Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Vault Boy]

And the author is writing a LeiaxHoldo comic as we speak...

Seriously Disney, stop pushing this character already. She's fucking everywhere now. Also for those of you barely interested, the comic's story revolves around Holdo and Leia going on a getaway for some private time on Coruscant where Leia teaches Holdo how to ride a speeder, and it ends with them getting trapped in the criminal levels of Coruscant where they fight off gangsters despite being in their 60s.

Why are they even pushing for Holdo at this point? Putting aside how generally disliked she is, the bitch died and became literal space dust, she literally has no bearing on the plot going forward (unless they pull a resurrection out of their ass just to spite the fanbase).

At least George had the sense to downplay Jar Jar Binks after TPM, when are these guys gonna take the hint?

 

[Pokemonquistador2]

I looked her up on Amazon, and from what I saw, she's a reasonably competent writer of trash-tier romance novels. Not as bad as I was hoping- no perpetual present tense or Chuck Wendig word salad, even though she meanders as many female authors are wont to do.

Though it is extremely telling that Disney is hiring romance novelists to do their pulp sci-fi tie-ins instead of... you know, science fiction writers. She must work for cat food and Ben & Jerry's.

This would explain why the very first thing a plot summary of these books/comics tells us is what kind of perversions the main characters are into. Why the hell do I NEED to know about a character's specific sexual practices if that information really doesn't factor into the story? There wasn't even any romance in the first Star Wars movie (A New Hope) other than some ogling of Leia done by Luke (a horny teenager who didn't know he was looking at his sister,) In the second and third movies, Han and Leia hooked up after a lot of romantic sparring, but overall, the romance was sprinkled on pretty lightly. The main focus was the war the characters were waging and the struggle that revolved around Luke coming into his own power and saving his father. If you had told me after ROTJ had ended, that Leia would dump Han and go diving into the purple muff of an incompetent military leader who couldn't command a popsicle stand without running it to the ground and setting it on fire, I would have scoffed. But here we are. If you had told me that Disney was going to turn the franchise into a badly written Harlequin romance novel - one written by third-string, C-tier authors whose works don't even get to have Fabio featured on their covers - I'd have laughed. But here we are.

If you had told me that Disney would take the greatest "money in the bank" cash cow sci-fi franchise and give it to radical man-hating feminists to run so they could implement a social agenda -with predictable results - I would start thinking that aliens were conducting mindwarp experiments on Disney personnel. And the sad thing is, that most women who see the new Disney Star Wars movies, probably hate them as much as I do. What woman (other than a BPD sadist) wants to see a movie filled with bumbling men who get constantly humiliated and bullied? What woman wouldn't have enjoyed the male characters more if they had shown competence, menace or initiative? Even Kylo Ren, the most conventionally "attractive" male character looks like he belongs more in a Grade Z Anime love triangle, than as a morally ambiguous villain in a Star Wars movie.

 

[Jub-Jub]

Clownfish talking about Disney nickel and diming people harder due to the massive debt it's in

Here is the article most relevant to this thread, they're increasing prices on their crappy merchandise. One thing that caught my eye is this item for $20.

I watched an 'Ashens' video for the first time in a long time today due to the lootbox bankruptcy article and he had bought this item for 1.90 pounds ($2.30US). It's not exactly the same, but i think it shows how much of a price gouge it is.

 

[Ghostse]

I mentioned before that he is (like around page 520 or 540 maybe) but he's been demoted and will now be playing second fiddle to "Allegiant General" Whyte Pryde.
View attachment 890068

I thought you were making a joke but nope. Literally Generally Pride. Fuck me.

 

[qu_rahn]

Pryde

Like with Max Von Sydow, they are going to completely waste the actor. Anything would be better than this!

I think I'll call myself Donald Twain.

Find video clips by quote. GetYarn.io now.

yarn.co

 

[Flexo]

Whoa! Never played it or heard of it.

Its always nice when I accidentally rip someone off haha.

You should. It's the main game series I'm always going on about.

 

[Safir]

I just really hate how they handled Phasma. Here I was, thinking she was gonna be this cool dominatrix badass villain, then they killed her off in the most stupid way possible in TFA, resurrected her, then made her die like a chump again in TLJ. For all the talk on "strong independent wahmen characters" they sure love to fuck her up.

Strong wahmens aside, the sequel trilogy desperately needed a cool badass villain. Hux is a paper-pusher (turned comic relief), even at his (could-have-been) best, if you see him, it's good and you should shoot him. Kylo is a redeemable emo kid, if you see him, it's kind of good and you should talk to him. The trilogy needed a villain to run away from.

and give it to radical man-hating feminists

*ahem excuse me* liberal man-hating feminists.

 

[Flexo]

Funny thing is she wasn't even supposed to be in TFA. The film was almost 90% done when Kathleen Kennedy showed up one day to the art room and saw a sketch of a silver nu-trooper, she then went gaga over it and ordered them to put it in the movie but make it female despite not having enough time to even make that possible, hence her limited appearance. And she was conveniently revealed during the peak of the feminist gaming drama over the non-issue that was skimpy female armors in games, which just added more wood to the fire that was pop culture drama and conveniently creating a lot of free press for Phasma which involved endless clickbait articles about how she's the "wake up call" fandoms need to "grow up". Also that trash compactor gag irritates me to no end, not just because its another memberberry moment but the fact that wasting time going around a highly secure base to look for a trash compactor just to toss a random trooper into it is stupid in and of itself when Han would normally just shoot the fucker without a second thought. She was honestly more wasted and underwhelming than both Fetts.

In other news Hux not-Tarkin has no fans.
View attachment 890062

Dismantle me if you can, but screw it, I think Domhall could have played a great Thrawn had they let him.

I mentioned before that he is (like around page 520 or 540 maybe) but he's been demoted and will now be playing second fiddle to "Allegiant General" Whyte Pryde.
View attachment 890068

Wait. Are you serious about that name? I can't tell any more.

Also, let's take a moment to appreciate some talent.

 

[Miller]

I just really hate how they handled Phasma. Here I was, thinking she was gonna be this cool dominatrix badass villain, then they killed her off in the most stupid way possible in TFA, resurrected her, then made her die like a chump again in TLJ. For all the talk on "strong independent wahmen characters" they sure love to fuck her up.

I have a feeling that they did nothing with the character because they were scared of the reaction. She's supposed to be a strong woman but... she's also on the villains side.

In other news Hux not-Tarkin has no fans.

Like I said in a previous post a long time ago, I feel bad for the actor. I bet he thought that he would get to be the new Tarkin but instead his character went from a Hitler Rants parody to some kind of comic relief.

the author is writing a LeiaxHoldo comic as we speak

I've seen a panel either here or on /tv/ the other day and there was Holdo on the bridge of a ship, bare feet and with her new hair color dripping on the floor. I just don't understand why they're doing this.

Literally General Pride. Fuck me.

Snoke's ship was called the Supremacy.
The First Order troopers do the roman salute.
Hux yells his speeches like in a Hitler Rants parody.
It's a bit on the nose but you can't expect subtlety from a JJ Abrams production.

 

[ManateeHunter]

I have a feeling that they did nothing with the character because they were scared of the reaction. She's supposed to be a strong woman but... she's also on the villains side.

They already had a "strong wahmen" character in Rey. Setting up Phasma as a cold-blooded tactical opponent for her (or Finn which would make more sense since he was under her command before) would have shown how they would treat all female characters in the Disney SW universe. The fact that she's treated like a discount version of Kenny really shows how Disney can't write good character arcs to save their franchise.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Why do I get the feeling that Amazon or Microsoft are going to acquire Disney within two to three years?

 

[Gar For Archer]

The more I read the more I want to know...


This explains so much. All the named shop owners and aliens with bios and descriptions who don't exist (which I've mentioned before) and all the little details and the obviously vacant areas feeling like they're missing essential occupants, it all makes sense. Not to mention all the treads and footprint markings from droids and animals in the park despite their absence. I mean for those who didn't read my GE info dumps (which start at page 500), each store in the park has an owner with unusual attention to detail despite not existing. This explains so much of that, all cut for the sake of cheapness and thinking Instagram whores and the SW label would be enough to bring in park goers and make cash. The absolute arrogance.

Wow, can’t believe they literally gutted the park and still expected it to do well. You take away the shows and the characters, and what do you have left, just one mediocre ride and an empty park?

It’s impossible to say how the park would have done had the cut content stayed, but then at least it would fail in its own merits instead of as a direct result of Disney’s greed and general incompetence.

 

[BScCollateral]

My worthless opinion:

Ignore the press releases. Disney's actions suggest that they are losing money on Star Wars and they are cutting their losses. Everything from films to the park is being scaled back.

 

[Miller]

I've found a page from one of the Holdo comics, it's not the one I saw a few days ago but anyway. If I'm not mistaken, she kills the plant because she uses its fluid (blood?) as hair dye.

 

[FriendlyNeighborhoodDaddy]

I've found a page from one of the Holdo comics, it's not the one I saw a few days ago but anyway. If I'm not mistaken, she kills the plant because she uses its fluid (blood?) as hair dye.

View attachment 890442

What's with the killer plant? Is Holdo is the SW equivalent of Seymour from "Little Shop of Horrors?"

 

[CWCissey]

I've found a page from one of the Holdo comics, it's not the one I saw a few days ago but anyway. If I'm not mistaken, she kills the plant because she uses its fluid (blood?) as hair dye.

View attachment 890442

Why are we supposed to like this bitch again?

 

[verissimus]

Snoke's ship was called the Supremacy.

...that was TLJ though.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

There are plenty of real life historical examples of victors shooting themselves in the foot in roughly these sorts of ways.

Are there? I'm raking my brain, but I can't find a similar instance, where after a massive, genocidal war, the winning side (that also ended up on the receiving end of the genocide) would then just go "We don't need an army from here on out and we will in fact have no system in place to deal with a resurgence of our mortal enemies."

There's a long tradition to military blunders and political failures, sure, but on this scale, I can't think of one.

The closest thing to an explanation is that there's a lot of resources in the Unknown Regions which is as lazy a handwave as they come.

It also doesn't make any sense, since if the Unknown Regions had such an abundance of resources, they'd be strip mined and no longer be "Unknown".

Total sidebar, but as a kid, before the prequels, I always assumed that "Ben" was Kenobi's "Real" name and "Obi-Wan" was his "Jedi name". There is literally nothing to indicate this, but it was my own personal head-canon for reasoning why he would use "Ben Kenobi" as an alias for "Obi-Wan Kenobi". It isn't an alias! Its just his real name that he re-adopted after the Jedi fell.

But then the prequels happened and pretty much killed all of that, lol.

I sort of assumed it would be akin to a title or rank, like "Sensei".

In other news Hux not-Tarkin has no fans.

Poor guy, he's doing the best he can with his character, but he's way too goofy and way too campy. He'd fit right in with characters like Igthorn or Skeletor, but part of me thinks he'd be too campy even for that.

It's one of the things that I said when I first joined this thread:
When you model a pseudo-nazi villain after a nazi character, who would be more intimidating?
If you modelled him after Colonel Klink:

Or if you modelled him after Vidal from Pan's Labyrinth:

Hux used to be a serious character, but Ruin took him and turned him into a comic relief - while also deciding to wipe out Snoke. I really do not understand this at all.
Ruin took away all characters that felt like a threat, who did he think would take over as main villain? Kylo? It's just so utterly mind blowingly idiotic.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

My roommate told me that Episode IX will flop against Jumanji 2 and the Cats movie.

 

[Commander X]

The Last Jedi damaged the brand so badly that they can't even move the merch anymore, I keep seeing and hearing about vast swathes of SW merchandise in stores constantly being put on clearance and almost none of it sells, we're at the point Disney could be offering to pay people to take the merch and they wouldn't be able to move any of it.

But, you know, I see these posts and tweets and so on out in the wild where people talk about getting emotional and crying over TLJ and I feel like I’m a member of an entirely different species. These brand defenders are claiming the movie was ackshually a success (a BILLION dollars) and keep repeating that it was "critically acclaimed" which is a meaningless phrase because for a long time now "film critics" aren't better equipped to judge the merits of films than anyone else...we're not talking about serious critics like Pauline Kael here, we're talking about glorified bloggers and soft-headed dweebs with liberal arts degrees who write in meaningless buzzwords and blurb-talk and have their intellectual energies severely taxed by having to write 250 word reviews of blockbuster films.

We haven't had a functioning movie criticism culture in a long time, there is very little actual critical thought or examination of cinema by film critics, it's mostly a bunch of people who approach film with what boils down to a "I don't know if it's art but I know what I like" dullard attitude. The only real reason for them to exist is that they will often rubber-stamp approval on enough dreck so as not to put off advertisers. "4.5 out of 5" "5 stars!" "90% on Rotten Tomatoes!",.