Stupid things you thought as a kid - we were all dumbasses when we were kids

[FukuMuku]

the internet was a good place.

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

the internet was a good place.

Oh, but it is. You just forgot to specify for what.

 

[edibleBulimia]

the internet was a good place.

I’d play Club Penguin and Habbo and would get all worked up when someone asked me out, for example. I only found out when I was 10 that they could be pedophiles. Not like it harmed me, I always told my bfs I lived in Haiti for some reason.

 

[Mesh Gear Fox]

I thought that C64 and NES cartridges had little slips of paper in them that gave instructions to the console.

 

[UE 558]

I thought that C64 and NES cartridges had little slips of paper in them that gave instructions to the console.

Tbh, you probably could fit paper inside a NES cart

Spoiler

 

[Midlife Sperglord]

I thought Eazy-E was a real gangsta back when I was in third grade.

A few years before that, before I was in preschool, I thought the Hall and Oates song Maneater was about cannibalism.

 

[BF 388]

That there’s someone for everyone, and that you’ll find love when you aren’t looking for it.

 

[javeyravey]

Between the ages of 3 and 8 I believed that the word "rape" (as i would hear on the news or in films/tv watched by my older relatives) was actually "rake" and thus whenever the news or TV was talking about somebody being raped (or "raked" as i heard it), I just assumed it meant they had the shit beaten out of them with a rake.

Needless to say my parents pissed themselves in decidedly uncomfortable laughter when we watched a certain simpsons epiosde together for the first time and i loudly announced "sideshow bob is being raped!"

I used to think that rape meant someone stabbed you or cut you with a knife.

I also used to think that human women had dog vaginas because they were the only reference I had as to what a vagina looked like.

 

[PT 522]

I thought the noise my ac unit made was "the sound of the sky" because it came from above my house

 

[Ughubughughughughughghlug]

All cats are girls and all dogs are boys.

This was when I was very little, and I think it was because of gender stereotypes.

 

[Pargon]

When I went on a vacation as a kid I wound up talking to a slightly older kid who told me a story about a guy who died from shock when he was slapped in the dick. For years i was petrified of falling victim to the dreaded Cockslap Death.

 

[NARPASSWORD]

I thought the goombas in Super Mario 64 were sentient turds seeking revenge towards the plumber Mario.

 

[Inflatable Julay]

Gay dudes had sex by putting their dick between the buttcheeks like a hot dog

 

[UE 558]

It took me a while to figure out what boxes did in Crash Bandicoot, didn’t help that Crash 2, 3, and WotC let you get box gems if you died (not counting death routes) while Crash 1 didn’t

 

[An Sionnach Seang]

when I was a very small child, I used to alter song lyrics; looking back, I probably just did it for my own amusement and to wind up my mam
for instance:

Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the street
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,
Life is but a dreet

according to me aged about 3 (plumbing the depths of memory), I rationalised this by claiming that a dreet was a species of spider like a daddy longlegs

I was a weird kid

 

[UnKillFill]

At one point, I thought that Worf on Star Trek TNG and Worf on Star Trek Deep Space 9 were two different characters. (Who just coincidentally looked similar and had the same name.)

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

School ended in sixth grade (we share our junior and high schools with other towns and I didn't see them a lot),

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

I used to think “rape” was a crime where someone cut you with a knife held sideways.

I used to think you just ripped someone's clothes off while attacking them. It was close but I didn't realize the sexual assault part until I was older.

 

[zoidey]

all traffic lights were controlled by a single overworked man in a basement somewhere... would anyone here take that fucking job?

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

all traffic lights were controlled by a single overworked man in a basement somewhere... would anyone here take that fucking job?

People who worked in toll booths had to risk their lives running back and forth on crowded highways