Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?

Towards the end of the fifth grade, I had a pretty memorable one. It was some kind of awards and student recognition shows held in the gym, where they set up at one side of the room and usher all of the classes in and sit the students down on the floor.

It's unseasonably warmer than usual that day, the gym has no air conditioning that isn't an opened emergency door leading to the parking lot, and we're all sitting on a hardwood floor. Just a recipe for something to go wrong.

Halfway through the assembly, after one fourth grade girl receives an award for something, you start hearing a smattering of boos among the applause. The next two kids also get booed, more vigorously than before. Keep in mind, we weren't booing them because we hated the kids being recognized for this, that and the other. We were bored, we were hot, and we were uncomfortable, so a few of the braver kids decided to break up the monotony of the whole thing by booing.

Leave it to the school principal to interrupt the proceedings to say that booing "wouldn't be tolerated", and we were told that the next kid who booed anybody for any reason was going to be expelled.

Not kicked out of the assembly to go sit in an empty room, not given detention for any length of time, or not even suspended. Expulsion. For booing.

This did the trick, as nobody else dared boo any of the remaining students receiving prizes or awards for any reason. I still think to this day that it was an overreaction on our principal's part.
 
Towards the end of the fifth grade, I had a pretty memorable one. It was some kind of awards and student recognition shows held in the gym, where they set up at one side of the room and usher all of the classes in and sit the students down on the floor.

It's unseasonably warmer than usual that day, the gym has no air conditioning that isn't an opened emergency door leading to the parking lot, and we're all sitting on a hardwood floor. Just a recipe for something to go wrong.

Halfway through the assembly, after one fourth grade girl receives an award for something, you start hearing a smattering of boos among the applause. The next two kids also get booed, more vigorously than before. Keep in mind, we weren't booing them because we hated the kids being recognized for this, that and the other. We were bored, we were hot, and we were uncomfortable, so a few of the braver kids decided to break up the monotony of the whole thing by booing.

Leave it to the school principal to interrupt the proceedings to say that booing "wouldn't be tolerated", and we were told that the next kid who booed anybody for any reason was going to be expelled.

Not kicked out of the assembly to go sit in an empty room, not given detention for any length of time, or not even suspended. Expulsion. For booing.

This did the trick, as nobody else dared boo any of the remaining students receiving prizes or awards for any reason. I still think to this day that it was an overreaction on our principal's part.

Sounds to me like the principal was hot, tired and sick of everyone's BS, too. Might have also been a hollow threat just to get through the day, too. I know one time my principal stooped to eat lunch in the cafeteria with us one day and stood up mid-meal and shouted how she would rather eat in a barn, also seemed a bit much.
 
One time in me middle school we were called to the auditorium for an assembly to commemorate our basketball team for going to the finals (which nobody particularly cared about because our basketball team consisted mostly of cunts). It was the end of the year just before summer break, it was an old building that didn’t have AC and it was in the middle of a 90 degree heat wave, everyone was miserable. The principal was seemingly determined to keep us locked in here no matter how much we made a point to show how extremely uncomfortable we were through the whole deal, with the girl behind me seeming to be on the brink of a heat stroke. About halfway through this shitty assembly, things just got even better. From behind the curtains on the stage, a particularly large bat drops down from the ceiling and begins screeching and flying around the room, occasionally swooping down and missing everyone by just a few inches. Now you’d think at this point with a wild animal seemingly acting aggressively towards a bunch of children who can’t leave their seats, they’d finally say enough is enough and let us get out of there, right? Nah, old bastard just kept on rambling about dedication, honor, and hard work while occasionally saying “oh relax, it’s not gonna hurt you” whenever someone in the audience screamed. We had to sit there another whole hour in the sweltering heat with an obviously scared and angry animal soaring around swooping down at us just so this nigga could finish his gay-ass speech.


Also my high school principal was a manchild. He was very nice and he always showed support for us no matter what he did, but that being said he was also fond of attending parties that his students threw with his wife (who was equally as wild and immature, if not more), getting black out drunk, and generally acting like a frat boy stuck in a middle-aged man’s body. Apparently a year or two ago there was even an issue with his wife and a couple of older male students fucking upstairs at a party whilst he was passed out on the couch. He wasn’t even mad at her for doing, said she was just “sowing her wild oats” or something.
 
Prepare for Furry Shit
Ok this was back in 2011. I would regularly come to this room assigned by my school (I am not going to state why because that would be too long). In this room I would meet this dude who I was on good terms with. He liked anime as your average 14 year old boy would and being british he humorously complained that CITV (The kids tv channel) would not air episodes of bleach.

One thing I found out about him was that he really liked drawing. When I glanced over to look, it looked like something out of deviantart. Eyebrow raising, but safe waters if you will. The next day I saw him straight up draw furry porn. This took place in a room owned by the school where people can just walk past and see him draw a sonic character taking it up the rectum. I was about to leave towards home, I swear I will report this to the teacher in charge of the room and the boy.

The next day I saw him draw something lewd on a bigger slice of paper AND THE TEACHER WAS HELPING HIM COLOUR IT ON AND POSTED IT ON THE WALL. I was shocked and gave up, I never seen him in my school again afterwards.
 
Last edited:
Since we're back on the subject of weird classmates; back in 4th grade there was this Russian girl who was taking an English class in the corner of our homeroom, and the resident bullies were kind of thirsty for her. The only problem was that she was a bitch and quickly got on their nerves for being kind of crazy. Over the course of a few months, it was kind of a normal sight on the playground to see them to picking on her and it usually attracted a crowd. Sure, throwing sand in a loser's face is kind of old, but getting assmad over it was quality entertainment back then. After that, came the "would you have sex with this crazy. bitch?" burn, and that wound up with her chasing or fighting whoever said that. And it usually ended up with her running off when recess was over and someone had to go find her...voluntarily munching on grass.

Needless to say, she quickly became a cow for a while, since most of the class was kind of concerned about her behavior and tried to avoid talking to her. But since we had more advanced stuff to do, we ended up ignoring until she did something dumb, like rolling her eyes in a fit of rage. Eventually, she wrote me and several other people a letter since I was usually watching the freakshow; and eventually bawled on a local news program on being bullied despite the fact that she was the one who was stirring shit up.
 
All of this is true:

There was a brony at my high school, dude would wear the same pony shirts every few days, he'd also wear a cowboy hat which he'd tip at people he knew and cowboy boots. He really hated Brokeback with a passion, but our shared friend group was part of the gay asshole crowd and would mention it just to piss him off. When the guy got pissed he'd literally do that thing that bulls do with his feet and stare the person down.


Everyone kept taunting him and one day everyone stopped hanging out with him, apparently he touched a girl in the groups boob, against her consent (she was lesbian and he knew she was in a relationship). He also supposedly has a fat/balloon fetish now.
 
Last edited:
I guess this dude was desperate for attention as he used to try to sell some silly stories about himself. Of course, if you want to make friends, it's best not to be a weirdo claiming you're a master sniper in the 9th grade. No idea where he got the sniper obsession, but he used to go around telling people he competes in national sharpshooting competitions. For while he was insisting people call him Sniper Fox. He changed it to something else after. Silver Fox, maybe.

Remember that assignment you had to do where you'd take the baby doll home and it'd cry, you'd feed it, etc, and you'd get a score based on how you took care of it? He was telling some chicks about how he hooked the doll up to his computer and used his sweet hacking skills to give himself a good score. The doll also had a firewall.
 
Had a kid get transfered to my high school who clearly had some sort of disability. I don't know if he was autistic or had Down's, but he really should have been in special-ed. I don't know why he was in our school, but that's irrelevant.

He had no mental filter and would just say whatever was on his mind. To everyone's credit, no one really picked on him, but some of the things he said became sort of in-jokes between my friends and I.

One example being he had a meltdown, tucked himself behind a door and wouldn't come out. My friend tried getting him to talk and coax him out. He said something like "feel like talking a bit, dude?" And the kid screams at the top of his lungs "NO! YOU UGLY!!!!"

Another one was when I was in the computer lab one time, and he comes in, gets on a computer and starts playing some sort of anime/weeb music. I ask him what he's listening to. He turns to me and completely deadpan says "you a fairy" and goes back to looking at the screen.
 
I was a dipshit my first two years of high school and wound up having to take a summer biology course, because I flunked it during the school year.

I've been out of high school for over a decade and have a degree, but still have nightmares that I have to go back to high school, because I flunked another class they didn't tell me about. Fuck me.
I had a similar string of nightmares like that too. Towards the end of my last year of high school, I did the math and figured out that I had high enough grades to completely blow off the last 2 or 3 tests in calculus, chemistry, and macroeconomics. So I did just that and failed to absorb anything from the last few months of instruction in those three courses, and by the end, my grades were still high enough to exempt me from having to take the final exams in those courses. So because I never had to take the exams and didn't even absorb anything from the last few months instruction, I think I never got a full sense of closure for those courses and used to periodically get nightmares about having to go back to high school to take or prepare for a calculus final exam concerning concepts that are completely incomprehensible to me.
 
Anyone ever have to go to a super boring assembly?

We had a compulsory music class once a week throughout grade school. Nothing serious, the "class" was just us poorly singing folk songs and badly playing basic percussion instruments.

The class was taught by this old lady who in hindsight was probably a lesbian. I actually liked her, but she took her job way, way too seriously. Every class was taught like she was Bernstein, and this was especially true during our yearly "concert". It was a two hour long torture fest where she would drag out every single class from kindergarten up to fifth grade to do a two or three song set. I could even tell as a kid that those two hours a year were her only reason for living and that she probably would have offed herself years ago if not for them. It was actually really sad.
 
Last edited:
In middle school there was a kid who either directly dealt or was the middle man for weed and amphetamines. His nickname was Skinny and he kept a gun in his backpack in condition 3 just in case. The only reason I know any of this was because he forgot to log off a library compute and I saw his facebook where his girlfriend was defending him from the future yuppies.

Same middle school, my biology teacher and one of the french teachers got caught fucking in a supply closet.

I had a science teacher who had a retarded sister and because his class was made up of mostly 13 year old boys, the sheer volume of 'retarded' flowing through the room offended him enough to share one of his sisters employment reports about how good of a worker she was. Same guy dripped water into my ear for falling asleep in class and got offended that a friend and I were laughing during the pledge (the friend was making fun of what I named a fictional place in one of my short stories IIRC), so he dragged me out of the assembly and got pissy with me.

I think this was middle school again but I can't quite recall: we had a compulsory original production in drama class and I was a cast member for some reason (I don't know why). So basically I ignored this class from like day one and the night of the production came, and I subconsciously remembered I was supposed to do something, but I was also busy playing DBZ Budokai Tenkaichi 2 for the PS2, so I just shrugged the feeling off. Next day I come in and the drama teacher pulls me outside and says "WHERE WERE YOU", and I was like "at home, playing video games", and she gave this like 5 minute lecture about showing up and I had to write a bunch of movie acting reviews to make up the credit I lost by not doing anything in drama class. After the first batch she forced me to watch stuff she liked because I kept picking movies with bad acting like Star Wars and Godzilla.

In my first high school some kid (not me, unfortunately) showed up to an assembly with a Klan hood and slid on his knees out on to stage. I can't even remember what he said but it made the local news and this black kid I had basic coding classes with wrote an offended blog post about it. My only involvement here is I anonymously called the black guy a monkey on his blog and told him to take a joke.

Second high school: I continuously bothered a history teacher because he was very empathetic towards oppressed people and empathy is for the gays. The final straw was me asking if a bar of alleged Jew soap from the Holocaust was a cocaine block, so he had me banned from his class and I had to write I think 15 reports on dictators and why they're bad. I got bored after Than Shwe of Burma, so I just copy pasted and rewrote Encyclopedia Britannica articles in teenage stoner vernacular.

Senior year, second high school: I actually completed a conventional class! It was English Literature and my teacher was a former biker who sarcastically yelled at students all the time and tried to hammer into our heads that more gentle role models were setting us up for failure because the real world is kind of a tough place. He liked me a lot even though I was a disrespectful and perverted shithead, because we were both extremely cynical and had zero automatic respect for authority. He called one of my book reports 'masterful' and said I was O'Brien when I compared myself to Syme from 1984.

My mother was completely shocked because for the first time probably since I enrolled in public education a teacher had something positive to say about me. He told her I should become a writer, but for whatever reason I just kind of dropped out of college and am now doing code shit.

Sometimes I miss those halcyon days.
 
In middle school I knew a sped who ran to every class. arms clutching books to his chest, leaning into his turns like a Superbike racer. I often spotted him wearing headphones with cat ears on them. Although I had no classes with him, a friend told me one choice story of him in algebra class.

Everyone was quietly working in groups on an assignment, when suddenly the sperg looked up from his worksheet and loudly opined: "I'm very good with aphorisms." Everyone ignored him and went back to work. About 5 whole minutes later he once again looks up from his worksheet, lifts his hand as if quoting shakespeare, and says in a measured, wise tone: "Fear not the wounds of the physical, for they are temporary. Fear the wounds of the emotional, for they are everlasting."

Everyone was so awestruck that a regular Ben Franklin was among them, that they forgot to react and instead chuckled silently.
 
One spring day my senior year as I was walking into my 3rd period class with the rest of my classmates our teacher told us to just set our bags down by our desks and don't bother sitting down because as soon as the bell rang we'd be heading out to the auditorium for an assembly.

This was really bizarre because not only did they always tell us in advance that we'd be having an assembly (usually a pep rally), we'd always be on assembly schedule that day too, which was every period being 7-10 minutes shorter to create an 8th period for the assembly because my school couldn't stand the idea of us missing a class for one day. The only other time this had happened was last year, when the principal wanted to bitch at the entire school (which I'll talk about in another post). So to me not telling us about this and avoiding the assembly schedule was a obvious indicator they wanted to cut down on ditching, which I found extremely suspicious. Why now did were they suddenly so concerned about ditchers?

As we were sitting down in the auditorium I noticed our teacher wasn't sitting with us like what was normal for the auditorium but instead kept standing in the aisle. I looked around and noticed all of the teachers were standing around. It looked like they were going to patrol the auditorium rather than just let the hall monitors do it. Some of them looked really annoyed or unhappy while others seemed extremely pleased, even outright smug. Everyone around me noticed all of this strange behavior as well and we speculated about what horrible school-wide punishment they were about to dish out on us.

As soon as the last class had sat down our principal, Mr. Purple, came out on stage. "Good morning everyone. We've got some very special guests here to talk to you today, so be sure to give them the respect and attention they deserve. Let's give a big welcome for them right now!"

My school gave it's usual half-assed applause as a group of people came up on stage while Mr. Purple fucked off to the back. They were all really young, obviously college age, so I thought that they were just going to talk to us about not fucking around in high school because we need to go to a university (because anything short of a full university is not good enough) in order to be successful as adults. Basic bullshit that I thought was wasted on a school with a well-earned bad reputation like this one.

"Hey everybody!" one of them said to us. "I want everyone to put their iPods down and listen up because what we have to say today is very important!"

Yes, he really did actually say that. I was seeing red flags before, but that opening statement set off all my remaining alarms and flags. These fucks are clearly under 22, hell, I wouldn't be surprised if some of them only graduated high school the year before. Why in the fuck were they reciting some sort of script obviously written by some out of touch middle-age (or older) person?

"Today," he went on, "we are going to talk about abstinence!" Oh fuck no. Now everything made sense: it wasn't just about making sure we didn't ditch, but to prevent anyone from walking out.

Now, I know some people here will disagree, but I don't believe in abstinence-only sex ed. I don't believe in it because not only I believe it doesn't work, but actually makes teen pregnancy and STD rates worse than they otherwise would be. So as you can imagine I very much wanted to stand up and refuse to attend this assembly. I didn't mind being slapped with one or more detentions, and my mom doesn't believe in abstinence-only sex ed either so she was unlikely to punish me further for it.

Ultimately I did not walk out. Why? Because I spotted this exceptionally cunty women patrolling nearby. She wasn't a teacher, nor one of the vice principals, or even one of the regular monitors. I'm not even sure what she did, to be honest, but the very few times I encountered her (or witnessed someone else encounter her) she was an absolutely massive, mean as fuck cunt. The previous time I saw her she lost her shit at someone playfully flipping off his friends during lunch. With her involved ISS or a full-blown suspension were real possibilities. Detention I didn't mind, but a week in in-house or full suspension were another story. I knew my mom wouldn't like those consequences either. But man it was so hard to sit there.

So, this particular bit of abstinence-only sex ed came in the form of a really, really, really bad play. Just like the opening statement, the rest of it sounded like some middle-age out of touch person trying so hard to sound "hip". They also would frequently "pause" the play to awkwardly insert bullshit facts as well. It was easily one of the worst things I've had to sit through.
 
I always got away with everything in school because I was never a teacher's pet, I was the principal's pet. So if you ever fucked with me, you wouldn't be dealing with me, but with the person actually in charge of shit.

This is how you actually bully teachers.
 
I always got away with everything in school because I was never a teacher's pet, I was the principal's pet. So if you ever fucked with me, you wouldn't be dealing with me, but with the person actually in charge of shit.

This is how you actually bully teachers.
This post with that avatar. Perfect.
 
We had a compulsory music class once a week throughout grade school. Nothing serious, the "class" was just us poorly singing folk songs and badly playing basic percussion instruments.

My K-8 school had once-weekly specialty subjects. For grades 7 and 8, the slate included one hour each week of Art, Music, PE, Library, and Foreign Language/Computer Literacy (each for one semester).

The music teacher I remember most was pretty cool and largely well-liked. I believe we got her through some sort of sharing agreement with the city's public school district because she also helped out with the fall and spring plays/musicals at my future high school - something she introduced to us in 5th and 6th grade. Like @ForgedBlades, we also did simple music in the lower grades with xylophones, rhythm sticks, slide whistles, triangles, tambourines, etc. and performing an occasional single-class long musical or play which involved singing or sounding out the various parts.

For my 7th grade year, junior high students had the option of taking a music class that involved a year-end performance or one that had no performance and a study of music history and theory in its place. I chose the latter. After missing a music class while sick, I returned the next week and it was a review session for an exam the following week. I did my best to take as good of notes as possible.

What I found uncharacteristic of how she had taught our music classes in the past, she gave us a test wherein few of the questions were covered by the previous week's review. Some questions appeared to have no relevance to music in general. One such question was, "Why were the middle ages called the dark ages?" After thinking to myself that we never discussed this in class, I put down, "Because there was no electricity" as my best but incorrect guess. After getting the equivalent of a D on the test, my mom wanted a meeting with her and the teacher conceded that I was a good student in all aspects of the class apart from the low exam score, so she shouldn't be too concerned because Music, like all our other single-day specialty subjects, was graded on a Satisfactory/Unsatisfactory basis with an optional comment line for student-specific feedback.

Anyways, she abruptly decided not to return to our school for my 8th grade year. So, we had no music class for the first quarter of the year and most of the second with all students likely being graded "Satisfactory" for Music by default. We then had 2-3 weeks where the school interviewed different music teachers to see who they wanted to take over. Either right before or after Christmas break, we had a winner: a woman whose first name was Nova. I'm not sure what to think of the candidates that were interviewed because Nova didn't seem to know how to engage our class and capture our interest as her predecessor did. Also, she expected the junior high students to make lummi sticks out of rolled up paper bags and duct tape despite never showing us how to make them properly. Worse, we never used them in class once we made them. Instead, our state was celebrating a milestone anniversary of statehood that year, so the focus quickly changed to preparing for an all-school concert to celebrate. Junior high students were tasked with learning a song calling itself a rap that was more like poetry set to music than an actual rap song. I felt fortunate that I missed the concert due to bronchitis that gave me laryngitis.

Now, I know some people here will disagree, but I don't believe in abstinence-only sex ed. I don't believe in it because not only I believe it doesn't work, but actually makes teen pregnancy and STD rates worse than they otherwise would be.

FWIW, I've held the belief abstinence is probably the ideal to avoid pregnancy and disease, but information about safer sex (i.e. birth control, condoms, etc.) needs to be available to help minimize the risks for those choosing to be sexually active.

This partially segues into an activity my church's teen group participated in one year. It was billed as some sort of mystery overnight lock-in that ended with an unspecified presentation the next morning. I didn't attend because of other obligations that weekend. From what I heard after the fact, it was for the best; the presentation turned out to be a chastity rally that supposedly had such poor execution and reception that even our youth minister thought it was awful - that in itself says a lot about how bad it had to have been. Furthermore, the next time the group scheduled another mystery overnight event, the youth minister had to explicitly include a statement that it was not another chastity rally because its awfulness had become that legendary.

E: Typos
 
Last edited:
When I was in elementary school we would occasionally get a substitute teacher everyone was afraid of. This woman was rather large with a booming voice and had quite the temper. She was so feared that students would begin crying if she walked into their classroom in the morning. When I was in first grade the girl next to me fainted after realizing she was going to be our sub for the day.
 
A couple years back, my college went on strike. During the last week of it a friend of mine was talking with some other students in a group chat and offhandedly mentioned that someone should organize a protest. Long and short of it was that within the next few hours, he'd gone from bystander to unwilling organizer of a relatively large-scale riot. I was on campus that day to abuse the empty facilities and get some work done, and when I got there I had the pleasure of watching the front entrance get completely blocked by enraged sjw-types standing outside in -20 degree Celsius weather.
 
Back