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- Oct 7, 2019
And all I said was one's partner's needs are valid and should be met. Looks like we can both post without actually adding to the conversation.
Should we 'force' ourselves to be intimate
- Thread starter Hechter
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- Sep 13, 2018
No, you specifically said horny. And I specifically reject that. Someone is owed a handjob no more than they are owed a sandwich.
If the problem is a lack of intimacy in general, that's something that needs to be worked on - but intimacy can't be forced. Intimacy is like affection - it has to be given freely, or it just isn't.
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2019
I never said anything about being 'owed' anything, in regards to either food or sex. My point is, if my partner has a need, I will try to meet it, whatever it is, up to and including sex, even if I might rather be doing something else. If you don't feel that way, that's fine, but trying to put words in my mouth is silly. I never said or even implied intimacy can or should be forced, nor am I implying that one should be ready to drop everything to put out 24/7. I'm simply saying that people in a relationship should be considerate of one anothers needs and sex happens to be of them.
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- May 14, 2019
Well, this is a hard question.
On one hand, it is virtuous to make sacrifices for others, such as spreading your legs when you don't really want to.
But on the other hand, we shouldn't necessarily expect people to do so. And, is it really going to be that enjoyable to fuck if the other party isn't into it? If you're a betacuck like me, especially, the other party's enjoyment is particularly important.
I think the big thing is that if a couple isn't fucking enough for both sides to accept, then the party that's not putting out probably doesn't want to put out, excuses aside, and thus they shouldn't really be together.
On one hand, it is virtuous to make sacrifices for others, such as spreading your legs when you don't really want to.
But on the other hand, we shouldn't necessarily expect people to do so. And, is it really going to be that enjoyable to fuck if the other party isn't into it? If you're a betacuck like me, especially, the other party's enjoyment is particularly important.
I think the big thing is that if a couple isn't fucking enough for both sides to accept, then the party that's not putting out probably doesn't want to put out, excuses aside, and thus they shouldn't really be together.
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- Mar 17, 2019
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All of my GFs have either had high or "normal" sex drives so I can only wonder what I would do if I got with a woman with no sex drive. I can say that the relationship wouldn't last very long since I have long thought about this just incase this ever did happen.
Sex is a huge part of intimacy for me and I feel like that there is no point in a relationship without intimacy. However sex also isn't the only part of intimacy and I am able to compromise that the sex would be occasional but it is EVENTUALLY REQUIRED. No going 2 years without sex because I will leave your ass in the first 2-3 months. I am not sorry since I just can't be compatible with such a person. I would not try to coerce anyone however.
I will probably give them time and after said certain period of time go "listen I just don't think this can work out since you can't find it within yourself to be sexually attracted to me in this relationship" This is regardless of the reasons involved even if they are very understandable.
You should try to compromise though. If it's because of meds/BC then maybe try different methods of BC like the IUD, implant, different pills, or whatever. If it's depression that's a....harder thing to compromise about and it depends on the person and seriousness anyway. If you can't compromise your relationship is a automatic fail in my eyes.
This is more then just about being horny. I would just go buy a fleshlight if that is the case, but this is more about the other partner feeling like their partner doesn't find them sexually attractive anymore. This can destroy someones confidence in the relationship which will cause them to go "why are they with me? Are they finding it from someone else? Am I a bad person for wanting sex in a relationship?" so anyone that says "sex shouldn't matter" are being extremely naive about most relationships.
Sex is a huge part of intimacy for me and I feel like that there is no point in a relationship without intimacy. However sex also isn't the only part of intimacy and I am able to compromise that the sex would be occasional but it is EVENTUALLY REQUIRED. No going 2 years without sex because I will leave your ass in the first 2-3 months. I am not sorry since I just can't be compatible with such a person. I would not try to coerce anyone however.
I will probably give them time and after said certain period of time go "listen I just don't think this can work out since you can't find it within yourself to be sexually attracted to me in this relationship" This is regardless of the reasons involved even if they are very understandable.
You should try to compromise though. If it's because of meds/BC then maybe try different methods of BC like the IUD, implant, different pills, or whatever. If it's depression that's a....harder thing to compromise about and it depends on the person and seriousness anyway. If you can't compromise your relationship is a automatic fail in my eyes.
This is more then just about being horny. I would just go buy a fleshlight if that is the case, but this is more about the other partner feeling like their partner doesn't find them sexually attractive anymore. This can destroy someones confidence in the relationship which will cause them to go "why are they with me? Are they finding it from someone else? Am I a bad person for wanting sex in a relationship?" so anyone that says "sex shouldn't matter" are being extremely naive about most relationships.
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2019
As a sidebar, I'd be interested in the ages of some of the posters in this thread. Why? Well, simply because me at 20-something had totally different beliefs about intimacy and sex than those that I currently hold at much greater age. While sex was the main driving factor of my youth, that changed to intimacy as I aged. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy a great romp between the sheets, but it doesn't have to be some set, scheduled, ritual event. When we're in the mood, we go for it. And if she's not in the mood, no big deal, we don't. The fact that we share an intimate, loving relationship overall is more important in the grand scheme of things. Plus with age, sexual desire does diminish. It doesn't go away, but it's just not popping boners even thinking about sex in the slightest anymore.
Y'all get off my lawn!
Y'all get off my lawn!
Manwithn0n0men
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2019
Early 40sAs a sidebar, I'd be interested in the ages of some of the posters in this thread. Why? Well, simply because me at 20-something had totally different beliefs about intimacy and sex than those that I currently hold at much greater age. While sex was the main driving factor of my youth, that changed to intimacy as I aged. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy a great romp between the sheets, but it doesn't have to be some set, scheduled, ritual event. When we're in the mood, we go for it. And if she's not in the mood, no big deal, we don't. The fact that we share an intimate, loving relationship overall is more important in the grand scheme of things. Plus with age, sexual desire does diminish. It doesn't go away, but it's just not popping boners even thinking about sex in the slightest anymore.
Y'all get off my lawn!
Kaiser Wilhelm's Ghost
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2018
If it's on a temporary basis then talk to your partner and try to reason out why you feel that way.
If it's a constant thing then it's likely a bigger issue and your only going to be wasting your time and your partners time by not addressing it. Whether you like the conclusion or not, whether it means the end of the relationship, it is something you owe to each other to address now and not some time down the road.
If it's a constant thing then it's likely a bigger issue and your only going to be wasting your time and your partners time by not addressing it. Whether you like the conclusion or not, whether it means the end of the relationship, it is something you owe to each other to address now and not some time down the road.