Favorite Lolcow traits?

[Killbot 2000]

I actually meant something else. Remember when Chris saw that one hotdiggedydemon video and tardraged because Sonic died in it despite the fact that it was a non-canon parody video on the Internet? Basically that.

I think hotdiggety demon was the master at making people tardrage, especially bronies.

 

[Zorceror44]

I think hotdiggety demon was the master at making people tardrage, especially bronies.

"YOU KILLED RAINBOW DASH YOU MURDERER! I AM SO OFFENDED RIGHT NOW!"

 

[Abethedemon]

I think hotdiggety demon was the master at making people tardrage, especially bronies.

Dudes a genius. The .MOV series is one of my favorite fan works.

 

[Cosmos]

Some of my favorite traits are

• An inability to learn from past mistakes
• Idiosyncratic speech (like Chris's CWC-isms, for example)
• An object of obsession (anime, video games, etc)
• Being innocuous enough to avoid being loathsome and disgusting while still being enough of an asshole to not warrant much sympathy

 

[Pinball Lizard]

The obsession with pounding tom-tom, or more broadly relationships in general. Chris needs no introduction, Sick Nick's a flat-out stalker, Raven has her child bride that she lovingly describes all the things she does with, Jay and Deeker probably want a little girl to take home and do unmentionable things to, and speaking of Jay, he had that whole messed-up thing with Heather going that she thankfully got out of. Even the ones that are actually in a relationship, like Peter Coffin, seem to enjoy thrusting that fact in other people's faces in annoying ways.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

You know, if certain people would learn to laugh at themselves along with the people laughing at them, and got along well with others, they probably wouldn't really be lolcows anymore, even if they still acted odd otherwise. Hell, even just getting along well with others would probably help immensely.

 

[TheProdigalStunna]

I personally love just how Quixotic so many of our lolcows, from Jace's delusions as a future former veteran to Chris-chan's belief in Sonichu having millions of fans to TJChurch's belief that he can take down these forums. Cervantes would have a field day writing about some of these people.

 

[Null]

Schizophrenia.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

a criminal record?

 

[Morbid Boredom]

• Being innocuous enough to avoid being loathsome and disgusting while still being enough of an asshole to not warrant much sympathy

This is a good one -I like having a chuckle at the tumblrites because they are all stupid kids -they'll probably grow the fuck up and be functional adults someday. The most famous lolcows are clearly not playing with a full deck and people aren't always comfortable with that. Notice how no one white knights Vade unless they're a stooge with the same affectations.

That's why I follow Andrew Schlafly, founder of Conservapedia. The guy comes from a pretty wealthy family, went to Ivy league institutions... and was so pompous that he tried to rewrite the Bible to better conform to his politics.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

As someone else pointed out, and I've noticed it also - it seems that pretty much every American "person of interest" lives in the eastern part of the country - often in a small town. They also tend to live in houses (as opposed to apartments, etc) with their parents.

Spoiler

(no insult intended to the people of the eastern USA, of course)

 

[Abethedemon]

I've also noticed that most lolcows tend to have a self-insert character in any of their works.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

Lolcows are very dependent on false dichotomies. The most important being that you are either a fan or a hater, but there's another one, certainly one that Chris depends on to get through the day: If trolls are assholes, that makes the lolcow a blameless victim.

Lolcows can't contemplate the possibility they are assholes that open themselves up to abuse by other assholes.

 

[AnOminous]

Lolcows can't contemplate the possibility they are assholes that open themselves up to abuse by other assholes.

One of the finest pleasures of lolcow-watching is watching two lolcows get in a fight and both lose.

 

[Abethedemon]

I kind of like how they have personal mythologies and false senses of geography. I.e. Chris believing Molvania exists.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Sammy, Chris, Connor, Jon Sweet, and Maria wears or has worn completely outdated "old people" glasses from the early 90s.

 

[Flowers For Sonichu]

so does kengle

 

[cumrobbery]

A cool gender

 

[Adamska]

A trait I've grown to love is the sheer inability to even half-ass anything. Especially when some of the things are so easy it boggles, like not being able to use Google to find a map to prove a point you're arguing.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

This is not a favorite lolcow trait of mine, but it is one I've noticed: just as octopi/octopuses and squid squirt ink when threatened, at least 3 certain people of interest may do a certain other thing when threatened.

Said other thing may very well be a common symptom of lolcowdom.