DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

[Fuckyoudad]

Don't write off the possibility that Katherine brought Jasper with her when she left Subaru Valley to touch down in East Snortsdale. Even if she's had him since he was a kitten it doesn't really change the rationale behind saving him up for a rainy day fund reveal; a tale of two kitties would have still raised eyebrows and possibly made more of a dent in upcoming begathon plans if the nudniks thought he was providing for both of them while crying poor daily.

It's also possible her role as the actual cat guardian coupled with her complete lack of desire to play Felix to DSP's Oscar on camera extended to Jasper as well and she had him frozen out of stream appearances until she finally gave in to his miserable whining that streamer pets were a hot topic and he needs to run it into the ground while he can.

Buying Phil cat toys for the couch almost reads like a runner up prize she provided him so he'd stop sulking over the fact he couldn't make a prop of Jasper sooner and get more milk money out of the exceptional fanbase. Later she'd come to realize the only way to get DSP to stop sulking (for a whole 90 seconds) is to give him the specific thing he wants or give him a big handful of cash.

 

[Mooty Mooty Mooty]

Perhaps a bit spergy but something that Phil benefits from is that he is a "safe" lolcow. What I mean by "safe" is that unlike a lot of exceptional people on the internet he isn't directly harming people, actively trying to dox or shutdown people (he isn't taking a baseball bat to a detractors mailbox and taking photos of their wife), he isn't involved in any major scamming or shilling, Isn't trying to insert politics into places it doesn't belong ETC.... he just sits in his own little world taking money from his small pool of wheels. Of course if Phil were in a position of power he probably would do most of those things, but currently if you want to follow a "popcorn movie" lolcow, DSP is your guy.

But then he brings a declawed cat into the picture. A lot of people don't take kindly to animal abuse or exploitation. If Phil isn't careful and he decides to use Jasper in his beggings by saying "I NEED MONEY FOR HIS CAT FOOD OR HE WILL STARVE DOOD!" or "JASPER IS LIMPING BUT IF I DON'T MAKE 1K THIS STREAM HE WON'T BE TAKEN TO THE VETS!" he could end up gaining the kind of dangerous "detractors" that other really horrid lolcows have. Be an internet clown, you just have to deal with the internet laughing at you. Be abusive and you may get a crazy wheelchair climbing your gate and coming to your property.

Anyway I am probably way off, and likely DSP is more neglectful than harmful, but if he ever slips and admits to declawing or uses its wellbeing for money he could enter the territory where mafia boss killing anons reside, the land of spastics willing to do anything to the people they hate.

 

[actually]

This also moves the acquisition of Jasper to the Tut/E7 timeframe so that he could, conceivably, have had some extra money floating. If it was recent, then the flak that he got for lying about taxes to cover his marriage trip would be compounded by this. I think with the way he dialed down the fundraisers for a while, he knows he is on thin ice there.

Can anyone remember/look up when he started talking about selling his statues and cleaning out the walk-in closet he refers to as a "nook"? That, to me, would make the most sense for nailing down when Jasper entered the picture, since it could represent the time when he and/or Kat were preparing to get a cat. It's certainly possible (if not more likely) that Phil impulse-adopted a cat and then scrambled to actually provide an appropriate living space. Might also be worthwhile to see when Phil started vehemently opposing doing any type of house-related vlog as that would also correspond to the arrival of Jasper and all the extra cat shit (literal and figurative).

 

[LiquidCancer]

Can anyone remember/look up when he started talking about selling his statues and cleaning out the walk-in closet he refers to as a "nook"? That, to me, would make the most sense for nailing down when Jasper entered the picture, since it could represent the time when he and/or Kat were preparing to get a cat. It's certainly possible (if not more likely) that Phil impulse-adopted a cat and then scrambled to actually provide an appropriate living space. Might also be worthwhile to see when Phil started vehemently opposing doing any type of house-related vlog as that would also correspond to the arrival of Jasper and all the extra cat shit (literal and figurative).

Its a good theory but didn't he specifically take new photos of items in the "nook" like the Portal Gun he sold to the beta tranny? Also he never actually sold anything else in there. So I expect the 20 lootboxes and all the other junk is still there.

 

[gaarashatan]

Phil mentioned he and Khet really wants to buy a fish tank and some fishes, but of course, HE COULDNT AFFORD IT

THE REVEAL SEGA! PART 2!

see this is why i love phil, hes so fkin stupid and cant read a room

 

[huffysan]

Spoiler: NSFL

View attachment 882488

SNORT.... '' please tip so i can make the next goal ''

That disturbingly looks just like him. Just tiny thinner.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

TLDR: There is really no reason to keep a cat secret for as long as he has because he really cannot keep his mouth shut to brag and inflate his ego because what other better way to follow trends to make himself relevant. It's a cat and it's total bullshit he would pretend to keep it secret for protection when he doesn't even seem to know how cats work after having it for a year. His parents have 3 cats and also lied about meeting one for the first time on his marriage trip.

Every thing he does is for money.

My first thought was he lied about having it for over a year because, to Phil, it is exactly the kind of weird thing he'd take pride in. He has no real accomplishments to lord over people so he thinks lying for over a year somehow makes him better because he pulled one over on his detractors. I still have my doubts about the specific time frame, but I do believe Phil has had Jasper for at least a few months now. Not because I don't think Phil is a liar, but because I think he slipped up on this particular lie during his CT trip. He mentioned that someone was watching the house, which at the time we rightly pointed out made no sense, thinking that it was Phil being paranoid a detractor would break in or something while he wasn't there to defend the gout mansion. In hindsight, it was probably someone (a neighbor or Khet coworker?) feeding the cat. Devil's advocate, Phil was just lying about that too, but I feel like it hits a point where even Phil can only stack so many lies, and with the new context it really feels more like a slip up that he needed someone to watch his house because of Jasper being there. Slightly related, but I think the comment about Phil meeting his parents cats wasn't a lie either and just him being too self focused to remember something that didn't involve him. It doesn't seem like too much of a stretch because Phil really doesn't seem to care about cats (or Khets for that matter) outside of his recent fakeside Phil appearances trying to hype up Jasper for donations. Keep in mind, this is the same Phil who got E7's name wrong even after he threw thousands of dollars at him, and that was just over the span of a few days, not however long it had been since Phil last saw his parent's cat.

All that being said, it is weird he only now decided to do the Jasper reveal stream. Some, myself initially included, speculated he was sitting on it for a time he needed quick cash. I still think the fact he lined it up with his day off, especially a day he normally doesn't take off, is suspicious. We know how much Phil loves/needs to stick to a schedule. It is possible he completely overlooked it until recently because of his complete indifference towards cats. I feel like in a bubble, he wouldn't normally think about it because the cat likely has no value to him. Maybe he saw a movie or Khet made a comment or something else finally clicked where he saw someone making money or just getting attention from their pet. I'm kinda leaning more towards that myself because, as you pointed out, Phil doesn't have a history of having impulse control, especially when it comes to things that could make him money. It really is hard, though admittedly kinda fun, to speculate about something like this because Phil is just so illogical that I bet his actual reasoning for waiting (or lying about waiting) to reveal Jasper will be something completely out of left field.

 

[Surly Muppet]

Can anyone remember/look up when he started talking about selling his statues and cleaning out the walk-in closet he refers to as a "nook"?

It seems like the sale of the portal gun happened at the end of April/start of May. That was one of his only sales (that we know of) and a sign that he was seriously committed to selling at that time. I thought it was earlier, so that's interesting if we want to take that as a possible sign of Jasper's arrival. It's possible the cat was compensation for a lack of honeymoon... and he did just get all that cash unexpectedly from his mom...

That said, the catch is that he has flirted with selling these statues off an on for a while, so there was mention of them previously. He also showed the nook during his boomer phone stream when the internet went out, didn't he? That would suggest that either Jasper isn't in there at all, or he had to have got the cat at least after that date.

EDIT: The phone stream occurred on July 25th of 2018, so that would mean that Jasper was not there yet. That doesn't conflict with or confirm Phil's timeline.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

All that being said, it is weird he only now decided to do the Jasper reveal stream. Some, myself initially included, speculated he was sitting on it for a time he needed quick cash. I still think the fact he lined it up with his day off, especially a day he normally doesn't take off, is suspicious. We know how much Phil loves/needs to stick to a schedule. It is possible he completely overlooked it until recently because of his complete indifference towards cats. I feel like in a bubble, he wouldn't normally think about it because the cat likely has no value to him. Maybe he saw a movie or Khet made a comment or something else finally clicked where he saw someone making money or just getting attention from their pet. I'm kinda leaning more towards that myself because, as you pointed out, Phil doesn't have a history of having impulse control, especially when it comes to things that could make him money. It really is hard, though admittedly kinda fun, to speculate about something like this because Phil is just so illogical that I bet his actual reasoning for waiting (or lying about waiting) to reveal Jasper will be something completely out of left field.

I'll admit my post was spergy but yeah the timing is just baffling to me. Sure he could have had it for a year but why now of all times for the reveal? Why not maybe a month ago? Why can't the son of a bitch appear during the day streams? Door open or not if khets there, she can wear headphones to drown out DSP's spergyness?

 

[N0thingICanDo]

"Look Jasper! This is Planet Jeff, he paid $1000 for your reveal and he won't even ever going to meet you, don't be like a stooooopid moron cat like him, okay?"

*Snorrrrrrrrrrt*

Someone donated $5 and asked this

Phil:

"I am already a LOVING HUSBAND, and no I have no intention to become a dad to a HUMAN BABY"

????????????????????????????????

 

[actually]

Sure he could have had it for a year but why now of all times for the reveal? Why not maybe a month ago? Why can't the son of a bitch appear during the day streams? Door open or not if khets there, she can wear headphones to drown out DSP's spergyness?

1&2) money.
3) Phil doesn't actually like the cat that much and also he can barely handle talking to people in chat while playing games anyway.

Unrelated sidenote: Phil apparently thought coal and charcoal were the same thing. Learning this was not true (via Minecraft tonight) blew his mind. 37 year old intelligent mature adult, everyone.

 

[N0thingICanDo]

Someone in chat asked Phil to name something in the game after Rob Warren and Henk Douma, because they are whales but can't show up in night streams

Phil basically replied and said

"Ugh....no, they have to show up and contribute to get that perk, okay?"

way to throw whales under the bus

 

[Nigel of Ukip]

Can anyone remember/look up when he started talking about selling his statues and cleaning out the walk-in closet he refers to as a "nook"? That, to me, would make the most sense for nailing down when Jasper entered the picture, since it could represent the time when he and/or Kat were preparing to get a cat. It's certainly possible (if not more likely) that Phil impulse-adopted a cat and then scrambled to actually provide an appropriate living space. Might also be worthwhile to see when Phil started vehemently opposing doing any type of house-related vlog as that would also correspond to the arrival of Jasper and all the extra cat shit (literal and figurative).

The guy got the portal gun on the 5th of May, so around that time is when Phil went on about his nook.

He got married on the 10th/11th of April, so I have a wild theory.

What if he got the cat before his wedding as a "please don't say no" gift, and got pissed off with the cat once home and wanted to yeet it in that nook after?

EDIT: He took a LONG break from posting on Instagram after the 26th of December 2018. Could check out when he said he had it from last year, and might of quit posting pictures to not capture something off limits.

 

[Surly Muppet]

Someone asked Phil if he could name a Minecraft cat after Jasper.
Phil said he could, but there is already a real cat named Jasper.
He, yet again, seems to be conflating video games with reality. Which is doubly weird because all of his avatars look like him.

Phil is also claiming that he didn't get any legitimate complaints about the Jasper reveal from people that he cared about (Brian confirmed unpersoned?), and that people told him there was an uproar, but he didn't see it himself and he doesn't care.
This directly contradicts what he said at the end of the reveal stream, and all the people he has been arguing with on Twitter. You're not the person you pretend to be, Phil.

Phil also claims that he never hyped the cat up as being a big reveal. People came up with radical ideas on their own.
He literally said he was trying to start speculation. Now he claims it was "on them" because he didn't tell anyone to speculate.
Holy fuck.

EDIT: Phil is calling a mod out for unbanning liquid hindo. He is laughing at him for getting caught and demanding that he explain his actions on stream. He is insisting on the mod replying and has stopped gameplay for this.
The mod is Da_Bottomlinels, who I assume is DaChancla.
He claimed the other mods told him it was ok, and Phil is saying he's full of shit.
HE DEMODDED HIM ON STREAM.

"This was the biggest instance of catching someone doing something underhanded behind my back!"

Phil is now shitting on him while he's still there. He also shit on him for changing his name constantly. Phil doesn't appreciate that.

 

[flatsoda]

Can anyone remember/look up when he started talking about selling his statues and cleaning out the walk-in closet he refers to as a "nook"? That, to me, would make the most sense for nailing down when Jasper entered the picture, since it could represent the time when he and/or Kat were preparing to get a cat. It's certainly possible (if not more likely) that Phil impulse-adopted a cat and then scrambled to actually provide an appropriate living space. Might also be worthwhile to see when Phil started vehemently opposing doing any type of house-related vlog as that would also correspond to the arrival of Jasper and all the extra cat shit (literal and figurative).

There was a weird unrecorded intermission during his Spyro stream on December 3, 2018. DSP had just finished playing Spyro and was switching over to Darksiders to fill the rest of the stream time. He ended up doing a 30 minute Q&A segment while waiting for a Darksiders 3 update patch that had just gone live.

I wrote up a small summary here: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/darksydephil-theycallmedsp-phil-burnell.975/page-3804#post-4047666

The relevant parts:

[2018-12-03 20:06:28 PST] kingofhypocrisy: cheer50 Do at least 1 irl stream where you walk around downtown Seattle. It would be something new & interesting. Tons of people would show up to watch and contribute
"Uhm, I can't afford to go to downtown Seattle. I can't take the time from work to go to downtown Seattle. So, pretty much out of the question!"
[2018-12-03 20:06:58 PST] android___x: do it on a day off
"I couldn't! My days off, half the day is errands! Like, half the day, when I have a day off, is doing things I need to do on that day like: go to the garbage dump, go do this thing, go do that thing, or go grocery shopping! I wouldn't have time to go to Seattle and back, and do all my daily *LEG SLAP* stuff that I need to do on my one day off a week! So, *SMUG CHUCKLE* I can't do it."

[2018-12-03 20:08:07 PST] kingofhypocrisy: You go to the garbage dump every week?
"No, I don't go to the garbage dump every week, but that's an example of an errand. Once every couple of months, 'Uh-oh, we accumulated a bunch of stuff in the house we want to throw out'"
Phil explains that he threw out some broken office chairs and his old Lootcrate and Lootbox boxes
"No, I don't go to the garbage dump every week! Are you crazy?! I could never afford it! *CONDESCENDING CHUCKLE*"

Kat is the reason he dumped out the old chairs in his hoarder room
Kat was like, 'Man, I'd like to go in there and see what you have. Maybe there's something in there that I want, or we could just get rid of it and make space that we can actually use for ourselves!' I was like, 'You're absolutely right!'"

So, DarksydeKat cracked the whip and had DSP begin clearing the hoarder nook in December 2018.
Any story that DSP tells has to be taken with a grain of salt, because he's a proven pathological liar and constantly puts words in people's mouths.
Was DarksydeKat really looking for some overlooked collectible for herself? Or was that some weird cover story DSP came up with to explain clearing space for Jasper's arrival? Was Jasper adopted in December, around the time of the secret engagement?
Who knows?

The Grift Continues . . .

 

[N0thingICanDo]

Crazy drama developing as we speak


Da_Bottomlines (formerly known as Da_Chankla and a bunch of other names) just got caught unbanning Liquid_hindo, and is now stripped of Modship

 

[Surly Muppet]

Was Da_Chancla not one of the mods that allegedly ran gay ops to purge other mods, including Swaru?
Phil is going in on him.

 

[DankSydePhil]

Dam phil, really going hard on Da_Bottomlines, Jesus man. So much for a Chill Stream.

 

[Surly Muppet]

Man, you have to feel bad for the guy.
You do the pig's dirty work to snitch on the other mods, then he tears you a new ass on stream after previously screaming at people during the Swagginz saga that these things needed to be handled personally behind the scenes.
Haha, not really.
Don't do the pig's dirty work.

HAHAHA Now Phil is talking about how you should deal with things publicly and comparing this situation to Rambo and Howard.
Look at how he changed this to public. During the Swagginz saga, this was come and talk 'man to man'. Now we warp the story to be a 'public' confrontation.

 

[LyteSydeByll]

Was Da_Chancla not one of the mods that allegedly ran gay ops to purge other mods, including Swaru?
Phil is going in on him.

Yes. He ran ops by inviting people to a honey pot discord server and then tried to get them perma banned by association with detractors. He wanted Dakkysmurf permanently removed, Saru was collateral.