Multi-level marketing/pyramid schemes and the people who fall for them

I had a Kirby salesman at my door this evening and immediately thought of @The Un-Clit . I knew it was them because the guy was trying to give me a free can of air freshener, and I spotted a van over at my neighbor's place. The van cinched it for me. Then he started telling me he had carpet cleaning business and wanted to clean one of mine for free! That's the lie they tell you to get in to your house. Then they'll bring in a huge box with the vacuum in it. I just shut the door on him. If you let those fuckers in, they are impossible to get rid of. That stupid demo takes like 2-3 hours. They don't take no for an answer. My 150 dollar K-Mart vacuum works better than their $2000 piece of shit. Even if I was rich, I couldn't imagine spending that kind of money on a vacuum.
 
My fb feed is assaulted daily by our family's ' perfectly posh' bossbabe pushing products. The posts are all about how great it is, how excited she is and what products we cant live without. It seems that 'cruelty free' hand cream , soap and bath fizzies are life changing, yall.

She just got back from a weeklong conference, promoting that posh life, eating at trendy places, visiting tourist attractions, etc. Meanwhile, back in reality,just a week before this lavish vacay, she had to hit her dad up for the money for her kids schools supplies.

Not hating on our lil bossbabe. I know she is a victim of this and i feel bad for her. she is still very young. Eventually she will figure it out.
 
I had a Kirby salesman at my door this evening and immediately thought of @The Un-Clit . I knew it was them because the guy was trying to give me a free can of air freshener, and I spotted a van over at my neighbor's place. The van cinched it for me. Then he started telling me he had carpet cleaning business and wanted to clean one of mine for free! That's the lie they tell you to get in to your house. Then they'll bring in a huge box with the vacuum in it. I just shut the door on him. If you let those fuckers in, they are impossible to get rid of. That stupid demo takes like 2-3 hours. They don't take no for an answer. My 150 dollar K-Mart vacuum works better than their $2000 piece of shit. Even if I was rich, I couldn't imagine spending that kind of money on a vacuum.

Jeez, a can of air-freshener yet! Your local Kirby franchise is run by one cheap-ass motherfucker. And yes, the lie to get in your door evolves over time, but one thing is certain: your 'free' rug cleaning is going to be slow as fuck because every few strokes the guy will be stopping the vaccuum and pulling a new pad stamped 'Kirby' in your carpet dirt out of it and replacing it with a new one, laying said pad somewhere behind you where the van-master can point out how filthy your room is, how your $150 k-mart special DOSEN'T cut it, and you need to drop $2k on this kirby or else you are some kind of mutant slob, not much better then a hoarder and fit to eventually drown in your own filth.

Good job shutting the door, that's the only true way to get em to move on.
 
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When I was a kid, probably in the mid 90s, a Kirby salesman came to my house and did a demonstration. I remember it because he told some ridiculous story about how one customer of his had to order new wheels because his 2 year old daughter somehow gathered hundreds of feet of extension cord, plugged them all together, lugged the Kirby down to the sidewalk and then rode it around the neighborhood all day long until the tires wore off. That was just how durable a Kirby is, he said.

My mom had a thing for those shitty "canister" vacuums where you drag it around by the hose, banging it into all the furniture as you went, so we did not get a Kirby. Also the fact $1200 is a bit much for a vacuum.

I actually do own one now though. Found it in the basement of an abandoned house I was cleaning out. It's a 1973 Omega model. I cleaned and fixed it up nice but it weighs too much to actually want to use and has enough suction to pull carpets off the floor. I guess people collect them?
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That's one just like it. You'll notice the handle looks hollow? It's because it is. It actually has a coin slot in the back of the handle that you were supposed to put change into each time you used it, then empty it out each month to put toward the payments on the heavy bastard thing. That's just bizarre.
 
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Don't go insulting Electrolux like that, it's the best vacuum out there.

Those were great. We had Kenmores:
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More MLM tales.

- My dad likes to tell one about how in the late 70s right after he left the army, he got a call from a friend he hadn't heard from since high school about an amazing job opportunity. He drove all the way to the next state over just to find out it was Amway. When the guy came running up to him he got out of his car, dropped him where he stood with a punch to the throat, got back in his car and drove home.

- Not long after high school, two friends and I responded to a newspaper ad for mechanics at a local bus and truck garage. The guy told us to all 3 come at once, so we did. We get there and he's in a suit and tie with a table display set up in the parking lot by his minivan. It's a MonaVie sales pitch. One friend and I just decided to be dicks and mess with the guy for wasting out time. The other guy totally fell for it and took home piles of media and paperwork and such. He was pumped. He was going to be a millionaire after all. I think his parents laughed and called him a tard because he never spoke of it again.

- An ex girlfriend of mine called me up and asked me to come over and talk. Turns out she'd been roped in by Vector Marketing and wanted to try her knife sales pitch on me. She was absolutely godawful. I was told this wasn't a problem as she was going to sell on the rich side of town and become rich herself because rich people just throw their money around like crazy. She never made one sale, and whatever meth head she was dating sold her demo set for drug money so she was on the hook for that.

- A guy I knew from school killed himself a few years back. A girl bombarded his Facebook page trying to push MLM shit on his grieving relatives.

- I knew a girl who was easily 6'2" and massive. She got welfare to cover gastric bypass surgery and lost a ton of weight, like 180 pounds or so. Smoking meth didn't hurt either. She started selling ItWorks and crediting that for her extreme sudden weight loss. I don't think she was very successful. Maybe people thought that was how she lost all her teeth real fast too.
 
I have had Younique come across my fb feed. The pictures are highly filtered or show the women caked in layers of thick makeup. Not a good look at all. Then the accompanying salespitch are the icing on the fakecake. Their posts are almost always the same bs.

Then i found this lil gem online that explains a lot about the ott postings of mlm people. Can you imagine having to do this list on a daily basis. Oh hail no !!!

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They have to do this DAILY? I know jet fighter pilots who have pre-flight checklists that don't have this much shit on them!
 
I remember a kirby salesman decades ago praising the kirby and had attachments to turn it into something to use in your workshops using the kirby as the motor to run the tools. I guess to make it appeal to the man of the house or something. It was pretty bizarre.

Oh and i think im gonna scream if i have to see the words "self care" again, along with posts about how important it is to practice self care and the importance of buying expensive pampering items.

I mean, sure we could buy 3 step face cleaning and the pampering masks, $10 bath fizzies and the new $22 dollar hard candies that are touting as stress relievers. But i guess i just dont give a shit about myself , dont take care of myself and we are just uncivilized!! Probably damn near savages, in fact!!

Stupid us, we pissed away our money on buying a small affordable house instead.
 
- An ex girlfriend of mine called me up and asked me to come over and talk. Turns out she'd been roped in by Vector Marketing and wanted to try her knife sales pitch on me. She was absolutely godawful. I was told this wasn't a problem as she was going to sell on the rich side of town and become rich herself because rich people just throw their money around like crazy. She never made one sale, and whatever meth head she was dating sold her demo set for drug money so she was on the hook for that.

Best MLM story in the entire history of this thread. :story:
 
Best MLM story in the entire history of this thread. :story:

Yeah it started out with a mumbling, rambling sales speech but she just didn't have any charisma or salesmanship. But it was basically just an excuse to brag a bit and let me know she'd soon be a successful entrepreneur and I would not.

The knives felt weird in my hand also. Odd handle shape. I said I wouldn't buy them regardless of the price.

Pretty sure she's a grocery cashier / chaturbate girl now. With about the same level of success.
 
I find mlm tales akin to a train wreck and i cannot turn away. I find it fascinating how people get roped into these and lose all traces of dignity and ethics once in them. I dont know if anyone posted a link to this anti-mlm blogger but she did a fanfuckingtastic job of chronicling the storyof her time in younique ( shitty makeup mlm).

She breaks it down by chapters , 16 , i think. Each short chapter tells as she gets farther and farther down the rabbit hole and the fuckery she got wrapped in. https://ellebeaublog.com/2017/02/01/chapter-1-getting-reeled-in/ Very eye opening. I have read and watched a lot of exposes on mlms but this one is the best ever. Its an easy and fun read, and each chapter brings a new disaster. She also kept running record of what she put out and what she made.

 
Even though I knew that when wood paneling was in style that it was used on everything from TVs to cars, for some reason it never occurred to me that it was used with vacuums too.

Also the kid in me is extremely disappointed the bag isn't green like Kiby's in The Brave Little Toaster. I guess it clashed too much with the wood paneling.
 
Even though I knew that when wood paneling was in style that it was used on everything from TVs to cars, for some reason it never occurred to me that it was used with vacuums too.

Also the kid in me is extremely disappointed the bag isn't green like Kiby's in The Brave Little Toaster. I guess it clashed too much with the wood paneling.
Oh, wood paneling ruled every den in middle America in the 50s-70s. It showed up on "Woody" cars in the 40s due to the metal shortages during WW II, but the fake "Country Squire" station wagon and dash trims of the 60s-70s were "elegant" and suggested you had loads of style and taste. We actually had a Kirby but I don't remember it having a faux woodgrain panel. (This has been your Boomer Board Mom history moment for the evening)
 
I find mlm tales akin to a train wreck and i cannot turn away. I find it fascinating how people get roped into these and lose all traces of dignity and ethics once in them. I dont know if anyone posted a link to this anti-mlm blogger but she did a fanfuckingtastic job of chronicling the storyof her time in younique ( shitty makeup mlm).

She breaks it down by chapters , 16 , i think. Each short chapter tells as she gets farther and farther down the rabbit hole and the fuckery she got wrapped in. https://ellebeaublog.com/2017/02/01/chapter-1-getting-reeled-in/ Very eye opening. I have read and watched a lot of exposes on mlms but this one is the best ever. Its an easy and fun read, and each chapter brings a new disaster. She also kept running record of what she put out and what she made.

Thank you so much for posting this. I've just been at a hard-core science conference for four days and I truly need some "Oh no they did NOT!" trashy-gossip to read right now. This is jaw-dropping. Also, this young lady is an excellent writer, and I hope writing is the career she is pursuing. It firmly hits the nail on how these MLMs prey on women who are "isolated" by caring for young children, trying to find extra cash for family expenses when they can't work a full-time job and the predatory nature of the MLM to people (mainly women) who struggle with self-worth and self-esteem problems. Offering the bait of proclaiming yourself the "CEO of MY LIFE!" is sinister, especially to younger women at the age when all of us are "lost at sea" regarding our futures and who we "intend to be one day". This is heartless.
 
My MLM tales:

1. In the 80s I worked for a temp company doing secretarial work for a day to a week or so due to someone being sick or on vacation. One of those assignments was a week in the sales department of a major fairly swanky (for the 80s) hotel in a CA Bay Area city that shall remain nameless. Cool, I thought, at least the lunches will be good at the coffee shop. So I pulled into the parking structure at 8:45 am on Monday and it looked like a car dealership full of identical PINK CADILLACS. Since Aretha Franklin was apparently not in town there was only ONE thing that meant, and I remember physically screaming “OH SHIT MARY KAY.” I then cursed the person who had no doubt (because in sales and would known this info) taken their vacation very strategically. The hotel convention center looked like the Stepford Wives had a love child with Westworld. Everyone in their ‘uniform’ of blazer color that determined one’s rank on the food chain, all carrying their briefcases. It wasn’t even their big leadership summit which is in Texas every year, it was their west coast regional.

Okay so I knew that I liked a couple of things that Mary Kay made at the time. More on this later. So at one point I was in the ladies room with like five of these sharks simultaneously. I just wanted a catalog brochure to flip through. I stupidly asked the person next to me if she had one. She obviously had not gotten with the program and had not, and the fucking feeding frenzy began in the women’s room, an MLM beatdown of women even leaving the stalls trying to get to me first with their personalized catalogs. I just grabbed the first one that was thrust at me and ran out. I avoided that bathroom the entire rest of the week even though it was the closest.

2. My brother and his girlfriend at the time came back early from a party they’d gone to really pissed off. They usually didn’t fight much so I asked what happened. Bottom line, a mutual friend of theirs had invited them to a ‘surprise party’ for ‘someone really cool that he knew’ and after everyone got there that the surprise was it was an Amway party and the door had been slammed shut behind them like some kind of D&D game. They felt stupid for falling for it, and said friend was no longer.

3. Oh LuLaRoe. I started reading horror stories about that a couple years ago. But then I learned that they got the licensing for Universal Monsters and they were going to make Creature from the Black Lagoon leggings, which is pretty much my wife’s favorite thing so I thought it would be a great Christmas present. Well it turns out the print was of ALL the Universal Monsters but the Gillman was on there, so that was good enough. So I then had to hack my way through the LLR sellers with a fucking machete looking for anyone who had that pattern in the correct size and in leggings, not a dress or shirt or some other thing. My FB feed and messenger was absolutely fucking exploding with “Come look at my stash and see if I have what you need!” Posts that became more and more numerous every damn day. I FINALLY found the right pattern in the right size. And they also had the Disney licensing for awhile, so got Beauty and the Beast ones. These were so cheaply made (for being $50) that the minute she put them on the waistband stretched out, and they were brand fucking new. But the crown jewel that holiday season (2017) was that each of the founders of the company thought it would be awesome to design a print for their fabric that included their FACES on it. So the husband’s (I think) looks like a repetitive pattern of some creepy stalker bearded serial killer peering out at you from poinsettias. This I HAD to buy, it was the ugliest damn thing I’ve ever seen. Now the trick with LLR is there is no rhyme or reason to the underpaid (read: Mexican) workers doing the sweatshop cut-and-sew at the California factory that’s now suing them for lack of payment. Unlike following the rules of fashion manufacture where everything goes along the grain and looks as much the same as possible, they used every damn inch of fabric space to cut pieces. Consequently, our pair of the “dude” leggings looks like this guy is STARING OUT OF YOUR ASS because the lower half of his face is sewn into the center back seam line over your butt. Which is is even more incredibly visible when you stretch a pair of leggings over your ass.

They did a huge promotion for the “Noir” line, which is, you guessed it, all black. Just black Lycra wear like you can get at Costco or Target (but it’s “buttery soft!” = fabric fibers have been pre-damaged for you). It sold like an ice sale in Hell. LLR sellers were so desperate they were buying it from each other at inflated prices. It was painful to watch. Just, all black. Nothing but regular black.

“Head to toe, LuLaRoe” = you are REQUIRED to wear 100% LLR to go to any LLR sponsored training or event. Some of this clothing is the ugliest shit I have ever seen, Just google it and go to Images. Some of them even went to Disneyland dressed like they had been struck by lightning in a dark room with no mirrors.

The gastric bypass trip scandal is true. I have it on good authority from the few LLR salespeople I talked to who didn’t see me just as a walking dollar sign.

The current scandal (other than the FTC just having filed charges like last week, as well as the lawsuits already in progress): The Dani dress. This is the sleeveless dress that was designed (somehow) and cut and mass produced with TWO COMPLETELY MISMATCHED ARMHOLE MEASUREMENTS. One armhole is easily larger and different than the other. If you look at each piece of advertising material, LLR shows only one arm bare, the other hidden by model placement or a convenient scarf or purse strap covering it. It’s not all the Danis, but a good portion of them.

LLR is egregious — most MLM if you buy the starter kit it’s anywhere from $50-150. LLR required a $5000 (I am not joking) first order up front to start, minimum, and you were NOT allowed to select what you wanted to sell. It was literally a $5000 blind box. They encouraged taking out loans and credit cards to do this. I hope these people burn in hell.

LLR terminology: GOOB = going out of business. You will see a lot of “GOOB Sale” posts. Everywhere.

3. Pampered Chef — again, went to a party to check it out. This was a party that we really weren’t pushed to join, but did buy a couple things. Plus you got a little bit of free food at least. They make a good little.baking stone for small toaster ovens. Their “handi chopper/slap chop” type thing is an entire piece of shit.

4. Tupperware — dude the Iron Throne of MLM. If you get a chance, go to the “Tupperware Confidence Center” (world headquarters) in Orlando — it’s literally on the same street and just down the road from Gatorland. They have a cool museum to walk through, but the BEST part is their gift shop, where they sell TW shit from around the world, including stuff that is awesome and normally not available in this country. We blast through there like Sherman through Atlanta every time we go to Orlando, and have gotten some really neat stuff. And at no time did they even bother us about if we wanted to sell it or not.

The weird thing about MLM is, there is ALWAYS one good product at least, in every one of them. Mary Kay “Timewise” products are always rated top notch for older or drier skin. Amway’s laundry detergent has been famous and effective for decades, and nothing beat their Shaklee cleaner. Avon (not a true MLM) “Anew” skincare is great. There is gold amongst the dross, but to get it safely, order directly from the company, which you pretty much can now and bypass all this pyramid scheme crap.
 
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Just looked into this and apparently it is indeed an MLM. When I was a kid my grandma sold AIM (American Image Marketing) goods. Mostly heath food and vitamin products. I'm pretty sure I drank enough of this stuff as a kid to fill a swimming pool:
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Haven't died yet though. It's some sort of seaweed powder you mix with whatever. For a while they changed the name to "BarleyLIFE" for some reason but now it looks like they changed it back. Looking into it, it's almost $50 a jar.
 
Just looked into this and apparently it is indeed an MLM. When I was a kid my grandma sold AIM (American Image Marketing) goods. Mostly heath food and vitamin products. I'm pretty sure I drank enough of this stuff as a kid to fill a swimming pool:
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Haven't died yet though. It's some sort of seaweed powder you mix with whatever. For a while they changed the name to "BarleyLIFE" for some reason but now it looks like they changed it back. Looking into it, it's almost $50 a jar.
Oh man, I remember AIM, I am so damn sorry you had to go through that. Our normally normal neighbors somehow got sucked into both Amway and Juice Plus at some point. All I can vouch for is that if you have a bottle of Shaklee concentrate, a pressure hose and a poor bastard friend who works in a local hotel you too can have a freight elevator full of fun (just run before security gets there). The Juice Plus I think we used to throw at people out the car window.

As others have stated here, Avon isn't a MLM. It began in the 1880's as the "California Perfume Company" as a way for women to make a little extra household cash (traditionally, farm wives maintained the 'dairy' money -- profits from eggs, cheese and butter sales were considered the 'ladies' income' and as families began to move into urban areas there was that gap of income.) So with one employee, off she went to sell perfume door to door and within a year there were 75 or so of these "perfume ladies" -- a few years later, when make up was 'acceptable' for "nice ladies" to wear they expanded to cosmetics and became Avon. (and yeah, I really did know all that because I wrote an article on them once) Avon ladies will encourage you to start your own sales, but not really because they don't want you horning in on "their" territory. A friend of mine was actually an "Avon Gentleman" and did really well, he later became a make-up artist.

And, yep, I'm the one who ended up with LLR Universal Monster leggings and the creepy ass xmas ones -- I swear the dude looks like Frylock in a Santa hat leering out of the bushes covering your ass. We show them to guests and laugh like hell. She forgot to mention the greatest moment of LLR history however; LLR is FAMOUS for lifting patterns and designs wholesale from other sources, namely Spoonflower. Their greatest fuck up in history was when they stole one, and released the dresses and leggings with the true designer's WATERMARK embedded into the FABRIC! (Lawsuit still pending). One of the LLR sales reps was making huge bank at one point, she now is living in an unfinished garage that she was having converted into her "LuLaRoe Home Boutique". (she had to rent out the actual house to try and recoup some of her LLR mega-debt) We live fairly adjacent to LLR Ground Zero so we get a lot of local gossip on them from time to time. Their reps were receiving wet, damp, molding product ... why? ... because most of it was sitting on palettes in the parking lot during the winter of 2016-17, one of the worst rainy winters California has had in 20 years. They have been indicted under a RICO violation because (surprise!) their stockers, stitchers and warehouse managers weren't "lazy illegals lucky to be in the U.S." Nope, they were native Californians who were hard-working members of the Garment Workers Union, Teamsters, you name it and when they were told "oh sorry, there's just no money to pay you" they called in their Union Reps. ... And thus began the Battle of the Leggings Bastards. Disney quietly canceled their licensing agreement (due to shitty fabric, construction and fuck paying some other company) and now makes their own leggings.

TL;DR - Amway shenanigans, Avon's A-okay, and we've got enough dirt on LuLaRoe to fill the Grand Canyon.
 
For a while when Lularoe was something women near me were getting into. I remember them getting all frustrated because they got shipped sizes that didn't fit anyone and patterns nobody wanted to buy and they just didn't understand why they couldn't choose what they got and "oh I'll never sell these, doesn't Lularoe want to make money?"

Well of course they do. That's why they made $5000 off you.

Lularoe yard sales were a thing for a bit too. Selling it all off at a loss to either try and make back a bit and get out, or to afford another batch of the stuff, hopefully with something sellable this time.
 
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