I was just paid a visit by the cops. My mom was monitoring this thread and saw the bit where I said someone could theoretically kill me in the future. Hi mom. What did you expect to happen, calling the cops? We just had a chat and they were on their way.
You know, that feeling of self-hatred isn't going to get any better until you actually confess. Imagine yourself in, say, 30 years, when you're diagnosed with some form of terminal cancer. And only then do you fully realize what a monster you've been, and you're full of regret, begging God and begging me for forgiveness. And you wish you had redeemed yourself, because then, at least, you could say you tried to do the right thing. But it's too late.
But your life is comfortable, you think. Who can blame a woman for wanting a decent life? Even if it means throwing her own son under the bus, and drowning the pain of her miserable secret in alcohol. After all, you only ever had the best intentions, and that should count for something.
It counts for nothing. Add up all the good you've done in your life, and subtract this monstrous evil, your tally is in the negative. You are, at the bottom line, a bad person. A bad mother. Part of the problem. Your legacy is one of sickness and evil. Cowardice.
You will wait out your days in that cursed house, where so much evil took place, full of endless pain and self-hatred, and you deserve it.
If you won't go to the police and confess, at least let me back into your home. If you do that, I will forgive you. But if you do not--if you never show repentence--I will not forgive you.
May God have mercy on your soul.
