the work again, plus the current work, and grade them myself. I got out of her class with a 69.5 because of course she doesn't round grades. Naturally, she plays favorites too and her daughters were all cheerleader queens that got voted everything.

One time some of the more autistic (but in a good way) students hacked the school website and changed the faculty bios. Hers was one of them. Bio was changed to "idk I just sit here and masturbate to pictures of food", "I love biscuits", "graduated from X school in 1999, 2017 working the same damn place I started", etc. I have low-quality screenshots of this I'll share later.

 

[Ido]

Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?

I remember in middle school we'd have the most boring ass pep rallies, everyone I knew hated them. Like, there was not an interesting thing about them, the sports coaches would give boring, overly long speeches about how their team won a match. It was insane and iirc one dude went on for literally thirty minutes just talking about nothing. Everyone wanted band to get some recognition for winning their competitions but the one time they tried another coach stole the spotlight. Nothing of note happened, but let's just say in a gym full of a couple hundred kids the reactions were SUPER lackluster, clapping usually died off halfway. Oh, and god forbid you ever read or whisper, or play silent tic tac toe with friends, the supervising teachers would fucking want your carcass.

I was floored when I got the hs, it was so high energy. I still didn't like them but it was mainly for how noisy (actually hurt my ears) they were rather than how boring. That being said I really got into them, they were pretty fun.

Oh, and I never went to a single sports game for any of my school's, I regret nothing.

 

[Kari Kamiya]

Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?

All the time. They were mainly forgettable, though one assembly that was super dull was when my high school got awarded to become an "A+ School" or some shit, so they had an entire assembly to circlejerk about it, but I don't recall what else it was about and why it was even important, and I doubt anyone did because no one was interested in it. The only time an assembly even made some kind of impact was when Nick Vujicic came to our school and when a couple of police officers spoke about DUI when Prom was coming up and they showed gruesome pictures of car accidents and corpses.

 

[Gordon Cole]

We also called those red, rocket shaped firecrackers that you put on the ground horizontally (instead of straight up like a bottle rocket) "nigger chasers".

Not a school story and far less racist, but I remember chilling outside as a little kid during the Fourth of July at my mom's friend's house while the neighbors across the street were shooting off fireworks. When they lit a big-ass red rocket, the thing propping it up gave out, and it was aimed right at my mom, sister and I. We all got out of the way in time, but the firework hit the garage door and fucked it up beyond repair.

Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?

I remember in elementary school, we'd used to have a mix of fun assemblies (Laser light shows, playing music to the kids, etc.) and really boring-ass, "stay safe" assemblies (Drugs are bad, don't talk to strangers, etc.) By the time I got to Middle/High school, the assemblies usually came in two flavors: "Don't bully" and "Don't drink and drive". I remember both having to sit through an anti-bullying musical my first week of MS that was forgettable outside of the opening song, and having to go through Challenge Day, a.k.a. "How many bullies of mine have parents that beat them?" in HS. The drinking and driving assemblies were all sob stories more than anything else, give or take some gnarly car crash/victim photos.

One outlier was genital health day. The boys and girls were separated, and we had to watch a video on how to check for testicular cancer that felt like a Tim & Eric skit more than anything else, especially the slow zoom-in on some dude's dick while he was checking his balls after the shower.

 

[The Great Citracett]

In high school I had a history teacher whose lifelong dream was to be a Rolling Stones groupie and to fuck Mick Jagger. This was in probably 2001-2 and she was in her 50s. She'd always talk about how hot Mick was and how she and her daughter were going to see them next time they came to the US on tour.

Her daughter was my age (14-15) and in her class with me and it was pretty obvious she'd been raised with the same singular ambition to bang Mick and had her mom's full blessing to do so if they could catch his attention and get backstage at a concert. Was super creepy. As far as I know they never went to any concerts, so Mick was safe.

Those two were seriously about the most bland, awkward women I'd ever met. They were so similar in looks they could have been sisters. Just picture two Tinas from Bob's Burgers but with round red glasses and dirty blonde hair, and that was them.