"I think back to my fifth grade teacher. Who always paid special attention to me. I thought about my philosophy professor, won't say his last name, but his first name was Steven. You know, he, uh, he was really chummy with certain students, you know. Really had a tight knit circle with certain students in his class, who he really liked to hang out with a lot. I think he tried to ask me to join, but he wasn't sure if I was actually on board, but it was truly a sick, sick thing. You know, to use your position as a professor to recruit young men into a, possibly doing illegal sexual things, or maybe even just sexual things with each other, I think that's deeply immoral. I think back to other circles of friends in the past, I had a group of friends who we used to play poker back in college. We all had a certain personality type, you know, autistic, soft-spoken, there was a time when we went out to a cabin in the woods. These poker games, we would talk about life, you know, when we were out at the cabin, the guy who sorta ran the show would feed us liquor, he was kinda an odd guy, sorta soft spoken. He had a girlfriend, he was sorta off and on with, but uh, he would, at the time I was a young boy, I guess not that young, you know 19 or 20, it's crazy to think I was being fed liquor out in the middle of nowhere, and I start to think, Wow, what if this whole group of friends, this whole circle of firends, what if it's a recruitment thing for taking young boys, for sexual activities', and I never really took the hint. I never really got it, and that's why they got frustrated with me about it. It has me thinking about saunas too, saunas at the YMCAs, there were a few times when I was led by a few adults in my life, where I was led into saunaas by older men who were naked, I was told it was all normal and not anything to be ashamed of. And they made me feel wlecome there. And so now it starts to seem deeply, deeply messed up. And so I start to think, what relationships have I had in my life, that were not, people trying to recruit me into some kind of perversion club, of people trying to do perverted things behind closed doors. You know, how much of my fraternity was like this? It's crazy because for all these years I was blind to it.
It breaks my heart, to know how many times people around me, they weren't nice just because of what I had to say, they were nice because they thought I was like them. And I kind of was, you know? Stanley Kubrick called it The Shining, you know. Sociopathy, autism, kind of the same thing. I think they could tell, they could smell it from a mile away, they knew. I just thought we were having a good time together. But really, they were trying to get me to join their little thing."
