Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

[Count groudon]

I used to think that an Edgar was some sort of terrifying monster or insanely brutal act because a lot of creepy and/or rough characters in the cartoons and games I liked had that name.

Wasn't until I was about 8 when I found out it was just a normal name, and it was associated with spoopiness because of Edgar Allen Poe.

 

[LazloChalos]

I used to think women shat out babies, since my cousin's barbie dolls yielded no evidence of a vagina.

 

[Feraligatr]

I thought animals would talk to you if they liked you enough, so I ended up thinking my dog hated me for quite a while.

 

[zugzwang]

I thought rainbows phased through the world so whichever place was on the other side saw the other 'end' loop of the rainbow. This also meant I thought they were oval-shaped.

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

I used to think that your zip code was part of your street address. I mean, my street address way back then was 974 Davisville Road and the zip code was 18974.

I well remember the humiliation and my fourth grade teacher laughing at me for espousing this belief in class during a discussion about the mail one day.

Live and learn, I suppose.

 

[tampon_tornado]

When I discovered porn I watched it with the volume muted, and after seeing a dude ejaculate I just assumed it made a noise. I thought this for a while. I was really embarrassed when I found out dicks don't make noises when a dude ejaculates.

 

[gun]

i thought sayonara was an italian word because all the italian mobsters said it

 

[Anonymous For This]

Used to pronounce "facade" with a hard C. Nobody corrected me until I was in high school.

 

[kidsquid]

This is supremely exceptional but I used to think that if I ate gummy bears whole they'd live in my stomach.

 

[Basil II]

When I was like 3-4 I thought the U.S. was not just the only country on earth, but the only landmass as well, and that there was a giant northern coastline from Maine to Washington.
After I watched the Phanton Menace I thought all women just got pregnant with no male involvement, so I could've been born without any father. Thanks George.
When my parents put me in my crib for time-out they called it jail so you can imagine what I associated prisons with.
My sister was playing Spyro and wanted me to shut up so she told me if I plugged in another controller I could control Sparks.
I shit you not when I was 9 I started following Atheist youtubers and turned into a massive fedoralord.

 

[PL 001]

I had a friend when I was around 6 or 7 and we'd hang out at each other's houses playing NES games. His Nintendo was down in his basement, along with this big old oak chest we'd use as a chair. I had asked him what was in the chest once, and he said it was Spanish gold his grandpa had found and we were never supposed to open it. I told him I wouldn't tell anyone l, I just wanted to see. He stuck to his story, I got pissed and went home.

The oak chest only contained his family's collection of board games.

 

[UE 558]

When I was a kid I thought every game on Mario Allstars and SMW were all one big mega game. I also thought that watching too much Transformers would curse me to live as a robot forever

 

[Shiawase]

Exposure to Doom II brought out some of the more memorable dumbness.



My interpretation:

• The skeletons were grooving on stage for a charity benefit concert
• The pistol was the face of a beady-eyed monkey doll staring blankly into doomguy's soul
  • doomguy was constantly shifting his eyes left and right to avoid eye contact with the monkey
• "Arms" needed explaining, obviously doomguy has 2 arms but why 3-7?

 

[Tragi-Chan]

I used to think “rape” was a crime where someone cut you with a knife held sideways. Also I thought “pervert” just meant “idiot.”

 

[NARPASSWORD]

I used to think “rape” was a crime where someone cut you with a knife held sideways. Also I thought “pervert” just meant “idiot.”

TBF on the latter thing, most perverts also tend to be idiots (I mean, just look at Homer).

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

When I was really little and full of significantly more stupid than I am now after having a lot of it beat out of me, I was convinced that guns fired the entire cartridge out of the barrel and the bullet dissolved into a person's flesh after it penetrated, leaving behind the casing.

 

[PT 940]

I thought the >< button in the elevator made it move side to side instead of closing the doors

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

When I discovered porn I watched it with the volume muted, and after seeing a dude ejaculate I just assumed it made a noise. I thought this for a while. I was really embarrassed when I found out dicks don't make noises when a dude ejaculates.

Actually didn't notice this at first but I'd just like to mention that audible ejaculations exist.

No, I'm not going to post the video.

 

[edibleBulimia]

I thought that if you were traveling to India and the plane ran out of fuel, it would take 100 days to get there.

I also thought I was found in the trash and adopted by my family, since I don’t have any pictures of my birth.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

I didn't know what my testicles were and, while I did just accept them being there, I was afraid they were somehow bad because nobody told me what the hell anything was.

I was terrified of spontaneous combustion and was frequently kept awake at night whenever I remembered it was a thing.

Elementary school taught me that everyone grew up to be cops, firefighters, mailmen, doctors, dentists and teachers. I spent long months thinking about which one I would be, unaware that I would actually grow up to be unemployed.