Best low-key burn someone's ever lit you up with - Cue the sad violin music, boys!

[TiggerNits]

Just had a former employee of mine from 7 years ago say to me while catching up with them"I used to think you looked like the guy who played Wesley in Princess Bride, but now I think you look more like Dennis Leary in Operation Dumbo Drop"

The saddest part is, I can see it.

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

In the 90's, an amazing amount of women used to tell me I looked exactly like Tom Selleck. It had to be a mustache and Hawaiian shirt thing because I just figured they had a few drinks in them, never really saw it myself. These days, people always ask me if I am or was a cop. Nope. Again, got to be a mustache thing. What is a cop supposed to look like, anyway? I apparently have "that" look.

Add to that, I dropped some serious tonnage. Anytime I see someone I haven't seen in awhile, first words out of their mouth "Are you sick? Do you have cancer?" No, you damn nimrod -- I just got busy and lost some weight!

 

[Marco Fucko]

"Wow, you're way smarter than you look."
"You're one of those guys who either ends up rich or in jail."

 

[2.D.]

"Did you forget your coffee this morning?" is the most common one I get from my friends

 

[Feline Supremacist]

Someone asked me if I was from Mexico. I was really bummed out. After that I stopped tanning (we tan easy and quick thanks to dad's med genes). Now niggers scream at me to check my white privilege so I just slide up to the nearest Mexican hoping to blend in.

 

[LyapunovCriterion]

"You're better looking than your friend, although stupid as fuck."
I don't think I'm good looking so that hurt twice as bad. Worst part of it is that my buddy didn't defend me and actually agreed with her (on the dumb part). Fucked up my learning process for a few years (low self esteem is a bitch).

 

[VV 422]

the first time I installed adobe photoshop, it ignored my choice of "english language installation" and gave me the hebrew version instead
it was a while before I realized that my cracked, pirated version of photoshop was calling me a jew the whole time

 

[Stranger Neighbors]

One time I got an ingrown toenail it got infected and i needed to get an antibiotic shot in my butt. Doc sends in the finest nurse I've ever seen and I get nervous because I came straight from a long day at work and I'm worried about having swamp ass.

So I asked her out of nervousness:

"You give alot of shots to people in the butt?"

She says yeah it's a pretty regular procedure, so partially trying to be funny and partially because I'm embarrassed I asked her:

"Okay so you see alot of butts than, lemme ask you... Scale of one to ten, how good is my butt?"

She paused like she was thinking about it and responded:

"Just a butt"

I really wanted to know but she stayed with

"Just a butt"

I was devastated

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

One time I got an ingrown toenail it got infected and i needed to get an antibiotic shot in my butt. Doc sends in the finest nurse I've ever seen and I get nervous because I came straight from a long day at work and I'm worried about having swamp ass.

So I asked her out of nervousness:

"You give alot of shots to people in the butt?"

She says yeah it's a pretty regular procedure, so partially trying to be funny and partially because I'm embarrassed I asked her:

"Okay so you see alot of butts than, lemme ask you... Scale of one to ten, how good is my butt?"

She paused like she was thinking about it and responded:

"Just a butt"

I really wanted to know but she stayed with

"Just a butt"

I was devastated

I have a good friend that's a pussy doc in Miami. At the end of the day, he says "It's just another pussy." When you are engaged in it to make a living, yeah, just another butt. You and me both.

 

[Stranger Neighbors]

I have a good friend that's a pussy doc in Miami. At the end of the day, he says "It's just another pussy." When you are engaged in it to make a living, yeah, just another butt. You and me both.

Don't say that friend I bet you have the worlds greatest pussy

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

I and another person walked up to the reception at a company and the receptionist picked up the phone and sent word that the guy from Company A and the man from Company B had arrived. We were both the same age.

Not a burn as such but it stung a bit.

 

[TiggerNits]

"You're better looking than your friend, although stupid as fuck."
I don't think I'm good looking so that hurt twice as bad. Worst part of it is that my buddy didn't defend me and actually agreed with her (on the dumb part). Fucked up my learning process for a few years (low self esteem is a bitch).

Idk, your story sounds like they could have been right if you had a hard time learning afterwards. No shame in being an idiot, just be a brave one until you either get killed or learn from experience