🐷 Ethan Oliver Ralph / TheRalphRetort / Rad Roberts / Jcaesar187 / Rage Pig / "Killstream" / "Tequila Sunrise" - 5'1'' fat alcoholic, owner of a gunt, convicted felon and revenge pornographer, property of the ugly failed tranny pornstar Lucas Roberts. Has quadruple titties.

Freeman · Jun 25, 2019

Shady Attorney said:
God I hope Godwinson makes a video on this

Smarty Pants · Jun 25, 2019

The reason I talk so much about my struggles with alcohol, or my time in jail, or my struggles with weight, or the stuff I mentioned above is that it can be inspiring to see someone fail in such a public way, address it, and then come back to the table again.

That's why he went out of his way to tell everyone that's not your wife that they don't mean shit the other night. There's nothing inspiring about his story. A guy went to jail for being a drunken idiot, got some e-fame for 8 months and pissed it away due to being a drunken idiot. Ralph isn't on any table. I've seen camwhores with more staying power than him. He should be happy that people like us exist, because if it wasn't hilarious looking at him crash and burn literally nobody would give a shit at this point.

I am having a rough time right now personally and professionally. It is obvious for anyone to see.

By anyone he means Jim. This whole article is written with Jim in mind, just like the last one. Nobody should forget for a second that he doesn't really care about anyone who gives him money and his optics cucking is aimed at Jim.

Some people are very private and could not live a public life. Many times over the last 6 months, I have thought about quitting mine.

You know why I know his dad is dead, his mom is ill and that he has a wife named Nora who lives in the UK and is studying to be a doctor? Because Ethan "private" Ralph told me. Fuck off guy, Ethan did a two day tweet marathon about his cat and his neighbor. This guy is the biggest attention whore in IBS by far.

Together with Zidan, Gator and I created one of the most beloved podcasts in recent memory, the Killstream. Our trio was never going to last forever, because it’s not their calling vocation.

Yeah but they left because of him. It's not like Zidan wasn't working all the time and even did streams from his hotel room. Everyone knows that Zidan quit because Ralph is a fucking dipshit hanging out with Andy and Zoom. This is like when someone runs a homeless guy with his car and says "oh it was horrible, the guy got run over". He apologizes by exempting himself from responsibility, it's amazing.

They still have their feet too planted in the private world, which actually makes me so jealous sometimes, believe it or not. I do not have that.

Gaytor didn't leave because he was too busy fucking 10/10 blonde Puerto Rican girls, he left because Ralph's a drunk pillhead who told him to fuck off. This happened last week, he can't retcon it this early on.

Dick Masterson, Mark Collett, Dame Pesos, anyone still publicly taking the position of supporting me…I

He knows that Dame Pesos is making fun of his failure but it would've been too embarrassing to have just two names on there, and I haven't even heard Mark say anything publicly about him in recent weeks, so...

I think that’s about it, guys. Thank you for taking the time to read my worn out prose. It feels a bit out of shape, I have to admit.

It's not the only thing out of shape, ayyyyy.

At times, I may fall short.

You fall short at all times, ayyyyyyy.

beautiful person · Jun 25, 2019

Ralph, a few days ago: "I don't think about Flamenco"
Ralph, post Jim diss: "I want to apologize to Gator and Flamenco" Proceeds to not mention or refer to Flamenco for the rest of the article.

Btw, who the fuck is Flamenco to these people, and why do I feel so bad for him, despite his shit treatment being his own fault for being spineless?

Chichan · Jun 25, 2019

Fully Eshay Skits Bruh said:
He'll be Tonka 2.0 in a few months if he keeps going at this pace lmao

Nibba he is already Tonka we are past Tonka

Goku 1000000 O · Jun 25, 2019

"Jim wants to see me get better", what the fuck is wrong with these people? He's just a lazy shitposter you retards.

Fuck, Coach just put this up on /cow/ and he sounds like a salty bitch. Maybe its because he tried to take a shot at Jim and flopped hard? What is it about Jim that fucks with these people so much? This is so gay.

BK 348 · Jun 25, 2019

beautiful person said:
Ralph, a few days ago: "I don't think about Flamenco"
Ralph, post Jim diss: "I want to apologize to Gator and Flamenco" Proceeds to not mention or refer to Flamenco for the rest of the article.

Btw, who the fuck is Flamenco to these people, and why do I feel so bad for him, despite his shit treatment being his own fault for being spineless?

Flem isn't spineless, he just hasn't wanted to publicly slam Ralph and add to the trashfire hes created for himself, cause Flem is inherently an empathetic dude and wants to help him rather than destroy him. Behind closed doors directly to him hes been heavily critical of Ralph, he just refused to start a shit flinging fight live on air cause he knew how bad it would make Ralph look.

Sam Losco · Jun 25, 2019

Goku 1000000 O said:
View attachment 814911

"I didn't watch Jim's stream"

Ralph still lyin'. You honestly expect us all to believe that the timing of this apology is just a total coincidence to the first time Jim really publicly mocked you? We're not all drunk and on drugs, Ralph.

Smarty Pants · Jun 25, 2019

Goku 1000000 O said:
"Jim wants to see me get better", what the fuck is wrong with these people? He's just a lazy shitposter you exceptional individuals.

We're reaching levels of cope that shouldn't be possible.

Wheelchair · Jun 25, 2019

Goku 1000000 O said:
View attachment 814913

"Godwinson doesn't want to throw away his real life to become a full-time internet sped hiding in a third world shithole like I am? What a coward!" "Jim wants to laugh at obscure retards and collect his superberries instead of becoming a REAL eceleb? What a coward!" I'm seeing pattern here. Haven't followed this faggot much past Donga shitshow but holy shit is he demented if he thinks he comes out looking like anything but a jilted ex.

beautiful person · Jun 25, 2019

ShortPrintGamer said:
Flem isn't spineless, he just hasn't wanted to publicly slam Ralph and add to the trashfire hes created for himself, cause Flem is inherently an empathetic dude and wants to help him rather than destroy him. Behind closed doors directly to him hes been heavily critical of Ralph, he just refused to start a shit flinging fight live on air cause he knew how bad it would make Ralph look.

But Ralph seriously doesn't give a shit about Flamenco, so why does he worry about Ralph looking bad? Flamenco is clearly the outsider in this group.
And if anything, allowing Ralph to tear into someone who just rolls over to him instead of at least calmly standing up for himself makes Ralph look worse. All I've gotten from this relationship is that Ralph is a bully, and Flamenco desperately wants people to like him.

horsemeat69 · Jun 25, 2019

june 2019 and ralph STILL hasnt apologized to josh

Marco Fucko · Jun 25, 2019

beautiful person said:
But Ralph seriously doesn't give a shit about Flamenco, so why does he worry about Ralph looking bad? Flamenco is clearly the outsider in this group.
And if anything, allowing Ralph to tear into someone who just rolls over to him instead of at least calmly standing up for himself makes Ralph look worse. All I've gotten from this relationship is that Ralph is a bully, and Flamenco desperately wants people to like him.

That's what you get from someone who started out as a super fan. You either get someone willing to be abused like Flamenco or someone who sees the true side of things and becomes a former fan like Akira.

The winning move of course is to not be a fan of things, because emotions are for weaklings and hold back human evolution.

Top Skink · Jun 25, 2019

horsemeat69 said:
june 2019 and ralph STILL hasnt apologized to josh

Probably won't, it's safer not to. He probably thinks he can just brush it off as banter that 'at worst' got a little heated, whereas apologizing would require admitting that everything null said was/is true. His apology and promise to reform is intentionally vague to avoid people pushing him to follow specific actions, aside from the promise to quit drinking (which almost certainly isn't happening) he can change absolutely nothing but say he's righted the course... because he said he would try to

However, if he apologizes for his comments toward the feeder leader, it would require admitting he's an alcoholic with no plans that just wants it all his way, and pushes away or even attacks anyone that might question his decision making. Which won't happen, since it's his love of the sauce and love of self-image that got him into all this. Doesn't really matter if he gets better or becomes another member of the GG personality graveyard, but ffs I hope he cuts the "why *hick* are you *hick* interfering with another man's personal *hick* life choices" bit. It's the most obvious and most annoying trait of addicts

Lord Akira · Jun 25, 2019

Null said:
View attachment 814641

The Power of Public Failure: An Apology

I’ve talked about all kinds of things on this website. News, comedy,…

theralphretort.com

The Power of Public Failure: An Apology

archived 25 Jun 2019 13:26:17 UTC

archive.fo

What’s the point of doing these apologies every three months, they just ring hollow. If anything, they just cement the notion that Ralph is a destructive addict that needs to seek serious rehabilitation and medical treatment for his issues, not put together ramshackle shows on the fly only to cancel last minute and half-baked apologies no one asked for.

Smarty Pants · Jun 25, 2019

Lord Akira said:
What’s the point of doing these apologies every three months, they just ring hollow. If anything, they just cement the notion that Ralph is a destructive addict that needs to seek serious rehabilitation and medical treatment for his issues, not put together ramshackle shows on the fly only to cancel last minute and half-baked apologies no one asked for.

At least he didn't use 'lol' in the article like last time. His writing is going to be at fifth grader level soon if he keeps this up.

Top Skink · Jun 25, 2019

Lord Akira said:
What’s the point of doing these apologies every three months, they just ring hollow. If anything, they just cement the notion that Ralph is a destructive addict that needs to seek serious rehabilitation and medical treatment for his issues, not put together ramshackle shows on the fly only to cancel last minute and half-baked apologies no one asked for.

I'd be curious to find out what the turnover rate on his viewership is. It seems to me like a small number of diehard fans and a vast majority of people that've seen his content for a couple months at most, with a very limited number of periodic viewers that just tune in every now and again. If that's the case it'd explain why the repeat apologies work, as it's just paypigs that stick no matter what and newfriends too green to see the frequency of it.

SargonF00t · Jun 25, 2019

Top Skink said:
However, if he apologizes for his comments toward the feeder leader, it would require admitting he's an alcoholic with no plans that just wants it all his way, and pushes away or even attacks anyone that might question his decision making.

Ethan could show he is genuinely sorry for what he has said to Null, by letting Null feed him and livestream it as it is happening.

Max2019 · Jun 25, 2019

Coleman Francis said:
It takes a long period of daily use, multiple times a day before the withdrawal from benzodiazepines reaches that level of severity. And I can't see a doctor prescribing him xanax at his age, especially if he is an alcoholic, which means he's getting them on the side and not in the quanity needed to cause the severe withdrawal.

The booze is another thing though. If he drinks pretty heavily every day he needs to get in a detox, and then into AA.

You can get 1000s of Xanax at a time from the darkweb, even in powder form if you're really hardcore.

Fougaro · Jun 25, 2019

SargonF00t said:
Ethan could show he is genuinely sorry for what he has said to Null, by letting Null feed him and livestream it as it is happening.

I fear you underestimate the grave ramifications of feeding Ralph and the horror of eldritch lore that would be unleashed upon mankind once the gunt has been fed into a predatory sentience. Could Josh, should he be among the few survivors of the apocalypse, be even capable of living with he guilt of dooming us all by shouting "Iä! Gunt-Niggurath!"?