- Joined
- Aug 4, 2016
Jerry. You are a heterosexual man, quit larping as a lesbian.So I'm bored, and I said I would. I'm gonna break down that shitty Glass of Water Episode. And even though I get the feeling I won't have needed to I rewatched "A Perfect Pear" just so I can avoid any "if I remembers right's"
So right off the bat, we start with the pupper avatar standing in front of a green screen, which I'm sure would be started off as a coincidence, but given Moviebobs videos ever since he was on Geek.com and his second run on escapists all the "cold opens" for his videos start with him in front of a blank green screen so I can only assume htis is a "loving tribute" to moviebob.
We're also immediately stomping the "vague outline of a dead horse on the ground" that is steven universe, using a painful echo effect on the fucking quote from rebecca sugar. Clips of yellow Diamond are played. I automatically hate everything, why am I doing this.
I'm gonna keep an internal count of how many times I can explain the reason something didn't happen as "time constraints" by the way.
First thing Lily literally says is "this story would be better if it were gay."
Lily's opening statement is to rebuke that the two main characters of the episodes relationship is "Developed over time" she says that phrase in a way in a fashion that if it were transcribed into text it would be "AnNoYiNg." The argument being placed against it is the development isn't good, therefore the development doesn't mean anything. This can be chalked up to "Time Constraints"
Lily points out the weirdness that when Bright Mac and Pear Butter are "babus" they're talking and fall in love as "babus" and yeah it's actua;;y pretty weird and I question why the animator did that. That said Lily's using this as a way to toss shade around at the people whining about when she did it. The difference in these two instances is that when mlp did it it was about a 45 second exchange between the two characters to establish a point where they met, when lily did it, she kept making it super fucking obnoxious about it.
Lily goes on complaining about how inspite of having their entire life stories told through the episode it's still less interesting than cadence and shining armor. This is of course because the story is being told from the outside perspective of flashbacks, and second hand information. also time constraints.
Well shit lily literally knew what I was going to say. as the kids would say "I am shook"
She shoots down what I just said with "that assumes this is the best way to tell the story." To which I can only think to ask "how else do you tell the story of "two kids grow up, fall in love, also their families hate each other"
To which lily answer "having the parents tell the story."
Bright Mac and Pear Butter are canonically dead. Like, just straight up fucking dead. Yes, it hasn't been "stated" in the show, but the level of symbolism and a previous episode that implies to the point of outright stating. They are dead. D-E-A-D, in the ground. No argument to be made here. Lily makes a counterpoint that anyone who says they're dead are "headcanon people."
I am 3 minutes into a 13 minutes video. of which the opening minute was SU bashing.
Lily says "fuck continuity." posts before this one have addressed that better I will.
I am literally not going to even bother paraphrasing the alternative to them being dead, though I'm annoyed lily would take another jab at headcanon people and fanfic writers. Though long tangent short, it's amazing how "anti-fan content" lily is considering MLP video essays are how they even got where they are today. Stockholm and it's sequels not-withstanding.
Lily says they "didn't have to keep continuity in mind" I guess I can just watch Star Wars episode 9 before 4 then, it's not like the continuity matters. Also goes on about how "acting like your hands are tied is just a way of protecting yourself." Their parents are dead, have been confirmed to be dead. the writers want to keep writing in mind.
Lily waxes about the question then of "how is the story improved by them being dead" more or less goes off on subjective opinion that she'd rather have a romance story thats "good" rather than something with a bitter sweet ending.
continues waxing about "good stories" over "continuity" acting as though something can't have both. continues to wack off more about "nothing is really forcing them to be dead" Lily also brings up the fact scootaloo's parents are still, I haven't watched that episode, so I don't know.
Complaining about the Apple Parents being dead as "needless grimdark." Lets just remember this is the same person who's supposed to have written a WoW fan character nuking america for being in the fucking way, and also literally killing god. Also shoehorns in a needless and pointless comparison to Steven Universe. There are seven minutes left in this video. And also a really, really weird bit of shade thrown at "dark pokemon theories" which is again coming from Lily "It's not rape, it's a mating bond" Orchard, author of a pokemon webcomic where gardevoir is literally a super op, but super endangered mega pokemon, but this has digressed harder than I wanted.
Lily is officially made the unfunny joke that much less funny with over extending her examples and taking a potshot at "incels"
Lily continues to wax on about unnecessary dark shit in mlp, says that by this point in the show the writers are "Sucking unwashed brony dick" I shower daily.
I'm having a hard time fighting off the impulse to write off this entire GoW episode as just one more barely held together excuse to whine about the brony fandom "ruining mlp"
we've reached the bits where I'm probbly just gonna be shouting "Time Constraints" The entire time. I barely chuckled at the "they don't die violently at the end" forgive me I have sinned.
"There's a key difference between Romeo And Juliet and this" You mean, other than 'This' is a kids show? which is the argument I'm just gonna say pre-empts any points beyond this statment?
Who actually says "pound sand" by the way? I've only ever seen lily use that phrase. It sounds like the least fucking natural retort in the world.
Lily acknowledges the show did what she wanted in the form of the Apple parents just telling their parents "Fuck you, we're married" but we're putting a pin in it, so I'm gonna assume it's still somehow not enough.
Lily continues to wax on about it not being a real "forbidden romance" because there's no real threat of anything. Seeming to be completely oblivious to the fact some people have never had issues with their family, or the fact that for most it's always gonna be pretty fuckign shit when you have to cut ties to family.
Random ass Josh Scorcher reaction image use.
Lily states the episode is written by parents who can't imagine teenages would try to ignore petty attemtps to mucromanage their lives. And blah blah blah "I hate conservatives"
Lily starts in to the "This isn't even really a romance" the story is about Applejacks mom, which is almost an interesting take.
I would hope that he'd have traits that make him look like his kids. Are you really gonna complain that the parent of two characters looks too much like those characters?!
Lots of jerking off about Pear Butter being the focus of the story, again, it isn't a bad take. Also lily references "how many cartoons are aggressively[doing the thing SU does I hate]" while immediately kneecapping herself with only a single screenshot from steven universe, making this yet again, an unnecessary pot shot at Steven Universe.
"brightmac and pearbutter really have nothing in common" and here's the spice.
more going on about pear butter being the focus, Bright mac not doing anything. I repeat Time Constraints.
So I'm feeling like explicitly pointing out the timestamp. At 10:40 this is where lily pulls out the "she should have just married miss cake" This is the take I Was wanting to see. Everything lily's saying here is basically "all the problems this episode has would be solved if it was about lesbians." it also give me a vibe of perpetuating the idea that people can't "just be friends" which is something actual bad romances try to do, and how real life unhealthy relationships become a thing.
Also the fact lily never gives as much thought to the fact that Bright Mac and Burnt Oak get as much time on screen together as Pear Butter and Ms Cake but she's not trying to ship them together under the pretence of them having more chemistry together should certainly elicit a well tuned "hmmmm" from the system.
Lily is going on about how people are calling this a lovestory for the ages, which I don't think anyone ever claimed it to be.
and the hottest take of the Glass of water episode is likening the entire episode to their relationship with Lizzy. Which by the way if you've made it to the end of this whole fucking wall of text I'd like to let you know I've looked through Lizzy's twitter and their quite literally living their best life right now, while lily literally can't stop trying to talk about her at the drop of a hat.
resummarises the whole thing thing and reiterates that it's shit for not dion what she wanted it to do. Time Constraints
And lily wraps up the whole video saying the episode is "garbage that everyone is thinking is good because it's presented as heterosexual." and tops it with a "I'm numbed to bronies and their bullshit even though my entire career is built out of reacting to them"
Also here's a random ass comment from the video
View attachment 975443
because ew, straight people
Wearing a dress while still having a penis doesn't, and never will change that.
