Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

In Highschool, I was the one who sat out in front of the school to eat Lunch. One day during lunch, two black students were punching the shit out of each other it in the era I ate. I tried to wait out the fight, but they went on for ten minutes. Our school security, a big, tough, black man, tried to manually separate them by pushing each other away, which didn't work. Dude had to taze them both and they both got expelled.
 
Way back when in sixth grade we had some kind of shitty school dance thing. For some reason I decided to attend, but I don't regret it since I saw something funny as shit and I remember it to this day.

When I got to the auditorium it was what I expected, pretty normal stuff. Like some welfare tier party shit. About an hour in, apparently the fifth grade math teacher brought alcohol and got drunk, and she was being really stupid* (edit due to misspell). At one point she was so out of it she flashed her tits at everyone. I was just sitting down doing nothing as this happened because at the time I was an introvert who didn't like anyone. I was just internally laughing.

I just know that after that night that teacher was fired.
 
I remember in eighth grade math class, I had this math teacher that was very irritable during the morning and afternoon. She'd always have an attitude and had a spiteful daughter as well one time in class. I had an 89.4 for two marking periods, one point away from an A. She wouldn't round it up so I felt disgusted to the point where I'd ask her every day but she wouldn't budge. One day, somebody dropped a book on her foot during class. I was trying my damnest not to laugh. She was in crutches the whole Spring.
 
The janitor at my elementary school was the most beloved guy in the building. Great dude. He would always wear wrestling shirts and talk wrestling with us at lunch. Height of the Monday Night Wars in the 90s. Good times.
One of the janitors that we most liked at my elementary school got busted for dealing heroin, and got into a town-wide car chase with the cops.
 
When I was in elementary school, there was this little kid who was really into collecting insects. He always carried a jar filled with various kinds of bugs he would capture while out in the field. I don't know how he did it, but one afternoon he managed to capture a tarantula hawk wasp. I didn't know its name at the time, but those things existed in my area and it was an enormous blue wasp with orange wings, so I don't know what else it could have been.

Anyway, we were all very impressed by his find, but then the dumbass teacher watching over us demanded that he let the thing go. Well, after spending several hours in a tiny jar, it was rightfully pissed off, so as soon as he opened the jar it immediately flew at him and stung him twice. You could hear his screams from across the field. Never fuck with Cazadores.

Oh man, this brought back memories. My gradeschool had this gigantic ~2 acre field filled with clover and bees. One day someone left an empty 2L soda bottle in the field. There was a bee inside it and the lid was nearby. Now I have a bee in a bottle like in Zelda. Cool. You know what would be cooler? Having more bees.

I learned pretty quickly that bees are completely unaware of their surroundings while gathering pollen and bees attempting to escape a bottle will always go up rather than down. Catching more bees just meant holding the bottle upside down, removing the cap and carefully lowering it over the bee, then waiting for it to take off. A bunch of other kids joined in and within a few days there were half a dozen of us scouring the field with angry buzzing bottles.

Beecatching got banned after a kid got stung, which is a thing that's going to happen if your name is Bradley and you don't understand the proper procedure for bottling bees and instead decide to grab them barehanded and stuff them into the bottle. Way to ruin literally everything Bradley.
 
When I was in middle school, our whole grade often got yelled at and punished for stupid shit only a select few idiots did, most of them being dumb shit like "challenges" that were popular in the early 2010s (think the "eraser challenge" and the like). While we were admittedly really fucking stupid as a whole, our principal was a psychopathic cunt, so a lot of these incidents were blown completely out of proportion, and innocents were often punished.

In sixth grade, we went to some shady Chinese buffet during a field trip after watching a play about Martin Luther King Jr. For some dumb reason only a sixth grader would be able to rationalise, a bunch of people started putting soy sauce in their drinks and drinking it. The teachers found out, and were unreasonably pissed (it was just soy sauce ffs). They yelled at us all when we got back to the school and tried to punish the students who were drinking soy sauce by bribing us with "positive referrals" (which were absolutely fucking useless) for snitching.

Two years later, when I was in eighth grade, we had to take a typing class as required by our state's curriculum. One day, someone discovered a keyboard trick that would let you bypass the typing exercises. Soon enough, most people in our grade were using it to get more free computer time (rewarded by finishing exercises), but then the teachers found out about it, since they could see how long it took to complete each exercise. So, they held an assembely that they forced us all to go to, during which they put on a big show of fake crying and just making a big deal out of it all. They forced the offending students to retake their exercises, while they let the non-offending students do whatever the fuck they wanted for a few class periods until everyone finished their shit. (For some reason, I was a part of the latter group, even though I did use the hack a couple times.) I'm pretty sure that was the reason why they took away our end of the year trip to King's Dominion, instead dragging us all to a play about fucking math that I fell asleep during. I wouldn't know for sure, though, the principal really hated our grade, so maybe she just wanted us to suffer. What I do know for certain though is that the grades directly before and after us did get to go.

In general, my middle school was very incompetently run and taught. Our world geography teacher, for instance, would often go off on tangents in the middle of class, trying to force his far-right views on us instead of teaching us what we needed to learn, and he also once told a Catholic girl that she would go to Hell for being Catholic. Also, our principal was a power-hungry bitch who forced everyone to call her Dr. instead of Mrs. after she earned her doctorate, punishing anyone who didn't. She also interrupted lunch one day to complain that "too many people are packing their lunches!!1!1" and saying "I eat cafeteria lunch every day!" (This is a blatant, boldfaced fucking lie; she brings gross pasta salad from home every day just like every other crusty old lady teacher.) She left our middle school a few years after I started high school; now she works at some elementary school. May God have mercy on those poor children.
 
Oh man, this brought back memories. My gradeschool had this gigantic ~2 acre field filled with clover and bees. One day someone left an empty 2L soda bottle in the field. There was a bee inside it and the lid was nearby. Now I have a bee in a bottle like in Zelda. Cool. You know what would be cooler? Having more bees.

At my parochial K-8 school, the church's assistant pastor at the time had my 8th grade class help clean the church's garage and small rectory patio as a way to earn service hours for our confirmation. To thank/reward us, we received a glass bottle of soda from a supply that was stored in the garage. Right after I finished mine, a yellow jacket flew inside the empty bottle and scared me - mostly because I had no idea if I would be allergic to a potential sting. One of my classmates poured some of his soda inside to drown it. Thinking that was the end, I dumped the yellow jacket and the soda out onto the ground and couldn't understand why some of my classmates were upset with me. Later, one of them approached me and asked if I knew that they wanted to save the yellow jacket so they could look at it under the class microscope for science class. I told him no, otherwise I would have let them have it.

When I was in middle school, our whole grade often got yelled at and punished for stupid shit only a select few idiots did, most of them being dumb shit like "challenges" that were popular in the early 2010s (think the "eraser challenge" and the like). While we were admittedly really fucking stupid as a whole, our principal was a psychopathic cunt, so a lot of these incidents were blown completely out of proportion, and innocents were often punished.

I can't recall if I shared this before; I believe this also happened in 8th grade. The class as a whole didn't do too well on a music theory test that our principal, a Dominican Nun, decreed that anyone who scored less than 40 out of 50 would have to stand against the wall in lieu of recess for the rest of the week until we turned in a test correction that brought our score up to 40. Thinking my score of 39 and a half would round up to 40, I asked only to have her snap back, "What did I just say?" After she left our classroom, a classmate and I laughed about the idea of me needing half a correct answer to get the needed 40 points. Sad thing is, I misread the instructions for one section and lost points where I could have easily aced those questions. *sigh*

The classmates that scored well below 40/50 were so mad that I was to be punished over a half-point that they told me to go join my classmates on the playground and that they wouldn't tell on me for doing so. I did, and I submitted a test correction that earned me 1 more point to put me over the target by a half. :biggrin:
 
At my parochial K-8 school, the church's assistant pastor at the time had my 8th grade class help clean the church's garage and small rectory patio as a way to earn service hours for our confirmation. To thank/reward us, we received a glass bottle of soda from a supply that was stored in the garage. Right after I finished mine, a yellow jacket flew inside the empty bottle and scared me - mostly because I had no idea if I would be allergic to a potential sting. One of my classmates poured some of his soda inside to drown it. Thinking that was the end, I dumped the yellow jacket and the soda out onto the ground and couldn't understand why some of my classmates were upset with me. Later, one of them approached me and asked if I knew that they wanted to save the yellow jacket so they could look at it under the class microscope for science class. I told him no, otherwise I would have let them have it.



I can't recall if I shared this before; I believe this also happened in 8th grade. The class as a whole didn't do too well on a music theory test that our principal, a Dominican Nun, decreed that anyone who scored less than 40 out of 50 would have to stand against the wall in lieu of recess for the rest of the week until we turned in a test correction that brought our score up to 40. Thinking my score of 39 and a half would round up to 40, I asked only to have her snap back, "What did I just say?" After she left our classroom, a classmate and I laughed about the idea of me needing half a correct answer to get the needed 40 points. Sad thing is, I misread the instructions for one section and lost points where I could have easily aced those questions. *sigh*

The classmates that scored well below 40/50 were so mad that I was to be punished over a half-point that they told me to go join my classmates on the playground and that they wouldn't tell on me for doing so. I did, and I submitted a test correction that earned me 1 more point to put me over the target by a half. :biggrin:
Catholic school is vicious as Roman rule.
 
My school had too many special ed kids to count, as it would receive heaps of extra funding for hosting them. Some of the classics were:
  1. Michael Jackson Impersonator: Would always wear a leather jacket, gloves and fedora and make ad-lib noises ('AH-HEE-HEE'). I can only assume he was a low-functioning autistic as he had all the tell-tale signs. Tbh he wasn't a bad guy and I don't remember him causing issues, it was just very surreal to see Michael Jackson in the hall everyday.
  2. Incel Prototype MARK I: This guy was an incel before it was cool. Believed that every girl that spoke to him secretly wanted his dick but at the same time really, really hated himself and his inability to find a girlfriend. After graduation he started online dating a Filipino teacher who was using him to get into the country. He cut off everyone who told him it was fake and was devastated when the Filipino came clean one day about not loving him. Killed himself not long after to no one's surprise.
  3. NOT THE BEES kid: My primary school had a huge blind population, maybe 20 or so altogether. They were all nice enough except for this one fat fuck who would tard rage for no reason and scream at the top of his lungs during classes. It turns out that being an asshole while blind is a terrible idea and to get back at him, kids would:
  • Sneak up behind him and make a bee noise in his ears. He would flail his blind stick around mercilessly, often smacking some of the younger kids walking by. We got him to hit teachers a few times which was classic
  • Yell 'WATCH OUT!' while he was walking to frighten him. Best trigger for tard rage
  • Tell him he was somewhere else in the school. This was a subtle but good one as he would sometimes wander off into the craziest of places, I saw him walk directly into a thorn bush once.
 
This is one of the funniest stories from high school that I could think of:

There was a kid in my health class my freshman year named Todd, who was a special ed student. Generally they had class away from the other students (they had their own classrooms with special desks and stuff) but this was a combined class. I was really into Pokemon at the time and Todd sat next to me and talked super loud about it every day. Not sure what his official diagnosis was but he acted and dressed very childlike and didn't have any volume control. That being said, he was friendly and funny and liked to participate in class when no one else would, so I had no problem with the guy.

So one day I wore a wrestling shirt and he was asking me a bunch of stuff about wrestling. He was a good enough friend for me to tell him at one point that swearing bothered me and he did his best to remember that, despite his poor memory. So during our chat about wrestling he starts quoting The Rock and instead of saying "candy *ss" he yelled "I'll shove it up your candy butt!" and EVERYONE laughed so hard.

And randomly one day he got out of his desk and crossed his arms and tried to imitate "Russian dancing," which was another glorious moment.
 
Back in middle school there was this special ed kid in our class named Sam. He was a mentally challenged boy who had the mindset of someone half his age, but he was the sweetest guy you could ever meet and he was always fun to hang out with so we’d aleays let him hang around with us. One day we were all sitting down together at lunch when this kid who was kind of a pariah at our school for being super obnoxious and always acted like a massive asshole sits down at our table pretty much for the sole purpose of making fun of us and trying to piss us off. After about 10 minutes of this kid acting like a massive cunt, few of my more rowdy friends suddenly looked at old Sam and told him to look this kid in the eyes and call him a faggot. Sam happily obliged and spent the next 20 minutes bouncing up and down calling this kid a faggot in a singsong voice while said kid became increasingly angry until he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Not even saying anything, just literally screaming like a monkey with its ballsack stuck in a bear trap. At the end of lunch the teachers came over and my friends got in trouble for asking Sam to do that, but everyone in the class made a point to go up to our big buddy and tell him that they thought he was hilarious. As fucked up as it was, I have to say the smile he had for the rest of that week was pretty heartwarming.
 
Figured this was a good place to start posting so here goes nothing.

One of my friends from high school was this fat and spergy loner, let's call him C. C became an in-joke in my circle of friends and still is, for all the wrong reasons. Dude seemed a bit off and annoyed some of my friends but everyone else hanged out with the guy for pity since his home situation was pretty rough. C was and still is a compulsive liar and he tells the most outrageous of lies with a completely straight face expecting you to believe it. One time he told us about how he fought a demon possessing his clock, or how he couldn't attend to our birthday parties because he was too busy getting his ribs broken during fights against mobsters to save women that were being sexually assaulted and then sleep with them. We were like in our mid teens at the time lmao
 
You gonna elaborate on that?
What the fuck dude don't leave us hanging like that.




...oh.
A drunk driver crashed into the basketball ring at my school, everyone went to look and the guy died in front of our eyes before the ambulance arrived. I didn't think he was dead but he was taken away in a bag instead of a stretcher.
 
I've got some more shorter stories and tidbits:
  • My older sister would read her Warrior Cats fanfiction to our class occasionally. (It wasn't anything gross or fucked up, just stories about her and her friends' self-inserts she wrote before she even knew what fanfiction was.)
  • In fourth grade, our class did a little communication experiment on a forum with a fourth grade class from another school. All was well until I posted a topic and some asshole who bullied me commented that the world would be better off if I was never born. I told my teacher immediately, but he didn't do anything about it, so I told my parents, who brought it to the principal. According to my mom, the kid's mom was bawling as she apologised to her.
  • I made this in fifth grade during my weeb phase after pirating Flash. All the characters were supposed to be (loosely) based on my classmates, and the main character was my self-insert (and the blonde girl, Jonah, was my sister's self-insert). I made another shitty "anime" for a book project a few months later that has since been lost to time (the book was "Allie Finkle's Rules for Girls" if you were wondering). I forced everyone in my class to watch it. I got an A+ because my teacher was impressed that someone my age could use Flash at all (albeit very poorly).
  • For my birthday that year, I got a camcorder. My friends and I decided to make videos of us doing "funny" stuff during recess, and I would upload them to YouTube. It was all fun and games until I got in trouble for it, I guess someone's parents didn't want their kid to be on YouTube or something. I got yelled at and forced to delete the videos. Now that I'm older I can kind of understand why they had me delete the videos, but no one explained it to fifth grade me so I was just sad and confused.
  • In May, we went on a field trip to DC. The field trip itself was fun, but the bus ride home was...interesting. Some fuckwads were bullying me over Pictochat so I told them in rage to "STFU" (not even the full phrase, just the acronym). One kid's mom saw and told on me to the teacher. I never got a chance to explain myself, and got in huge trouble for something that shouldn't have had to happen. I started off the next day on red, and my dad screamed at me on the way home and grounded me for three weeks (I didn't get to explain myself to him, either). I'm sure the bullies got off scot-free, like they usually did.
  • At the end of that school year, I got really into Hetalia (this was at its height). On the very last day of fifth grade, I made a white flag and "surrendered" to elementary school (as the character Italy is known to do). Then, as I got picked up, I said to my classmates, "Remember guys, I'm awesome!" (The character Prussia constantly refers to himself as awesome)
  • In sixth grade science class, we played 7 up, and when someone asked, "Who tapped me?", I replied, "Your mom" jokingly. The teacher overheard and gave me a referral for being "disrespectful".
  • In eighth grade, my geography teacher seemed to not have any knowledge of what was appropriate and not appropriate to say and do in his classroom, despite having taught for years. He frequently used class time to instill his far-right beliefs on us instead of teaching us what we needed to know. He admitted to being scared of Muslims, told a Catholic girl that she would go to Hell for being Catholic, and told a black girl that she wasn't African-American because she wasn't born in Africa. He would tell us obviously fake stories, one being "My neighbour TOTALLY built a fighter jet in his garage, guys!" He somehow hasn't lost his job after all this time, and apparently spends time trapping people in his classrooms, and makes fun of Asians and saying "OH MY GOD GUYS LEARN TO TAKE A JOKE!!!1" when they state blankly/get offended. I can only imagine what he was like during the 2016 election.
  • Despite all that, an ex-friend of mine had a huge crush on him. She even wrote a fanfic on her Wattpad (that has since been deleted) in which she shipped her self-insert with Totally-Not-[teacher's name]. One day, the teacher kept her behind after class and told her, "I know you have a crush on me." He didn't do anything, but it was still really creepy.
  • A freshman history teacher (who I never personally had) who was known for being creepy toward female students is now the principal of an all-girls school.
  • One of my friends got in trouble for making a meme on her private Instagram comparing our bitch of an assistant principal to Satan. Some stuck-up goody-two-shoes prep snitched, apparently. That same asshole got caught smoking weed with his similarly stuck-up friend by one of their parents, and claimed that my friend "made" them smoke it. Their parents believed them.
 
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