DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

[Adamska]

Phil says people SWAT his parents, which is a lie. If people want to hurt Phil's parents they should put all the shit he says about them on a flash drive and send it to them, just so they see how much bailing him out was worth.
If they're normal people hearing your son speak of you like that would hurt much, much more.

Plus it's also a good way to piss Pig off, since if they do cut pity donations he'd be livid.

 

[Fuckyoudad]

-he and Kat love the life they have where they are; want to live there for the rest of their lives
-"We went to connecticiut to visit my parents, and of course, while we were there we got married and everything, and quite frankly we hated every minute we were there. I'm not even exaggerating: the roads, the weather, the people..*shaking head, scoffing in disgust*"

I don't consider myself a vindictive type of person but when Phil blurts out material like this I shoot straight beyond bemusement and settle comfortably into a sense that karma is forever catching up to him. Here you have a couple who can't even fake any enthusiasm for what's regarded by many people as the happiest day/week of their lives.. and in his own words they hated every minute of it. Sure it was a bootleg wedding with vinny's pizza and a guided tour around Fantasy Island CT by Herve "ick ack" Burnell, but knowing they were going to get hitched ahead of time they should have been buzzing with excitement and floating on air.

A wedding doesn't really have to be the be all and all of course but Phil measures his life in Hollywood logic terms - the events he's supposed to enjoy because movies told him that's the way it is and the things he's supposed to acquire because movies told him that's what makes you successful. He's been taught by them his whole life (there are many examples in old vlahgs of the traditions he believes in and the way things aughta be) and when it comes to a homecoming trip to see loved ones and marry his soulmate.. getting married "and everything" surrounding it is an awful experience. People who get desperate for the downfall of DSP perhaps aren't aware it's already happening in slow motion freefall. This guy doesn't enjoy anything in life and appreciates absolutely nothing.. just imagine living in that headspace 365 days a year. You could say he enjoys money but for Phil it's just a distraction from the emptiness that is his entire existence.

You think he would have enjoyed having his wedding and break away just the two of them there in Washington? That would have still meant nothing to him.. because his mother wouldn't have been there to hand him 4k in an envelope. Consider even this tiny grievance the next time you ever get irked by a big tip or another angle he uses to skim off the top of his daycare center support group.. Burn in Hell Burnell is already on fire and if left to his own devices he'll see to it that the flames never get extinguished.

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

I don't consider myself a vindictive type of person but when Phil blurts out material like this I shoot straight beyond bemusement and settle comfortably into a sense that karma is forever catching up to him. Here you have a couple who can't even fake any enthusiasm for what's regarded by many people as the happiest day/week of their lives.. and in his own words they hated every minute of it. Sure it was a bootleg wedding with vinny's pizza and a guided tour around Fantasy Island CT by Herve "ick ack" Burnell, but knowing they were going to get hitched ahead of time they should have been buzzing with excitement and floating on air.

A wedding doesn't really have to be the be all and all of course but Phil measures his life in Hollywood logic terms - the events he's supposed to enjoy because movies told him that's the way it is and the things he's supposed to acquire because movies told him that's what makes you successful. He's been taught by them his whole life (there are many examples in old vlahgs of the traditions he believes in and the way things aughta be) and when it comes to a homecoming trip to see loved ones and marry his soulmate.. getting married "and everything" surrounding it is an awful experience. People who get desperate for the downfall of DSP perhaps aren't aware it's already happening in slow motion freefall. This guy doesn't enjoy anything in life and appreciates absolutely nothing.. just imagine living in that headspace 365 days a year. You could say he enjoys money but for Phil it's just a distraction from the emptiness that is his entire existence.

You think he would have enjoyed having his wedding and break away just the two of them there in Washington? That would have still meant nothing to him.. because his mother wouldn't have been there to hand him 4k in an envelope. Consider even this tiny grievance the next time you ever get irked by a big tip or another angle he uses to skim off the top of his daycare center support group.. Burn in Hell Burnell is already on fire and if left to his own devices he'll see to it that the flames never get extinguished.

Fucking this.

Most people who wish for DSP's downfall seem to mean they want his financial downfall. Paying attention to his income alone will piss off 99% of people who watch it in action.

But like the Tugboat, Phil has put nearly all of what little effort he can muster into keeping the cash flowing in. He will dig in to preserve that in ways we haven't yet seen because no one seriously threatened his finances except himself.

This gets into poop touching, but of all the battles to wage on Phil, attacking his begging scam is one of those battles Sun Zu would advise against. His ego, his health, his relationships, his past... fuck, just honesty in general hurts this man.

 

[jdoe2]

Did he say anything about making another DSP Tries It lately?

He did bitch a while ago about how he can't even make his money back because of the low ad revenue, but that's about it

I guess Kat is one hell of an expensive tripod.

 

[Bad Times]

He's been so mad lately that it rivals when Leanna left him. Either the money situation is really getting that intense or rate me optimistic but the relationship has gone south.

 

[Salubrious]

Did he say anything about making another DSP Tries It lately?

I don't think so specifically.

For some reason, I have vague memories of someone asking him how much they would have to tip for him to do one and he still refused. I could be imagining that though; everything starts to blend together after a while.

 

[SowonNation]

Either the money situation is really getting that intense or rate me optimistic but the relationship has gone south.

Ever since he got "married", he's been a lot more tense and on the edge.
The only times he'd flip the clown-switch would be when Henk, Rahb or nihilistic_goldfish would splash their disability checks on him, almost like he injects those into his veins like a junkie.
I'd lean towards the money situation here. We might have to wait for @SoapQueen1 to come through with the marriage license to assume the latter.

 

[Forbidden Math]

He's been so mad lately that it rivals when Leanna left him. Either the money situation is really getting that intense or rate me optimistic but the relationship has gone south.

Just gonna put this out there: I don't think it's optimistic to think that a shotgun wedding between a couple that knew each other for a year would lead to a troubled relationship. Also it's a little hard to believe DSP is having money trouble given how much he is constantly given, still, leave it to Phil to fuck up even the large sums of cash he's being given, nothing he could do I guess.

Either seems like a perfectly reasonable scenario to me.

 

[Kosher Dill]

Also it's a little hard to believe DSP is having money trouble given how much he is constantly given

That's like saying "It's hard to believe Michael Jackson had money trouble". No matter how much money you have, if you go out looking for financial trouble there will be people ready and willing to help you find it.

 

[Adamska]

My guess is it's more that Pig is angry over some autismal-greed scheme of his failed in the backdrop, like the idea of refinancing his house or getting more credit cards to impulse buy. Basically he's pissy he can't maximize his Manchild Millionaire lifestyle as much as he wants.

Another possibility is with him probably wanting another "vacation" because he despises everything in life. He wants to just compulsively watch TV and reaffirm to himself that he isn't a fat low-t manchild with autism, and that he is a big strong man who succeeds bigly.

Though I'd lol if Kat takes his shit in a divorce. That'd be gold and make him panic-beg/chimp hard.

 

[jdoe2]

Acting like a little kid about how the only day he can take off next week is Tuesday instead of Thursday or Friday like he usually does because of his soulmaid's work schedule

Incidentally, he gets paid on Monday by Twitch and whatever else

Watch him cry about how he can't pay the next month's bills on the same day he gets paid by Twitch and how his bank account is already overdrawn

It just so happens his bank account is always overdrawn when it comes to paying bills, but when it comes to taking out your soulmaid to the restaurant it's not

 

[Malagor the dank omen]

It just so happens his bank account is always overdrawn when it comes to paying bills

I wouldn't be surprised seeing how he's utterly idiotic when it comes to finances. How much useless garbage can a man buy with twitch donations?

 

[Adamska]

I wouldn't be surprised seeing how he's utterly idiotic when it comes to finances. How much useless garbage can a man buy with twitch donations?

Well, when you refuse to go to superstores like Walmart, use sales or look for deals, buy the most expensive gubbin as a trophy to yourself, eat out all the time, buy Schwans because you can't be fucked to cook simple meals, and also refuse to pay off debts beyond the minimum and minimize spending?

You accrue a lot of debt and seriously crater your income. Pig ain't poor; he just is mad he doesn't has as much liquidity as he wants.

 

[OneDaySon]

Earlier Pig was saying that him and Khet hated every minute of their CT adventure. He was just there to bilk his parents. What an ungrateful cunt. I hope they cut him out of the fucking will.

Well its more that Kat didn't like it and he's just saying that to appease her. A bit like how DSP loved Marvel movies and went to see them all and even talked about them on stream then he reveals Kat doesn't like Marvel movies at all then all of a sudden he doesn't like Thor Ragnarok, he doesn't like Infinity war so he decides not to watch Marvel movies anymore since they're "Going downhill" Yeah, strange, they went downhill just as Kat the Marvel movie hater came along. Same thing with CT. On stream he was hopping up and down in excitement going to CT. Super hype about the zoo and super hype about all the "authentic" Italian restaurants that he used to go to all the time that he can visit now that made him realise that he is in fact, a 100% pureblood Italian man from Italy itself. He was most excited about all the authentic Italian pizza he'll eat! He mentioned that more than the parents, even more than the marriage when he came back. Which turned out to be local greasy pizza. He absolutely loved it there. Now all of a sudden he doesn't like it? Kat probably said she hated it so he's just like "Oh yeah me too" since he really tries to walk on eggshells around her as not to piss her off. He won't even flirt with fictional video game characters in a game now.

 

[Comma]

Omg please tell me someone screen capped that.

"Time to cheer! Uh I mean time to chill!"

I had to transcribe this quotation:

"Do [I[ know what a rainy day fund is? Yes, it's called when you actually have extra money, on top of your standard of financial obligations, it's money that you save up, so that when a day comes, when it's say, 'oh, we were going to do something, but now there's nothing to do because today it's raining out, or it ruins your plans or you just have a random day when you just want to do something different you can spend that money on. It's money that you save up just to blow on a special day, when normally you were going to do one thing and you can't do that anymore, right? Oh, were were going to go out to the beach today, uh, you know, but it rained, so instead of going to the beach we're going to go to the bowling alley and go to the arcade and play some games or something, you know. That's a rainy day fund."

Someone in chat tried to correct him.

"Yes it is. And if you don't know that then you're a fucking idiot. That's exactly what it is. [Pause] If you think it's something different then probably you were taught the wrong thing. That's the textbook definition: money that you've saved up outside your normal financial obligations for to basically spend on a day where you can do something different from what you had originally planned because things went wrong according to your original plans. It's spare pocket change that you can blow on something on a moment's notice. That's your rainy day fund."

He wasn't being his usual sarcastic self either, he was 100% dead serious. DSP actually believes that a "rainy day fund" is money that you set aside to spend when your plans are changed outside your control, and not money you save up for emergencies.

So if you want to know how DSP acquired so much debt, there's an extra piece of the puzzle.

Double Edit: If you keep going a few minutes, he says that "it's the definition he was taught in school, so if it's something different then they must have changed the definition."

It's like listening to an 8-year-old making shit up in an attempt to explain something it doesn't understand.

Luckily it's not his fault, though, because they changed the definition. He did everything correct, nothing he could do,

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

Someone suggested that Phil's whirlwind nostalgia tour of CT was an attempt to kind of rewrite history with Leanna replaced with Khet. Have those same happy memories of being with a woman, without said woman being the one you associate with deep narcisitic pain.

I like this idea, because Phil does seem like the kind if asshole to treat one relationship as a continuation of another, and because I can see Khet picking up on that vibe months after it was obvious to everyone. Last horse crosses the finish line.

Khet is mad she hitched her wagon to a guy who doesn't grok the concept of why a man keeps a golddigger around and is probably demanding more tribute. Phil, less justifiably, is mad and getting madder that Replacement Leanna doesn't preform like the old one, and still has to pay to keep the bitch sweet and silent.



The financial crisis is that he invested in a bad work horse.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

This sounds like a dream wedding adventure, why would Kat be pissed off?

(This is an autistic recreation of the Connecticut trip)

Day one, an all day flight. Phil is too incompetent to set up the internet so Kat gets to stare out the window at clouds while Phil plays mobile games. Once they arrive they go to the bridal suite of the best hotel in town and drink champagne. Oops I mean they get a room at the econolodge and have Domino's pizza.

Day two. Kat and Phil get taken down to the ghetto while Dave drives and Linda chain smokes, Phil and Kat get to sit in the back like movie stars. I mean children. The whole ride Linda keeps asking when Phil will grow up and get a job, and what ever happened to that nice Asian girl who smelled like soap. Afterwards more pizza!

Day three, a trip to the mall! Before heading off to the mall Phil has to stop by his parents house to beg them for money so he can go to the arcade. The mall is super fun, Phil spends all the money playing Street Fighter against 12 year olds and losing while Kat excuses herself to the ladies room and softly cries for 45 minutes. Afterwards they go to the zoo. Phil is extra sweet and only accidentally calls his fiancee Panda a couple of times. Tonight's dinner? Pizza!

Day 4, the wedding. Kat and Phil arrive at chateau de Burnell 15 minutes late because Phil Frank too much gin the night before and overslept. All ten guests are present. Dave and Linda, Phil and Kat, the justice of the peace, and Linda's 5 cats. The house has an aromatic atmosphere of 40 years of secondhand smoke and cat urine. Kat is wearing her dream dress picked out at the local Salvation Army thrift store. Linda combs Phil's hair. Phil says (nothing) I (could) do. The ceremony is over in 8 minute. Afterwards the reception at a pizza restaurant. They head back to the econolodge and Phil spends the night making passionate love... I mean making multiple tweets to the trolls.

Day 5 Phil spends the whole day getting yelled at by his mom. Luckily he gets a couple thousand dollars as a wedding gift.

 

[BScCollateral]

This sounds like a dream wedding adventure, why would Kat be pissed off?

(This is an autistic recreation of the Connecticut trip)

All ten guests are present. Dave and Linda, Phil and Kat, the justice of the peace, and Linda's 5 cats.

Typically a wedding needs three witnesses. Cats do not count.

 

[Radical Goodspeed]

Typically a wedding needs three witnesses. Cats do not count.

That's so Phil can wriggle his way out when he's done with Kat.

"Real tawk, a lotta peepul learned in grade school that you have to have three witnesses for a marriage to be legal (snort) well, your honor..."

 

[Shambler]

so lets consider phil is either gin talking or lying,
if he's gin talking he truly is in a personal hell in which he finds no escape
or
phil is more comfortable with people thinking he's a rotten no good husband with no spine who's incapable of making smart financial choices constantly overdrawn