LGBTQiwis

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

There was a time years ago that I actually considered transitioning. I thought about it long and hard and came to the conclusion that if I did transition I might ruin my life forever. I knew that I would never look how I had hoped. I knew I could never erase my past or be happy knowing that the change was basically just cosmetic. It ate away at me for a long time but eventually I decided to just be happy with who I am. I don't need to transition because my gender does not define me.


Additionally I am bisexual.

 

[PL 001]

Has anyone ever been in a relationship with someone deeply in the closet?

How did that go?

I was. It did not go well. Guy ended up dumping me so he could pretend to be straight with a girl his church buddy introduced him to. He wasn't bi, he was clearly gay and just couldn't bring himself to fully accept it. I tried helping him through it, but clearly it didn't take.

 

[Underestimated Nutria]

I was. It did not go well. Guy ended up dumping me so he could pretend to be straight with a girl his church buddy introduced him to. He wasn't bi, he was clearly gay and just couldn't bring himself to fully accept it. I tried helping him through it, but clearly it didn't take.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Maybe I should've defined what I meant by "deeply in the closet" -- I mean, I'm a private person IRL, I don't mind (and actually would appreciate) if everyone around us has no idea whether we're just friends, roommates, whatever. But between ourselves, I expect ... normalcy, open communication, etc. The guy I'm talking about was my best friend for 10+ years, he's a surgeon but has had very little romantic success (he's a decidedly odd duck), and as soon as he's not drunk and horny he switches straight back into friend-mode. It's super weird. He won't answer the most basic personal questions. I'm running out of ways to try to fix things, to try to integrate both sides into a single whole.

 

[PL 001]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Maybe I should've defined what I meant by "deeply in the closet" -- I mean, I'm a private person IRL, I don't mind (and actually would appreciate) if everyone around us has no idea whether we're just friends, roommates, whatever. But between ourselves, I expect ... normalcy, open communication, etc. The guy I'm talking about was my best friend for 10+ years, he's a surgeon but has had very little romantic success (he's a decidedly odd duck), and as soon as he's not drunk and horny he switches straight back into friend-mode. It's super weird. He won't answer the most basic personal questions.

I get you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I knew what you were aiming for in your post, your situation sounded a lot like mine. It felt like I was just hanging out with one of my buddies near the end instead of the person I had fallen in love with.

It's difficult having to deal with that situation. I hope things have been better for you.

 

[Underestimated Nutria]

I get you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. I knew what you were aiming for in your post, your situation sounded a lot like mine. It felt like I was just hanging out with one of my buddies near the end instead of the person I had fallen in love with.

It's difficult having to deal with that situation. I hope things have been better for you.

Shit, yours does sound identical to mine.

What I'm trying now before throwing my hands up is a series of gentle little incursions on his comfort zone to eventually I suppose become blase about what clearly is anxiety-ridden for him now. Lest I seem like a predator, he's the one who moved things beyond friendship ... not me.

There was a time years ago that I actually considered transitioning. I thought about it long and hard and came to the conclusion that if I did transition I might ruin my life forever. I knew that I would never look how I had hoped. I knew I could never erase my past or be happy knowing that the change was basically just cosmetic. It ate away at me for a long time but eventually I decided to just be happy with who I am. I don't need to transition because my gender does not define me.

Additionally I am bisexual.

Thanks for the post.

It is very interesting reading your perspective because we are typically inundated with the usual transition-or-I'll-die narratives.

Do you believe in the dichotomy between homosexual transsexuals and autogynephiles? If so, I'm guessing you'd (as a bissexual) be closer to the former?

Do you think porn played a role? I honestly think I might not be gay if it hadn't been for watching porn at early adolescence and getting bored with titties, so I don't mean this in any negative sense.

 

[Zeke Von Genbu]

Do you think porn played a role? I honestly think I might not be gay if it hadn't been for watching porn at early adolescence and getting bored with titties, so I don't mean this in any negative sense.

How early are we talking about? I think I got into porn before I was even 13 and I've been into titties to some extent the entire time. I think you probably had some minor interest in titties at some point in time or you felt you had to like titties if I'm assuming correctly that you're male, but it died out eventually and you became fully gay. It could have always been there and you got bored of titties because you never were really into them to begin with. I mean when you're young and have no idea what sex is, I think anything sexual can grab your attention in some form.

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

Thanks for the post.

It is very interesting reading your perspective because we are typically inundated with the usual transition-or-I'll-die narratives.

Do you believe in the dichotomy between homosexual transsexuals and autogynephiles? If so, I'm guessing you'd (as a bissexual) be closer to the former?

Do you think porn played a role? I honestly think I might not be gay if it hadn't been for watching porn at early adolescence and getting bored with titties, so I don't mean this in any negative sense.

It's no problem. I'm not generally very open about it since in this day and age explaining it to someone,especially someone further to the left than myself, often opens a can of worms and accusations. I'm of the opinion that the left(More specifically feminism and The Social Justice movement) is more harmful to the transgender community than it is helpful. Though I suppose you could apply that statement to it's effect on the LGBT community as a whole.

Absolutely. However I do believe there are a fair number of trans-trenders who would fall under the autogynephile label. It's certainly something I've seen in the community before but I wouldn't say it's the majority.

I generally believe that people are born gay or bisexual, though I often wonder about possible causes beyond that. In my particular case I feel as though it was always pretty clear I wasn't quite like my male peers. I played with girls and boys but tended towards being more emotionally driven and empathetic. That's not to say I didn't have masculine qualities to my behavior but those often manifested in violent situations. Though I did start looking at porn when I was exceptionally young, it was all straight stuff until I was around fourteen. If anything I blame my parents for that, they didn't want me looking at the stuff so I learned how to draw porn on my own because DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

 

[Underestimated Nutria]

It's no problem. I'm not generally very open about it since in this day and age explaining it to someone,especially someone further to the left than myself, often opens a can of worms and accusations. I'm of the opinion that the left(More specifically feminism and The Social Justice movement) is more harmful to the transgender community than it is helpful. Though I suppose you could apply that statement to it's effect on the LGBT community as a whole.

Absolutely. However I do believe there are a fair number of trans-trenders who would fall under the autogynephile label. It's certainly something I've seen in the community before but I wouldn't say it's the majority.

I generally believe that people are born gay or bisexual, though I often wonder about possible causes beyond that. In my particular case I feel as though it was always pretty clear I wasn't quite like my male peers. I played with girls and boys but tended towards being more emotionally driven and empathetic. That's not to say I didn't have masculine qualities to my behavior but those often manifested in violent situations. Though I did start looking at porn when I was exceptionally young, it was all straight stuff until I was around fourteen. If anything I blame my parents for that, they didn't want me looking at the stuff so I learned how to draw porn on my own because DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

Thanks for the post.

Did you ever feel dysphoria? Or was it just "wishing"? In either case, did it go away when you realized that changing sex wasn't really an option?

How early are we talking about? I think I got into porn before I was even 13 and I've been into titties to some extent the entire time. I think you probably had some minor interest in titties at some point in time or you felt you had to like titties if I'm assuming correctly that you're male, but it died out eventually and you became fully gay. It could have always been there and you got bored of titties because you never were really into them to begin with. I mean when you're young and have no idea what sex is, I think anything sexual can grab your attention in some form.

In my case, twelve. I think I genuinely did like girls a bit at one time, but in retrospect maybe it was just titillation from the forbidden. Until I was twenty, I could still occasionally get hard enough to sleep with a girl, but I always would've preferred a guy. Now I don't think I could sleep with a girl unless I was getting paid or something.

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

I think it went away when I realized that my gender is ultimately irrelevant in the grander scope of things. My mind is what's important. I mean sure, it would be nice to have the life I wanted but that just isn't the reality we live in. If there is no God then there is no hope for my dream. Physics simply won't allow for things to start over like that, at least not physics as we understand it now. Life is too short to dwell on stuff like that. Next to my concerns about impending oblivion the issue of my gender holds little weight. I used to have panic attacks about both, now it's just about dying. Hoping to eventually get over that soon too.

 

[Zeke Von Genbu]

In my case, twelve. I think I genuinely did like girls a bit at one time, but in retrospect maybe it was just titillation from the forbidden. Until I was twenty, I could still occasionally get hard enough to sleep with a girl, but I always would've preferred a guy. Now I don't think I could sleep with a girl unless I was getting paid or something.

Yeah I think you might have just needed to figure yourself out, I think unless you're super straight or in denial, everyone at least contemplates about having sex with both genders to some degree. If you ultimately settled by 20 then I think it was purely just you trying to get through that teenage phase.

It's no problem. I'm not generally very open about it since in this day and age explaining it to someone,especially someone further to the left than myself, often opens a can of worms and accusations. I'm of the opinion that the left(More specifically feminism and The Social Justice movement) is more harmful to the transgender community than it is helpful. Though I suppose you could apply that statement to it's effect on the LGBT community as a whole.

Absolutely. However I do believe there are a fair number of trans-trenders who would fall under the autogynephile label. It's certainly something I've seen in the community before but I wouldn't say it's the majority.

I generally believe that people are born gay or bisexual, though I often wonder about possible causes beyond that. In my particular case I feel as though it was always pretty clear I wasn't quite like my male peers. I played with girls and boys but tended towards being more emotionally driven and empathetic. That's not to say I didn't have masculine qualities to my behavior but those often manifested in violent situations. Though I did start looking at porn when I was exceptionally young, it was all straight stuff until I was around fourteen. If anything I blame my parents for that, they didn't want me looking at the stuff so I learned how to draw porn on my own because DON'T FUCKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

You remind me of myself in a few ways and ultimately I agree with everything you've said, though I personally believe for some people you can find happiness and peace with transitioning at least in theory. I know a very small handful who've successfully transitioned and stayed that way. Personally the way I see it is the thing most people forget it the transition part involves you know transitioning.

I've met people on both ends of the transition train who are mostly chill and then the people who I swear didn't transition at all because they have to add the "trans" part for no reason. It baffles me because I'd think people would want to just be their gender and end it there, but people really cling to that label way too much. My closest friend is someone who intends to transition and while I am skeptical of if it'll work out the way they want, I know she ultimately wants to do it no matter what and would rather have that then stay as is.

The thing me and my friend both agree on is that if we were to transition, we'd want to drop the "trans" in trans woman as much and as fast as possible. Because we ultimately want to just be the end result we think we should have been, the "trans" to us is an identity that doesn't need to exist publically once you've transitioned. If trans women/men are just women/men, then that is what it should be in the end. Trans an identity that is just a means to an end, it is not who you are forever unless you want to get really technical, but you don't need to live life in technicalities 24/7 over stuff like this. Just be a woman if you want to be a woman.

 

[DDBCAE CBAADCBE]

Yeah I think you might have just needed to figure yourself out, I think unless you're super straight or in denial, everyone at least contemplates about having sex with both genders to some degree. If you ultimately settled by 20 then I think it was purely just you trying to get through that teenage phase.




You remind me of myself in a few ways and ultimately I agree with everything you've said, though I personally believe for some people you can find happiness and peace with transitioning at least in theory. I know a very small handful who've successfully transitioned and stayed that way. Personally the way I see it is the thing most people forget it the transition part involves you know transitioning.

I've met people on both ends of the transition train who are mostly chill and then the people who I swear didn't transition at all because they have to add the "trans" part for no reason. It baffles me because I'd think people would want to just be their gender and end it there, but people really cling to that label way too much. My closest friend is someone who intends to transition and while I am skeptical of if it'll work out the way they want, I know she ultimately wants to do it no matter what and would rather have that then stay as is.

The thing me and my friend both agree on is that if we were to transition, we'd want to drop the "trans" in trans woman as much and as fast as possible. Because we ultimately want to just be the end result we think we should have been, the "trans" to us is an identity that doesn't need to exist publically once you've transitioned. If trans women/men are just women/men, then that is what it should be in the end. Trans an identity that is just a means to an end, it is not who you are forever unless you want to get really technical, but you don't need to live life in technicalities 24/7 over stuff like this. Just be a woman if you want to be a woman.

Yeah, the whole adding trans thing never made sense to me quite frankly. If you think you're a woman and have transitioned then you are a woman. Otherwise you are a man as far as I'm concerned. Though, I feel like people should put the work in too. I personally don't like dignifying the pronouns of people who look like men in drag and claim to be women. Most women put in the effort every day to put on make up and make themselves at least somewhat presentable. If you can't bother to do at least that then I won't bother to pretend I think you're anything but a trend chaser. I'm a firm believer in the two gender rule.

 

[PT 522]

I don't earnestly believe that transition is right for anyone--that's just what the data all points to. There is no decrease in morbidity, no decrease in suicidality, no increase in reported satisfaction with life. You might think you're happy for a good portion of your life but there are literally people who have lived as the opposite sex for 30+ years and regretted it. Very few or no people are equipped properly, in my opinion, to make a decision that is literally lifelong and irreversible.
At least with marriage you can divorce, don't risk a myriad of health problems, and can take a break from your partner from time to time. Even then, take a look at divorce rates. Still high even with these "safety nets" as it were. Transition is pushed on everyone, because the trans community will tell you that you literally can't be who you want without it. Which is untrue.

Before transition, I would recommend experimenting with your clothes, hair, makeup, name, maybe even your pronouns--while staying grounded in your sex. You can look and act exactly as you want and have people refer to you as you want without medical intervention. The door is already open and every single person you will ever meet--100% of them--does not care as much about all this as you do. That's a guarantee. Your gender doesn't rule your life until you let it.

But, I do recognize that if you are old enough to pursue such a path then you are (hopefully) at least 18 and have the capabilities to understand that your health and your life is your responsibility, and that you are fallible and may find later that you fucked up badly. If you don't think you can accept that, don't inject anything into your body until you know for a fact that you would be okay if everything you thought you knew about yourself was wrong. It'll make going back easier, at least, or ensure your confidence going forward.

 

[Sea creature]

I am bisexual who leans more towards girls. I've dated both boys and girls in my time.

 

[hambeerlyingnreed]

they hate everyone, even each other

Most of all, they hate themselves.

 

[Крыса]

Are there any bisexuals here who have had an MMF threesome? I'm intrigued by the idea, but nervous that the reality might not live up to the fantasy.

Yeah but an heterosexual one, the other guy wasn't into dudes. Or maybe he was I've no idea it just wasn't the "theme" of the night, I didn't ask. I loved it but I'd like to try something where everyone's going for everyone, not just us guys teaming up on a girl.

 

[Underestimated Nutria]

unless you're a 14/10, and like twinks, you will hate grindr

Could you explain this please?

 

[polonium]

Could you explain this please?

grindr is full of dramatic twinks with impossibly high standards, who all think they're god's gift to the world. Unless you're into that, it's a wasteland.

 

[vertexwindi]

So it's just like Tindr.

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

It's almost like online hookup apps are designed by vain sex-freaks, for vain sex-freaks.

 

[Shiversblood]

I won’t use grinder because I am not gay so I wouldn’t be able to determine if it is good or not for any people on here who are homosexual