Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

At one point I was very into my grandmother's typewriter. I rewrote, basically, part of LotR 2 but poorly, and my teacher, a family friend who heard of it, had me read it aloud. I sat in the middle of a horse shoe of all the other students' tables as if a fucking Harry Potter trial.

I also made a WoW video on a private server, as I couldn't afford flying, set to the Pirates of Caribbean theme, on how gaming addiction was bad. Basically I just used trial Fraps and flew around. Friend had it put on a DVD, and once more, had me show it.

I hope nobody remembers every day.
 
In 3rd grade, there was kid on my bus who was infamous for being insubordinate and had enough referrals to fill a novel. One morning, one of his mothers (this large lesbian woman who looked like a bulldog) came over to the bus and threatened the driver because her son kept getting referrals. Our driver was scared to tears (even though she did nothing wrong) to the point where she ended up swapping routes with another bus.
 
All I really remember were two kids. There was this one much older kid who was severely autistic and spasmed and couldn't speak who probably hated the fact he couldn't do anything, and angrily shoved a pencil into an electric sharpener and it somehow fucked with a CRT computer monitor.

The other was this black kid I remember smelling like BO and telling them they stunk.
 
In like 7th-8th grade our art teacher was so mean kids would regularly cry in class. I believe at this point art wasnt required anymore so anyone that took it tended to actually be interested in the subject. Anyways she'd have us critique each others and out own shit, I know adults who aren't able to give out art criticism so for little kids it was really difficult. We HAD to say, out loud, a critique on more than one person's/everyone's art work and our own or she would berate us until we did (hence the crying). She got fired, apparently, for yelling directly in a kids face and maybe flipping a table over but I was long gone at that point.

Our nurse at the time was equally screwy, diagnosed everyone with gout. Went in once to avoid gym because cramps, I totally have gout, she makes me eat a salty cracker, drink salt water, and sends me on my way as I'm in pain. She did this with everyone, no one liked her... they liked her a hell of a lot less when she got the bright idea to come into our lunch, got up on the stage during the study hall part and yelled at all of us for being dirty unwashed hooligans with bugs under our finger nails. We were literally all going to get germs in our mouth and die, the soda we were drinking was like a fucking drug and we were going to get addicted and die. All with diagrams, right before lunch. Everyone's appetite was fucking ruined. I mean, she wasnt wrong but I feel health class would've been a better place...

The guy every girl in school had a crush on in 2nd grade is now gay.
 
Currently living in a college dorm right now, and I've met quite a few... interesting people.

This one girl is a very open furry. First time I met her, she walked into our dorm wearing a full suit like nothing was wrong. Another day, she pulled out her laptop (which was covered in furry and animal stickers) and showed everyone videos of the furry cons she went to.

Also, one of my dorm mates lives in a room next to mine and every morning this horrible stench just wafts from his room into mine, forcing me to close the door and keep my air freshener on. One day, I glanced into his room and saw what looked like a white pad underneath the covers.

Yeah...
 
This one girl is a very open furry. First time I met her, she walked into our dorm wearing a full suit like nothing was wrong. Another day, she pulled out her laptop (which was covered in furry and animal stickers) and showed everyone videos of the furry cons she went to.

To paraphrase Chris Rock, if a girl has a fursuit, she'll probably suck your dick. (And if a guy has a fursuit. . .)
 
This is how my school rep skyrocketed and almost got expelled, all in the same day.

I was attending some second-class private institution for my 4nd year of high school (high school spanned for 5 years here, I was 16). It was November (almost the end of the year) and as I live down south, it was hot as hell. The school was settled on a refurbished mansion and the roof isolation solution wasn't optimal so everyone was sweating and clinging to the few functional fans in the classrooms. I'm gonna describe the uniform because it will be important later in the story: For guys it was grey formal trousers, black shoes, black belt, white shirt and a green tie. For the girls it was green socks, black shoes, a gray skirt, white shirt and green mini-tie (smaller than the guy's). Both ties were clip on.

It wasn't a big school, the classes were all 15 people at most and we didn't rotate classrooms or teachers; we all had the same seats all year round. One day (I remember it was a Friday) after history class, the heat was unbearable. The history teacher doubled as the dean because shitty school and he was a mean sonovabitch, the kind of guy who would stand guard at the bathroom doors just to make sure we didn't smoke or break anything in there. He used to do that kind of shit a lot and we were hard pressed to find good spots for smoking cigarettes without being caught. After history class, my group had a free hour because one of the teachers was sick so we started to plot a way to smoke some cigs. The history teacher was guarding the bathroom door, we couldn't smoke inside the classroom because there were not enough fans to ventilate the place so we came out with a plan: A few girls were going to sneak out with some excuse like periods or something and stand outside one of the windows (they all had steel meshes with hard blinds on the outside), light a cig and pass it on to the people inside who would blow out the smoke through the window crack and pass it outside again if they were caught. It was a master plan.

So two girls went outside and the rest of us stayed the other side of the window. For the first 2 or 3 drags, everything was fine but the girls started to complain they were getting heatstroke'd and they wanted inside again. We couldn't really rotate our people so I decided to fuck it all and sneak out to have one myself somewhere else. On my way out, I crossed paths with one of the girls coming in and she decided to join me in my quest. We didn't have hall monitors and only the teachers roamed the school during class hours so it was pretty easy but remember the place wasn't really a school but a very big and old house so we had to be very sneaky. If the entire class was out, we would for sure get caught but just a couple of students could actually make it around just fine.

So we were running around trying to find a good spot. A few ideas flew out like the janitor's closet, the roof (we actually went up there but the door was padlocked) and we finally decided to go to the girl's bathroom. It was perfect: No one stood guard there, there were no girls around as everyone was in class and if someone waked in, I could simply hide inside one of the stalls. The thing is that said bathroom wasn't really inside the mansion but it was an annex room next to the main door to the courtyard. We went in just fine but inside was like an oven; the air was thick, smelly and several degrees above the actual temperature as the roof was made of stainless steel sheets. We lighted a cig and it didn't take long for us to get dizzy. I took off my tie and let loose my shirt out of my pants, took off my shoes and opened a few shirt buttons. She did the same: took off her shoes, opened her shirt (she had some decent breasts, had to peek), let her cotton skirt band loose and the shirt off of it. We sat low, leaned against a wall where the air was cooler and smoked away.

I don't know how much time passed, had to be less than 5 minutes because we were both finishing the first cig when a teacher walked on us. We were just smoking but imagine the scene: The teacher walks in and sees two sweaty students sitting next to eachoter, on the floor, barefoot, belts, ties, socks and shoes piled up next to them, shirts unbuttoned and tucked off, smoking, laughing and with dizzy looks in their eyes.

She started to SCREAM at us to get dressed ("Get decent!" she actually said) so everyone could hear her. We put on our missing items on a rush as she grabbed us both by the arms and parade us through the halls, yelling some nonsense about the "sanctity of our school" or some crap like that. Later I found she was a hardcore Christian and rape victim so it kinda made sense how she reacted. As we were doing the walk of unintentional shame with her, everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) peeked off the classrooms and saw us strolling all sprained and dressed on a rush. We went straight to the dean's office and stayed there for a while, not knowing wtf was going on. After almost half an hour, the dean comes in with the fucking SCHOOL OWNER (an old hag who would die one year later) and sat us both on her private office.

We tried our best to explain we weren't doing anything except smoke a couple of cigarettes but I don't think she brought it. Thankfully, the school was kind of in a financial dire so we didn't get expelled (we still had to pay for our end-of-the-year enrollment) so we only got some "reprimand points" (30 each, expulsion happened at 45 and I already had 10 for some minor stuff) and a hard scolding.

After that, we were THE talk of the entire school for the few days remaining in the year and the next senior year. Some of the other students thought we were cool, some that we were animals. The girl got called a whore, a cheapass and almost dropped on her last year. I got it better because I always was the "funny prankster but turbo beta guy" of my class and all of a sudden I was the "cool suave dude". I actually ended up dating the girl and had some serious kinky time in our graduation trip (we don't do proms but rather month long trips to a tourist city in the mountains) but that was it.

Everything was a big misunderstanding.
 
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When I was in high school the disabled kids were in charge of stocking the soda machines. I have no idea if they really wanted to but it was their job and anytime I was around them when they did it they never complained so *shrug.

One day I was in line to get something to drink from one of the machines and the other was being stocked at a different time of day than when they usually did it. The guy directly in front of me was a football player who was much taller than me. He started making fun of one of the disabled kids and I was instantly furious, and punched him as hard as I could in his shoulder. He turned around and laughed at me (seeing that I'm a short girl) but I said nothing and just glared at him. He turned around for a second, then stepped out of line and walked away without getting his drink.

I think he may have been the only person I've ever intimidated.
 
In middle school a group of boys made up some dumbass game sliding shit back and forth on a lunch table. If the object got slid too hard and fell of the table it counted as a loss. The loser had to snort chili powder off the table.
I don't know if they necessarily made it up, we played the same game when I was in middle school. In my case the loser had to snort a ramen seasoning packet, though.
 
My two idiot friends (who I'll call J and M since those are their initials) made a lot of bad decisions together in high school. Some in school, some outside of school. This story concerns the latter.

M stayed the night at J's house a lot because M's mom was never home and J's parents never supervised them. It was an ideal breeding ground for stupidity. One night they were out walking at like 2am and decided to play a game of, as Beavis and Butthead called it, "Ding Dong Ditch." For those of you unfamiliar, that's where you ring someone's doorbell (or knock) and run away like it's the funniest thing in the world. They did this in nice neighborhood across from the one we all lived in. There are two problems with this -

1. They ran the doorbell of a cop.

2. They dropped J's cell phone in the cop's yard.

Here is where it gets weird. J's phone was one of those old Nokia phones (the ones you could replace the face plate for, so pretty old at this point.) For you youngsters, the only thing you could really program on it was a greeting above the date and time. J programed it to say "F*ck you M" so if M used the phone he'd see that.

The cop's name happened to be the same as M and when he grabbed J's phone and saw the greeting, thought it was a taunt to him personally.

He gets in his squad car and contacts another cop to track them down. It wasn't hard, they were walking down a main road at 2am and no one else was around. They pull them over and play the whole good cop/bad cop thing, shining a flashlight in their eyes, telling them the flashlights were scuffed up from "bashing skulls in," etc. They said they would let them go if they each did 50 pushups. J did them but M was pretty out of shape and couldn't. The cops said if J did the remainder of M's pushups they would let them go and that's what they did.

The weird part was that the next week J was at McDonald's with his grandmother and the cop was in line with them. The cop ended up telling his grandmother what happened (which to me is the crappiest part of the story, after he'd done the pushups and been let go.) He was pretty embarrassed but his grandma never told his parents, which would have been the worst thing that could have happened.
 
(...) decided to play a game of, as Beavis and Butthead called it, "Ding Dong Ditch."
I used to play that game a lot when I was a kid. We drove the entire neighborhood crazy by doing it during siesta hours.

I have a few stories about the place I went for my first and second year of high school. I guess you have your own versions of it, it was an "Engineering-oriented" high school; like a regular high school but with 6 extra courses: Tin and Steel Workshop, Carpentry, Electrics and Electronics Workshop, Forging, Technical Drawing and Programming. It wasn't a private institute but you needed certain grades and technical inclinations to apply. As you may have guessed, back in the early 90s, it was a total sausage fest. Let's call it The "Lord of the Flies" Institute for Mentally Fucked Teenagers (The LFIMFT).

Problem was, the place wasn't male exclusive. They were girls alright... a whole 6 of them. Among 1494 students. Why is this important? Well, if you go to a prison and just add a handful of girls among inmates, things will get very nasty, very soon... and that's exactly what happened. Nothing like modern sexual harassment or anything like that (back then we called that "roughing up") but the few courses that had a girl felt the need to prove themselves among their peers. let me snipe a few stories:

We had a game called "Caño la Liga", roughly translated to "Nutmeg, you get it". Nutmeg or "Panna" is a soccer move in which you manage a pass by kicking the ball in between the other player's legs. The idea here was to use a squashed soda can as an improvised hockey puck, kick it around and "score" a point by making a successful "nutmeg" on another player. They were no teams, it worked more on a "deathmatch" set of rules. If you succeeded with a nutmeg, all the other players ought to chase and throw the "fragged" guy to the ground and kick him repeatedly in the butt for 10 seconds straight. Given that a healthy Caño la Liga game consisted of 30 players or more, the receiving end of the butt-kicking ended up with somewhere around 90 kicks per score. Some misguided feet ended up in the poor guy's groin or guts but we always tried to make them half force for "safety". If some asshole got to it with extra strength, the "team" the victim belonged to (it was the dude's class, usually) could jump in and call a "fault" by the act of group brawling or gang banging. Of course, all this was just a big excuse to kick the living shit out of eachother's butts and pass it as a friendly game. What was the prize? well, remember those 6 girls I mentioned? They watched the game like fucking Caesars and that drove us absolutely nuts. I got my share of ass-kicking, same as most of the guys playing this... whatever it was.

At the begging of the first year, in Steel and Tin Workshop, we were introduced to this fellow:

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That's a counter-weighted tin and steel sheet guillotine for girths up to 1.5 mms. It cuts through metal sheets like nobody's business and just as well through human flesh and bone. This machine was supposed to be operated by 12 to 17 year old teenagers on a daily basis. Let that sink in. On the first day (and I remember this to the detail) our teacher told us "This is the guillotine. By the end of the year, someone will lose a finger to it. Let's make sure is not any of you. You got to respect it, love it and take care of it like it is your dying mother". Of course, we all thought it was bullshit. I mean yeah, the thing was sharp as hell and well preserved, we all used it to cut metal sheets at some point but after a few months there were no accidents and we got comfortable with it. Until we saw the fingers fly.
Yeap, one of my fellow students got two fingers cut off right next to me. He was doing his stuff when all of a sudden someone bumped him from behind, made his hand slide through the smooth tin and that was it. He was wearing hard gloves but it didn't matter, his fingers flew 2 feet when the blade went all the way down. The teacher was swearing like a sailor but acted quickly. He recovered the missing fingers and got the kid all bandaged in less than a minute. We never saw the guy again.

Ok, I have a few more but I don't want to make this a long ass post. Let me know if you like my ranting.
 

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In May, we went on a field trip to DC. The field trip itself was fun, but the bus ride home was...interesting. Some fuckwads were bullying me over Pictochat so I told them in rage to "STFU" (not even the full phrase, just the acronym).

I thought that said Pinochet and I wondered how many commies you had to deal with on a daily basis.
 
In junior year of high school, for whatever reason the faculty decided to do a "faculty talent show" meaning the teachers and staff would basically embarrass themselves on stage in front of the students. I don't know why anyone thought this was a good idea, but whatever. The only thing I remember from this day is that my history teacher who may have been a lesbian and some other lady danced to "It's Raining Men" dressed as The Weather Girls, and another staff member came out dressed in Scottish attire, kilt and all, playing the bagpipes. Don't know what he played on it, though.

Speaking of talent shows, I don't know why I ever pushed myself into signing up for them whenever they had them, but I did. I like to sing, but I never had access to any karaoke tracks at the time, but everyone would sing over the vocals so whatever. Only year I did something "different" was seventh grade when I memorized the dance to Froggy Mix's "No Nagging" which I'm embarrassed by nowadays because they had to wheel out a TV to keep in the back row facing away from me and hook it onto the speakers because it was on the Cardcaptors DVD. Also it was hardly a dance, but whatever.

Freshman year in high school, I try out for the talent show and decided to sing a Japanese song since I was taking Japanese and I found the Digimon character songs and fell in love with them. I don't know how they determine who gets in or not at the auditions, but I got in and I wanted to sing one song, but they had a policy to have it be no longer than four or five minutes, and the song's five minutes long, but I couldn't find a karaoke version. So I went with a different song I had to sing a capella, but I had to prove to my mom I could sing without musical accompaniment and with no breaks before she approved of it, so I stubbornly sang in front of her in the kitchen as she scowled (she had argued I couldn't do it, she didn't want me to embarrass myself).

One of my classmates was another singer who was just before me, so she went on to sing "Call Me When You're Sober" (yep, she was one of those chicks), but then dropped it with a "Never mind" and fled the stage shaking in tears half because of stage fright, and half because she started thinking of a past drama with a boyfriend or friend or something. I did my thing and then went back to go find her and that was that.

Two years later (couldn't try out sophomore year because I had already done it freshman year), I wanted to try out with a different song, one that I did get a karaoke track to, but I had a schedule conflict in that I was attending a technical school off-campus, and auditions were only during lunch or after class or something. Well, it turned out the next day that the teacher in charge did wait for me, but I never showed up. A classmate was supposed to tell me about her, but she had forgotten to tell me, and I remember feeling like I should've gone check it out, but I didn't follow through with it. Didn't try out in senior year to make up for it for the same reason, but my seminary class by the end of the year was holding their own impromptu talent show just because, so I volunteered and sang the song I wanted as I carried the CD around with me at the time for memorization. Only thing I remember from that day was I happened to glance out the door window during one of the choruses and saw a teacher was passing through but then stopped to listen. Apparently the class next door could hear me as well and had stopped whatever they were doing as a result. I have to take people's word for it that I have a good voice, although by then I knew I had some kind of pipes to be heard a good distance.

Anyway, talent shows are a mixed bag. If I had really cared to, I probably could've just done drama or kept going with choir. Eh.
 
In my senior year of high school a group of friends and I decided to do that "make a copy of the desktop and hide all the folders" prank in the schools computer lab.

At the same time, a guy I'll call 44 after his IQ and average test scores decided the best possible senior prank was to make all the computers show hardcore porn. The day before he wanted his prank to happen, C went through the computer lab manually changing the backgrounds to porn, unaware that the PCs basically reset themselves at midnight. The day of, he raged audibly to me, my friends, and a teacher in earshot that someone had reset all his amazing porn wallpapers to the default Windows XP wallpaper.

He got banned from graduation as a result and we stopped our plan when we figured out exactly why his plan didn't work.

Instead we put a fog machine right near the air intake for the HVAC system, with the help of the janitors who thought it was hilarious. Sadly it didn't work very well, so we were the dumbasses too.
 
Went to high school with a super religious girl who basically took the Jack Chick approach regarding my friends and I playing D&D.

Early one morning, my friend and I were called into the principal's office. We were confused as to why, as we weren't prone to being troublemakers or bullies. The principal didn't say anything for a moment, just looking at us, then said "so, you boys are into black magic, huh?"

We were flabbergasted, not really knowing how to respond at such a wild accusation. He elaborated, saying someone had informed him that yesterday during lunch, we were "chanting" from several books on the occult and "casting runes" from a silk bag.

I opened my backpack and got out my D&D books and dice and said that these are what we were playing with, nothing to do with black magic and wanted to know who had accused us of being edgelord Satanists/warlocks/whatever.

He told us to hang tight, called the girl in with us, had us show her the D&D stuff and asked her if this was what she reported. She started sperging out, confirming yes, that we were "basically allowing ourselves to be voluntarily possessed" by demons simply by playing the game and that "the game teaches players how to use actual sorcery" and she was scared.

Principal dismissed us, told us to wait outside in the office while he spoke with her. After awhile she came out crying and he brought us back in to apologise. Said he used to play D&D back in the day and he's had issues with her going hysterical at other students over trivial things in the past.

She didn't let it go, even wrote a paper in a creative writing (appropriate...) class we shared called "Dungeons and Dragons: Satan's Little White Lie" and read it aloud, giving me a death glare the whole time.
 
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