حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Shiala]

Thank you Molly for these screencaps.

Connor reminds me of a "yes man" a bit. He'll agree with whatever you say just to get your approval, but unlike a yes man, when he's caught he won't double down, he just fights back with hilarious results.

 

[BriarHeart]

I would never post messages like this if it were a better person. All Connor has been doing is fishing for sympathy and pretending he's done nothing wrong and/or changed. This is my way of reacting to his sick perversions of me that he obviously still has (not trying to sound conceited, but you know). It's become really unsettling after reading his posts (WP and ones about me) and realizing that while he's messaging you, he's probably thinking about doing all of that stuff.

Honestly, I think that this response is a lot less than @Connor deserves. The fact that you've been so unfailingly gracious and polite with him, even after he pestered you and demanded things from you, does you a great deal of credit. You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

 

[Molly Ringwald]

Thank you Molly for these screencaps.

Connor reminds me of a "yes man" a bit. He'll agree with whatever you say just to get your approval, but unlike a yes man, when he's caught he won't double down, he just fights back with hilarious results.

He's more like a "yes-but only if it's in my best interests man" (I know that doesn't roll off the tongue). He's clearly outright insulted me a few times, and just pretended it never happened.

 

[Cosmos]

Honestly, I think that this response is a lot less than @Connor deserves. The fact that you've been so unfailingly gracious and polite with him, even after he pestered you and demanded things from you, does you a great deal of credit. You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

Yeah, for real, I lost my temper with Connor immediately after I saw all of his misogynistic comments and the way he shit all over everyone who was remotely kind to him. I normally don't get so annoyed at people (I'm very mellow by nature and can't stay angry for more than like 10 minutes), but Connor just has so many traits that annoy me all smashed into one person that I can't help but snap at him and tell him to get a grip. I'm impressed that you managed to stay so polite, Molly, especially considering how fucking creepy he's been.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

For whenever @Connor comes back:
I doubt you'll heed my advice, & I'm kinda embarrassed to keep talking about myself (forgive me, Kiwis), but let me lay some deep truths on you.
Due to extenuating circumstances, I'm obese, dirt-poor, & have a unique living situation I'm getting sick of bringing up. Seriously, why would I lie about this shit?
Even in spite of all this, I've had little problems getting girlfriends. Why? Because a lot of women, surprise surprise, actually aren't shallow, gold-digging whores. & these women were, at least in my opinion, very attractive. (You may not think so because most of them were black, & we know you have a raging hate-boner for anyone non-white.)

It's amazing how far you can get with just a sterling personality.

So first things first---"redesign" that 'tude into something less repugnant. Everything else will fall into place.

 

[Shiala]

He's more like a "yes-but only if it's in my best interests man" (I know that doesn't roll off the tongue). He's clearly outright insulted me a few times, and just pretended it never happened.

Connor likes to pretend that a lot of things never happened but he's ensured that everyone has ready access to discover his true views on various topics. Like minorities, women, adoption and actually bettering yourself.

 

[Bound2]

I know that Cracked seems to be the Vegemite of the Internet (you either love it or you hate it), but whatever your opinion on the site in general, you can't deny that David Wong dropped the mic on Connors everywhere with this gem:

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person

Hell, even if you're not @Connor, it's still good to be reminded and fired up occasionally.

Strangely, that is the exact article I think of whenever Connor posts anything in here.

Pity he hasn't (and likely won't) read it. Ironically, there is an article up right now (http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-reasons-misery-shockingly-addictive/) about how addicting self pity is and how it can disempower you in your life. I'll quote the bit that I think is most relevant to Connor:

This isn't about giving yourself an excuse for failure, it's about giving yourself an excuse to not try.

The saddest part of all this is that Connor could fix many of his problems today; he just won't let himself.

 

[Dalish]

@Connor, why do you continue to lie on Wrong Planet about what we're doing here? Saying that we're nothing but bullies who have nothing better to do with our lives?

Most people here have jobs, are taking full loads in college, can draw well, are great writers or are dating. Sometimes a combination of many. So, where the fuck do you, you fungal-crotched fagbot, get off by saying we're 'lowlives'? Last time I fuckin' checked, most people here have done more in the past couple of weeks than you have in the last three years of your life.

You're a lying piece of shit and that is why I hate you. You continue to lie, lie, lie when it becomes obvious people are growing weary of you so that you can lap up the sweet, sweet sympathy.

Stop lying, @Connor. How do you expect to date anyone or do anything good in your life if you can't even tell the fucking truth.

 

[Smutley]

Whew, back from an awesome weekend guys! Time to check in on this thread and see what's hap-

Whelp. Welcome to all the new Kiwis Connor has brought us! Guess this is as good a point as ever to bring in Wrong Planet, Part 25.

The fears presented are in direct relation to the talents exhibited by Young Master Bible

Spoiler

I'll buy Supporter status to a random someone in this thread if Connor has actually watched Rashomon and can explain it's meaning without Wikipedia.

Spoiler

I've posted some of his "erotica" in the past, but please please please Connor, post more of it!

Spoiler

"Hmm... not enough people are recognizing my brilliance in a thread I posted... I better post a thread talking about the thread where I talk about movies. That's the ticket."

Spoiler

Do PMs count?

Spoiler

The meme so nice I had to post it twice

Spoiler

Another thing in common - King Tut and Akira were both aspies
Alternative joke: Guess caffeine and sugar DO rot your brain!

Spoiler

lol, and as long as we're on it, here are 9 posts in a single day where Connor won't shut the fuck up about Akira

Spoiler

The distance between Chris and Connor grows smaller each day

Spoiler

The only thing of note from yet another fucking "story" Connor will never write about adoption is that he didn't cast Molly Ringwald in this one

Spoiler

Apologies again - after 25 parts, I sometimes forget what I've already posted, especially if it's a classic Connor post like this one. I'm sure it's buried somewhere in 150 pages but for all newcomers, bask in some good old Random Access Humor

Spoiler

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA *deep breath* AAAAAAHAHAHHA

Spoiler

Connor confirmed for feg (I'm just being mean this post is actually legit funny, so good on you dude)

Spoiler

 

[Chipmunk's Bounty]

Sorry you missed all the fun, man. Glad you're back with more Connorisms.

 

[Hat]

Apologies again - after 25 parts, I sometimes forget what I've already posted, especially if it's a classic Connor post like this one. I'm sure it's buried somewhere in 150 pages but for all newcomers, bask in some good old Random Access Humor

Spoiler

View attachment 16118
View attachment 16119

Remember kids!
- Being a jerk is funny
- Mocking crippled veterans is hilarious
- Adoptive parents are selfish bastards, therefore they are funny
- Dead politicians are comedic gold; no actual joke or punchline is needed
- Creepy coroners are a riot
- Unhelpful, horny suicide-prevention operators are great fun
- Abusing homeless people is laughable
- I really have nothing to say about this one
- Beating your son with a sledgehammer is an oldie, but a goodie
- Abortion just cracks me up
- See first example

 

[It's HK-47]

https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/upload_2015-2-15_16-51-14-png.16116/

I don't recall this ending amicably, before.

 

[harvey dirdban]

Remember kids!
- Being a jerk is funny
- Mocking crippled veterans is hilarious
- Adoptive parents are selfish bastards, therefore they are funny
- Dead politicians are comedic gold; no actual joke or punchline is needed
- Creepy coroners are a riot
- Unhelpful, horny suicide-prevention operators are great fun
- Abusing homeless people is laughable
- I really have nothing to say about this one
- Beating your son with a sledgehammer is an oldie, but a goodie
- Abortion just cracks me up
- See first example

- Urine is an accelerant

 

[FramerGirl420]

Whew, back from an awesome weekend guys! Time to check in on this thread and see what's hap-

Whelp. Welcome to all the new Kiwis Connor has brought us! Guess this is as good a point as ever to bring in Wrong Planet, Part 25.

The fears presented are in direct relation to the talents exhibited by Young Master Bible

Spoiler

View attachment 16106

I'll buy Supporter status to a random someone in this thread if Connor has actually watched Rashomon and can explain it's meaning without Wikipedia.

Spoiler

View attachment 16107

I've posted some of his "erotica" in the past, but please please please Connor, post more of it!

Spoiler

View attachment 16108

"Hmm... not enough people are recognizing my brilliance in a thread I posted... I better post a thread talking about the thread where I talk about movies. That's the ticket."

Spoiler

View attachment 16109

Do PMs count?

Spoiler

View attachment 16110

The meme so nice I had to post it twice

Spoiler

View attachment 16111

Another thing in common - King Tut and Akira were both aspies
Alternative joke: Guess caffeine and sugar DO rot your brain!

Spoiler

View attachment 16113

lol, and as long as we're on it, here are 9 posts in a single day where Connor won't shut the fuck up about Akira

Spoiler

View attachment 16114
View attachment 16115

The distance between Chris and Connor grows smaller each day

Spoiler

View attachment 16116

The only thing of note from yet another fucking "story" Connor will never write about adoption is that he didn't cast Molly Ringwald in this one

Spoiler

View attachment 16117

Apologies again - after 25 parts, I sometimes forget what I've already posted, especially if it's a classic Connor post like this one. I'm sure it's buried somewhere in 150 pages but for all newcomers, bask in some good old Random Access Humor

Spoiler

View attachment 16118
View attachment 16119

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA *deep breath* AAAAAAHAHAHHA

Spoiler

View attachment 16120

Connor confirmed for feg (I'm just being mean this post is actually legit funny, so good on you dude)

Spoiler

View attachment 16121

Smutley, you're awesome. Your WP dumps are the main reason I still check up on this thread. You're one of the few posters actually producing interesting content. After so many pages, this thread began to boil down to Connor saying he isn't lazy and other forumers going "ya huh!" And Connor saying "not uh!" Etc etc.

You sir, however, keep me entertained. And for that, I salute you.

 

[Ryker]

Spoiler

View attachment 16118
View attachment 16119

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA *deep breath* AAAAAAHAHAHHA

Spoiler

View attachment 16120

The only thing funny about Connor and his "sense of humour" is his tactlessness, base idiocy, lack of empathy, lack of talent, and unmitigated derpiness.

 

[Artard]

Connor: "I've seen fewer of your movies than the average human being, and bought your book but I've never read it. YOU'RE MY IDOL!"

Fucking Connor lol

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Welcome back, @Smutley ! How was THE BIG GAME?

Okay, I can kinda see how Connor's jokes make sense if I squint, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what's supposed to be funny about the two young businessmen.

 

[The I Scream Man]

Welcome back, @Smutley ! How was THE BIG GAME?

Okay, I can kinda see how Connor's jokes make sense if I squint, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what's supposed to be funny about the two young businessmen.

I swear to god if it's a goddamn gay joke I'm gonna research a way to slap a dude through the Internet.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Respect is earned, not demanded.
Wait a second. . .

 

[rocket]

Identifying with Shinji Ikari to the point where you select him as your forum avatar is like an automatic red flag that you're a whiny, self-involved shitlord.