حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[NZDROW]

Are we due for another Connor anger tantrum already?

 

[DrChristianTroy]

It sure as hell ain't working, son.

Excellent point. @Connor, have you considered switching therapists? Pretty obvious this one isn't working out.

 

[applecat]

Connor, do you feed on your sadness and rage? I get the feeling that you do.

I guess that would explain why he's 300 pounds.

 

[Roger Rabbit]

My not-so-good man. Have you considered thinking about what color straitjacket you'll need?

 

[NZDROW]

Excellent point. @Connor, have you considered switching therapists? Pretty obvious this one isn't working out.

In all fairness, it is rather hard to recieve proper therapy when you believe that your therapist is only in it for the money and is full of shit.

 

[Cosmos]

Excellent point. @Connor, have you considered switching therapists? Pretty obvious this one isn't working out.

Yeah, sometimes you've really just got to see someone else. If you've been seeing a therapist for over a year and nothing has changed, then you need to do something different.

 

[Bugaboo]

Did you tell your therapist about how you threaten to kill yourself to get your way? Or how you want to emotionally destroy a woman? Or that you go way too tmi all the time?

 

[Ryker]

Fine. The reason I hate women is because I'm a pathetic, worthless, disgusting, vile lowlife with no future who should kill himself or should've been aborted. Fair enough?

You're like a petulant child sent to their room after a hissy fit, still mouthing off. Stop it. You hate women because you hate yourself? Such an attitude doesn't even make any sense. Just hate yourself and leave women out of it.

 

[Overcast]

No, really. I'm crying as I type this. I really do hate myself, and other people. Most of the time, when I'm out in the world, I feel like freaking out. Sometimes, I actually think about dying. I feel like I'm just waiting for that final loss of consciousness, the ending of my story. I wonder how it might happen, when it will come, or how I might end it myself. I can barely bring myself to do anything, let alone write a coherent, meaningful post.

I feel the same way a lot of times.

You wanna know how I handle it?

I get over myself and keep moving forward.

Yeah, it can be hard to do so, but every time I do, I feel glad that I didn't give into my feelings and mess everything up.

As optimistic as it sounds, it's not too late for you Connor. Get the help you need and stop wasting your precious life here.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

Yeah, sometimes you've really just got to see someone else. If you've been seeing a therapist for over a year and nothing has changed, then you need to do something different.

It couldn't hurt, Connor.

 

[wagglyplacebo]

I'm just waiting for that final loss of consciousness, the ending of my story

Dramatizing your stupidity just makes us laugh harder you know, you do it a lot, then come back to the internet to yell at us, you're the soap opera we love.

 

[applecat]

I feel the same way a lot of times.

You wanna know how I handle it?

I get over myself and keep moving forward.

Yeah, it can be hard to do so, but every time I do, I feel glad that I didn't give into my feelings and mess everything up.

As optimistic as it sounds, it's not too late for you Connor. Get the help you need and stop wasting your precious life here.

Sweetie, you are pretty much the anti-Connor, and it's honestly pretty inspiring.

 

[TheAmazingAxolotl]

I call bullshit. I know how you trolls work. If I were to write a lengthy, introspective post, you will deconstruct every facet of it or use it for amusement. Seriously, fucky you.

Alright, Connor, I just ate a Granny Smith apple.

Now let me tell you a little something about Granny Smith apples: they're sour. So sour even that every time I eat one, I have the taste of them on and under my tongue for hours after the fact, and it's a taste I don't quite enjoy when I'm trying to go about my day. You, Connor, are a Granny Smith apple. Every time I see you posting, I get that sourness on my tongue and feel what little hope that rests within my core slowly dies a pre-French Revolution peasant death.

Now that I've talked about a metaphor that'll surely fly over your precious little head, let me tell you a little something about introspection. Introspection, as you probably know, is looking deep within yourself for to find your own purpose or some other Buddhist idea that probably seems like the cat's pyjamas; introspection doesn't come easily. Neither does writing. When I think about you writing something lengthy and introspective, my brain short circuits and my thoughts are replaced with one of those Indian head test slides you see in old TV programming or the beginning of Fallout 3; to put it layman's terms: you can't do it.

Redesigning Eva was a mess of movie references and plagiarised scenes that had no bearing on any sort of plot that may exist in the "book", the wording was terrible, the characters bland and Mary Sue-ish, and overall it's just a terrible idea. Writing isn't for you, that's pretty much it. Sure, it may be something you're passionate about, but by the looks of it you won't be getting anywhere spending so much time working on this one piece of writing when in the time it took you to write ten chapters or it, you could have gotten a job and moved out of your house. If you had any idea how to introspect, you would have realised that and you would be living a better, more productive life.

Now let's talk about your hatred for women. "Oh all the girls in my class spat on my face when I tried to be nice to them," or "Oh I'm too nice and these girls are just cunts for not seeing how good of a lover I'd be" are not the best ways to get a mate. If you have to assert yourself as a "nice guy", you're doing something so fucking wrong that you'll be the Doug fucking Dimmadome of fedoras. Women like nice people, guys like nice people, and if you have to tell people you're a nice person, you're not a nice person, you're just an asshole. And the good news is, you already confessed to being an ass so that's just pointing out the obvious. Here's another reason you won't get a girlfriend anytime soon: you believe that life is a romantic comedy and that being this nice, artistic person is bound to get you someone who will give you all that well-deserved china to which you're entitled. That sounds grand, doesn't it? Surely by now you'd be drowning in the pussies of a thousand hormonal legally-aged teenage girls who think you're the bee's knees for being artsy and angsty, but life doesn't work that way. It never has. Sure, sex has become a commodity - like a fridge - but it remains one of those animalistic instincts that remained from the earliest days as hairy beastmen with weirdly-shaped skulls that crawled out of a cave somewhere in Chad. You either need the strength - emotional and/or physical - to get a woman, or the money to buy one; that's Darwinism at work there. Complaining about shit won't get it done.

Now, I'm assuming you couldn't get past the apple metaphor, but if you've made it here, bien joué. You've said numerous times that your parents hate you, that they won't let you live your own life, etc., etc.. Now, you also said that you've attempted suicide like once or twice, right? Bummer, man, that's not the best solution and it should be reserved as the last solution after every other possibility has been exhausted. Your parents have this iron grip on you because they care about you. You may be a fuck-up, but you're their fuck-up, and they care about you unconditionally. Maybe if you treated your parents with some god-damn civility, you'd be able to see that you're still their son, even if you turn out to be adopted. Oh, wait, if you turn out to be adopted you'll hate them even more because you're a god-damned selfish prick. That's pretty much been the whole point of the thread.

And you know why you're getting so much flak?

You keep coming back. We're not the ones digging this hole for you; that's entirely your handiwork. You keep coming back like a battered and abused girlfriend who doesn't realise that staying with her abusive boyfriend will be the end of her. I'm guessing this entire post will be for naught, though, because you can't handle criticism and your track record for making big life decisions is even worse than Chris's. Isn't it sad when Chris-Chan is more productive than you are? I digress, but you have a myriad of options here that can help you along the way. First and foremost, you need to get rid of everything that's keeping you bound to this anchor of self-entitlement and assholery.

Putting it short, you need to abandon us.

Just turn off the computer for a bit and step outside. Enjoy nature, your neighbourhood, a cigarette - anything that would help you to realise there's more to life than a fucking Internet forum that has nothing better to do than to poke fun at autistic people. We'll be here until you make that decision to leave us, and we'll certainly be here after you do. Just don't fucking tell us you're leaving, because we won't fucking care.

Just do us all this favour and stop being an asshole. You'll never regret it.

 

[Yog-Spergoth]

No, really. I'm crying as I type this. I really do hate myself, and other people. Most of the time, when I'm out in the world, I feel like freaking out. Sometimes, I actually think about dying. I feel like I'm just waiting for that final loss of consciousness, the ending of my story. I wonder how it might happen, when it will come, or how I might end it myself. I can barely bring myself to do anything, let alone write a coherent, meaningful post.

I get the sentiment, guy. I think everyone has days like that. But that wouldn't solve any of your problems, and it certainly won't make you happy. Don't run from your fears, face them. It's hard, I know it is, but you can't waste the opportunity you have to improve. It doesn't last forever.

 

[Ryker]

I've been going to therapy for years. He's a nice, decent guy, I guess.

But earlier you called him a fraud and a wind bag.

Connor, maybe think about more intensive therapy, or a change of therapist?

 

[Molly Ringwald]

No, really. I'm crying as I type this. I really do hate myself, and other people. Most of the time, when I'm out in the world, I feel like freaking out. Sometimes, I actually think about dying. I feel like I'm just waiting for that final loss of consciousness, the ending of my story. I wonder how it might happen, when it will come, or how I might end it myself. I can barely bring myself to do anything, let alone write a coherent, meaningful post.

This is what I think of every time you come back and drama-up the thread.

 

[wagglyplacebo]

Connor, dry your tears. Tears of self-pity get you nowhere past the age of six.

"You know that was a movie about mobsters right and you shouldn't really want to be like them, what you want me to be a criminal is that it? YOU WANT MY SSN DON"T YOU??? YOUR SCUM!"- Connor, probably.

 

[Bugaboo]

@Connor calm the fuck down and get on teamspeak and we can help you find a new therapist in your area

 

[Locksnap]

I'd bet $20 the counsellor/therapist isn't the issue and Connors complete inability to actually implement changes in his life are.

 

[Ruin]

Do you really think you can manipulate us into deleting this thread with crocodile tears Connor?

Give us more credit than that.