Jasper Carewatch - ASPCAck-Ack-Ack

[Pargon]

Fort Gout has a new(ish) dweller, announced during the 8/4/19 marathon. Curious that a mouser is living side-by-side with vermin.

Some context:

DSP spent about the two weeks leading up to the Mario 64 marathon hyping the fact that he had a "POSITIVE ANNOUNCEMENT" that he would be sharing onstream provided a tip goal was met. After taking fire from his chat and on Twitter and amid rampant speculation he backed off this statement, saying instead that it was just a little bit of good news that would make the stream better (read: make him more money). This development narrowed speculation to him finally implementing the green screen, etc., although some still clung to their claims of DSP getting a pet or Kat being pregnant. He further enticed hangers-on with a two-tier goal and promised further good news if both goals were met.

And so finally the appointed time arrived and thanks to detractor tips and whales looking for their lashing from Daddy, DSP made his tier one goal and we got a four-legged meme. Fucking RIP.

It should be noted that, apropos of nothing, in the months leading up to this Phil would occasionally bring up the fact that Kat wanted a, err, cat, and that he was interested, but there was Just No Way They Could Afford It

So, it should come as no surprise at all that, during little Jasper's debut, Phil stated that they've had him for months. Somewhere, Paul Joseph Watson experiences a minor itch of astonishment.

Here's Phil claiming his intent to make the cat the official stream mascot:

I'm only half-joking when I remind everyone that working animals are meant to be carefully monitored by the Humane Society. Also, t-minus one week until we start seeing poorly-drawn prestream slides and emotes starring this poor thing.


Post your genuine well-wishes for this poor creature and related MOTI salt here.

 

[JimmyHill'sBlarms]

F.

 

[Dumpster dived waifu]

if the poor bugger is a biter and he goes for a cable, i hope to god its an instant one shot. god knows dsp wouldnt try to stop that kind of behavior, pausing the stream is bad for the business.

 

[PenskeMaterial]

He was with Panda Lee for 5 years, didn't propose to her until after she wore a fake engagement ring because her co-workers found it strange that Phil wouldn't propose to someone he's been with for years and shares a house with.

Panda Lee wanted a pet to replace the ones she had to leave behind and he refused because 'I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY'.

He didn't do anything nice for Panda, the one who truly loved him, unless he absolutely had to, but the horse lady who is physically repulsed by him gets a wedding ring AND a cat. Seriously?

She has him wrapped around her finger and he's OK with it, because he knows he can't do any better than this. He will never have another young, impressionable, decent looking fangirl to "court." Khet is it and if she's unhappy and decided to end it, it'll destroy this image of a serious married adult he's desperate to maintain.

I hope she becomes increasingly demanding and he has to beg harder to keep her happy.

 

[Kermit the Frog]

Wow, a cat. Lame. $1,000 was probably how much he spent on it after all the paperwork, vet visits, declawing, food, toys, etc.. He just doubled his money, which means the cat gets to stay. So was Phil really never going to show the cat if he didn't get his money back tonight, is that what we're supposed to believe? Would he have just taken it out back, put it in a sack and bash it against the wall? Give me a break. Phil would have eventually given in. To top it all off the paypiggies get no answers for why Phil lied and kept it a secret for months, because apparently all that matters is the cat is here... the same old song and dance he did with Kat moving in... and with his engagement to Kat. They got scammed again. Thanks for the money, dummies!

 

[actually]

Friendly reminder that if you're (understandably) pissed off about this, take some time to step away and set your mind right.

You're not a 37 year old manchild with a wife that doesn't want to be involved in any way with his "job" who literally begs for money and then brags about lying to his supposed fans' faces about shit he's spent money on. Clean up some shit around your residence (apartment/house/condo/whatever), hug your significant other or pet who actually likes you, go find something that makes you laugh, and get ready for whatever tomorrow brings.

Phil's not worth being actually angry about. Yeah, he got $2k to reveal he had a cat on stream, but it also means he's still underwater on a 600 sq. ft condo in CT and floundering with credit card debt. His big "positive" this month is that he might not overdraft before his Twitch money arrives.

 

[big ups liquid richard]

Did he say he declawed it? That is evil...

 

[Pargon]

Did he say he declawed it? That is evil...

I'm pretty sure the claim he made is that "the cat is declawed", not that he or Kat were the ones who had it done, though the fact that he left it ambiguous is suspect. He's certainly socially aware enough to know that making the claim that they arranged it would be socially unpopular. This is also a potential hint as to where he got it from; many shelters will not declaw any cats they take in, though it's not to say it wasn't before it was surrendered.

 

[This comment matters]

Friendly reminder that if you're (understandably) pissed off about this, take some time to step away and set your mind right.

You're not a 37 year old manchild with a wife that doesn't want to be involved in any way with his "job" who literally begs for money and then brags about lying to his supposed fans' faces about shit he's spent money on. Clean up some shit around your residence (apartment/house/condo/whatever), hug your significant other or pet who actually likes you, go find something that makes you laugh, and get ready for whatever tomorrow brings.

Phil's not worth being actually angry about. Yeah, he got $2k to reveal he had a cat on stream, but it also means he's still underwater on a 600 sq. ft condo in CT and floundering with credit card debt. His big "positive" this month is that he might not overdraft before his Twitch money arrives.

Yeah it's really not that big of a deal. A fool and his money are soon parted.

 

[actually]

Did he say he declawed it? That is evil...

He said it was declawed when they got it and that people had passed over the cat because its front paws were declawed.

 

[big ups liquid richard]

He said it was declawed when they got it and that people had passed over the cat because its front paws were declawed.

That.. sounds really dumb.
Nobody will hold a declawing against a cat.. By which i mean someone who has a problem with declawing, would surely not object to putting it in a safe environment because it is at a legitimate survival disability.

And idiots like Phil would say, great, a declawed cat is perfect for my furniture. They would prefer it declawed.
A cat that appeals to both types of people wouldn't stay available for adoption very long.

I think he just lied and did it himself, it was a requirement.

 

[Equinox_]

Wait, he said people didn't guess what the announcement was...but people guessed a cat constantly. Well shit.

 

[actually]

That.. sounds really dumb.
Nobody will hold a declawing against a cat..

TBH, it sounds like something the shelter said to try and get the cat adopted.

Wait, he said people didn't guess what the announcement was...but people guessed a cat constantly. Well shit.

Yeah, but people didn't guess that he had had the cat since before last Christmas, so they were technically wrong. DEBUNKED DOOD.

 

[PieceofShet]

Was Khet on the stream with the cat? How do we know she did not turn into a cat?

 

[DankSydePhil]

Did he say he declawed it? That is evil...

After the stream ended he admitted having the cat almost a year now, and also stated the cat was 2 years old now. Most cats get declawed around the age of 6 months to a year. Yeah he totally declawed the cat. And the proof is watching his cat on stream still trying to claw at stuff which cats do a few months after being declawed.

 

[ZehnBoat]

can't wait for phil to get angry at people talking about the cat when he starts begging
I NEED MONEY I NEED MONEY TO FEED THE CAT
if you can't take care of the cat, then sell it
WOW DOOD I CANT OKAY NOTHING I COULD DO MORON *lean in ban*

 

[PeeAndPooLover69]

Was Khet on the stream with the cat? How do we know she did not turn into a cat?

we all know we're only allowed to see khet once every 6 months

 

[big ups liquid richard]

After the stream ended he admitted having the cat almost a year now, and also stated the cat was 2 years old now. Most cats get declawed around the age of 6 months to a year. Yeah he totally declawed the cat. And the proof is watching his cat on stream still trying to claw at stuff which cats do a few months after being declawed.

Wouldn't be so sure. Cat's do stuff like that, instinctively.

 

[God's Sped]

Can't wait for the inevitable "Uhhhhhh... Jasper destroyed x valuable thing I need for streaming, so I really need donations to maintain my 10 year legacy" arc, or atleast I really hope the writers go in that direction even if it is predictable.

Just realized Phil probably had the cat declawed lest it kill his vermin brethren in his own home.

 

[PieceofShet]

we all know we're only allowed to see khet once every 6 months

Maybe he got the cat cause Khet left and he wanted her back, but now that she is gone for good, he needs money to take care cat.
How do we know this isnt the case?